The Fragile Ordinary

by Samantha Young

  “Trying to decide between the ‘dinner ladies may have urinated in it’ pea soup and the ‘they went one process too far on this leathery beef patty’ burger?” I joked, as I came up behind him.

  Both he and Stevie turned around. Stevie was somewhat confused by my sudden chattiness but he chuckled, “Aye, I know, right?”

  Tobias, however, seemed startled by me making conversation. So startled that he just gave me a vague nod and turned his back on me again. Thankfully, Stevie had already turned away, because I think I must have turned fifty shades of red.

  Hurt and mortification swirled inside me and I found myself glaring at the back of Tobias’s head. As though he felt my heated stare, he rubbed the back of his neck. By the time he was being served, I’d imagined our interaction happening over again with many different endings. Half of them involved Tobias declaring his undying love for me in some fashion, and the other half involved me taking epic verbal retribution for his public snub.

  Once they’d paid for their dinners, he and Stevie began to walk away, but as his cousin wandered in front of him, weaving through the tables, Tobias looked over his shoulder at me. His expression was remorseful.

  I turned away, snubbing him right back.

  By the time lunch was over and I was sitting in English class, I’d worked myself into a fiery mass of anger. How dare he—the boy who knew more than anyone how much I didn’t need any more rejection in my life—snub me.

  As he strode into class, head and shoulders above most every other person, his gaze flew directly to me and he seemed to pick up stride. He slid gracefully into the seat, shifting it closer to mine. “Comet.”

  I stared straight ahead at the whiteboard, ignoring him and the urgency in his voice.

  “Comet, don’t,” he snapped.

  Snapped? At me? He was mad at me?

  I glared at him, outraged to find him glowering back at me. “You gave me the cold shoulder.”

  “I was surprised,” he hissed back, flicking a look over his shoulder as if to see if anyone was paying attention.

  “Afraid people will find out you’ve been spending your nights with a loser?”

  “Don’t say that about yourself,” he bit out.

  “Why not? That’s how you made me feel.”

  “Afternoon, everyone.” Mr. Stone strolled into class and placed a cup of coffee on his desk so he could pick up a pile of papers. “We’re taking a break from the book today to work on your poetry assignments for this term.” He handed me a worksheet, and just like that my argument with Tobias was put on pause.

  It wasn’t until halfway through class, when Mr. Stone left the room to deal with a query from another teacher and the noise level rose, that Tobias continued where we’d left off. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. But I thought we were just keeping...us...on the down low.”

  I narrowed my eyes, still hurt. “Because you’re ashamed of me?”

  “God, no.” He leaned toward me, and my gaze dropped to his mouth. “Look, you’re right about Stevie’s friends. Some of them aren’t great guys. Stevie’s been friends with them a long time and he doesn’t really want to hear it. So while I’ve got Stevie’s back, I’m stuck hanging around not-so-good guys. Just because I have to doesn’t mean you have to. And I don’t think you should.” He rubbed a hand over his head, looking uncertain as he stared at our desk instead of at me.

  How was it possible that Tobias could make me feel so hurt and dejected one minute and then make me feel like I finally had someone watching over me?

  Was this love?

  Was this how it felt?

  This whirlwind of emotions—of certainties and uncertainties, of hopes and fears?

  Was this me? In love? With Tobias?

  My breath faltered at the thought and I found I could not speak.

  Tobias’s gaze flew to mine. “Comet? You still mad at me?”

  I shook my head. No! I’m in love with you, you big idiot.

  Of course I didn’t say that. Instead I swallowed past the massive lump of realization that was lodged in my throat, “No. But I don’t think you should be hanging around people you’re not comfortable with. You should try harder with Stevie, make him see he deserves better friends. Then maybe we can all be friends?”

  If Tobias was surprised by my offer to be friends with Stevie, I was even more so. But Tobias saw something good in his cousin and I trusted Tobias.

  He visibly relaxed. “Believe me, I’m working on it.”

  I nodded, worried that Tobias was martyring himself for his cousin and hopeful that Stevie was worth the trouble.

  * * *

  Although things between Vicki, Steph and I were a little better, they weren’t anywhere close to perfect. My friends were still working hard together on the school show, growing closer to one another every day. I felt like an outsider in our little threesome, but I guessed it was karma because I’d never bothered to think how Steph must have felt when Vicki and I left her out of things.

  Their preoccupation with the school show, however, was good in that I could hang out with Tobias as much as I wanted to without lying to them. I’d noticed that Tobias hadn’t really recommitted to school like I’d hoped he would. He was still spending a lot of his free time with Stevie doing who knew what.

  So when he offered to try to make it up to me for being cold to me that day in the cafeteria I came up with a plan that would benefit us both. I made Tobias agree to come over to my place after dinner to work on his poetry assignment. Of course, my assignment was already done since I’d written a poem a while ago that fit the assignment perfectly. Our presentation on Hamlet went really well; we’d both gotten As, and I used this, along with his guilt, as leverage to get Tobias to agree to let me help with his poem.

  That meant I got to enjoy his company while reading a book as he did his homework, only stopping to answer his questions when he had them.

  To me that was the equivalent of being offered a free ticket to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal in Orlando.

  Ah-mazing!

  And it kicked off superbly.

  I’d just let Tobias into the house when my dad happened to come out of the kitchen with a mug of coffee in his hand. He stopped abruptly at the sight of the tall, handsome boy standing next to me in the hallway.

  “Comet?” he queried softly before taking a casual sip of his coffee.

  “Kyle, this is Tobias, a friend from school.”

  “Nice to meet you, Tobias.” Dad offered his hand.

  Tobias stiffened beside me, his gaze dropping to the proffered hand, and I could almost hear him cursing out my father in his head for being a dipshit to me. He reluctantly shook my dad’s hand, but he didn’t return the platitude.

  I loved him for being mad at my dad on my behalf.

  “We’re going to study for English.” I pointed to my bedroom door.

  Dad’s brows drew together. “Alone? In your room?”

  Annoyed at the accusatory, concerned tone, I grabbed Tobias’s hand and led him toward my room. “Yes.”

  Tobias followed me, squeezing my hand in solidarity as we disappeared into my bedroom and closed the door behind us. I dropped his hand to put both mine on my hips in irritation.

  My friend grinned. “You showed him, huh.”

  “It’s just hypocrisy,” I grumbled. “Pretending to care.”

  “Maybe he does care.” Tobias kicked off his trainers and lay down on my bed as if he did it every day. “He seemed to care.”

  “About me getting pregnant maybe. God forbid I add another unwanted mouth to feed into the household.”

  Tension suddenly filled the air, most of it emanating from Tobias, and I understood by the flush high on his cheeks and the uncomfortable way he cleared his throat as he pulled his English homework out of his backpack that I’d said the
wrong thing. I’d just suggested Tobias and I might be in here having sex.

  Embarrassed, tingling in places I shouldn’t be, my lips feeling weirdly swollen considering no one had been near them, I turned away under the pretense of looking for a book to read.

  As I scoured my bookshelves I changed the subject, hoping I hadn’t made Tobias too uncomfortable. “Do you have any idea what you want to write about?”

  “Not a clue.”

  I grabbed a book that caught my fancy and headed over to lie down beside him. We’d lain like this before on my bed and I didn’t want to not to do it, because that would just draw attention to the weirdness between us.

  “Let me see.” I held out my hands to see what notes he’d written down in class today.

  He handed them over, trusting me with them.

  For the next ten minutes we talked about his poem, the style he could use, and then I left him to it to read my book. For a while I was perfectly content with Tobias’s warm body next to mine, slowly losing myself in an epic fantasy world about a female assassin.

  In fact, I was so lost in my book that I didn’t hear Tobias say my name the first time. Not until he took the book right out of my hands.

  “Hey!”

  He grinned at me. “You were gone. I’ve been trying to get your attention for the last thirty seconds.”

  I blushed. “Sorry. What were you saying?”

  “I was saying, are you really going to lie there and read while I work?”

  “I believe I was.” I gestured to my book, clutched in his hands. “It’s more fun than what you’re doing.”

  He looked at the book and then at me. There was something surprisingly solemn in his expression. “You’re always reading, Comet.”

  The way he said it made me tense, and I tried to laugh it off, teasing, “Books tend to be more interesting and fun than reality, Tobias.”

  But Tobias didn’t laugh. “Anytime I ask you what you’ve been up to, you’ve either been writing poetry for your anonymous blog, visiting that poetry café you won’t take me to or reading a book. When everyone else is at a party, where is Comet? Alone in her room, reading a book.”

  Hurt that he would say that, that he would think it, when I’d thought he was the one person I didn’t have to worry about disappointing, I sat up to reach for my book, but he deliberately held it out of reach. “I’m not boring. Fictional worlds are just better. Give me the book, Tobias.” I reached for it again, and he held it above his head. “Tobias.”

  “Fictional worlds are better?”

  “Tobias!” I lunged for it but he jerked back and I swayed into him, my hands coming down on his chest for balance.

  We froze.

  Our heads close, our eyes locked.

  I didn’t know if it was my imagination or not, but Tobias’s chest seemed to rise and fall a little faster, his breathing shallow.

  “Better than reality?” he whispered, staring at my lips. “Than what’s right in front of you?”

  Heat suffused me and this overwhelming restless feeling enveloped me, making my fingers curl into his T-shirt as I watched his head move slowly toward mine. My lips seemed to swell, as if inviting his to touch them.

  Please, I whimpered inwardly. Please, kiss me.

  His warm breath caressed my lips and my eyes fluttered closed as my heart thudded in anticipation.

  Rock music suddenly blared into the room, startling me, and I pushed up off Tobias’s chest.

  Tobias frowned and reached for his phone. “It’s Stevie.” He pressed the hang up button. “I’ll just text him.” He held my book out toward me, watching me carefully. I didn’t know how to read him. Was he disappointed we’d been interrupted, or was he glad? I reached for the book, and he snapped it away from me momentarily. “Stop hiding in these.” He shook the book. “Be in the moment. You never know when it might disappear.”

  What the hell did that mean?

  I took the book back, watching him text Stevie and receive a reply. “What does he want?”

  “Why do you always use that snarky tone when talking about Stevie?” he huffed.

  I frowned, wondering why we were arguing. “What tone?”

  “Like he’s scum. He’s not scum.”

  “He’s not exactly Mr. Wonderful either.”

  Tobias sat up, glowering at me. “What happened to wanting us all to be friends? You can’t be friends with someone you think is scum. You don’t even know him.”

  “You’re right, I don’t. And I want to trust you about him because your friends say a lot about you. But the way that whole crowd acts make it hard.”

  “Oh, so because you’re friends with Steph I’m to assume you’re a vapid, narcissistic princess?”

  “Tobias!”

  “What? You can trash my friend but I can’t trash yours?”

  “I’m not trashing, Stevie... I just... I’m worried about you. I’m worried that you’re trying so hard to protect Stevie from making mistakes with those idiots he calls friends that you’re forgetting about yourself and the way you want to live your life.”

  “I told you I’ve got Stevie’s back because he’s a good guy. I don’t need to explain that further.” He rolled off the bed, giving me a look of reproach. “He doesn’t talk crap about you because you’re shy as shit. He doesn’t judge you. Not like you judge him, and you of all people should know better. And I’ll remind you that he’s not just my friend, he’s my family.”

  “I’m sorry.” I scrambled off the bed, hating that he was mad at me. “I—”

  “Just because Stevie’s dad is in prison doesn’t make him like his dad. He hates his dad for putting his family through that, and now his mom’s health isn’t great and he’s got his little brother, Kieran, to look out for. It’s a lot. Cut him some slack.”

  Remorse flooded me. “You’re right.” I hurried over to him, needing to touch him, needing him to know I wasn’t a judgmental bitch, even though I had been. I gripped his wrist and squeezed it in reassurance. “I’m sorry. I don’t know anything about Stevie and the truth is, he has never been mean to me. Ever. Even when Heather lied and told him I had a crush on him, he was nice to me about not liking me in return. It was mortifying, but he didn’t mean it to be mortifying. I promised myself I’d give him a chance because you see the good in him and from now on I’m going to live up to that promise.”

  Tobias frowned and then turned away from me. I hurried to follow him out of the room. “Where are you going?”

  “I need air.”

  Wondering if I need air was code for I need to get away from you, I stood by my bedroom door, watching him stride down the hall. I crossed my arms over my chest. “I said I was sorry. If I’m big enough to apologize, you should be big enough to accept the apology.”

  He glanced over his shoulder and frowned at me. “Who said I didn’t? Are you coming or what?”

  I made a face at him for being deliberately hard to read, but walked down the hall toward him. “I don’t hate Stevie.” I grabbed my coat off the peg and followed Tobias out of the house. “And I didn’t know his dad was in prison. And I didn’t know Carole was so unwell.”

  “I thought everyone knew about his dad.”

  Guiltily I shrugged. “I guess I probably didn’t want to hear anything about him since...”

  “Since?”

  “You’re right,” I admitted hollowly. “I wrote him off. I’m sorry.”

  My apology produced an appreciative, almost tender, smile as we walked out my garden gate and turned down the esplanade. I tightened my scarf around my neck as Tobias shrugged his hat down lower over his head.

  “Were the autumns like this in North Carolina?” I teased, hoping to get us back to a sense of normalcy.

  “At night it was cold. But it’s cold here all the time. Plus...harsh wind. I don’t know how you
guys can trick-or-treat in this crap.”

  I laughed. “We’re hardy. And are you trick-or-treating this year, Mr. King?” Halloween was right around the corner, but all anyone my age seemed excited about was the school Halloween dance. Vicki and Steph had been talking about it for the last few weeks.

  “No. Are you?”

  But before I could answer in the negative we were interrupted by a deep voice shouting, “Yo, King!”

  We both froze and looked up ahead to see a figure hurrying toward us down the esplanade.

  THE FRAGILE ORDINARYSAMANTHA YOUNG

  13

  I judged you and that’s the awful truth.

  You didn’t pass my test, so I labeled you a thug.

  I judged you when I had no proof;

  Lumped you in with the rest, swept you under the rug.

  —CC

  Nervous butterflies erupted in my belly as Stevie appeared in front of us. He waved us down, heading toward us with his familiar boyish, loping stride. Wearing only a light jacket over his jumper, no hat, no scarf, with his hands jammed into his jean pockets and his shoulders hunched at his ears, he made me feel cold just looking at him.

  It distracted me from the fact that he was here. In front of us. For some reason.

  “Awright?” Stevie drew to a stop, his green eyes bouncing from me to Tobias. “Whit’s happnin’? This where ye’ve been sneakin’ off tae all the time?”

  Tobias scowled at his cousin. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve seen ye dodgin’ doon this way loads. Ye dodged me again.” He waved his phone at us, shivering. “Wondered why?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m not cheating on you.”

  Stevie laughed at Tobias’s teasing. “Yer doin’ somethin’ tho’. Or someone.” His gaze shifted to me in speculation. “Just surprised by who it is.”

  “Watch it,” Tobias warned. “It’s not like that.”

  I didn’t know whether to be happy that Tobias was putting Stevie in his place or irritated that he so vehemently denied there was anything romantic between us. Apparently that earlier almost kiss I couldn’t get out of my head had been completely accidental. Tobias must have been relieved after all when Stevie’s call interrupted us.