A Need So Insatiable

by Cecilia Robert

  “Wrong time to cry, Soph,” Jace says softly, her gaze on mine in the mirror.

  I blink back the tears and laugh, happy because I actually feel like freakin’ Cinderella, and my fairy godmothers just made me the most beautiful, deserving girl in the world.

  “The coach awaits,” Dani says, a small smile on her lips. She looks at me proudly, and I want to hug her so bad. But I don’t. I know her boundaries, and respect them.

  “Just choose me as your maid of honor and we’ll be good.”

  I laugh, and twirl in the mirror once, then follow my friends downstairs and into Jace’s car.

  WE ARRIVE at the Vienna Opera House twenty minutes late. The Orchestra is playing Beethoven’s Sonata Quasi una Fantasia. We scoot into our reserved section in one of the loges and take our seats. Immediately, I’m wrapped up in the hauntingly beautiful melody, fascinated by Rafael’s controlled, fluid movements. It’s like he owns the music, and the crowd. The baton in his hand looks like it’s a part of him as he leads the orchestra through this masterpiece. Tingles skate down to my toes and my stomach feels like a thousand butterflies have taken refuge inside. Is this what Jace meant?

  Oh my god. I need to get that thought out of my head. Pronto.

  I force myself to think about how the song makes me feel, imagining young Beethoven in love with his pupil, Countess Giulietta, a girl he couldn’t have. The girl he dedicated this sonata to. How deep his love must have been to compose something so achingly beautiful, so sad. How heartbroken he’d been when he couldn’t have her.

  My eyes snap open at the loud clapping around me, and I lean forward, clenching my hands on the rail. Rafael’s gaze is focused on our box, his lips curved in a barely-there smile. My skin heats under the intensity in his gaze, wrapping me in a ball of nerves and excitement.

  Holy wow!

  He tips his head the way he did yesterday, then turns away, the tails of his coat swinging with the movement, and starts the next piece. I let out the breath lodged in my throat, and slump back in my chair.

  “Phew! Mr. Smolder . . . the guy literally sucked all the air from the room with just a look,” Jace says, using her hand to fan her face. “I’m worried for you, Soph.”

  I’m worried for me, too. “Why? He just looks like he always does--indifferent.”

  “If that’s indifference, then I’m a monkey’s ass,” Dani says softly, and we turn to gape at her.

  “That’s it. I’m checking you into a hospital, Dani,” Jace says, touching Dani’s forehead.

  We laugh, then focus on the orchestra as they play Mahler’s Symphony No. 6. Once again, I’m swept away by the dramatic, dark tones.

  RIGHT AFTER the opera, Jace and Dani leave to go to the bathroom, leaving me standing in the hallway, trying to gather my scattered emotions. I’ve never attended any of Rafael’s operas, but holy shit! He’s spoiled me for others.

  A sudden shift of air has me turning around. I scan the filled hallway and find him leaning on the rail, one hand in his pocket. Studying me. Not my body, not my dress, but my face. As if trying to figure out a puzzle.

  I swallow, and wet my lips. His eyes follow the movement as he saunters toward me. He stops in front of me, his hot gaze traveling from the top of my head to my high-heeled feet. He makes a sound, like a growl at the back of his throat, and finally fixes his eyes on mine.

  “Hey,” I say, pressing my thighs together as a trail of blazing need settles low in my belly. Thank God, the chaos wracking through me right now isn’t in my voice. What is he doing to me? I’d told Jace that I didn’t want more complications in my life. But would it be wrong to just live for once? I can’t even remember the last time someone looked at me the way Rafael does.

  Shoving the doubts aside, I smile up at him, basking in his reverent gaze.

  Rafael

  THE MINUTE I looked up at the loge on my right and saw her staring at me, I wanted to scale the walls and kiss her. Hold her. Stare into her eyes. I’d spent the better part of my afternoon wondering if she’d show up tonight. Admittedly, I’d been surprised, elated even, when Jace approached me about the tickets.

  Christ, she looks so beautiful, standing here in front of me. Her hair is bunched loosely on the nape of her neck, with a few curls framing her delicate face. The red gown hugs every damn curve of her hot little body. She looks like a fucking goddess.

  My palms twitch at the thought of running my hands down the soft slope of her hips and thighs.

  Damn it. I need to stop thinking about her like that. I couldn’t sleep last night; visions of her had taunted me every second of every hour.

  “Hey,” I finally say.“You came.”

  She nods. “Thank you so much for the tickets. That was fucking amazing--”

  Oh, what a pretty, dirty mouth you have, Butterfly. How a mouth so pretty can utter such a word and still look beautiful and sexy is beyond me.

  “I take it you enjoyed the concert?”

  She nods, running her tongue along the labret in her lip. My dick twitches and I swallow, hard. I can’t pull my gaze away from those red lips. To her, that little move is probably a reflex, but to me, it’s an aphrodisiac.

  “My pleasure.”

  I would give her the world if she asked me to. It takes all my strength to drag my gaze from her mouth to her eyes. If she knew what I was thinking right now, she’d run for the hills. But I’m not about to scare her. I feel like I’ve waited my whole damn life for this.

  “Walk with me.”

  She falls into step with me, and I shove my hands in my pockets to stop myself from reaching out.

  We walk leisurely in silence, bumping and skirting around clusters of attendees. I stop periodically to shake someone’s hand and quickly move on. I only have a few minutes before Jace reclaims her, and I fucking want to make use of every damn second. We finally halt when the crowd thins. She nibbles her lower lip, her eyes narrowed at me in scrutiny.

  “What?” I ask. Christ. The way she’s looking at me--I feel like she sees right through me.

  “I’m curious. Why me, Rafael?” She shifts to look at a blonde-haired, beautiful woman dripping with elegance and wealth a few feet from us. Her gaze returns to mine and I see the questions lingering in their golden depths. “I’m nowhere close to high society. I’m just . . . me.” She sweeps a hand down her body, frowning.

  “Who else, if not you?” I ask. She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off swiftly. “I enjoy your company.”

  “Really? Even though we just met?” Her lips twitch, fighting a smile.

  I fight the urge to brush my thumb along the soft skin of her jaw. “We’re together now. And we haven’t torn each other’s hair out yet. That’s a good sign, I think.”

  She throws her head back and laughs, and I find myself smiling as my gaze follows the gentle curve of her neck. Fucking beautiful.

  “Yes,” she says. “It is a good sign.”

  “How are your rehearsals?” I ask, after a few moments of silence.

  “Really great, actually. I love working with Simone,” she says. “She’s really special and talented.”

  “She is, isn’t she?” I say, feeling my chest swell with pride. “She knows how to weave magic.”

  Am I going to waste my time with her in awkward conversation?

  I shift to face her fully. “You have a beautiful voice.”

  I lift my hand and take a curl between my fingers, rubbing it with my fingertips. She sucks in a breath, her eyes widening before they flutter shut for a few seconds.

  I drop my hand, and take a step back. Earlier today, I swore I wouldn’t kiss her again. Not yet, anyway. I flounder around for a safer topic.

  “Your mother was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.”

  “She was, wasn’t she?” She frowns for a second, then her mouth curves upward in one of the most beautiful damn smiles I’ve ever seen. “I really want to be like her. She was kind, and always had a smile ready for everyone.”

&n
bsp; “You resemble her in more ways than you know.”

  She beams, and I feel like patting myself on the shoulder. As much as talking about Olivia rips at my heart, it’s a safe topic. I find myself asking question after question, just to hear Sophie’s lyrical voice. Our shoulders are pressed together, our heads almost touching, as we chat about the woman who binds us. At one point, I shift closer to smell her hair, and once again, I’m horny.

  A ringing sound fills the nearly empty hallway. She dips her fingers into the front of her gown, jostles her breasts a bit, and pulls out her phone.

  That’s it. I’m going to kill Hawk for putting me through this hell.

  Moments later, she tucks the phone back between her breasts.

  “Ah, sorry for that,” she says, jerking my gaze back to her face. She clears her throat, her cheeks red. “Jace and Dani will be here soon.”

  “Come,” I say, taking her hand in mine and linking our fingers. I won’t pass up this chance to touch her. “Let’s walk back. I’m sure we’ll see them.”

  She shivers, her small fingers wrapping around mine, and sighs. Two minutes later, Jace and Dani barrel down the hallway.

  Jace scowls at me before turning to Sophie and hugging her.

  “God, Soph, we were so worried. Thought Kr--” She darts a look my way. “Never mind. You’re here now.”

  “I’m so sorry to worry you guys,” Sophie says, pulling back. “We--Rafael and I got to talking and somehow, I forgot.”

  I made her forget. I fucking made her forget. I shouldn’t feel this smug, and Jace’s thunderous expression tells me that. What crawled up her ass? And why do they seem worried about Sophie?

  “Is everything all right?” I ask.

  “Yes,” Sophie says, way too fast. “Thank you again for the invitation.” She turns to leave.

  “Sophie.”

  She stops and turns around.

  “Thank you.” I wrap one of her curls around my finger, lean in, and press my lips on her cheek, so close to that damn labret, before moving my mouth to the shell of her ear. She sucks in a breath. Christ. I want to mesh my lips with hers and breathe her air into my lungs.

  “It was a pleasure to see you again,” I whisper. My eyes follow the goosebumps as they spread from the nape of her neck to the soft swell of her breast.

  “Goodnight, ladies,” I say, then step around her and stride down the carpeted hallway. I can feel her eyes burning through my tux, into my skin.

  BY THE time I collect my coat, the cast is waiting for me at the opera’s main entrance. I make a point of getting together with them for drinks, or dinner, after a performance. As I climb down the stairs, someone calls my name. I turn to see Brenda Callihan walking toward me. The granddaughter of a retired Sydney Symphony Orchestra maestra--a woman I’d worked with several times in my late teens--Brenda and I had spent several nights together before I’d flown back to Vienna. I’d been looking forward to picking things up where we’d left off, but now, after finding Sophie in Simone’s office, I’m not so sure.

  She hikes up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

  “I didn’t think you’d show up today,” I murmur, letting her link her hand with mine.

  “The flight from Sydney got in late, and by the time I arrived here, the concert had already begun.” She tilts her head to the side, staring at me through brown eyes. Her dark hair is coiled in a bun, hardly a hair out of place, and a black gown hugs every curve of her body.

  “Want to join us for dinner?”

  She nods. We step inside my sleek, black Chrysler 300. After giving Ben, my chauffeur, the address where I’m meeting with the rest of the cast, I settle back on the leather seat and listen to Brenda talk about her current research on forestry in South America.

  THE EVENING seems to crawl, and my mind drifts back to Sophie, to how she looked tonight. The way she smiled . . .

  Brenda nudges me with her elbow several times to bring me back to the conversation. I finally excuse myself, and we leave.

  Ben parks the Chrysler outside the Hilton Vienna Plaza where Brenda is staying, and steps out of the car to open Brenda’s door while I go round to join her. She still smells so damn good. Like roses. But it’s not the scent I crave right now.

  “What’s on your mind, Rafael?” Brenda says as we walk toward the hotel’s entrance.

  I study her beautiful face: high, elegant cheekbones; full lips; long, swan-like neck; tall, curvy body. A body, face and mind any hormonal man would kill for. A body that was mine to have until I saw Sophie and everything shifted to her.

  “Just juggling some stuff in my head.”

  “I noticed.” She traces her fingers up my arm to my bicep. “Want to talk about it?”

  I inhale deeply. “Not really,” I say, tugging our linked hands to my lips so I can kiss her fingers. She smiles her perfect smile. It’s missing something. The labret, the chipped lower tooth. The perfect imperfection that has hovered in my mind for the last forty-eight hours.

  Brenda rattles off her room number and as soon as she gets her room card, we stroll toward the elevator. As the doors slide shut, I lift my hand to cup her neck and pull her close, brushing my lips to hers. I shouldn’t be holding Brenda like this, kissing her. But I can’t seem to control myself. Thinking about Sophie brings up feelings I’m not ready to deal with, a past I don’t want to face right now.

  Brenda’s tongue slips out to lick my bottom lip and my body stirs. My mind might be with Sophie, but my dick wants this. Her hands leave my arm, sliding down to my hip and thigh.

  We stop in front of her room, and she slides the key card into the automatic lock. As soon as the door snicks shut, I swing her around, my fingers working on the bun so her hair falls around her shoulders. I mesh my lips with hers, backing her into the door, losing myself in the kiss. In her. My tongue tangles with hers. She whimpers softly, and that little sound heightens my desperation. Her fingers move away from my hair and start to unbutton my trousers while mine fumble to pull up her dress. Then I freeze, my eyes squeezed tight. Sophie’s there, in my vision, staring up at me.

  “I can’t do this, Bren.”

  She pants, her hot breath on my cheek. “Still keeping up with Hawk’s bet? Is doing this considered sex?” She drops on her knees, her fingers deftly working my zipper, and yanks down my black pants. Then she takes me into her mouth, peeking up at me through her lashes.

  “Jesus, Brenda.” I fist a hand in her hair, clenching my jaw as her hot tongue traces my length, her brown eyes darker than before. Sophie’s hazel ones replace them.

  Fuck. I really need this. My hand is tired of doing the job, and there’s a willing mouth on me right now.

  I squeeze my eyes shut, tangling my fingers deeper in her hair, and tug. Soft lips wrap around my dick as fingers squeeze my balls to the point of pain. Just how I like it. Beautiful, gold eyes look up into mine. Christ. The look in her eyes makes my balls tighten. I moan, jerking my hips forward, my dick sinking deeper into her mouth.

  Sophie.

  The movement down south halts. I tighten my hold, urging her on. Still no motion. Groaning impatiently, I glance down, trying to focus.

  “Sophie?”

  Shit! I untangle my fingers from Brenda’s hair and run them through mine, resting my hand on my neck.

  Brenda stands, her expression unreadable. Her eyes never leave mine. “Sophie?” I nod, rearranging my clothing. “You saw her?”

  “Yes.” I move away to stand by the windows, bracing my hands on the glass as I look down at the street below. “Brenda . . .”

  “When?” She says, her tone clipped. “When did you see her?”

  I turn around to find her behind me, tying her hair in a knot. She drops her gaze quickly, but not before I catch a glimpse of something . . . hurt?

  “I mean, it’s Sophie, Raf. Sophie.” She lifts her head, smiling, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

  “I shouldn’t have led you on. I’m so sorry, Bren.”

  She turns and w
alks to the mini-bar, grabs two beers and walks back to me, handing me one.

  “I saw her a few days ago in Simone’s office.”

  She frames the side of my face with one hand. “God, you are a gorgeous man. Now, you’re going to shut up and listen to me.”

  I raise a brow. “All right.”

  “You have a beautiful soul. I know you don’t believe it, but you do. I knew this wasn’t a permanent thing. Your heart has never belonged to anyone but her. Even when you fooled yourself into thinking you’d forgotten, you couldn’t fool me. I’m not judging you; I love you too much to do that.” She presses a kiss on my forehead. “It was a beautiful ride, Raf.”

  “Beautiful, huh? You know what I was, what I did--”

  “What you did. That’s the word. Did. The past should stay where it belongs--in the past.”

  I take a swig from the bottle, emptying the contents down my throat, then place it on the windowsill. I pull Brenda into my arms. “Thank you. For everything.”

  “Think about what I said, okay?”

  I kiss her forehead, then turn and walk to the door. I stop long enough to look over my shoulder. She quickly wipes her eyes, and flashes a wavering smile at me.

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  “Of course.”

  Outside, I loosen my bow tie, and pull the collar of my jacket up as a cool breeze sweeps along the street. Head bowed, I stride toward to the Chrysler.

  “Do you believe in true love?” I ask Ben when I’m settled in my seat.

  Ben shifts around to look at me with grey eyes that seem too wise to belong to a thirty-eight-year-old.

  “I do, Mr. Van Rees.”

  I roll my eyes. “You know more about me than my grandmothers do. Shouldn’t we be on a first name basis by now?”

  He scratches his clean-shaven head, his lips twitching.

  “Tell me, Ben. What about redemption?”

  He stares me straight in the eye. “If you’re asking me if you deserve redemption, my answer is yes.”