Always Wanted Forever

by Sarah Tork

  I was addicted for life.

  “I love that man,” I murmured softly.

  It felt good being able to say the words out loud, an oath that I had no shame in screaming at the top of my lungs if it wasn’t for Mother’s weird behavior every time I mentioned anything involving Xander or any other man. Mother was protective of her sweet little girl, even though her sweet little girl was bordering on twenty-nine.

  “I love Xander!” I yelled louder, not giving a damn all of a sudden. Three erratic knocks rudely interrupted my mantra.

  “Demetria, darling! Why are you yelling, is everything okay?” The doorknob shook, indicating Mother’s discomfort with the fact that I was being loud and that the door was still locked.

  “I’m fine,” I yelled so that she could hear and hopefully go away.

  “Darling, you scared me!” Mother rattled the doorknob once more, probably hoping I’d unlock it and let her in to make sure, with her own eyes, that all was okay.

  I was okay.

  I was always okay.

  I wasn’t crazy.

  “It’s fine, everything is fine. You can go away now!” I ordered, and then moved over to my custom-made vanity table. I needed to touch up my makeup and apply more hairspray; my curls were feeling dull. The doorknob rattled again as I sat down on my plush, purple-velvet chair. I eyed the door with annoyance. “What is it?”

  Couldn’t she see that I was busy?

  “Demetria, darling, I forgot to tell you that Madeline Barns called just now. It seems her son is back in town, and she’s hosting a small, garden tea party tomorrow. You remember Xander, don’t you?”

  A warm sensation exhilarated every inch of my being.

  I felt my eyeballs slowly rolling back.

  Xander was back.

  He came back to me.

  To be with me, and this time, it’s going to be forever….

  CHAPTER 10

  Saturday April 20th 2013

  My eye began to twitch….the beautiful dress, the makeover, it distracted me when I should have stayed mad at him for all the TRICKS he’d pulled on me.

  He was the fucking apple, and the fucking snake….

  He wasn’t a white knight. There wasn’t a fucking horse galloping, carrying him to save innocents in despair. That Mother Fucker had a cellphone with unlimited capabilities and a bottomless bank account.

  Xander Barns is not a hero. Learn it. Remember it. Live it.

  I glanced out the window as Daniels drove through a very familiar neighbourhood at a reasonable speed.

  My phone vibrated, chiming with an incoming text.

  Xander: By the way, you’re welcome. Didn’t I tell you it was all an easy fix? I dare you to doubt me again. I request the pleasure of your company, after your father’s party is over of course.

  XX

  Marisa: By the way, thank you…even though YOU threw my clothes OUT!!!!!! But nevertheless, thank you, and yes, I will never doubt you again. But then again, I probably won’t go out with your rich ass ever again. You’re too much trouble. As for your request…what the hell do you want my company for? I’m boring; I thought we clarified this in one of our earlier session’s, doctor.

  Punch Punch

  Xander: Marisa, you’ve got the stop selling yourself short. You’re not boring, far from it, actually. As for your comment about me being trouble…if you continue to speak to me like that in your next text, I’m going to have to change my pants, as it’s hard to hide certain marks whilst wearing black dress pants. As for you meeting me after your father’s party, it’s a requirement since you’ve got something I want. I’ve been dreaming all day, Baby. So be a nice kitty, and don’t make me wait too long, okay?

  XOXO…

  Marisa: Fine! How do I get to your place?

  Xander: Daniels will be waiting for you in the parking lot of the facility. Just tell him when you’re ready. Can’t wait to see you…all of you.

  Marisa: The only thing you’ll be seeing is the ceiling of an ambulance…fucking asshole!

  Later, douche!

  Xander: Rock-hard status.

  I shook my head and a smile forced its way across my face. I guess I wasn’t as offended as I thought. This was just who Xander was: a kinky, asshole, douchebag bastard.

  On that thought, Daniels pulled the car on to the highway.

  “Would you like to listen to some music?” he asked while making the turn.

  “That would be great right about now. Rock n Roll if available, please,” I answered him.

  “That’s not a problem.” Daniels turned the radio dial and settled on the local rock station. A familiar hard-rock tune overtook the entire vehicle and my blood sizzled in inspiration as the lyrics, the beat of the music hit every inch of my body.

  Yeah, that’s better.

  *~*~*

  Daniels pulled the car to the front entrance. I stared out, watching the party-goers walk with their families on the sidewalk, all dressed to the nines, just like I was. I grabbed the handle of the door, and as I turned to say goodbye to Daniels, from the corner of my eye, I noticed something that caused my body to instantly freeze.

  Ben!

  I instantly let go of the door handle and lowered my body below the window.

  “The windows are tinted, Miss Gellys.” Daniels informed me with a hint of amusement.

  Thank God for tinted windows. I sighed in relief as I spied the family of five trek up the stairs. The women, his mom and little sister’s dresses, were beautiful. The men, his dad and little brother, all decked out in black and navy suits. Ben, however…I couldn’t really see what he was wearing.

  Mom had the nerve to invite the cheater and his family, but that shouldn’t surprise me, because A: Mom was a traitor who cared more about her bitchy best friend than her daughter, and B: it was all my fault anyway, so why should everyone have to suffer when I was to blame.

  I checked the time on my phone; it was 7:20pm.

  “Okay, I’m going to go in now.” Before stepping out, I turned to Daniels, “Wish me luck?”

  Daniels smiled at me from the rear-view mirror. “Good luck.”

  CHAPTER 11

  Present Day

  So… now you know what I’ve been through…. and all I had to say to that was that if it wasn’t for ‘people’ like me, cops and ambulance would go out of business.

  911 was invented for people like me.

  But thankfully, I didn’t need to use 911 just yet.

  The great thing about making mistakes in private was that nobody had to know.

  My secret would come with me to the grave.

  No one would ever have to know what happened these last twenty-four hours…no one.

  *~*~*

  The party was packed to the rafters. The room’s lights were dimmed low as fun party lights moved around. I entered the room, oblivious to any of the other partygoers who were all busy enjoying the music, probably already on their third drink from the open bar I saw on my left and the huge line around it.

  The theme was gold and sea blue.

  A giant banner saying ‘Happy 50th Birthday’ in those colours hung over the DJ booth at the end of the dance floor. A round table with a large bouquet of flowers was set up right beside the door. The bouquet was filled with blue and gold flowers. I leaned in closer to examine the gold ones, and sure enough, they have been spray-painted. There’s a small crystal bowl of blue and golden breath mints. My stomach grumbled as a waitress made her way through a crowd holding a tray filled with deep fried shrimp. I patted my disgruntled stomach as my mind wondered to when I last ate.

  Last night after we left the club…

  My mind regurgitated a moment lost in the fog I’d been struggling to get through since this morning’s rush of activities. Spots of images resurfaced in one swift motion, and I saw myself stumbling next to a well-mannered Xander on our way out of ‘LETHE’.

  “I um veryyyy ungry, I ungry, Xander,” I’d blubbered, wiping my sweaty hair out of my face,
blinking twenty times, trying to clear my eyes of the lasers and smoke from inside Lethe that had followed me out. Xander grabbed my arm and led us out into a hidden hallway, at the end was a door.

  “Where we…uh…goin’?” I asked, trying to keep up with his long strides. I glanced at him; he was still wearing his black sunglasses, and he was scowling.

  “What’s your problammm?” I slurred.

  Xander stopped us right in front of the door and turned to face me. “There’s nothing wrong. I’m just concerned.”

  “Concerned ‘bout what?”

  He comes a little closer and caresses the side of my face. “Darling, you haven’t eaten since, since I don’t even know. Even on the train you didn’t eat anything, and tonight you’ve been drinking on an empty stomach. That’s why I’m concerned.”

  Xander touchin’ me funny again…I smiled lazily at him and bent my face into his palms.

  “I’m a hungry, hungry, Xander, need food, need food now,” I muttered into his palm, then broke into a fit of giggles.

  “You’re hungry. Well don’t you worry, because Uncle Xander is going to feed you,” Xander soothed teasingly.

  Uncle?

  “You’re not mah untle, you’re too younguh!” I mumbled, my face still in his palm. I closed my eyes for a second. “How old you, Xander, I’m a big girl. I’m twenty-two?”

  “I’m a big boy too; I’m twenty-nine,” Xander answered in a soft chuckle. He let out a long sigh and I heard his phone beep. “Come on, big girl, our ride’s here.”

  He put his palm down and I fell down with it, but he caught me midway to the ground.

  Saved me again…so sweet…so, so sweet. He grabbed my arm and opened the door, letting in a cold breeze that my body gratefully relished.

  “Ahhhhh, some fresh air will do you some good!” Xander exclaimed happily, taking me outside to a taxi sitting idle in the alleyway. He’d put me inside the car and had crawled in after.

  “Let’s get you some food, shall we?” he said, then turned to the driver…

  A waitress with a fried shrimp platter stopped in front of me.

  “Would you like one?” she asked with a welcoming smile.

  I wanted to take one…. hell, I wanted to take ALL OF THEM.

  But I needed to find my family first, and I didn’t want the first words spoken between us in over five months to be with shrimp-breath.

  “No, thanks.” I declined.

  The waitress smiled and moved on to the next person who grabbed three. I grabbed two mints instead, one gold and one blue, popping the gold one into my mouth.

  At least now my mouth would be minty fresh when I’d talk with the people here. Total class play and… so considerate of me for thinking of other people. I tucked the blue one into my clutch for later and trudged through the crowd in search for the twins or Dad. I walked by a few groups of people I recognized as my parents’ work friends, well my dad’s work friends, because my mom didn’t work.

  I said a quick hello to each of them and moved along to the next group, and that’s where I found Dad, walking away from the bar with a drink in hand.

  “Dad!” I yelled over the music, halting him for a few seconds before turning and facing… me.

  “Marisa!” he exclaimed, surprised. He placed his drink down and came to me with open arms. “Marisa, I can’t believe it. You’re here, in the flesh!”

  I walked into his open arms and hugged him. Dad’s cologne instantly calmed me, making me feel like I could breathe again.

  Weirdly.

  “I told Darcy I was coming. Didn’t she tell you?” I asked him, stepping out of his embrace.

  “She did, right away. But we didn’t believe you’d come, considering how everything’s gone down lately.” Dad grinned. “Wow, Marisa, it’s so good see you. I’m so happy you came.”

  “I’m happy you’re happy, Dad. There’s no way I’d miss your party. By the way, Happy Birthday. Fifty years old…you’re getting old, Dad!” I joked.

  “Hey! Your old man has still got some years in him. I’m not old, I’m just not that young anymore!” Dad exclaimed, faking his pain.

  I laughed at his mannerism. I loved seeing him in a happy mood.

  Dad took a moment and looked my hair, my makeup, my dress, my shoes. “I’ve never seen you look this nice, not even for prom. I’m touched. Did you do this for me?”

  “I wanted to look nice for your birthday, Dad.” I gave a shy smile.

  He raised an eyebrow and looked at me in disbelief. “Yeah, are you sure about that? Is it just for me, or is it for a certain someone your own age that you haven’t seen or talked to in over five months?”

  He thought I did this for Ben.

  I didn’t…. Xander’s team did this…. for me.

  My eyes rolled. “I didn’t do this for Ben. He doesn’t deserve the effort, and as we all know, I don’t do things like this for just anyone or anything.”

  “That’s true. Your mother will be disappointed. She’s been in constant denial about your relationship, saying you guys have just hit a rough patch and just needed some time apart before you got back together.” Dad explained, looking exhausted all of a sudden.

  Having to deal with ‘her’ on your own would do that to you for sure. It kind of made me feel guilty, leaving him alone to go against her temper-canons, but then again when I lived with them it’s not like he was there every second to ward her off when she got crazy with me.

  It was Dad’s turn…. unfortunately.

  And anyways, he’s the one who married her. She was his problem for life, not mine.

  “She knows it’s over between us.” I sighed, shaking my head in disbelief.

  “I know that, but she still hopes. I think she just wants the wedding. She and Gwen want to plan one so badly.” Dad laughed.

  Why couldn’t he be like this all the time? There was no way Dad would talk like this in front of Mom.

  I heard heels clack against the floor behind me.

  Uh oh…speaking of the devil.

  I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, Mom walked around me and stood next to Dad. She was wearing a purple, one-shoulder shift dress that stopped just below the knee, showcasing her gym-sculpted legs. She was shorter than I was, but her five-inch heels brought her height up. Normally, that would have casted her over me, but tonight, I was wearing high heels too. Mom looked me up and down, her eyes doing nothing to hide the shock that her daughter actually showed up to one of her events looking beyond polished. Maybe even more polished than the majority of the guests.

  I wasn’t going to say hello first.

  “Hello, Marisa.” Mom said calmly and without a trace of venom, surprisingly. Well actually, not surprising. We were at a party. She wasn’t going to go crazy and show her true colours in front of her beloved friends, and the kids of those friends, who she apparently favoured over her own flesh and blood.

  Moi.

  “Hello, Mom,” I replied, mimicking her calm façade.

  “You look nice. I’m surprised you actually showed up after being away for so long. I’m so surprised, you actually look… nice. Who knew you had it in you?” Mom exclaimed, taking another scan of my look.

  And so it began….

  “It’s not a big deal. It’s just a dress and some shoes.” I responded, nonchalantly. I peeked through the corner of my eye, and Dad kept sipping his drink, a bit on edge if you asked me.

  “Marisa, I thought that was you!” Gwen, Mom’s best, best, best friend exclaimed happily, gliding towards us in her flowy, peach–coloured, spaghetti-strapped cocktail dress.

  “In the flesh,” I said to her as she joined Mom’s hip. Mom smiled at her best friend and then turned back to me as a different look transformed her happy, genuine expression.

  Forced tolerance?

  “So Marisa…we haven’t seen you for a long time. What have you been up to? Where have you been?” Gwen asked.

  “Oh, I’ve been around the neighbourhood, here
and there. You know, nothing really that special going on,” I replied nonchalantly.

  Mom looked back and forth between Gwen and myself, looking confused as to what was going on. For one, why were we even having this conversation?

  Why the hell was Gwen bothering to talk to me? I mean, didn’t I break up with her shining-star, prince of a son. Shouldn’t I have been hated on, yelled at, told how it really was, that I was so lucky, and that I didn’t deserve the five years I ruthlessly stole from her precious pookie bear.

  If that ever came up, I’d just tell her why her special little man stayed with me for so long. The extra little bit that he could never deny.

  I had great lips.

  “You don’t work at the ice cream store anymore, do you?” Gwen asked.

  “No, I quit five months ago.” I told her.

  “So where do you work now?” Gwen asked next.

  “At a place near my house.” I answered while using every ounce of control I had not to laugh. They were getting no info from me.

  “Libby, you must love all the extra room you’ve got now, don’t you?” Gwen turned to Mom, changing her line of questioning, realizing I wasn’t about to give a clear answer. Perhaps asking Mom questions that involved me would be a better tactic in exposing me for who I really was. Discreetly, of course, neither of them would actually want to show what kind of people they really were.

  Mean bitches.

  “Yes, it was dreadful before. The basement was too cramped, especially since the twins wanted a few game tables. So we just cleared some things and put them in Marisa’s old room.” Mom responded, wide-eyed.

  “That’s great, good use of space.” I told them, pretending to agree. I knew what they were trying to do, and it wasn’t going to work.

  “Ladies, I’m off. Back to the guys,” Dad said out of nowhere.

  “Of course, darling, go enjoy yourself,” Mom gushed, a little out of her normal character. Probably putting on a front for her dearest friend, pulling a stupid façade that screamed…. ‘I take care of my husband, and I don’t belittle him when it comes to our children. And no, he doesn’t act like a bitch when it’s just us, because after all, he’s the man of the house, and has the balls in our family’.