The Fragile Ordinary

by Samantha Young

  Tobias seemed displeased that Stevie had found us out. He’d argued that he wasn’t ashamed of me, but was it really that terrible if Stevie knew we were friends? He had just spent the last ten minutes telling me I was wrong about Stevie. That he was a good guy. So why couldn’t he be trusted to know about our friendship?

  As if coming to a decision, Tobias nudged Stevie playfully with his shoulder. “Walk with us.”

  I eyed Stevie’s attire. Or lack thereof. “I want some fries. They’ll let us into the pub if I order something to eat.”

  “Aye, sounds gid,” Stevie agreed immediately.

  He needed warmer clothes but I just stopped myself from telling him so.

  It was a quiet walk to the pub and we were pleased to discover it was quiet inside for once. The bar itself, the tables and chairs, the wooden floors, the steps and hand-carved banisters that separated the bar area from the restaurant area were mahogany in the traditional pub style. Down a narrow passageway by the bar there was a smaller room at the back of the building, with a roaring fire and couches, armchairs and tables for a more relaxed dining experience. People could even bring their dogs into this part of the pub.

  To my delight we got a table by the fire, and when I ordered the fries I gave the boys free reign over them. Stevie’s face flushed bright as he dived in. I frowned, watching him eat hungrily, wondering why I hadn’t noticed that his cheekbones looked sharper these days. In fact, he looked lankier all over.

  I shot Tobias a look of concern and he returned it with a grim one of his own.

  What was happening with Stevie?

  “So whit is wi’ aw the secrecy?” Stevie asked with a mouth full of fries. “You two, I mean.”

  “People can be dicks.” Tobias shrugged like it was no big deal. “I didn’t want Comet getting shit for being my friend.”

  Stevie grinned. “Ye mean shit from aw the lassies that fancy ye?”

  I blushed while Tobias rolled his eyes. “I mean shit from people. Specific people. The guys can be tools. Especially Jimmy and Forrester.”

  Jimmy and Peter Forrester were two of Stevie’s crew and one of the reasons I’d been so judgmental of Stevie. They were dipshits. No other word for them. They were bullies who mocked and teased anyone that liked school or was smart, or was different from them in any way.

  “True.” Stevie nodded. “They dinnae have tae know. Why no’ tell me, though?”

  “Comet wasn’t sure about you,” Tobias said truthfully, embarrassing the hell out of me.

  Stevie just laughed when I turned beet red. “Think I’m an arsehole, Comet?”

  I shook my head vehemently. “I don’t even know you.”

  “So...ye’ve decided to let me be part of yer wee group?” Stevie teased Tobias, but there was a hint of ugliness in his tone—anger, maybe. “Dae I have tae prove myself tae yer wee girlfriend?”

  From the darkening of Tobias’s expression I sensed an argument brewing so, quite surprising myself, I jumped in to diffuse it. “You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, Stevie.”

  He smirked. “Well, that’s whit they tell us, ay.”

  Surprised by his rueful observation I realized quite quickly that Tobias was right. I knew nothing about Stevie Macdonald.

  “Whit dae ye two talk aboot, then? When yer hangin’ oot?” Something in his tone suggested he didn’t quite believe us when we said we were just friends. While I squirmed uncomfortably, Tobias just brushed his tone away.

  “Stuff.”

  “Descriptive.”

  I laughed at his sarcasm and he grinned at me.

  Tobias huffed. “I don’t know. What do we talk about?”

  I shrugged, not wanting to be the focus of attention between the two of them. I’d much rather sit and listen while they chatted.

  “Right pair o’ conversationalists you two are, eh.” Stevie snorted. “Yer no daen anythin’ tae convince me that ye are’nae hookin’ up.”

  “Life, music, books, TV, movies, random stuff,” Tobias supplied.

  “Speakin’ of, Comet, did ye watch that new Netflix horror show? Jimmy wouldnae shut up aboot it and made me watch it. Scared the crap oot o’ me.”

  Once again I was taken aback. It seemed incongruous to his reputation that Stevie would admit to being scared of a horror TV show. “I don’t like horror.”

  “Aye, me neither,” Stevie agreed, pinching more fries. “Gimme a jailbreak movie or heist flick or porn any day o’ the week. But horror? Nah. Ick.”

  Ick?

  Tobias’s gaze flew to mine in concern, as if I might be affronted that Stevie said the word porn in front of me. But he had nothing to be worried about. I thought Stevie was funny. To my shock and chagrin.

  I giggled, making Stevie grin harder. “Whit kind o’ movies dae ye like, Comet?”

  “Stuff you wouldn’t like probably.”

  “Like that Mr. Darcy crap?” He wrinkled his nose.

  A few weeks ago I might have been offended, but there was actually something kind of charming about the fact that he even knew who Mr. Darcy was. “Yes, actually. You’ve heard of Mr. Darcy?”

  “Aye,” he grumbled. “Ma mum has watched that stupid show like a million times.”

  I assumed he meant the BBC miniseries. A young Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy.

  Yes, please.

  “So have I.”

  Stevie’s eyes flew to Tobias’s in mock concern. “She’s no’ made ye watch it, has she?”

  Tobias reached for a fry, seeming far more relaxed than he’d been just a few minutes ago. He shot his cousin that boyish grin that made my insides turn to mush. “How do you know I don’t want to watch it?”

  “You? Watchin’ ponces ponce aroond talking aw posh? Mr. Let’s No’ Go Find Us Some Lassies to Shag but Watch the Football Instead?”

  “Stevie,” Tobias warned lightly.

  “Sorry, Comet,” Stevie said immediately. “But still...” He turned to me fully. “Does he talk aboot American football as much wi’ you? Because it’s aw he talks aboot wi’ me.”

  I shook my head because Tobias rarely talked about it, unless he was telling me a story about his life back in Raleigh.

  “Help me oot then. I’ve tried and tried tae get him interested in real football. Help.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t like football.”

  Stevie stared at me for a second, just blinking. “Yer lucky yer pretty, Comet, or I’d no be talkin’ tae ye after that. Doesnae like football.” He tutted and shot Tobias a look. “Ye dinnae know whit yer missin’.”

  “I’ve played soccer, Stevie. I really do.” Tobias took a swig of his Coke and leaned back, smirking. “It’s got nothing on football. Real football.”

  “Ye barely touch the ball wi’ yer feet,” he argued. “Why the fuck dae ye call it football? We actually kick the damn thing. Wi’ these.” He pointed to his feet.

  Laughing, I sat back, surprised to find I was enjoying myself listening to Tobias and Stevie tease one another. As the evening wore on I discovered they did it with everything. But it was all good-natured. They seemed to enjoy ribbing each other and trying to get me to take sides with them in every new debate.

  Stevie and I had little in common and he was definitely rough around the edges. But he was funny, and he seemed as good-natured as Tobias said he was. My whole life I’d grown up in school with Stevie Macdonald and I’d never once thought to look beneath the surface. Instead I’d stuck my nose in the air where he was concerned, telling myself I was better than him because I didn’t hang around with a group of delinquents, mocking people, shoplifting and taking the piss at school.

  When I searched my brain, I’d never actually seen Stevie openly bully anyone. It was always Jimmy and Forrester and the idiots that trailed after them. Yet I’d blamed Stevie anyway. I still didn’t think it was right that he
stood by and let them treat people that way, but who was I to judge? It was hard to stand up to your friends when they were the only thing you had.

  I knew that better than anyone.

  So I made the decision right there and then to give Stevie the chance Tobias wanted me to. For Tobias I would have done it anyway. But getting to know Stevie, seeing that beneath the bravado and cheekiness was a nice guy with a crappy home life, I did it for me and Stevie, too.

  Because maybe Tobias was right. Maybe if you took a chance on people, rather than writing them off before getting to know them, reality could be fun.

  That night in the pub was fun. It was easy. It’s how I imagined friendship should be.

  * * *

  The Halloween dance came and went, and was just one more reason for distance between Steph and Vicki. They didn’t even talk about it in front of me, assuming I’d been locked in my bedroom reading. Alone.

  The truth was I had been in my bedroom, but I hadn’t been alone. I’d been hanging out with Tobias and Stevie.

  Since his discovery of our friendship, Stevie had kept our secret. He and Tobias acted the same around me at school—meaning they pretty much ignored me outside of class. However, since his discovery, Tobias and I had seen less of each other, too. He was hanging around with the boys more again, and when I did spend time with him Stevie usually tagged along.

  The timing was suspect.

  After all, the last time Tobias and I had been alone, we’d almost kissed.

  I tried to reassure myself that it didn’t have to do with our almost kiss. That it most probably had to do with the fact that Tobias and his mum had moved into their own place a few weeks ago. Tobias said Lena had been waiting on the settlement money from his dad’s estate. Once they had it she’d moved them into a much nicer neighborhood. Which meant Stevie and Tobias were merely hanging out all the time because they no longer lived together.

  And despite that sounding completely rational, I couldn’t help but fear it was more about the almost kiss and an attempt to avoid another mouth-to-mouth incident happening.

  Dejected, but attempting not to be, I tried to move on from the moment, but every time I got to a scene in a book where the main characters gave in to their attraction to one another, I’d close my eyes and imagine what it might have been like if Stevie hadn’t interrupted us.

  Would Tobias have given me the kind of kiss I’d been waiting on my whole life...or would kissing just turn out to be a disappointing fiasco?

  Part of me wasn’t sure I even wanted Tobias and me to become a reality, because I loved daydreaming about him. I loved longing for him. It made every day more exciting. I’d sit during biology and imagine getting a bathroom pass and on my way to the toilet someone would haul me into a broom closet. That someone would turn out to be Tobias, and he’d tell me he just couldn’t go on another minute without confessing how he felt about me. And then he’d pull me into his arms and kiss the life out of me.

  Sometimes in the daydreams we were already dating and he’d get jealous I was spending time with someone else or I’d get jealous he was flirting with Jess Reed and he’d have to beg and plead with me to forgive him. I basically made up little novellas about us as a couple in my head.

  The truth was I worried that Tobias and me, the reality of us, couldn’t live up to the fictional us I’d created.

  Maybe he was right to put some distance between us.

  I was thinking all this as he wandered off to the bathroom, leaving me and Stevie alone in my room. Although I was more comfortable with Stevie, I wasn’t anywhere near as relaxed around him as I was with Tobias. I stared around my room, trying to think of something to say.

  “It’s a bit weird yer parents havnae come tae check on us,” he suddenly said from his position slouched on my armchair.

  I shrugged. “They’re a bit self-involved.”

  “Aye?” He made a face. “I get that. Ma da is a selfish bastard.”

  Not knowing if it was polite to ask about his criminal father or not, my expression turned sympathetic.

  “He’s in prison,” Stevie offered. “For nickin’ cars.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Aye, well.” He blew out a breath, suddenly looking exhausted. “Stupid fuckwit. Should be at hame, helpin’ us. Especially with ma mum...”

  My earlier concern for Stevie came flooding back. He still hadn’t put on the weight he’d lost and he didn’t have warmer clothes. With Carole distracted by some unknown illness and Kieran, and Lena and Tobias no longer there, who was taking time to look after Stevie? On that thought, I sprang off my bed and opened my closet. After a visit to the poetry café the other day, while Tobias and Stevie were off doing who knew what with their friends, I’d spotted something for Stevie in a sports shop on my way home.

  “These are for you.”

  Stevie gave me a speculative look as he cautiously took the carrier bag from me. His eyebrows hit his hairline as he pulled out the plain black scarf, gloves and the black Nike beanie hat. “What...”

  The way he just stared blankly at the accessories made me question my impulsive decision to buy him them. I felt my cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. The boy probably thought I was an idiot. A mummying, boring idiot.

  Oh God.

  I was!

  “I can afford tae buy my own clothes,” he said tightly.

  Not wanting to offend his pride I hurried to assure him. “I know. But you won’t. I get cold just looking at you, Stevie. It’s for me more than for you.”

  “Com...” He looked up at me and then bestowed on me such a sweet smile that if I hadn’t already been head over heels for Tobias King I might have swooned. “Ye didnae have tae dae that. Thanks.”

  At his sincere gratitude I relaxed, smiling as I sat on the edge of my bed. “You’re welcome.”

  He started taking the tags off everything and putting it all on, making me laugh. His next words, however, put a halt to my amusement. “Mum’s sick, Comet. Really fuckin’ sick.”

  The words were choked, desperate and pleading.

  And I felt utterly helpless. “Stevie...”

  Tears shimmered in his eyes as he looked at me. “She’s got cancer.”

  Oh no. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve got Kieran and I’ve got ma mum...and I just...”

  My heart pounded in my chest, disbelieving that this boy, whom I’d barely known just a short while ago, was confessing his secrets to me. His trust in me made me want to protect it, to make sure I didn’t do anything to harm it. “Just?”

  “I just want tae disappear. Forget everything. Ye ever want tae just disappear, Comet?”

  Knowing there wasn’t a lot I could do to help him, and hating it, I offered him the only thing I could. Solidarity. Gesturing to the bookshelves around my room, I said softly, “I disappear all the time.”

  Stevie’s sad eyes danced along the bookshelves. “Aye. S’pose ye dae.”

  We shared a melancholy smile just as Tobias came back into the room. He stopped at the sight of Stevie in his beanie hat, scarf and gloves. “Going somewhere?”

  “Comet bought me presents.” Stevie grinned, and I marveled at how effortlessly he wiped away the grim pain, burying it beneath layers of cheeky boy charm and mischief.

  Tobias raised an eyebrow, taking in the accessories, and then he gave me a questioning look.

  “Well, he obviously wasn’t going to buy himself those things. This way he feels obligated to wear them and I know he’s keeping warm.”

  Stevie laughed. “Dae ye think she might buy me a car next?”

  “Oy, don’t push it.” I threw a pillow at him, feeling more myself with him now that he’d been real with me.

  Tobias didn’t laugh. Instead he flopped down on the bed and started playing with his phone.

  I frowned at Stevie but he
just grinned. “He’s feelin’ left oot, Com. Poor baby didnae get a scarf.”

  “Fuck off.” Tobias rolled his eyes but he didn’t look up from his phone.

  I wanted to rip the phone out of his hand and tell him he didn’t need a scarf when he had my love. But I was neither brave nor cheesy enough to do it. Instead I shoved his leg playfully. “What’s up?”

  “Nothing. Just texting.” He stuck his phone in his pocket and gave me a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “What do you guys want to do tonight?”

  I shrugged, feeling uneasy about the lack of affection in his gaze. Who had he been texting? According to rumor, he and Jess had snogged at Ryan’s party. But that was it. There had been nothing else said about Jess Reed, as far as I was aware, but maybe I was out of the loop. “Who were you texting?”

  “What are you, our mother?” he teased but there was an edge to his tone. “Scarves, now nosy questions?”

  Hurt pulsated in my chest and I blushed. “Sorry.”

  “Dinnae apologize.” Stevie threw the cushion I’d thrown at him at Tobias. “Wanker.”

  “I was joking,” Tobias lied. But I saw the remorse in his eyes as he reached out to tug gently on my hair. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine.” I gave him a smile I didn’t mean, because I didn’t want any weirdness between us. Jumping off the bed to put distance between us, I wandered casually over to my window and sat on the window seat. “What are the plans?”

  Tobias scowled at me, and I wondered what the heck I’d done now.

  “I like this room. Let’s stay here,” Stevie said, slouching even farther in my chair. “Watch a movie or somethin’.”

  “Yeah, sure, whatever.” Tobias kicked off his shoes and swung his long legs up on the bed. He patted the space beside him. “Comet?”

  Annoyed at him and I wasn’t even sure why, I gave him a brittle nod. First, however, I opened the closet door that hid my TV, grabbed the remote and then lay down beside Tobias. I left quite a bit of space between us.