“Please… if it’s- if that’s an obituary or something along those lines, I don’t want to know. Don’t you dare give it to me if- if…” Tears welled up in her eyes and her hand shook.
Jack stepped forward. He gripped one palm, turned it face up, slid the paper into it and tucked her other hand over it. It was the strangest thing anyone had ever done. He squeezed her hands in his version of an apology for what had happened. For everything that happened to her.
She remembered that Tia had said, in the hospital, that Jack felt like it was all his fault. What happened. With Creed. With her. To her.
“Jack,” she said softly, as he started to walk away. She crumpled the paper in her fist. His eyes met hers. “Thank you. And it’s… it’s alright. Everything is alright. There is nothing- I’ve let it go. You should too.”
He stared at her for a long moment before he inclined his head, just a little. He disappeared out of the kitchen and his footsteps echoed on the stairs. A minute later, Kate heard his laughter, followed by Dawn’s much higher pitched baby laugh.
She smiled. Home. Family. She didn’t know why she’d always taken those things for granted before. The things that mattered most had always been last on her list of priorities.
Not anymore.
Her stomach flipped all over the place and her heart beat wildly as she stood by the window, the same window where Creed had…
She couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t think about the men who had been there after, who had beaten him, spattering his blood on the walls and over the kitchen. Of course, all traces of it had been wiped away. They were erased before she ever got home from the hospital. Likely compliments of Jack and some real strong bleach.
Her fingers, her hands, her arms, all vibrated so hard she could barely unfold the paper. She tried to take a calming breath, but the air burned her lungs. Finally, she decided she just had to dive in with both feet and look.
When she unfolded the paper, there was a single line, written in block letters.
Jack’s sure, strong writing.
A series of numbers. A land location.
Chapter 16
CREED
Despite the fact that the muscles in his arms ached and his shoulders screamed in protest, Creed hefted the axe again. He landed another vicious blow into the trunk of a tree that wouldn’t be standing much longer.
His land was full of them. All two hundred acres.
Not a soul in sight, endless blue skies, as blue as the eyes of the only woman he’d ever loved, green grass, towering trees, a lake that was all his… he couldn’t ask for a better existence.
Well, he could. He could ask for one better. That the woman who changed his life was there with him. Kate had a right to share in all of this. She had a right to gaze up at the sky as he did, with wonder in her eyes. She had a right to the fresh, cool waters of the lake, the soft grass under her bare feet, the fresh scent of rain and the earthy smell of freshly turned soil in spring. He wished she was there to just lay on her back on a warm, cloudless afternoon and stare up through the towering trees and their softly dancing leaves to the sky above. He wished she was there to hear the music of a world he loved so much.
A world free from violence. From cities, from other people. From all of it. He was so far removed from the world he’d grown up in, sometimes he caught himself wondering how the hell it happened, how he’d ever broke free.
That night felt like a dream. A dream and a nightmare all in one. He’d won his freedom, at the cost of the men he still considered brothers. He’d won his life while Kate nearly lost hers. He couldn’t ask her to do that again.
Sometimes, he saw her. In his dreams and his waking moments. Sometimes he’d see her shape on the horizon and he’d strain his eyes and watch, his heart hammering in his chest. She always evaporated, always disappeared. He’d never hallucinated once before he met her, but in the year since he’d forced himself to leave her, he’d seen her hundreds of times.
It never hurt any less.
Creed’s shoulders heaved with a hard sigh and he swung the axe again. Beads of sweat rolled off his forehead, into his eyes. They trickled down his cheeks, off the edge of his nose, and ran down into the coarse fibers of his beard below.
He took another vicious blow. The tree was thick. He’d be lucky if ten of him could wrap their arms around the base of it. He wasn’t even a sixth of the way finished.
The day was hot and the sunlight cut straight through the trees. Normally he was afforded a canopy of protection, but he’d cleared so many trees out of the area, it now had a straight path to him. He dropped the axe and began to undo the buttons of his sweat soaked plaid shirt.
He’d become a real fucking cliche up there. Might as well. It was easier to fit in if he looked the part. Growing a beard and wearing plaid weren’t hard. It was everything else that nearly killed him.
He swiped at his forehead with the back of his arm before he slipped the shirt from his chest and tossed it carelessly to the ground.
What he could use was a nice swim in the lake. He could almost feel the cool waves lapping over him as he sunk below their surface.
He inhaled sharply, scenting the smell of fresh cut wood and the leaves overhead. It was nice. Peace. He’d always imagined it would be. He blinked hard when he saw her. Kate. A hundred feet away. She was beautiful, more beautiful than any of his other visions. She looked different. Her hair was swept up on top her head in a messy style that suited her. Her sapphire eyes were the same color as the cloudless sky above. Her lips were redder than he remembered. She wore a flowing black dress, just the kind of thing a real goddess wore.
He gave his head a shake, but the vision didn’t fade away like it normally did. He stared at the image, sure that if he blinked, she’d be gone.
Except he blinked hard. A second time. A third. And she was still there.
She took a step forward and when she spotted him, she let out a little cry. She balled her hands into her dress, yanking it up, and ran. Actually fucking ran.
Not once had his visions ever made a sound. They were always silent, wavering, a curse and a blessing in equal measure.
It really was her. His goddess.
Creed dropped to his knees right there on the forest floor. Moss and wood chippings and wet leaves broke his fall. He was powerless to move. He could barely breathe. His heart slammed hard into his ribs, echoing loud in his ears.
Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.
And then she was there, eyes wide and luminous, tears spilling from the corners and snaking down her cheeks, running off her nose, over her beautiful red lips. She took his hands in both of hers and sobbed harder, her small shoulders wracked with the sound of her sobs.
It broke him. Hearing her cry. God, he loved this woman. More than his own fucking life. She was his. She had been then and she was now. And that’s why he’d left her behind.
“You were here this whole time,” she sobbed. She glared at him with red rimmed eyes. “Why? Why did you leave me? Why didn’t you come for me? You knew where I was. You were only two hours away!”
She pulled one hand from his and struck him hard across the face. He didn’t react, so she did it again, harder.
“Fuck!” She grabbed her stinging palm, cradling it against her chest. “You fucking, motherfucker! I could… I could cut your balls off for this!”
Creed cracked a small smile. His face stung, but he relished the pain. She had every right to be angry with him.
“Don’t tell me you were too busy building a life for us.” She glanced around his land, at the small log cabin he’d managed to assemble behind them, at the garden off to the right, beside the house, at the well beside that. She took in the trees and the land, the hills, and below, in the distance, the shimmering waters of the small lake.
There was no road in to the property. Just a path that a person had to know was there to find it. He’d stashed a truck in the bush half a mile’s walk from the cabin, near a gravel road that eventually ended u
p back on the main drag anyone took to get anywhere.
“I can’t tell you that,” he said slowly, hating himself when he watched pain flood her eyes. She wrapped her arms around herself like he’d sucker punched her and he knew exactly what she felt. He knew that pain well. He was no stranger to the moments it stabbed at him, nearly bringing him to his knees.
“Right. Of course you can’t. Because this is all for you.” Her eyes shot daggers at him. “You left me there! You fucking left me there, Creed! You made a promise to me and you broke it.”
“I didn’t break any promises to you,” he said evenly, under his breath. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms, to haul her against his chest and kiss the damn life out of her, but he didn’t move. He didn’t even get off his knees.
“You promised to keep me safe! I trusted you!”
“I did keep you safe.” He looked her right in the eyes and the hair on the back of his neck stood on end. God, she looked good. Better than ever. Happy. Fulfilled. He just hated the glimmer of pain he saw in her eyes, the pain he’d put there.
“You left me!” She yelled, her voice echoing through the quiet woods.
“I did leave you.” Creed glanced towards the cabin, then back at Kate. “I left you because I made you a promise and that promise was that I’d do anything to keep you safe. I meant it. So instead of dragging you back into my life with me, I left you be. I cut out my heart and I left it with you that day. There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t regretted what I did, but knowing that I was- that- that you deserved so much better than a man who almost got you killed, or worse, I let you be. I hoped you’d move on, find someone else, lead a good life.”
He waited. The breeze stirred the leaves overhead. The sun gleamed down on them, glinting off the blade of his axe. His muscles ached from the hours of labor he’d put in all morning. The ache in his heart was so much worse.
Shockingly, a crooked smile formed on Kate’s lips. “What the fuck could be worse than dead?”
He gaped at her. “What?”
“You said, dead or worse? What could be worse than death?”
He could think of a couple things, but there was no way in hell he would ever tell her and taint her further. It was just proof that they’d come from different worlds, different lives, and those worlds and lives had intersected for a brief second in time before everything went to hell. She’d nearly died. Because of him. He didn’t need any more proof that he didn’t deserve her. Their worlds were meant to be separate.
“There’s just one thing wrong with your whole theory,” Kate countered, when he didn’t respond. “I don’t believe in all that shit. All that romance bullshit. So I wouldn’t just move on and find someone else.” She stood slowly and he forced himself to her feet so she didn’t have to yell down at him, though he would have deserved every second of the wrath she rained down.
“I… Kate- you have to understand. I did the right thing. I made sure you got help. I left. I left because you didn’t deserve a life like this. The only kind of life I could offer you was one of danger and violence. You deserve so much more than that. You don’t deserve to be uprooted from your family, always on the run, always looking over your shoulder.”
She glanced around again, anger sparking in her eyes. “Oh yeah? That what you’re doing here? Running? Is this the shitty life you’re talking about? The dangerous, violent one? Do you look over your shoulder often out here?”
“I had to be sure. I had to be sure everyone died that night and no one was coming after me. I…”
“I was sure the night after it happened. Jack was sure. He told me no one survived. That was the police report. The entire club was wiped out by their own fucking stupidity.”
“You don’t understand! They didn’t know I survived. There could have been others who got away. I looked, but…”
“Then you should have known they all gunned each other down, one by one.”
“That club, Kate, you don’t get it. Those guys- they were- some of them were once my brothers. They were men who stood for something. Family. The goons, they came later. The fucked up ones who owed loyalty to no one- that came after Jim took over. We weren’t always a bunch of bad guys doing bad things. Once, we stood for something.”
“That’s kind of rich.”
“No, it’s not. If you had come from nothing, had been raised with nothing, if you were desperate, if all you’d known was a life of violence and bullshit and struggling to survive, any place where you could lay your head at night with a full belly, any place you didn’t have to worry about being stabbed or shot or fucked with by someone else, any place where you had a brother at your side, just one, to watch your back, felt like home. It felt like heaven. You have no idea.”
“Then why won’t you tell me? Why didn’t you take me with you and let me be a part of your life?” She swept a hand around. “A part of all of this? Why…”
“Because I wanted to protect you!” He stalked forward and gripped her arms. Touching her was a mistake. He let her go like she’d fucking burned him. The contact sent a straight jolt of red hot hit ripping up his arms. He was instantly hard. He imagined throwing her down on the ground, ripping up her dress and taking her. Sinking deep inside of her, her legs wrapped around his waist as her cries of ecstasy rang in his ears. He trembled as hard as the leaves blowing above him. “I did the best I could, you crazy, stupid, foolish girl. You think it was easy, being so close and having to stay away? You think it was easy leaving you there that night? Do you think it was easy dreaming about you, seeing you, every single day and not once was it real? You’ve haunted me up here.”
“So when were you coming for me then? You have to be sure by now. Everyone is gone. No one is coming for you. Whatever was, it’s gone now, it’s in the past.”
Creed hung his head. He’d never known such bitter, acrid, defeat in his life. “Kate- you still don’t understand. I couldn’t come for you, because someone did survive. Me.”
She gripped his face and forced him to look up into her burning, bright, liquid blue eyes. The pain twisting her face gutted him completely. “You idiot,” she hissed. “You? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You survived. You bloody survived and you did nothing to come find me! You hid yourself away up here like a coward, because that was easier than admitting that you’re fucked. That you’re so fucked.”
“I am fucked! Now you’re finally making sense.” He gripped her wrists. “I am my past, Kate. I survived and that’s inside of me. The things I’ve done, the man I am. I’m no good for you. I was dreaming when I told you that you were mine. I was fucking dreaming because I’ve never wanted anyone more than I wanted you.”
“You weren’t dreaming!” Her nails dug into his cheeks. “God, you weren’t dreaming. I thought you were crazy, but I was wrong. I am yours. Ever since that night. Every single day I’ve been living my life, trying to do it to the fullest after we almost- well- after I almost couldn’t. And every single day I feel like I’m failing, because you’re not with me. I have this seed of hope in my heart. I’ve carried it with me since that night. I knew you couldn’t be dead. I would have sensed it. I would have known. I knew you were alive. I kept this hope alive that you’d come back for me.”
“I couldn’t.”
“You could have! And you didn’t! But Jack knew. He had someone search for you and he found you. You couldn’t hide from both of us.”
“I should never have come to the house that night-”
“Yeah, but you did! You did and I haven’t ever been right! I don’t believe in romance or fairy tales, but you know what I do believe in? Love. Because I know that’s what I feel when I think about you. When I dream about you. You’re right here!” She ripped her hand from her face and threw it over her chest. “You’re this ache that never goes away. I keep hearing your promise. A promise where you’d never leave me. I keep hearing your voice telling me I’m yours. I’m pretty sure that that’s love. Or that it could be. We don�
�t have forever. That night proved that for me. We only get a little bit of time and I want to spend my time with you. So don’t you dare tell me to turn around and go back home. I am home. You’re my home. You made a promise to me and I’m not going to let you break it. You’re-”
He didn’t let her finish. He would have liked to, but he couldn’t. His last thread of self-control snapped. He’d kept himself up there, away from her, for far too long. He gripped her face, hard, and pulled her to him. He crushed his mouth to hers. For the first time since that night, the first time in over a year, his life actually made sense.
Chapter 17
KATE
Creed’s kiss wasn’t sweet or gentle. It sure as hell wasn’t romantic. It was desperate and lonely, filled with guilt and terror and confusion. Overriding it all was raw male need. She kissed him back, went to war with his mouth, tried to convince him that he needed her, in all the ways she couldn’t with words. Her tongue stroked his like a plea. Come back to me. We were meant to be together. She’d had a year to get over her fears about what it truly meant to give herself to another person. She’d had a year to do a hell of a lot of thinking.
She wasn’t leaving there without him, or she wasn’t leaving. Period.
Her hands hid the warm, broad wall of his chest. His muscles were slick and damp with sweat. She dug her nails in to his shoulder and he grunted against her lips. She applied more force and he got the picture. He fell backwards, dragging her down with him. They fell in a crumpled heap on the ground, her dress twisted around his denim clad legs.
The breeze blew softly by them, cooling some of the sweat that beaded along her hairline and rustling a few of the leaves above them. The branches moved softly in the woods, but the only other sound was them.
The frantic nipping, licking, biting, sucking of their mouths on each other’s bodies, the swish and sway of fabric as their hands clutched furiously at it. Finally, the metallic zing of a zipper. Creed shifted under her, enough to get his damn jeans out of the way. He went for her dress next, rucking it around her hips.
Lonely Rider - The Box Set: A Motorcycle Club Romance - The Complete Series Page 39
