Circle of Secrets

by Lauren Tisdale

  * * * *

  After calling around that morning to all the local nursing homes, trying to track down a Joseph Burrows, Carlos had finally gotten the answer she needed. A kind receptionist had told him that there was in fact a Joseph Burrows located at that particular home. Carlos pulled into the parking lot of Blue Ridge Heritage Nursing Home and she took a deep breath. This man must be old since he was in a home, so what was his connection to her birth mother? The more she thought about it and wondered, the more nervous she became.

  “Are you ready?” Carlos asked as he turned off the ignition.

  She looked at the building and clutched his hand tightly. After a moment of silence, she finally reached for the door handle and started to get out of the truck. Her stomach was knotted, her nerves were shaken and she felt like with each step she took towards the building she would break down in tears. Would today finally be the day for her questions to have answers? Here went nothing…

  They entered the building hand-in-hand, Marissa holding her breath for a moment. If Carlos hadn’t been walking with her she’d probably have turned back around. She had to do this, she was here…she needed answers. As they approached the nurses’ station she smiled and the nurse looked up from the papers in front of her. “Can I help you?”

  “I hope so, we’re looking for a Mr. Joseph Burrows.” Marissa answered with a sweet smile.

  “Are you family?” The nurse asked with a tilted head.

  Of course, how could she have forgotten patient confidentiality rules?

  “We’re…” she started to say before Carlos interrupted.

  “We’re visiting from out of town, yes. Cousins, but family.” He gave a charming smile and Marissa just gaped at him. The nurse smiled back and looked down to find the information.

  She really couldn’t do this without him, and for him to make up that story just to see this man for answers, only reminded her of why she loved him so much. He’d do anything for her.

  “304, west wing. Take that hall down to the four-way then a left and it’ll be on the right.” She advised them both as she gestured with her hands where to go.

  Marissa nodded and they both thanked her. As they walked out of earshot from the nurses’ station she looked over at him and wanted to laugh.

  “Cousins?”

  He grinned and shrugged a shoulder. “We didn’t come all this way for nothing. I did what I had to do. We’re going to talk to him and be out of his hair before any alarms go off. Just make it quick, okay?” he said as his eyes darted around like they were on some undercover mission, which only made her cover her mouth and giggle. It took the stress out of the situation at least.

  304…there it was, staring right back at her. The number of his room, now here she was about to be face-to-face with the only other man who could possibly help her and lead her to her birth mother. She looked at Carlos who nodded his head to let her know it was okay. Placing a knock on the door, she waited for an answer. Hearing a faint “Come in,” she opened the door and took a quick breath in and let it out. Stepping in with Carlos right behind her she took in the sight of an elderly man asleep. On one side of his bed sat a nicely dressed man with brown spiked hair, and a woman on the other side who held a small baby who slept soundly. The woman had a warm smile as she looked up at the man who stood.

  “Can I help you?” The younger man asked with a curious look on his face.

  Marissa nervously tucked a stray strand of curled hair behind her ear and gripped Carlos’ hand tighter. “Yeah, um, hi. I’m sorry to bother you all. I was told this is where I could find Joseph Burrows. I called the office and they told me he’d be here,” she lied.

  “My grandfather hasn’t worked in a while, he’s retired. He occasionally helps with cases but in his condition…” The man shook his head and looked down at the older man that was sleeping but began to stir. “How about we take this in the hall so we don’t wake him. He had a bad episode earlier.” Turning to the woman who held a baby, he bent down to kiss the child’s head and whispered, “I’ll be right back. Stay with him?” The woman smiled and nodded, then continued to bounce the sleeping child gently. The younger man led them both outside and leaned against the wall, the door slightly ajar. Folding his arms over his chest he asked, “So what did they send you to talk to him about, if you don’t mind me asking.”

  Marissa looked at Carlos then back at him. “Well, my name is Marissa Hayes and I think he’s the only one who can help me with some documents he signed in 1969.”

  The man nodded then let out a disappointed sigh. “My grandfather has dementia. He goes in and out most days, some are better than others. Today he had a bad day, they had to give him some medicine to help him rest. I’m not really sure you’ll get any answers you need today, if at all. I’m so sorry. 1969, that’s a good while ago, too.”

  Marissa nodded and looked down at her hands at the news. She might never get the answers she needed now.

  “I’m sorry to hear about his condition. Yeah, it was quite a while back and we drove all the way from North Carolina. He was my last hope, but I guess everything happens for a reason,” she said in a defeated tone as Carlos rubbed her shoulders.

  “Wow, North Carolina? I didn’t know he had business in other states.”

  “Well, it was done here in Tennessee. It’s really a long story, he signed some papers that I needed more information about in order to try to track down a woman.”

  The young man said he wished he could help her and sighed. “If he starts to get better I can have him call you if you’d like to discuss it with him.”

  “No, that’s okay, I won’t be in town much longer. I really thank you for your time and I will keep him and your family in my prayers.”

  He smiled and nodded, “Thank you. I’m sorry, my manners are slipping.” He laughed and extended his hand to introduce himself, “I’m Brent Morrison. Joseph is my grandfather, as you know.”

  She took his hand and returned the smile, shaking his hand then introducing herself. “Marissa, Marissa Hayes. This is...This is Carlos, my…boyfriend.” It was almost awkward to introduce him as a boyfriend for the first time with an actual label and it not being assumed. Then again, it might be more awkward to introduce him as her doctor, or previous doctor.

  “Nice to meet you both, Carlos, Marissa. I hope you’re able to find what you’re looking for and I’m sorry I couldn’t help further.”

  She nodded and turned to Carlos, then back to Brent. “Thank you, Brent, I’ll let you get back now.” With that Brent went back inside the room and Marissa turned to face Carlos. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes and the defeat was written all over her face.

  She stared out the window at the passing scenery as he drove, occasionally looking her way with concern. She knew her silence must be worrying him but she knew he wouldn’t push her to talk until she was ready. Once they arrived back at the hotel, she stayed in her seat after he’d released his seat belt.

  “I just need a minute alone, please,” she requested without looking at him. He nodded that he understood.

  “Take as long as you need. I’ll be waiting for you,” he left the key on the driver’s seat and closed his door, then started for their room. The tears she’d been holding back fell freely from her eyes and she lowered her head, her chin pressed against her chest. Her shoulders hunched as she sobbed softly. The last and final hope she’d had was all gone, that man could never give her the answers she needed. Dementia would prevent any information he had from coming out and even if it did, it wasn’t guaranteed that what he remembered would be accurate or helpful. She couldn’t put him through a bad episode by asking him to remember that far back. Her hands came up to her face and she cried harder in the empty truck, letting out all her frustration and disappointment. She didn’t want to let herself get too upset and affect her health, so she forced herself to calm down.

  After a good twenty minutes alone, she grabbed the keys and exited the truck, heading back upstairs with h
er head down, eyes watching the floor. When the elevator buzzed on her floor and the doors opened she looked up to meet Carlos’ eyes. Stepping out of the elevator and never breaking eye contact with him she shook her head and words failed her. He stepped closer to her and pulled her into him, and she collapsed in his arms as he held her to him. Letting go of all her resolve, she felt herself cry again.

  “It’s…it’s pointless. Let’s just go home,” she said after he stood there for a while, holding her in silence. Her eyes were puffy and red from the tears, she was tired and frustrated. He helped her to the room and she slowly sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at the hunter green carpet. He knelt down before her and took her hand into his, raising her chin up to look at him.

  “The Marissa I know isn’t a quitter, so I won’t allow you to. We still have a few more days we can search for answers. We’ve only been here for two days so let’s not lose hope. You never know what we could find at the hospital listed. I’m a doctor, maybe I can somehow weasel my way into the documents room.”

  “I can’t let you do that, if we’re caught and you lose your license or career. I—I can’t let you take that risk, Carlos.”

  “I’m not asking you to, I just want to give you options. Let me make some phone calls at the very least and see what I can do. If the adoption was done off the record, as I assume it was, then it’s not considered a closed adoption so there are no laws that prevent us from looking.”

  She sighed and nodded knowing that he had a point. “Okay, I won’t give up. I’m just so tired,” she ran her hands over her face and dropped them back into her lap.

  “Then you are going to take your medicine and rest. I’ll go out and get us some food. Find a movie and just relax, okay?”

  She smiled and looked down at her hands then back at him, holding her grin. “Is that doctor’s orders?”

  He chuckled and nodded. “Yes, it is. That is my prescription to you. Meds, TV, food, and rest. Understand, Miss Hayes?” he said with a matching grin.

  “Yes, sir. I understand.” Leaning forward to kiss his lips, her hands came up to each side of his face and his arms wrapped around her waist. Every time he kissed her like that, she was able to forget every worry, all troubles, frustrations and sadness. He took it all away as he kissed her, making her heart speed up. When the kiss finally broke she felt breathless, he had a way of taking her breath away.

  “I’ll never get tired of kissing you,” he said with an impish grin.

  “You better go get the food or else you won’t be leaving anytime soon.”

  He laughed and nodded, “I think you’re right.” Kissing her forehead, he stood and headed out the door to get food.

  She smiled and chuckled to herself, shaking her head she stood and felt a pain in her lower back. “No, not again…” Closing her eyes tightly she quickly found her medication and took it. Maybe she’d get good news soon that one of the people who’d gotten tested was a match. All she had left was hope. She was a fighter and would continue to fight, but what scared her was not knowing how much time she had left. The fears she’d once had a few weeks ago began to make their presence known again. She loved Carlos and he loved her. But it wasn’t fair to him, her being so sick and what if…what if she…she tried to push the thoughts back down into the back of her mind, refusing to think so negatively. But the truth of the matter was, she felt she didn’t deserve him. He needed someone who wasn’t so...sickly. Of course he didn’t see her like that, but she did and that was enough. Hitting the on button on the remote so the TV blared to life, she settled in to find something to watch to take her mind off of things and wait for him to get back. She wouldn’t think about it, not right now.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Helen opened the door to her father’s room and smiled at Brent and Abby. “Sorry I’m so late, traffic was a bit crazy. Thank you both for staying with him, how was he?”

  Brent looked up at his mother and stood, giving her a hug. “He had an episode, it was pretty bad. I think he was remembering grandma, but when we told her she’d passed, he took it pretty hard. He was confused and pretty antsy so they gave him something for his nerves and he’s been sleeping on and off. We didn’t mind at all, you were only gone three hours, Mom, no big deal.”

  Abby nodded in agreement, “Yeah, we were glad we could help. Olivia’s been good and he seemed to enjoy his time with her. He called her Audrey a few times though, but we didn’t correct him to avoid confusing him more.”

  The lump rose in her throat and Helen couldn’t say anything. This wouldn’t get any easier and she knew eventually she’d have to tell them all about Audrey, but it just wasn’t the time. Looking at her sleeping father, she sighed and then turned back to Brent. “Thank you for staying, I hate leaving him alone.” She went over to his bedside and took a seat.

  Speaking low so he wouldn’t disturb Joseph, Brent continued, “It was no problem Mom, really. Oh, and a lady came by to speak to Grandpa about a case she needed answers to. She said she was from North Carolina and he was her last hope in finding what she needed. I wish I could have helped her but with him having such a bad day, there wasn’t much I could do. Even worse, it was a case from 1969, so I doubt he’d remember that far back, and if he did, who knows how it could affect him?”

  Helen’s eyes widened when she heard the year and she felt like her heart was in her stomach. Could that really be who she thought it might be? There was no way, it was just a coincidence. Covering her mouth before she lost it and cried, not wanting to alarm her son, she held back and controlled her emotions.

  “What…what did she look like? You know, in case she comes back, I can maybe try to help her.”

  Brent thought for a moment and then began to describe her. “Well, she had long, curly brown hair. I want to say her eyes were a hazel greenish color. She was about your height and she had a man with her, her boyfriend. She looked about my age but I really couldn’t tell. Might be older. She resembled you a little from the photos I’ve seen when you were younger. Pretty woman. Oh, and her name was Marissa Hayes.”

  She took all of this information in and did not know how to process it. Could it be the luck of the Fates that her own daughter had come looking for her, but how did she know? Was this really happening? Or was she having a case of wishful thinking and it would all turn out to be about something completely different. The similarities were astonishing, really, and when he said she resembled her, it felt like her heart had dropped again. Luckily, she was sitting down while she heard all of this news.

  Swallowing thickly, she nodded. “I’ll keep an eye out for her. Did she leave any contact information?”

  “No, said she’d be leaving town soon anyway.”

  Helen smiled softly. “Well, thank you for trying to help her. I hope she gets the answers she needs since she traveled so far. It must be important.” She promised herself she wouldn’t think too much on it and get her hopes let down. So, for now, she’d just see how things played out.

  After Brent and Abby left with Olivia in her father’s arms, Helen remained in the silence, thinking as her father slept. An hour later he began to stir and wake, so she leaned forward to see if he was okay.

  “Do you need anything, Daddy?” she asked softly.

  He cleared his throat and tried to sit up in the bed. She stood and helped him to dangle his feet over the side, so he could find relief with a change of position. His leg was fully healed now, occasionally sore from the accident but the therapy he had receiving at the nursing home had helped him.

  “I’d like to eat in the cafeteria tonight. I’m tired of this room.”

  She offered him a smile and nodded. “Of course, of course.”

  Helen helped him to the cafeteria where all the other residents sat for dinner. Being around others seemed to help his mood.

  “How was your day, cupcake?” he asked between bites.

  “It was…long. I did some shopping while Brent, Abby and Olivia stayed with you, do you remembe
r that?”

  He nodded and chewed then answered, “Yes, I remember. Then it just got hazy all of a sudden. I did it again, didn’t I?” He looked saddened and disappointed in himself as if he could help his condition.

  “Yeah, it was Mama. You asked for her. When they told you…you didn’t take it so well.” He continued to look at his food in front of him then sighed.

  “I’m never going to get better am I? It’s only going to get worse.” He seemed lucid as he spoke, genuinely upset, struggling with the reality of dementia.

  She placed her hand on top of his and shook her head. “Daddy, listen to me. None of this is your fault. We’re gonna beat it together, even if it gets worse I’ll be there, Ty will be there. We all will. Never feel ashamed or upset that you’re going through this. It’s not your fault.”

  He wiped his eyes and she hugged her father.

  “How are you today, Mr. Burrows?” The high-pitched voice of Evelyn made her pull back and look at the woman who stood there with a smile and held a cup of night medicine.

  “I’m…all right, I guess. I’m just an old man who can’t remember much.” He laughed humorlessly and Evelyn shook her head with a smile. He took the pills and continued to eat, while Helen watched Evelyn walk around and give out medication.

  “I’ll be right back, I need to ask the nurse something.” He nodded and continued to eat. Catching up to Evelyn she smiled and asked, “Did you see a woman go to my father’s room today?” Evelyn looked at her chart and continued to walk alongside Helen.