Duplicity

by Lisa J. Hobman

  Star gasped and I swallowed hard. “How dare you judge when you don’t even know her?” I glanced down at Star. “I think we’ll be leaving now.” I turned and pulled Star along behind me.

  “Leave him, Isobel. He no longer cares about his family,” my father bellowed. “It saddens me that you’ve turned your back on us, Finlay. You’ve made your position quite clear. And to think I was hoping we could come to some arrangement over the Inveresk cottages. But you’ve clearly made your decision and chosen your place.”

  I spun around to face my father. “What do you mean by that? I didn’t turn my back on you, it was you who turned your back on me. And the cottages are nothing to do with you now. You won, remember?”

  There was something that looked like sadness in his eyes, and for a split second, I felt for him.

  He sighed and stepped toward me. “Look, I know what a big win it would be for McKendrick Law to overturn the demolition decision. I had been thinking about assisting you in making that happen. It’s time to make amends for many past wrongs. Or so I thought…”

  My heart began to pound as the distraught faces of the poor Inveresk villagers sprang to mind. “Why would you do that?”

  He reached out and gripped my shoulder. “Let’s just say it would be good to have you back in the fold, son.”

  The word son fell from his lips for the first time ever, and I was dumbfounded. Stunned. My mouth opened and closed like a dying goldfish, and I stood there just staring at him.

  “But, let’s face it, son…” There it was again, that word. “You can do much better than a scruffy, tattooed coffee server.” His belligerent remarks slipped from his mouth with such ease and without a single thought for the woman standing beside me. I couldn’t get over his audacity. But he wasn’t done. “If you really are determined not to reconcile with Elise, we can introduce you to someone else. Someone more suited to your status as a Hunter. Think of the future, Finlay. Your mother and I love you dearly, and we just want the best for you. I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner, son.”

  Love? Did he just profess to love me too? Fuck. Is this happening?

  He placed both hands on my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes. I was suddenly so overcome with emotion at the sincerity reflected at me that his words were no longer registering in my brain. No other words were getting through except the ones where he said he loved me. It had been a long time coming, and now it had happened, I was shell-shocked.

  He squeezed me gently. “She’s not good enough for you, Finlay. Don’t you see that? Look at her. Your mother and I could help you find the right girl. We’re the ones who matter. Us. Your family. We are the ones who love you. If you love us, Finlay, just say the words and all this can be forgotten. We’ll be a family again. We’ll move past this nonsense. All the silly ideas about tattooed girls and singing. We can put it down to experience and move forward with all that in the past. All the bad decisions. Just say you still love us Finlay. We love you and want you back in our lives. Can you find the words to put it all behind us?”

  I’d had champagne, yes but here he was, my father, telling me he loved me and wanted what was best for me. I had waited my whole life to hear those words. Yet I couldn’t react right away. His words were rattling around my head but it took a while for them to sink in.

  My heart beat so hard at my ribs and I swallowed, trying to dislodge the ball of pain and emotion in my throat. “I… I love you too dad.”

  I heard a sob, and Star yanked herself free from me and ran. In my trance like stupor, I watched her go.

  What just happened?

  Star

  I pulled the stupid high-heeled shoes from my feet and began to sprint. The cold evening air chilled my skin as I ran, but I didn’t care. I just had to get away. Fin had more or less just agreed to letting me go so he could be a pawn in his father’s game all over again. All he’d had to do was tell his father he loved him and I would be forgotten. I had almost thrown up when I’d heard him say the words. I knew he loved his parents in spite of their ridiculous manipulation. They were his parents. But oh how it hurt the way his father had used the words ‘I love you’ like a weapon of mass destruction. And Fin had been the one with his finger on the button. As easily and quickly as that, I had been cast aside.

  My vision was blurred by the relentless tears streaming down my face. I stopped briefly to wipe my eyes on the hem of my dress and then began to run again. Once I reached a place that was far enough away from the Balmoral that I could be sure no one would have followed me, I stopped and pulled out my cell phone. With shaking hands, I hit the speed dial for my best friend in the hope that he would answer quickly.

  Thankfully, he did. “Twinkle, sweetie. How’s the big night going? What are you doing ringing me? Shouldn’t you be dancing and drinking champers?”

  I could hear someone in the background murdering an old Bon Jovi track and knew he was at DeBasement.

  I tried to calm my breathing. “Alec,” I sobbed. “Alec, I need you. It was… it was awful. I feel such an idiot. It’s over. We’re over.”

  “Fuck. Where are you? I’m coming to get you.”

  I sniffled and swiped at the moisture around my eyes. “Princes Street. Walking toward the monument.”

  “Okay. Stay out of sight. It’s bloody busy in town tonight, and you don’t need drunken yobs trying to help you. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

  He hung up, and I walked along to the Scott Monument and sat on one of the steps in the shadows of the arches where I could avoid being seen by the revellers of the city.

  Fin’s wide-eyed stare tortured me over and over. Why didn’t he tell his dad he loved me? Why didn’t he say he wasn’t prepared to let me go? He told me he loved me so why couldn’t he tell them he wasn’t going to abandon me for them that way? How could he let them talk about me like that and just give in? He had agreed to their terms simply by saying those three words to the man who had belittled and hurt him over and over. And just like that, I was betrayed. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my head down, letting the salt-water flow freely all over the beautiful, expensive fabric of my dress.

  The harshness of the words uttered by Fin’s parents stabbed at my insides, and I almost threw up. How could someone think so lowly of a person they didn’t know? How could they think so poorly of someone who made their son happy? Why couldn’t they at least give me a chance? And why hadn’t he asked them that?

  My cell phone vibrated, and I lifted my head to peer at the screen. Fin’s smiling face gazed up at me beneath his caller ID, but I hit the end call button. Several seconds later, it buzzed again. Once again, I rejected the call. How could I speak to him now? After he stood there and let his parents speak about me like I was scum. After he had accepted the vilest ultimatum. “If you love us, Finlay, just say the words and all this can be forgotten. We’ll be a family again. We’ll move past this nonsense. All the silly ideas about tattooed girls and singing. We can put it down to experience and move forward with all that in the past.” His father’s words and Fin’s response rattled around my brain and twisted at my insides. No. It was over. I had to get used to it. I clearly wasn’t important enough to him. And to answer his call to listen to some lame ass apology and him wishing me well for the future would finish me off. I didn’t need to hear him say it. I didn’t need to hear him ask for forgiveness for letting me go. I wasn’t going to forgive the betrayal. I should never have given him a chance after the first time he hurt me so this was all on me. I was stupid and blinded by love. But I wouldn’t let him drive the final blow home. I had to at least try to keep some dignity intact.

  For the next ten minutes, my phone kept on ringing, and I kept on hanging up in the hope that he would get the message eventually. I stopped looking at the screen when it lit up. It hurt too much to see his smile. The smile that lit up his face and was so filled with love.

  After around twenty minutes, I heard
a familiar voice. “Star? Star is that you?” My heart leapt, and I scrambled to my feet and stepped out from my hiding place. Alec scooped me up in his arms and held me tight. It felt good to be surrounded in his warmth, and I shivered.

  He slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

  We walked to the nearest taxi rank, and Alec flagged down a cab. He opened the door for me, and I clambered in. A kind of numbness had set in. I closed my eyes as Alec pulled me into his chest. He smelled of fresh linen, and I was thankful that it was nothing like how Fin smelled. I didn’t need reminding of him. Not when things were so painfully raw.

  The look of disdain on his mom’s face flashed in my mind’s eye, and I clenched my eyes tight, hoping to rid myself of the image. But it was simply replaced with an echo of his father’s words. “You can do much better than a scruffy, tattooed coffee server.” Each time the words replayed, a wave of nausea washed over me and I covered my mouth.

  We finally pulled up outside the apartment block, and Alec paid the driver. As if I was some drunken idiot, Alec helped me from the car and up the stairs to our door. I stood there staring blankly as he unlocked it and then walked through to the living room and slumped onto the couch.

  Alec disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a tumbler of amber coloured liquid. He handed it to me, and I held it between my hands as I stared into the glass. I caught the strong smell in my nostrils. Brandy.

  He crouched before me. “What happened, Star? I’ve never seen you like this. Come on, sweetheart. Tell me. You’re worrying me.”

  I closed my eyes. “Not tonight. Please don’t ask me to tell you tonight. All I want to do is take a bath and sleep. I can’t go through it again now.” My voice was unrecognisable as my own.

  He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Okay, darlin’. Whenever you’re ready.”

  I took a gulp of the brandy, and it burned my throat as it made its way to my empty stomach. We didn’t even make it to the meal, and the champagne had just made me dizzy.

  I handed the glass back to Alec and slowly made my way to my bedroom. Once inside with the door closed, I collapsed onto my bed and began to sob once more.

  ♫♫♫

  I awoke, face down on my bed, still in the black evening gown. So much for having a bath. I could hear raised voices coming from the living room and recognised them immediately.

  “Just let me talk to her, Alec. I need to explain. She got it wrong. It wasn’t how it fucking looked.”

  “Fin, please just go home, okay? You look like shit, and I think you need to sleep. Just go. She doesn’t want to see you.”

  “How the fuck do you know, eh? She needs to hear my side!” His accent strengthened, and my insides clenched as my body reacted to his voice.

  “I’m not letting you in, so you may as well just go home.” Alec’s tone was filled with anger, although it sounded like he was trying hard to control it.

  I heard a slam on the wall. “Please, Alec. I’m begging you. Just let me speak to her.”

  “Watch where you’re punching, arsehole. I’m getting pissed off with you now. This is the last time I will say this. Fuck off home. I. Am. Not. Letting. You. In.” His determined staccato speech showed just how much his anger had increased. Alec didn’t get angry easily, and the times I had witnessed it, it hadn’t been pretty.

  “Star, sweetheart, if you can hear me, please know that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to end that way. I meant what I said to you. Please forgive me!”

  His words tore at my heart and I wanted to go to him. Although, deep down I knew that if he couldn’t set his parents straight about me at the ball when the verbal daggers were flying then we had no future. Seeing him now would only prolong the inevitable.

  The door slammed and I almost jumped out of my skin. I realised tears were leaving damp trails down my cheeks, and I dragged myself from the bed. I peeled myself out of the beautiful dress and dropped it the floor. The sexy boned corset and hold-up stockings were next to go. A pained sob left my throat as I removed them, and a deep sadness washed over me. The underwear was meant as a surprise for Fin, for when we got back to his place after the ball. I had chosen them especially, but he would never get to see them.

  Not after his betrayal. Because that’s what his admission of love to his father after the ultimatum had felt like.

  When I caught sight of my face in the mirror, I almost laughed. But only almost. My black eye make-up was running down my face and turning me into a very poor Alice Cooper tribute. My hair was in wild disarray, with strands sticking out of the previously lovely style, and the parts of my eyes that weren’t black were red-rimmed and puffy.

  I took some comfort from the fact that Alec had told Fin he looked like shit.

  He deserved to.

  I didn’t.

  Star

  The opening night of my début exhibition was going well. I was astounded at the feedback I’d been getting for my work, and I was so glad I had stepped out of my comfort zone. But the Fin-shaped hole in my heart was still aching. The fact that I didn’t fit into his world had initially made me more determined to make a go of things. I’m no quitter. Clearly, the same couldn’t be said for him. I was hoping my photography could help take my mind off my sadness at losing him. It had always helped in the past when I’d been down. I could quite easily lose myself in a spectacular view for hours.

  The gallery walls were adorned with some of the most exquisite works of art I had ever seen, and it still amazed me that my work—photographs I had taken—were being viewed as just as influential and important. The images I had taken of Fin’s on-stage persona were some of my best work. The fact that he was stunning probably helped. And my God, he was stunning.

  The duplicity of his character had always fascinated me. The way he changed when he stepped out into that spotlight and dominated the stage like he owned the place aroused me beyond belief. The growl to his voice and the passion in his eyes had me believing every single word he sang. Even lyrics written by others were believable as his own. And some of the songs he chose to perform had me on an emotional rollercoaster. Angst, loathing, adoration, pain. You name it, he expressed it beautifully.

  The photos on display at my exhibition showed each side of his character, and it was so clear to me which song he had been performing just by looking into the azure eyes staring out at me from the canvases.

  “Miss Mendoza?” The deep, masculine, American-accented voice shook me from my reverie as I stood at the back of the room, watching people saunter around the exhibition, smiling and chatting about my artwork.

  Frowning, I turned to face whoever had distracted me. “Yes?”

  The tall, handsome man of around mid-fifties, with salt and pepper grey hair, held out his hand. “Marshall Davies. I’m the director of The Napier Gallery in New York. I have to say, I’m very impressed with your photographs.”

  I felt heat rise in my cheeks. I just couldn’t get used to all the compliments. “Oh. Thank you.”

  “Tell me, is it true that you’ve had no formal training?”

  I shrugged. “Correct. It’s all me. Y-you can probably tell.” My stutter and nervous laugh told of the feeling of inferiority I was fighting yet again. Still. Fin’s words echoed in my mind. “Don’t keep putting yourself down, Star. You’re so very talented, sweetheart.”

  “Quite the contrary, Miss Mendoza. I find it startling that someone could have such a natural eye for composition. I especially like the singer. Is he a friend of yours? I’ll bet he’ll be getting a lot of attention following on from the exhibition. Modelling contracts, perhaps.” He raised his eyebrows and I forced a smile. In all honesty, I had no clue what was going on with Fin anymore. In the weeks that had passed since the ball, the calls he made to me had gotten less and less until I’m guessing he’d decided to give up. I hadn’t received a call in almost five days, and although my heart hurt at the fact, I knew it was for the best.
/>
  “He’s…um…he’s someone I used to know.” I dropped my gaze to the floor as my eyes began to sting.

  “Ah.” His tone told me he understood what I wasn’t saying. “Well, they say that the most creative people draw from heartache. Look, I don’t want to keep you as I’m sure you’ll be getting many more offers like mine.”

  I pulled my gaze up from the floor to meet the man’s smiling eyes again. Confused at his choice of words, I shook my head. “Offers?”

  “Miss Mendoza, I’ll cut to the chase. I want your work for my gallery. In fact, I would like to bring you out there to work for a while. I know you were born in the USA, and I feel that back home, you and your obvious talents would be appreciated so much more. I’m willing to pay you an advance. And to find and fund you a place to stay until you’re established. Now, I know this is a lot to take in, but I had to get in first with my offer. Name your price. Whatever it takes, Miss Mendoza. I want you and your work in New York. And I want you to produce more of it. I will do whatever it takes to facilitate that.”

  I swallowed hard as my heart tried to escape through my ribcage. He wanted my work? Shit! I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but no sound would come. This was an amazing opportunity for me. But…

  Words, Star. Use your words. “I…um…I…” I shook my head to try and rid myself of the fog that had descended to rob me of all cognisant thought processing.

  Marshall placed a hand on my shoulder and patted. “It’s okay. Take some time to think things through. I’ll be in Edinburgh for the next couple of days. If you decide to take me up on my offer then just give me a call. I’m staying at the Balmoral Hotel in the city. Here’s my card.”

  I took the card from him and stared at it as if answers would miraculously appear there for me. When they didn’t, I cleared my throat. “Th-thank you, Mr Davies.”

  “Please, call me Marshall. And if it’s okay by you, I’ll call you Star?”

  I bobbed my head, feeling like one of those dumb nodding dogs that old ladies have in their cars. “Uh-huh. Sure.”