The Tapper Twins Run for President

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The Tapper Twins Run for President Page 8

by Geoff Rodkey


  CLAUDIA

  Jens and I stood right behind the VIP section, so we had a front-row seat for everything that happened.

  And what happened… was pretty crazy.

  METAWORLD CHAT LOG

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  MaxAssassin killed EmperorMaximilian.

  CLAUDIA

  I think I speak for everybody when I say it was a huge shock to see a giant avatar in a black mask rush the stage and cut Max in half with an axe.

  I was so stunned I didn’t even think to take a screenshot until at least five seconds later. By that point, a second masked avatar had joined the first one, and they were slaughtering the whole VIP section.

  MaxAssassin killed ElPresidente. Ed. Note: Atticus W. (Nerdy Boy)

  FreeRangeMartyr Ed. Note: ???!!! killed ChangTheMerciless. Ed. Note: Dave C. (Nerdy Boy)

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  CLAUDIA

  By then, I could hear Reese and Kalisha yelling at each other in the next room.

  REESE

  Kalisha was like, “WHAT’S HAPPENING?”

  And I was like, “It’s an ambush! Get out your sword and kill that guy!”

  But she didn’t know how to use a sword. And she wouldn’t give me the laptop. Which was seriously annoying.

  CLAUDIA

  Kalisha wasn’t the only one who couldn’t use a sword. The Society mode nerds were pretty helpless, too.

  METAWORLD CHAT LOG

  FreeRangeMartyr killed ChairmanMike. Ed. Note: Michael K. (Nerdy Boy)

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  MaxAssassin killed Shabakazam. Ed. Note: Dimitri (Nerdy Boy)

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  FreeRangeMartyr killed

  HisHolinessTheDylanLlama.<<

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  <>MaxAssassin killed TobiusGalacticus.

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  REESE

  By the time I got the laptop away from Kalisha so I could fight back, all the Society mode dudes were skronked. And the two bad guys had logged off.

  CLAUDIA

  The MetaWorld Massacre took out every single Nerdy Boy Reese was trying to win over.

  And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t really, really enjoy all the yelling I heard coming from Reese’s room.

  KALISHA

  I just want to remind everybody I KNEW NOTHING about MetaWorld.

  So the massive security failure and all its tragic consequences? Totally Reese’s fault.

  REESE

  No way! You’re the one who told me to keep my army in my castle so I wouldn’t look like a thug!

  And if we’d given everybody armor like I wanted, none of those guys would’ve died!

  Actually, they still would’ve died. Just, like, not as fast.

  CLAUDIA

  The situation did NOT look good for Reese’s campaign. And Kalisha knew it.

  ASHLEY AND MOM (text messages)

  Tutoring prob not going 2 work out

  Why not?

  Lots of yelling from bedroom right now

  Not surprised. Doing math w/Reese can be frustrating

  CLAUDIA

  I have to give Kalisha credit, though: within minutes of the massacre, she was working the media to blame the whole thing on me. Ed. Note: “media” = Sophie) And she almost got away with it.

  Almost.

  CHAPTER 20

  THE RUSH TO JUDGMENT

  CLAUDIA

  To this day, nobody’s ever come forward to admit they were the “MaxAssassin” and “FreeRangeMartyr” avatars who killed everybody at the rally.

  But it was obviously Xander and James.

  JAMES

  That’s ridiculous! As leader of the Free Range Education movement, I’m against violence in ALL its forms.

  But this is the kind of tragedy you get when you force sixth graders to sit at their desks for eight hours a day.

  So even though I believe the killers should be brought to justice, I also think we need to address the root causes of this violence.

  XANDER

  Gotta get with dat Free Range program, y’all! Put yo’ X by da X to get rid o’ dem desks and chairs!

  And peep this, yo: if you gonna be a straight punk and dump the X-Man as yo’ running mate? WATCH YO’ BACK! ’Cause you gonna get got.

  REESE

  It was totally Xander and James. I have the screenshots to prove it.

  CLAUDIA

  If you knew it was Xander and James, why did your campaign manager blame it all on me?

  REESE

  Uhhhmmmm… No comment?

  KALISHA

  All I did was make sure Sophie had the facts. And the facts were that there’d been a terrible tragedy… on a server run by YOUR campaign manager… that just happened to benefit YOUR campaign.

  SOPHIE

  And to be fair, Claudia—you and Akash DID have a history of killing Reese on that Planet Amigo thing. Ed. Note: again, VERY long story (which you can read about in The Tapper Twins Go to War)

  CLAUDIA

  When Sophie called for an interview and basically accused me and Akash of planning the whole massacre, I pretty much lost it. EVERYTHING I was mad at her about just came barfing out.

  And then everything SHE was mad at ME for came barfing out of HER. Ed. Note: even though most of it was v. unfair

  SOPHIE

  It was pretty ugly. I don’t want to get into details—

  CLAUDIA

  I don’t, either.

  SOPHIE

  But yeah. It was a lot of drama.

  It really seemed like it cleared the air, though. Like, I heard where you were coming from. And you heard where I was coming from.

  CLAUDIA

  When Sophie’s report on the massacre showed up in the Chronicle the next morning, it still didn’t seem completely fair. But at least it wasn’t a total hit job on me. And it seemed like Sophie was finally figuring out she couldn’t trust Kalisha.

  MASSACRE IN METAWORLD!

  6th grade Treasurer
Esper’s Avatar, 6 Others Slaughtered At Online Rally

  by Sophie Koh, special correspondent

  Tragedy struck last night’s online rally for the Reese Tapper-Max Esper sixth grade election ticket as masked avatars with battle-axes attacked the avatars of Mr. Esper and half a dozen members of the audience.

  All seven avatars were reported dead and will have to be replaced if their owners want to keep playing MetaWorld, according to people with knowledge of the situation. Ed. Note: Sophie does not play video games (so totally clueless re. MetaWorld)

  The identities of the two attackers are still unknown. Late last night, a group calling itself The Popular Front For Free Range Education emailed the Chronicle to claim credit for the massacre.

  However, it is unclear whether this is a real group that actually exists.

  Kalisha Hendricks, manager of the Tapper campaign, tried to blame Mr. Tapper’s chief rival, current sixth grade president Claudia Tapper, for the online violence.

  “This senseless tragedy took place on the ‘Planet Amigo’ server, which is owned by Claudia’s campaign manager,” she said, referring to eighth grader Akash Gupta. “Coincidence? I don’t think so.” Ed. Note: INSANELY CHEAP SHOT

  But Mr. Gupta dismissed this claim, stating that he had spent the night writing an English paper. “I haven’t even logged on since Friday,” he said.

  He also explained that Planet Amigo is a “Conquest mode” server on which players compete in “deathmatches.” According to Mr. Gupta, “If you spend more than ten minutes on Planet Amigo, and you DON’T die a horrible death? YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.”

  Sources familiar with Planet Amigo confirmed that this is probably true.

  It is still unclear what impact the massacre will have on Friday’s election. But the issue is sure to be raised during Wednesday’s first-ever candidate debate Ed. Note: SHOULD HAVE BEEN ITS OWN ARTICLE , which will be held after school in room 432 (Mr. McDonald’s classroom).

  CLAUDIA

  Even though I had nothing to do with the attack, I was seriously hoping it’d mess up Reese’s chances of winning over the Nerdy Boys.

  But when Akash polled them, it turned out the massacre actually HELPED Reese.

  AKASH

  All it did was make the Nerdy Boys realize how much cooler Conquest mode is than Society mode. Like, within 24 hours, they were all hacking each other to pieces in Planet Amigo deathmatches.

  DAVE CHANG, Nerdy Boy/MetaWorld player

  Conquest mode’s SO much more fun! Even when my avatar was getting cut in half at that rally, I was thinking, “This is WAY cooler than Society mode.”

  And when I started playing deathmatches, Reese gave me this awesome suit of titanium armor! So I decided to vote for him.

  AKASH

  The polling numbers were bleak. After the MetaWorld rally, we lost all but one of the Nerdy Boys. Which put Reese in the lead by exactly three votes.

  CLAUDIA

  By then, it was Tuesday night. And the election was scheduled for Friday. So if I was going to turn things around, it pretty much HAD to be at Wednesday’s debate.

  KALISHA

  It’s true. At that point, the debate was your only hope.

  That’s why I told Reese not to show up for it.

  CHAPTER 21

  DEBATE PREP: MY ONLY HOPE

  REESE

  I just want to say, even though it was TOTALLY UNFAIR that Mom and Dad made me agree to the debate? There was NEVER any chance I wasn’t going to show up. Because I gave my word. And word is bond. Ed. Note: pretty sure Reese stole that phrase from Xander

  CLAUDIA

  Oh, really? So when you faked a cough at breakfast that morning, it was a total coincidence?

  REESE

  It wasn’t fake! I really DID have something weird in my throat that made me think I wouldn’t be able to talk for a couple of days.

  CLAUDIA

  And that text from Dad had nothing to do with the weird thing in your throat suddenly disappearing?

  REESE

  No! I saw that text and was like, “I have NO CLUE what Dad’s talking about.”

  DAD AND REESE (Text messages copied from Dad’s phone)

  Hey, buddy—just a reminder that if you don’t debate your sister like you promised, you will lose phone for a month

  What if Im sick

  Then Ashley will take you to Dr. Rosenfeld. And if you’re not really sick, you will lose phone for TWO months

  Its ok feeling better now

  CLAUDIA

  My biggest pre-debate challenge—aside from making sure Reese actually showed up—was making sure an audience would show up, too.

  And Kalisha did not exactly make this easy.

  KALISHA

  Reese was ahead in the polls. So there was no upside to having a debate. All it could do was hurt us.

  But if he absolutely HAD to show up, the fewer people that saw it, the better.

  CLAUDIA

  I get that, Kalisha. I do. But I personally do NOT think it was ethical for you to change all my signs.

  KALISHA

  You can’t prove that was me.

  CLAUDIA

  And spreading those rumors on ClickChat was a TOTAL cheap shot.

  CLICKCHAT POSTS ON “CLAUDAROO” (AKA CLAUDIA TAPPER) WALL

  claudaroo

  claudaroo HEY, EVERYBODY—COME TO THE BIG DEBATE TODAY AFTER SCHOOL IN MR. MCDONALD’S CLASSROOM! It’ll be fun!

  KaliHendo If you go, wear a head scarf. Lice problem still very serious in Mr. McDonald’s room

  claudaroo There’s no lice problem in Mr. McDonald’s room!

  KaliHendo Trying to keep it quiet so kids don’t panic? Gotcha. NO LICE PROBLEM IN MR. MCDONALD’S ROOM, PEOPLE

  claudaroo THERE IS NO LICE PROBLEM, KALISHA!!!

  KaliHendo #LiceProblem

  KALISHA

  I’m not saying I’m proud of it. But if you were me, and you’d seen the debate prep we tried to do with Reese at lunch that day? You would’ve been desperate, too.

  REESE

  Kalisha and Max were like, “What’s your position on cyberbullying?” And I was like, “What’s that mean?”

  And they were like, “You don’t know what cyberbullying is?”

  And I was like, “No… I don’t know what a position is.”

  KALISHA

  It was scary. Lunch is only half an hour long. So it would have taken a MONTH of lunches to make Reese non-clueless.

  REESE

  Kalisha told me since I didn’t know anything about the issues, no matter what the question was, I should just say, “Freedom.”

  KALISHA

  It made sense. If it was a question about soccer on the roof, he’d say, “Kids should have the freedom to do that.”

  If it was cyberbullying, “Kids should have the freedom to write what they want online.”

  If it was about Spirit Week, “Kids should have the freedom to wear boxer shorts on Pajama Day.”

  MAX

  Then I pointed out that Reese had two minutes for each question. And he couldn’t fill two whole minutes just saying “freedom.”

  REESE

  So Kalisha told me to start every answer by saying what a great question it was, and how important it was for the future of Culvert Prep. And THEN I should say “freedom.”

  I was like, “I don’t think this is going to go so good.”

  And Kalisha was like, “Don’t worry. If it looks bad, I’ll pull the fire alarm.”

  CLAUDIA

  While Kalisha was trying to make my brother non-clueless, I was on the other side of the cafeteria, having a very important conversation with Sophie.

  Because Mr. McDonald had decided that as the sixth grade’s only member of the media, Sophie should be the debate moderator. Ed. Note: moderator = person who asks all the questions

  SOPHIE

  You showed me Akash’s polling numbers. Which were kind of shocking—like, up until then, I didn’t actually think there was a
ny chance Reese could beat you. So finding out you were losing was a real “OMG” moment.

  But as a journalist—AND a debate moderator—I had to be fair and impartial to all the candidates.

  So when you started telling me what questions to ask, it was offensive.

  CLAUDIA

 

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