Circle of Secrets

by Lauren Tisdale

  “I sure didn’t, I was off this morning. I’m working the night shift tonight, sweetheart. Why? Did something happen?” she asked, concerned.

  “No, no nothing like that. He just had a visitor and I was curious whether you saw what she looked like.”

  Evelyn shook her head. “Kristin was here earlier, she might know. But she won’t be back until tomorrow morning.”

  “Okay, that’s perfect, I’ll be back then anyway. I’ll speak with her then. Thank you, Evelyn.”

  “Glad I could help, Helen. Your dad seems a bit better than earlier. I heard about what happened.”

  Helen nodded and sighed, “It was quite a day from what I heard. I stepped out to do some shopping and from what I understand it was about my mother. He took the news hard.”

  Evelyn gave a sympathetic nod and touched Helen’s shoulder. “It will get easier. If there is ever anything I can do, don’t hesitate to ask. I better get finished passing out medication. Take care, Helen.”

  “Thank you Evelyn,” Helen walked back to the cafeteria to sit with her father until visiting hours were over.

  * * * *

  Marissa poked at her eggs, lost in her thoughts. They had been in town for going on five days now and still had no answers. Every time they were close, another dead end or road block would chip away at the last bit of hope she had left. She felt like they had done everything they could, every idea she had turned to just another dead end. Someone was working really hard to keep this secret and they had done a wonderful job. The hospital she was born at left her with nothing but more questions, even Carlos used his title as M.D. to access some records only to learn that the only records of the night she was born had vanished. Someone had continued to cover up whatever it was and didn’t want the truth to ever be revealed. Nothing seemed to be going right, all they had was a name…a name of a man who was suffering from dementia and probably wouldn’t remember anything from that year.

  Each day that passed they would check out leads and even went back to Mr. Burrow’s office to talk to his colleagues about it but no one had answers. They mentioned him being secretive about things he did on his own time and that was almost the last straw. Her hope and positive outlook had diminished to practically zero. What else could she possibly do but go on the local news or put out an ad? SEEKING—Birth mother who gave baby girl up in 1969. I’m sure that would work wonders, she thought to herself sarcastically. Maybe she wasn’t meant to find her, maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. She already had a mother and father who loved her dearly. Why should she look for the woman who obviously did not want her or ever want her to find her. This mystery woman might have to remain just that, a mystery. Something told her the answers all lay right under her nose, but her negative thoughts overrode the hope she had and now, she just figured if it were that easy, they would have found answers by now.

  “Any more ideas where we could go today?” Carlos asked and broke her from her thoughts. She sighed then looked up to meet his eyes, shaking her head ‘no’ and feeling defeated.

  “No, I think we should maybe make plans to go home. We’ve tried practically everything, maybe it’s just a blessing in disguise. Besides, I have to be back home for my next treatment since I skipped this week’s.”

  “Are you feeling bad?”

  “No, just really tired. Achy sometimes. But I don’t want it to get bad again and not be home.”

  He nodded and took a bite of his toast. “I understand and agree. We tried, you have to give yourself that.”

  She tried to keep herself going by telling herself she tried but it almost angered her. She’d tried, but maybe was too late. If her father had come clean sooner, would she have gotten the answers she sought? No, she couldn’t blame him for this; she was just angry. Looking up, she saw a woman enter the café and gave her a friendly smile before looking back at Carlos.

  “I’m glad you came with me though, you’ve been helpful this week. I guess I just want to know why, why she gave me away like I didn’t matter? Who she was, what she looked like? But, everything happens for a reason, right?” She tried to convince herself as she pushed the food around her plate with the fork. Maybe she just wasn’t meant to find her mother and never would. She could be deceased, she could be a bad person, and she could potentially turn out to be someone she didn’t want to know. Was it worth the risk? “I guess I have to start accepting that maybe I won’t ever find answers, or her for that matter. Maybe it was stupid to even come here.”

  “Hey, don’t think like that. At least now you can say you tried. You won’t ever have to live with the regret of not trying at all. If you don’t, then you’re right, you just weren’t supposed to find her. Things don’t always work out the way we want them to, but there is lessons in everything. Maybe this one is not giving up.” He tried to sound optimistic. Leave it to him to try and make her positive. She smiled and shrugged.

  “I guess you’re right. I miss Soph, and home. Maybe it’s time to head home.”

  * * * *

  Evelyn took a seat at a nearby table and glanced over at the woman who smiled at her when she entered. She looked back again and narrowed her eyes as she studied the woman’s features. She looked so familiar, but could not place her. Turning back around, she shifted in her seat and tried to think of where she’d seen her last.

  The thought clicked in her mind and she turned quickly to look at her again. It was like she had been transported back to 1969, because this woman in the café resembled a young Helen Burrows.

  “Here you go, ma’am,” the waitress said as she sat the cup of coffee before her. Evelyn looked up and was taken from her thoughts to thank her. She could not help but staring, it was so surreal. The woman and her male companion were engaged in what looked like important conversation, and she didn’t want to interrupt. She thought about Helen and her questions lately.

  Thinking hard, she tried to remember more about that night. There had been an argument between Dr. Parker and Mr. Burrows. It was a heated debate and the phrase ‘losing license’ was brought up many times. Back then, she was a very timid woman who had just received her nursing degree. Questioning a doctor was not the smartest thing to do and she never did. But things didn’t add up, one minute Helen had a healthy baby girl and the next, Evelyn learned that the baby had passed. She never believed it, but was too afraid to ask questions, and now she regretted that.

  She sat there for a while, contemplating her options and what she should do. What if she was completely wrong? In 1969 she hadn’t said a word because she was afraid of the consequences, she couldn’t let that happen again. All these years that night had haunted her, and hearing the woman speak of someone who gave her away like she didn’t matter, well, Evelyn knew that wasn’t the case at all. She couldn’t help but overhear most of their conversation. They would be leaving soon and she may never get another chance like this. Be it fate or destiny, but her gut was telling her this woman needed to meet Helen.

  She questioned herself mentally about intervening without knowing for a fact that this woman was who she thought she might be, she decided life was about chances and she was about to take one. She regretted not speaking up back then, she couldn’t repeat that now. Maybe God was giving her a second chance to make it right.

  Drinking the last bit of her coffee and setting money down, she stood and turned to face the woman. She walked over and leaned in, touching her arm as she spoke gently, “I’m sorry to bother you during your meal, but I couldn’t help overhear your conversation. My name is Evelyn and I’m not really sure how to explain, so would you just come with me? I have someone you should meet.”

  She gave a warm smile and waited for her to answer. It probably sounded farfetched and she wouldn’t blame this woman if she ran for the hills, but she said a prayer that this woman also believed in fate and things happening for a reason like she said herself in her conversation with her male friend earlier. She put all of her hope and faith into taking this chance, going out on
a limb and following her instincts. It was too hard to just sit back and ignore, too hard to let her leave town without trying. She could be the woman Helen was searching for, and vice versa.

  Marissa looked from Carlos to Evelyn and looked confused, probably thinking she was joking, senile or both. “Um, who are you?” Marissa said with a nervous chuckle.

  Evelyn smiled and reached for Marissa’s hand, placing it between both of hers. “Someone who may be able to help. It isn’t far. Please follow my car and I’ll lead you to where you need to be.” She kept her tone gentle and friendly, not wanting to overwhelm or alarm her. She could see the curiosity in her face, but also saw how hesitant she seemed. After all, a perfect stranger wanted her to trust and follow her somewhere, she had every right to be hesitant.

  Carlos nodded and shrugged, indicating that he thought she seemed harmless enough.

  * * * *

  “O-okay, sure.” This woman had someone for them to meet, why not. She had nothing more to lose but time, so she wiped her mouth and stood from her chair, “Where are we going?”

  “I wonder where she’s taking us,” Marissa thought out loud as Carlos drove following behind Evelyn. The woman had approached them out of the blue and suggested they meet someone. Who, she didn’t say, but it was almost too weird to just ignore. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she figured she had nothing more to lose. They drove down the highway they’d traveled a few times while they were in town searching for answers.

  “Do you think she knows something? I mean about why we’re here and has some answers?”

  “That would be great, but why not just tell us at the diner?” He thought a minute on that question and sighed, then took her hand. “I guess we’ll see soon enough, then.”

  He continued to follow Evelyn’s car, finding the surroundings familiar. Exchanging a look with Marissa, he said nothing, just drove. When they followed her into the parking lot of the nursing home they had visited a few days ago, her heart dropped and she covered her mouth.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, seeing her reaction. She stared out the window with wide eyes.

  “It…it can’t be? Can it?” Maybe Brent had told his grandfather about her visit and he remembered and could help her. Maybe Evelyn was family and had found her, but how? So many questions were going through Marissa’s mind. Why had the woman led them here of all places? Her nerves began to get the better of her and she felt like she’d vomit, cry or both. Her hands trembled against her mouth as Carlos parked next to Evelyn, reaching over to touch her shoulder.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? Are you feeling well?”

  She nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m okay…I just…I don’t know why we’re here, of all places.” She opened the door and hopped out quicker than ever before, walking up to the woman to get answers.

  “Why are we here? Is he awake and wants to talk to me? But how did you find me? I didn’t leave any contact information. What’s going on?” she asked in almost a ramble of emotions, her voice shaky with nerves.

  Evelyn gave her a soft smile and nodded. “‘There’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be’…as the great John Lennon once said. I have a hunch about something and if I’m wrong, well then…I’m wrong. But if I’m right…you’ll see. Come dear, let’s go inside before the rain arrives.”

  Looking up at the sky at her words, Marissa saw the overcast clouds slowly rolling by, beginning to cover the sun and darken the area. She looked back at Carlos who nodded, and, deciding to see where this road led, she followed Evelyn inside. Her hand found his as they walked, giving her the courage and strength to continue. Her stomach was in a whirlwind of emotion and her palms were sweaty. She couldn’t stop thinking about how her sweaty hand was in his and how gross that must be. Smiling to herself at her crazy thoughts she continued on. Maybe she’d get the answers she needed finally.

  “B 2…B 2…2 under the B,” the caller for bingo announced as they walked into the lounge room where all the residents sat and played bingo.

  Evelyn tapped a woman on the shoulder and Marissa sucked in a breath. Evelyn spoke in a low voice with the woman then turned to face Marissa and Carlos with a smile, and Marissa smiled back nervously.

  “I’d like you to meet my friend Helen. This is Joseph Burrows’ daughter.”

  She looked around to see Joseph concentrating hard on his Bingo card and smiled at the woman. “Hi, I’m Marissa. I came the other day to speak to your dad about a case he might know about from 1969. Is he wanting to talk or something?” She looked between the women and fidgeted, still gripping Carlos’ hand.

  Helen covered her mouth and her eyes brimmed with tears as she stared at Marissa like she was a ghost.

  “Ar-are you okay?” Marissa asked, seeing her reaction.

  Helen turned to Evelyn and shook her head, barely whispering the words, “It…can’t be…can it?”

  Evelyn nodded and grinned. “I believe it is. Not one hundred percent but the coincidence was too great to ignore.”

  Now Marissa was confused as she looked up at Carlos who watched the scene unfold in awe. It was like everyone understood but her.

  Nervously laughing, she shook her head, “Can someone please tell me what I’m missing.”

  “I’m...I’m so sorry. I’m Helen, um, what was your question about 1969? Maybe I can help.”

  “Well, I have these papers my dad signed and Joseph Burrows signed, too. I wanted to know if he could tell me about them. If he knew…knew my mother?” She explained as she unfolded the paper from her back pocket, extending it towards Helen.

  * * * *

  Helen let out a gasp at the sight of the papers with her father’s signature and knew it was what she thought it was. “Oh my God,” was all Helen could mutter as she looked down to the papers in her hand then back up at Marissa. “You’re…you’re her. Oh my God, you’re really here and you’re her aren’t you?”

  Marissa looked confused at her questions. “I—well I was here a few days ago if you spoke to Bre—” Her words were stopped when Helen pulled her into her arms and hugged her tight with tears flowing from her eyes. Marissa’s eyes widened and she had no idea what was happening or what she had missed. Bringing her arms up to hug the woman back, she looked to the side at Carlos and he smiled.

  “I’m sorry, but what’s happening? I’m not really…understanding,” she said as she pulled back from Helen, seeing the woman’s face filled with joy but her eyes filled with tears. The woman reminded her of someone, but she couldn’t place her.

  “I’m your mother,” was all Helen said and Marissa felt like the floor had fallen out from under her as she was not expecting to hear those words.

  “My…my mother?” Her brows furrowed in confusion and she felt angry and happy all at the same time. Shaking her head to make sense of it all and failing. “You’re my…my mother? What? I mean…How…why? No, wait…I don’t…I don’t understand.” She stepped back from the woman’s embrace and placed her palm on her forehead. The words of the bingo-caller sounded like they were coming from a tunnel.

  “Bingo!” A resident called out and Marissa began to pace.

  Carlos touched her shoulder. “Maybe we should get some air,” he suggested with a calm voice.

  Helen looked concerned at Marissa and nodded. Evelyn agreed she’d stay with Joseph while they all walked outside to the patio. Taking a seat on a chair, Helen sat across from her and gave Marissa time to let it all sink in.

  Running her palms along the top of her jeans, Marissa spoke softly to herself trying to piece it all together. Looking up with angst and confusion she sighed and wiped the tears away from her eyes. “Why didn’t you want me?” she asked bluntly and a bit sharp with a shaky voice.

  Carlos placed his hand on top of hers and held it while he rubbed other softly along her back.

  “I—I never didn’t want you, I wanted you more than anything. I had no choice in the matter.”

  “Of course you had
a choice! You just gave me away.”

  “No, no you have to listen to me,” Helen pleaded as she placed a hand on Marissa’s knee trying to calm her. “I see why you’d think that, but it’s not the case at all. I was only seventeen when I had you. I was determined to keep you, I loved you so much.” Her voice broke and she stopped to compose herself, sniffled back the tears and continued. “My father thought he was protecting me. At that time…” Shaking her head, she tried to find the words. “In that day and age it was frowned upon to have a child out of wedlock, much less as a teenager. He went behind my back and did this...” She pointed to the papers in her hand and wiped a tear that fell. “I was told you had died that night. I didn’t know any better and believed it to be true.”

  Marissa nodded as she understood that the baby her mother had lost was traded for her. Her father had traded their deceased child for her, and Joseph let it all happen. Her…grandfather? She rubbed her forehead trying to comprehend everything Helen was saying, but tears fell from her eyes and her anxiety rose.

  “You didn’t know? At all?” she asked in a small voice, barely able to get the words out.

  Helen shook her head and answered, “Not at all. I wanted nothing more than to keep you and raise you on my own because I couldn’t give you up. That choice was taken away from me. Oh baby, I could never do that to you…” She placed a gentle hand on Marissa’s cheek whose resolve crumbled as she sobbed in her mother’s arms.

  Carlos wiped away a tear from his face as he witnessed fate bringing the two of them back together. He seemed to be holding back his own emotions, obviously trying to be strong for Marissa.

  Helen held Marissa in her arms as both of them cried together. “I’m so sorry, had I known…I’ve been looking for weeks trying to find the papers.” She pushed Marissa back to look into her eyes and continued, “My father has dementia and a few weeks ago, he told me what he’d done that night. After I found out, I was nearly broken to know that my daughter was out there somewhere and thought I didn’t love her. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I checked Dad’s office and couldn’t find anything with names to track, but as fate would have it you were looking, too.” She moved a strand of Marissa’s hair from her face and smiled softly. “You’re so beautiful. You have your father’s eyes.” Helen pulled her back into a hug, while Marissa smiled and hugged her back.