Katie's Dream

by Leisha Kelly

  “No,” I sighed. “I’m not sure if anybody would.”

  He looked at me pretty straight. “Then why bother? Admit it, Sammy. Would it hurt you that much?”

  “It didn’t happen. That’s all I can say. Except that I wish you’d hear me. I don’t know her at all, and now I have to figure something out for that little girl. You could help, if the woman said anything else about Katie’s father or any of their relatives.”

  I saw the fire in his eyes. So much like our father’s. Quick and destructive. Except that with Edward, the anger was a bit easier for me to understand.

  “You want to know what she said? That’s easy! She said you were thin, dark haired, almost as tall as me. Pretty smooth to talk to and not bad looking. But ugly as homemade sin when you found out she was pregnant. You roughed her up over it, then didn’t come around no more till a couple of times after the kid was born, just to make trouble. And I was mad, Samuel, ’cause I used to think you were different than that! I guess I was fooled as much as everybody else.”

  I took a deep breath. I couldn’t answer it all. I could only hope for a way to show that it wasn’t me. “Did she say what town?”

  “Harrisburg, you idiot! You called me a jackal, but at least I know a good thing when I see it. I’d have kept Trudy if I could have! But she wouldn’t trust no other Wortham ’cause of you. And you already had a good woman! Get out of my car!”

  “What?”

  “Get out!”

  I got out, thinking he would roar off down the road without me. And maybe it would be for the better. There was no way to convince him, and he was too hot. I’d seen it before. He was too mad at me to stay in control. Just like Dad.

  But he didn’t drive off. He jumped out of the car without even opening the door on his side. He walked around the front to face me. “You’re a fool, Sammy! You don’t deserve either one of ’em! Do you beat Julia the way you did Trudy?”

  I backed up a step, seeing his doubled fists and cold, hard eyes. I wasn’t sure how to answer him, but I opened my mouth and had plenty to say. “No. I don’t beat her. I never have. And I’ve never cheated. Maybe you think I’m like our father, or you wish you could prove me to be. But it’s not true. I swore when I was a kid that I’d never be like him. Or like you, either.”

  “What was so bad about me?”

  “The fighting. The stealing. Only looking out for yourself.”

  Without warning, he hit me hard in the face, sending me reeling. I had to struggle to catch my balance against his car.

  “Only looking out for myself!” he raged. “I was stealing for you, you lying little weasel! You never cared the trouble I got in, but I was stealing for you!”

  I didn’t believe it. And suddenly I knew the fire was burning in me too. “Wilford Brink’s Model A, Edward? Was that for me? Liquor and tobacco from the store on the corner? Money, jewelry, who knows what else from how many houses, Edward? Ten? Twenty?”

  He came at me swinging again, and I tried to block him this time. But I was never the fighter he was. He hit me with his left, in the gut, and I doubled over.

  “I wasn’t talking about those times,” he insisted.

  He stood over me, and I found myself looking at his right arm, in the place where Father’s bird tattoo had been. There was no such mark on Edward. Lord, help us, I prayed. Us. Yes. Lord, help Edward.

  “I meant before,” he snapped at me. “When you were little. I used to get bread all the time. Those little bottles of milk sometimes too. I’d hide ’em in my shirt and sneak ’em home. Don’t you remember? Did you think the groceries just showed up for you like some kind of magic? Or maybe Mother went and bought them with what was left after she paid for her booze? But she was drunk, wasn’t she? Stretched out on her bed, if she got that far.”

  I tried to breathe deep but could scarcely manage it. He was strong. He’d socked me good.

  “Ain’t got nothing else to say?” he demanded. “You want to hate me so much you can’t tell me thank you, can you? How do you think I got started? Everybody knew I was stealing! Everybody knew I was no good! By the time I got big enough, there wasn’t nobody gonna hire me! What else could I do? I wasn’t good at nothing but stealing, anyway.” He shook his head. “But it started with food, Sammy. Your food. ’Cause you were a pathetic little whelp, and I couldn’t stand to see you cry.”

  I looked up at him. I figured, as mad as he was, he’d hit me again, no matter what I said. I didn’t care. I was used to him lying like a dog. But I knew he wasn’t lying about this.

  “Thank you,” I managed to tell him.

  My words didn’t change the anger in his eyes. “Now you say it! Now you say it, after I come all this way and beat it out of you. You’re just trying to get me off your back!”

  I swallowed hard, but it did nothing to relieve the awful taste in my mouth. “I’m sorry, Edward. I guess there were things I didn’t see—”

  “You didn’t want to see!

  “Maybe not. And I’m sorry.”

  I tried to straighten myself, but it hurt. Suddenly I thought of him hitting Katie. Lord, have mercy. Did he even know how strong he was?

  “You’re pathetic,” he said. “Do you know that?”

  I took a deep breath. “What about the pickle loaf, Edward?”

  “What?”

  “Did you steal pickle loaf once?”

  “Yeah, you runt. And I gave it to you.”

  “Most of it,” I acknowledged. “I think you had a little.”

  He shook his head. “You were sitting in your stupid little campsite, playing you were somebody else. Some stupid little Injun named Gray Bear.”

  I nodded. “Thank you, Edward.”

  He just stared. Then he laughed. “You’re really thanking me?”

  “Yeah. I am. Thank you.”

  “You already said that.”

  “Some things bear repeating.” I pushed myself away from the car and started walking in the direction of the farm.

  “Sammy,” he called after me.

  “What?”

  “Where’re you going?”

  “Home.”

  “You really didn’t remember?”

  “No. But I’m glad you told me.” I kept walking, aching pretty fiercely.

  He followed.

  “I don’t blame you for the way you went,” I said, knowing he was close enough to hear. “You probably didn’t know how to do anything else. I’m sorry I didn’t understand it.”

  He came alongside me, talking more calmly, but the anger was still in his eyes. “It might’ve been worse, Sammy. It’s a good thing our daddy died when he did, ’cause I was gonna kill him. I’d made up my mind. He done us wrong. He done our mother wrong. He was the one started her drinking, did you know that? I was gonna find him and kill him, but then Mother came and told us he was already dead. I was pretty mad about that. Kind of felt like he cheated me. Probably for the best, though. If I’d started killing, maybe I wouldn’t have stopped. Once the door’s open, you know. That’s what happened with the stealing.”

  I glanced up at him, wondering if he’d ever really come close to such a thing as murder. I could almost believe him. I’d seen his temper when he was a teen, and it was far worse than what had happened today. He’d only been sixteen when Mom gave us the news that our father had died. I’d felt relief more than anything, just to know he wouldn’t be showing up anymore, wreaking havoc on my life. But Edward had raged, throwing things and stomping off. And I’d never understood why.

  “We can be thankful for God’s timing,” I told him. “He surely knew what you were thinking.”

  “Listen to us,” he laughed. “Talking decent. While we’re at it, you might as well go ahead and level with me, Sammy. I won’t think less of you.”

  “I am leveling with you.”

  “No. I’m talking about Trudy now. I haven’t lied about the things I’ve done or the things I’ve wanted to do. I think you ought to talk to me just as straight. I want
you to admit it, and I’ll understand. She’s real pretty. Enough to tempt anybody, married or not. You’re just human, Sammy, and that’s all I need to hear. I won’t say nothing else to nobody.”

  “I’m human. And I’ve made plenty of mistakes, Edward. But not that one.”

  He got in front of me, stopping my progress. “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you know your stupid wife’s gonna love you no matter what? I’m not gonna tell her what you say! Just own up! Don’t you owe me that?”

  I could feel every muscle in my body tighten. “I’m telling you the truth.”

  He shook his head, kicked at the dust. “At least I can admit what I done. You always were a coward, running from every little thing. But what good is it gonna do you running from this? It’s already caught you, can’t you see that?”

  He got quiet, but I knew he wasn’t finished. And I just waited, knowing it wouldn’t solve anything to say something else or to try to walk away now.

  “You’re supposed to be a Christian,” he finally said, talking quiet and slow. “What do you think your God’s gonna say one day about you lying when you don’t even have to? And what are you gonna do about Katie, huh? Can’t you find the decency to claim her?”

  “I’ll take her in,” I told him. “I’ll raise her as my own if we don’t find her family. But she’s not mine. Not like you think.”

  I knew what was coming, and I didn’t fight it. I just stood there as he took another swing, hard and fast, this time landing me in the dirt.

  “Why ain’t you fighting back?” he yelled. “You ain’t the runt you used to be. Get up and let me see what you got.”

  “No.”

  “You’re weak,” he taunted. “That’s all you are. You’re a spineless cheat and a coward.”

  Part of me wanted to grab him by the legs, knock him to the ground, and show him I had some fight in me. But I knew it wouldn’t be right. My brother was just mistaken about something. He was just thinking something that wasn’t so. He didn’t know any better. Lord, touch him. Help him see.

  “You don’t deserve none of what you’ve got, Sammy! I would’ve left you alone! I’d have been your friend, if you wanted one. But now I’m gonna see that folks know what a lying skunk you are! People ’round here ought to know what’s living in their midst! Julia ain’t the only one. They should know you for the thieving cheat you are.”

  “Edward—”

  “I’ll be doing a community service, Sammy. The kind of thing you oughta be proud of.”

  He turned to his car, and I struggled to my feet. Oh, God. What can I do?

  “You wanted to walk. Go ahead and walk. I got work to do. I been decent enough not to lie to you, Sammy. You should’ve been straight with me when you had the chance. I’ll make you sorry you weren’t.”

  He drove away in a flurry of dust, faster than anybody should drive. Lord, help him, I prayed. Help me.

  What would he do now? Maybe he was right, maybe we could have been friends somehow. But all this about Trudy Vale was a cruel hoax, or the unkindest of coincidences. He would tell people, I had no doubt. And they would believe him, in spite of themselves. How could anyone take my side, against even Katie’s word? She was only an innocent child. I couldn’t expect a grown soul to believe me. Except maybe Juli. Maybe.

  I started walking again, thinking about the doubt I’d seen in her eyes. She had come out of that for a while, standing up for me right to Edward’s face, but would it last? When she had the time to think on it all, would I see the questions in her eyes again?

  My head was pounding and my gut burned like fire. But I didn’t care about the pain. Franky was still in the hospital, and I’d have to let people know. I’d have to see Barrett Post about going back to Mcleansboro. There were too many other things to think about to let myself be very concerned over what Edward did or said. Let him tell the world whatever he wanted. I would stand or fall before God alone, and there was nobody else that really mattered.

  Except Juli. And my kids.

  FIFTEEN

  Julia

  It might sound terrible, but I took the chicken bones and boiled them for broth before I gave them to Whiskers. “Get two meals off a chicken if you can,” Grandma Pearl used to tell me. “No use being extravagant.”

  I had the girls helping me cut noodles I’d mixed and rolled out across our tabletop. It was so hot that we were all drenched in sweat, so I stopped every few minutes and wet a washcloth to touch to the backs of our necks. Willy had come by, bringing me Emma Grace, who wouldn’t stop fussing for Lizbeth. I’d gotten the baby down for a nap, and now Willy was helping Robert finish cleaning the barn stalls.

  Nobody was saying much about Franky. I guess because we didn’t know what to say. It made me hurt inside, thinking of the pain on his face. But I was glad Lizbeth was with him. She was always quicker to comfort the little ones than her father was.

  I prayed as I rolled noodles and let the girls cut any shape and length they wanted. Noodles would be such a treat that nobody would care what they looked like. I wondered why I was taking the time, except that the noodles would go well with the chicken broth and keep the girls happily occupied, now that they’d used up every bit of the clay making bowls and lopsided whatnots.

  “Why’d he run over Franky?” Sarah asked.

  And Rorey’s question was even worse. “Is he gonna die like Mama?”

  I didn’t want to talk about it, because I knew I’d cry, so I just kept on keeping them busy.

  Katie was the quietest. But just her presence made me feel worse than ever. She’d known Samuel’s name, what he looked like, where we used to live. She’d known we had two children. It gave me an ache inside that wouldn’t stop. What if it were all true and this little girl was my Samuel’s child? Or what if it wasn’t, and here I was doubting him again? What kind of wife was I?

  He would be hurt if he knew the questions that were roaming around in my brain. What would he say to me when he got the chance? I knew I shouldn’t doubt, not for a second. I should be strong enough to shake it all off like it was nothing. Maybe he wouldn’t want to say anything to me at all if he knew the way I was thinking. And I couldn’t blame him, not the least little bit.

  Robert and Willy came up to the house, looking dirty and tired. “We’re done, Mom,” Robert said. “I’m hungry.”

  “You deserve to be hungry after all that. Did you wash up?”

  “Our hands. Got any more a’ that cake?”

  “Only the one edge that got too done, and it’s hard as rock. I thought I’d set it out for Whiskers.”

  “Well, give him a chunk, but I’ll soak some in milk. Okay?”

  I’d whacked two pieces apart and had the milk up from the basement when Whiskers started barking.

  “Can we go fishin’?” Willy asked, ignoring the sound.

  I looked out the window but didn’t see anything.

  “Maybe squirrels, Mom,” Robert said. “I didn’t hear no car.”

  “You wanna go fishin’, Robert?” Willy persisted.

  “I dunno. Seems like my dad’s been gone an awful long time. They oughta be comin’ back. Don’t you think?”

  “Maybe they’re stayin’ the night,” Willy suggested.

  “No, ’cause that’s bad,” Rorey said immediately. “If they’s stayin’, it means Franky’s hurt bad.”

  I wished they wouldn’t talk about it. But I knew to expect it. Of course they’d be wondering. “He’s probably just needing plenty of rest,” I tried to assure Rorey. “And it’s quite a ways. If they stay, I’m sure we’ll hear something in the morning.”

  “Dad wouldn’t stay, would he?” Robert asked. “I know Edward wouldn’t.”

  “Why not?” Sarah asked innocently.

  “Because he wouldn’t care enough.”

  “Well, Daddy would,” Sarah protested, her eyes suddenly wide with concern.

  “Of course, he cares,” Robert told her. “That’s different. But he’ll be coming back home t
o see about us.”

  I should’ve been thinking about that. I should’ve sent Robert over to Barrett Post’s a long time ago to tell him what happened. Because sure as anything, Samuel would get home if he could, and bring George and Lizbeth and Franky, if Franky were well enough to leave the hospital. But they’d gone with Edward. I should’ve been thinking! I should’ve sent one of the boys to ask Barrett Post to go after them. Because Robert was more than likely right. Edward might just up and leave them stranded in Mcleansboro. Who could tell what he might do?

  “Robert, maybe you and Willy should go over to Barrett Post—”

  The dog started barking again.

  “Coons,” Sarah said.

  “Not before dark,” Robert corrected her. This time he looked out. His face grew even more sober than it already was. “Mom.”

  I looked, and at first I didn’t see anything. But then Whiskers went running out to the road, just as far east as we could see from the window. He wasn’t barking anymore.

  There was a man coming our way. Walking. Limping. Samuel?

  I went running outside. Every one of the kids followed me. What in the world could have happened? Had I been right to think of Edward just leaving them? Surely Samuel couldn’t have walked all that way back. Not this soon. Did they even get that far?

  Whiskers was prancing around him in greeting now. Samuel had stopped to lean over against a fence post, and I knew he was hurt. But he saw us coming and straightened back up, trying to walk as normal as ever.

  Thoughts went flying through my head. Had there been another accident? Had Edward done something else just as careless, just as foolish?

  “Daddy!” Sarah yelled in delight. But then she stopped, suddenly scared. “Where’s Franky?”

  I stopped too, when I saw Samuel’s face. It was swelling, turning red and purple. Suddenly it wasn’t the day’s heat making me feel so awful hot. Whatever had happened, Edward had done it. After hurting Franky so badly, now he had hurt Samuel too.

  “What happened?” Robert asked, something hard in his voice.

  Samuel tried to smile. “Don’t any of you worry, all right? They wanted to keep Franky in the hospital a while. His leg’s broke, but he’ll be all right. George and Lizbeth are staying with him.”