Chosen

by Ginger Garrett

  Year 3399 after Creation

  Today is the coronation! We have all been moved to Persepolis, a more fitting place for such a great pageant. Save for an extra nap, and herbs to soothe my swimming stomach, I have passed the hours in much the same way as I did that fateful day well over a year ago when I was first brought here as a harem girl. Already I have been scrubbed and sloughed, petals rubbed vigorously over my body to impart their cloying scent. Ashtari has had me chewing cloves for my breath and my sickened stomach. My mouth is sore! I begged her to let me switch to something else, maybe the resin I have seen the maidens chewing, but instead she gave me lemons. My mouth may be on fire, but she is seeing to it that my breath will be sweet for the king. After my bath, the girls swept my hair up on top of my head, the strands held together with jewels and ropes of rubies. My robe for tonight is pure blue, tied with a white sash around the waist, and a mantle of rubies and gold chains to be worn on top of that.

  I am nervously awaiting the call to begin the procession. We will, my maids and I, all be led out and into a caravan made of gold and alabaster. The columns all around it are woven, it seems, out of squares of ivory and ebony. The silks the king has imported from his provinces in the East have been woven into his royal insignia as they drape down, concealing me from the curious crowds.

  Just before I step out, Ashtari has promised to weave a fresh red rose into my hair as well. It makes home, and Mordecai, seem near. When I am longing for home, I often send a eunuch to collect the roses from my home. True, the gardens here are filled with flowers, but no rose is as sweet as the ones I once grew. Now they have gone wild and untended, but the eunuch never questions me. After all, these were the roses once sent to the banquet Xerxes threw in his third year.

  Wish me your best—this may be the most exciting moment I will ever have, and I will need to cherish it again when our times have grown cold.

  34

  Twenty-first Day of the Month of Shevat

  Eighth Year of the Reign of Xerxes

  Year 3399 after Creation

  I am lying alone in my bed now, having been left by the king at last. Is it immodest to say I need sleep? Xerxes is a man who rules the world and yet is fascinated by something just out of his reach. My honesty, in all matters except the one, draws him to me. But he is a man without limits. He drinks to excess, he refuses to sit still and listen to reports from the smaller provinces, he still sleeps with the girls from the harem nightly. He is a man given over to his appetites. But I believe he has a noble heart, even if buried under the layers of indulgent ease. I worry what will become of his careless attention to the kingdom.

  But I am talking of Xerxes and I mean to tell you, diary, of the coronation itself. Sleep is pulling gently at my eyes, so let me finish this quickly and leave it with you.

  I rode in my royal caravan toward the palace at dusk along the great Royal Road. Villagers came out, laying fragrant branches in the road before the carriage, weeping with joy and tossing gifts into the caravan such as spiced nuts and bundles of dried flowers. I could not reveal myself to them, of course, but oh, to be among my people again, even if secluded behind a veil! I tried to breathe in their very essence, and hoped that Mordecai was among them. Perhaps he even ran alongside the caravan, as some of the young boys did. My maids peeked out from time to time to give me reports. They were merry and free, and taken with all the pageantry of the moment.

  When we slowed as we entered the palace gardens, we heard the gates close behind us, and a more somber mood overcame us. We had all waited for this moment, and I knew a few had even imagined themselves in this dress many nights as they dreamed. I tried to give every girl a word of encouragement as we readied for the ceremony and encouraged them to later take their fill of the gifts left in the caravan.

  When the veil was parted, the palace guards sat at attention on their horses, torches flaming against the late night sky. This was the Gate of All Nations that Xerxes himself had commissioned. The gate sat between two monumental staircases paying homage to Ahura Mazda. Carvings from every nation in the world lined the staircases; I saw such a marvelous collection of peoples there, of all shapes and manners. I was led through the Gate to the Great Hall of One Hundred Columns. The Hall was even more impressive than the Gate, for every panel featured a carving of Xerxes in combat. Was this the gentle man I had met in his chambers? The warrior’s eyes followed me from every corner as I was led into the palace by a man named Hathach, followed by my maids with their heads bowed and walking side by side. Guards stood at attention, swords drawn, as we proceeded down an enormous corridor toward a set of double doors large enough to hold the sun itself prisoner inside. The doors were carved with trees and flowers and a river that wound through them all. Then Hathach turned to me and bowed, and swept open the doors.

  How can I describe what I saw? Imagine the most splendid hall, filled with flowers of all types of scents and colors. The gold and silver and jewels that adorned every object and every guest shone so brightly I wanted to cover my eyes. Candles dripped their thick wax from sconces all along both walls. There was my king waiting for me, and all eyes turned to me as I began my slow walk toward him. I could feel everyone trying to drink in all the details of my face, what I wore, how I smiled, but most especially, I could feel the king’s pleasure when he knew the crowd was awed. Truly, if they did not consider me beautiful, my jewels alone would have outshone them all and should have made them gasp.

  I ascended the steps to join Xerxes, his eyes never leaving mine. I bowed and knelt before him. He took off his royal crown and placed it on my head, then returned it to his own. He knelt by my side, and taking my hands in his, kissed them softly. In that most precious of moments, I thought I detected the scent of a harem perfume on his clothes, but I closed my eyes tightly and forced the thought from my mind. I am sure the guests saw a woman caught up in the rapture of the king!

  He removed a sword from his side, engraved with the insignia of his throne, and sliced a loaf of bread on the altar into two halves. He fed me my half as I fed him his, and we sipped an intoxicating spiced red wine from a cup that bore both our names. I had been made queen by his word that first night in his chamber; now the people witnessed his law and approved.

  When we turned to face the crowd, a roar of approval went up. We descended the stairs and moved through the people once more, toward the palace. Great boxes, covered in beautiful cloth, opened suddenly, startling me. I grasped Xerxes’ arm in fright and he laughed. The boxes contained hundreds of birds each, which shot toward the sky in the anger and indignity of being confined in this way. Seeing them scatter and chide us loudly, I laughed now too. A servant handed each of us a heavy necklace of coins, and I watched Xerxes as he unstrung the coins easily and tossed them into the crowds. I followed suit, looking around for the youngest ones present.

  The people would go on to the feast being prepared at that very moment, but it was custom that Xerxes and I would not join them until after midnight, when we would then feast and drink until we greeted the first dawn of our official reign together.

  His arm encircled my waist, and he led me to the palace. His bedchamber had been prepared for us, and we were alone once more. Roses were everywhere; fresh blossoms, dried petals, and a steaming bath made from rosewater. Persia was indeed the kingdom of roses, their luxury not wasted on Xerxes. But tonight Xerxes had so much more on his mind than lovemaking. I sampled the tray of cheeses and grapes set out, and poured each of us wine into goblets commissioned for this night. He waved away whatever I tried to present to him. I settled onto the covered bench near the bed to wait for his command.

  He seemed to burn with an intense desire to reveal something to me, and I waited patiently as his words formed slowly. He walked through the chamber, his hands lightly resting on the precious serving pieces and pitchers. I did not know how much was the same from the coronation of Vashti. Where was his
mind now that he was back in these chambers but the queen was new? Finally, he turned to face me.

  “I inherited my throne, Esther. My father, Darius, had no legitimate claim to it, did you know that?”

  I shook my head that I did not know the story of Darius’s rise to power. I wanted to tell him that I knew all about Darius and his kindness to the Jew named Daniel, who survived being tossed into a lion’s den, but I feared that would reveal too much.

  Xerxes continued. “My father, Darius, was one of a council of nobles. They had grown angry at the vile life of Cyrus the Great’s son, who had taken the throne. So the son was murdered, although no one claimed to have knowledge of how it had happened, or by whose hand. But someone had to quickly take the reins of the kingdom if it was to survive. The nobles, after much wine and feasting, rejoicing the death of the son, looked upon their horses, standing in a circle around the campfire. The men decided that whichever horse whinnied first at sunrise, his owner would be the new king. My father was a clever man, and held his drink better than the rest. Even so, I do not know how he did it, but his horse was indeed the first to trumpet the sun’s rise.”

  Xerxes laughed, thinking of the story now. “That horse never worked a day in his life again!” he said between deep, laughing breaths. I laughed too, and wished now Darius had lived a longer life. I would perhaps have cared for him.

  “He must have been both clever and strong,” I said.

  “Ah, but, Esther, it was a hard lot he had bought into.” Xerxes grew more somber now and continued his tale. “My father fought wars and put down insurrections all of his life and finally died as he had lived. But I have a new dream for a new world. I dream of peace, and a people who prosper. I am a man of war—raised on it as a child teethes on a biscuit. To hide this truth, I have surrounded myself with many excellent advisers, and I willed myself to accept their counsel on all matters pertaining to the state and civil counsel. I need no one to tell me how to spill blood. I need them to tell me how to make peace. But I grow restless listening to their counsel, for I have no instincts about the laws for a gentle life, a quiet kingdom. So you must know me, know this conflict in my heart. I am a man of war given a kingdom ready for peace. I feign interest when my counselors speak but cannot drag my heart back from the battlefield. I cannot change the inner man, Esther. I have never tried, until you. You can make me become the man of peace I need to be. You can make me fit to rule a nation, not just conquer it. Kiss me and impart the wisdom of your words. Lie down with me and teach me what it is to love.”

  He began kissing my neck softly and stroking my hair. Then he moved in front of me and, as he spoke, fell to one knee. “Make me the man that the court poets say I am. Make me worthy of this crown I wear. Make me, my Star, worthy of you.”

  In that moment, diary, I began to love. The heart that would not be forced seemed to go willingly now. Xerxes is a good man, and he will be great. Now I, too, have begun to dream of this empire and what can be.

  Tomorrow night we will attend a royal exhibition for all the peoples of the empire. Xerxes’ most valiant warriors will fight against one another and terrible beasts. I am told the silent and swift warriors from the East are favored to win, although the mighty ones from our own region are heavily armored. We will see. As a special gift, Xerxes has allowed me to choose a eunuch from his own staff to attend me here in the palace. I have, of course, claimed Hagai. I can do no better than to surround myself with the trusted ones who helped me attain the crown.

  With that, I will leave you. Xerxes, being attended to even now, will soon be ready to attend the midnight feast. (How I came to be ready first is a matter of humor to me, for he has switched robes several times now, searching for the robe that will accentuate his crown and thick gold neck chains.) I will emerge soon, with the king on my arm, and attend the feast I was denied as a girl under Mordecai’s charge.

  35

  Sixth Day of Month of Adar

  Eighth Year of the Reign of Xerxes

  Year 3399 after Creation

  I don’t know where to start.

  Life can change so fast. Lightning can destroy in an instant, but it also illuminates.

  It felt so good to be back among the people. I wanted to inhale their scents, memorize every face, and touch them somehow, to carry part of them back with me to my confining quarters. But I was in the royal seating box next to the seat of Xerxes. His royal seat was surrounded by the officers of the court, with Prime Minister Haman on his left and the nobles of each province in the rows beneath our feet. Haman stood to welcome the people, and to queue the musicians for a most majestic greeting of King Xerxes.

  Acrobats came leaping and tumbling out of the stadium doors, followed by young girls tossing flowers on the ground, a carpet of petals for Xerxes to tread. I couldn’t help but wonder if these young girls were the newest arrivals to his harem. But then the Immortals came through the doors, and they are a sight that can make one cold even in the noonday sun. Their helmets of bronze cast strange shadows across their eyes. Their enormous shields are as tall as their shoulders, and their spears are as ornate as any woman’s jewelry. Most feature the sign of the double lion’s head, or dragon’s horns curling upon themselves. The Immortals also wear richly ornamented robes. (How easy it must have been to distinguish between warriors during the battles with Greece—Mordecai once told me the Greek men often fight nude!) The crowd grew quiet, and for a moment, all I could hear were the heavy treads of an army. The last man entered now, leading a camel to the center of the stadium. I was confused for a moment why such a beast would be brought. Surely no one would fight the plodding creature.

  An Immortal stepped forward and gave a command, and the beast knelt. The men circled around it, and slit its throat. Red blood spurted into the air against the blue Persian sky. Each Immortal stepped forward and dipped his sword in the blood, raising it high above his head, before running to a place along the wall of the stadium as the poor animal’s body was dragged away. The men were lining the walls, each ready to fight or, if not called, ready to ensure the other warriors fought to the death.

  Then Xerxes entered, being drawn in a gold chariot, looking radiant in his crown and robes. The people screamed for him, and he tossed gold coins in high arcs in every direction. While Xerxes was circling the stadium, enjoying the crowd, I noticed the young girls giggling and pointing shyly to Haman near me. It was true, Haman was as handsome as the palace rumors had led us all to believe. I tried to smile at the girls, remembering their age of innocence. Haman, for his part, seemed to enjoy the flattery, though he did not outwardly acknowledge the girls. He merely sat a bit taller when they were stealing glances at him!

  When Xerxes was done showering the people closest to us with coins, he sat, a signal that the games could now begin. His seating box offered the best view of the warriors, and it offered the people the best view of me, but I was still isolated from them. It did me such good to be so near Mordecai. Oh, I knew he was there, although I couldn’t see him. I knew the laughs and cheers that carried to my ears carried the sound of his voice as well, and I felt as if the sun was again shining on me through the heavy weight of the crown.

  I wore my hair loose for the exhibition, and I could tell that King Xerxes approved. My dress was lower than I would have liked, revealing more bosom than proper for the masses and the daytime, but I knew I was meant to outshine Vashti. It is wearying to be the second queen. I know the people see three people when they look on the king and me, for they are comparing me always to Vashti.

  Every warrior presented himself to us both, bowing low and shouting allegiance to the king. One by one, they were led out and presented, rows of mighty men. The cheering grew louder as the army grew larger. The crowd was bloodthirsty, but they loved their men. The warriors from the East were as mysterious, and controlled, as I could have imagined. They wore no heavy armor, but seemed as confiden
t as the men brandishing swords. Even I was anxious to see them fight. I was getting swept away with the crowd, and I couldn’t conceal a broad smile when Xerxes stroked my neck. Perhaps I was learning to make my final peace now with this crown on my head, and my new life with this man at my side. Or perhaps it just felt good to have the wind blowing on my face, unfettered by palace walls, and to be only one of many under the Persian sun. The harem had made me too rare a creature.

  But who would cut a child down as it took its first step? For that is what happened next. The warriors from the winter region, Susa, were led out, and there he was. The two years apart had served him well; perhaps it was his own heartache that had etched the muscles so deeply across his chest. His hair was darker, and he was taller and more dangerous than I remembered, but it was him. It all came back to me now at once, forcing my breath out and stopping my heart. The mountainside, his touch and kiss, his smell, his skin, his smile. Suddenly Xerxes’s hand on my neck felt like a limp fish, and I recoiled from my very clothes, this ornate robe and crown, and this man who had stolen my life from me. Would that I could have grabbed Cyrus’s sword and struck Xerxes down just then!

  Cyrus bowed low but held my eyes, even as he shouted his allegiance to Xerxes. Hagai was seated just to my left, at my feet, and he must have sensed who this man was. I could feel Hagai’s eyes on me, willing me to hold steady and reveal nothing. The battles began, and as if far away, I could hear the crowd’s roar. I knew the fights were worthy of the attention of a kingdom. But I could not concentrate. I was sick, sick as I stared at the back of the man I loved, as he sat in the stands below me, waiting to fight. I leaned into Xerxes not out of affection but sheer weakness. I feared I could faint at any moment. Xerxes relished this show of weak adoration and stroked my hair. He was touching a dead woman.

  I willed myself to straighten as Cyrus took the field.