by A. E. Murphy
Not that I would, mind you. Dillan is my responsibility but it’s nice having the help.
Things are changing around here and I’m not sure how or why. I’m not totally convinced that I don’t like the changes either.
“Can I have a word?” Nathan asks me and nods towards the archway.
I agree and kiss my sweet baby boy’s head, leaving him with my mum.
“What’s wrong?” My hands rub up and down my arms as I lean against the kitchen wall.
He scrapes his teeth along his lower lip, “I really don’t want to go but I have to. My court hearing is soon, then I’ve got the store and I really need this sponsor.”
Why does he look like I’m going to get angry? “I know. I understand.”
“I don’t want to go,” he sighs and leans against the wall beside me. Both of us stare at the far wall as if it holds all of the answers to our conflicted feelings. Or at least, that’s what I’m hoping it holds.
“I don’t want you to go either but you need to.”
He lets out a long breath, “Can’t you both come with me?”
Blink. “What?”
“I’m serious, just come with me. It’s only three days in the city. Just me, you and Dillan. It’ll be fun.”
“My mum’s here,” is that the best excuse I have?
“She leaves Tuesday. Join me then.”
“I’ll think about it,” I respond and kiss his cheek. “Go and conquer the world Nathan.”
He gives me a smile that could stop a thousand women at a female rights protest. My heart just stuttered. “I’ll miss you.”
“We’ll miss you more,” I step away and watch him walk through the hall. His eyes catch me over his shoulder as he grips the handle and pulls. “Drive safe.”
“Always do,” with one last look, he finally leaves.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and re-join my mum in the living room. She gives me a knowing look. I roll my eyes and sit on the armchair by the fireplace.
“Well, I didn’t hear much but from the looks of things that boy is…”
“Don’t,” I beg with a shake of my head.
“He’s Caleb’s brother.” The way she says it tells me she’s disgusted. “Imagine if your roles were reversed and Caleb fell for your sister.”
“I don’t have a sister.”
She rolls her eyes, “Hypothetically.”
“I’m not falling for Nathan either.”
“If you say so,” she purses her lips. “It’s your life. But be warned. I don’t agree with this at all. There’s something not right with him.”
It’s my turn to roll my eyes, “Don’t insult him mum, I’ll never forgive you.”
Her mouth drops open.
“I care about him, he’s done a lot for me.”
“I’m just saying I think maybe you should be careful. He’s not normal. He has issues.”
She can say that again, “He’s working on them.”
“I’ll stay out of it, I swear. Just… be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt.” She rolls her shoulders, clearly her arms are aching from holding the baby for so long.
“Do you want me to take him?”
“No,” she moves away a fraction. “I’ll hold him until my arms drop off. Who knows when I’ll get to see you next?”
“You can visit as often as you like.” She’s my mum, even if she is a bit of a bitch at times, that doesn’t mean I want to exclude her. “I want you in his life.”
“Not as much as I want to be in it,” she gives me a teary eyed smile. “I won’t let you down again.”
I give her an amused smile, “And I won’t get pregnant again.”
A pillow hits me in the face. I snort and place it behind my head. “Hungry?”
“Starving.”
“I’ll put dinner on, tell me what’s going on with you. How are things back home?” I stand and walk into the kitchen. Pulling things from the fridge, I smile when she puts Dillan in his swinging chair by the door. It’s away from everything but I put him in there when I’m doing the cooking and what not.
Conversation flows easily over dinner, I find myself laughing more in one evening with my mum than I ever did in my entire life of living with her.
When the time comes for her to leave, I find myself feeling rather sad. Dillan, who is sweetly oblivious to everything but his feeding, pooping and sleeping times, even seems to cry when she leaves.
She hugs me, it’s stiff but she’s trying.
For the first time since Dillan was born I’m in the house alone. I miss Nathan.
I miss him a lot.
Sasha and Tommy came to visit a week before my mum, they both want to come again soon. I’m looking forward to it but for now I just want some quiet with my son and my… I mean Nathan.
Dillan is almost one month old already, he’s lifting his head and his feeding has settled. I can’t wait to see his first smile. So much so, that I’m constantly playing with him, trying to get more than petrol from him and baby vomit.
Placing Dillan in his cot, I switch on the baby monitor and head downstairs, flicking on lights as I go. I wonder when Nathan will be back, it’s getting late and I know he dislikes driving in the dark.
Hmm, I fancy a Horlicks.
As I’m boiling the milk in a saucepan, the front door opens and closes. I hear the tell-tale signs of Nathan taking his jacket off and hanging it up.
My face immediately lights up with a smile and my legs carry me into the hall at a record speed.
“Oomph,” Nathan steps back as I collide with him, arms around his neck. “Miss me?”
“How did it go?” I tilt my head back and look at him. “I want to know everything!”
Uh-oh, his face drops and my heart drops with it. He was relying on this person. I’m not sure exactly how it works but I know Nathan won’t be able to go forward until he finds someone to help him create his jewellery.
“Hey,” I say softly. “It’ll be okay.”
“Yeah,” he nods, his hands on my hips. “It will.” I’m blinded by his sudden beaming smile full of joy and excitement. “I got it.”
“No way,” I choke. “You’re kidding?”
“Nope, I got it. We start Monday.”
“Oh my god,” I squeal and hold him tighter, my face going to his neck. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Where’s Dillan?” He pulls back slightly, his eyes scanning the immediate area for the baby.
“Sleeping upstairs,” I tap the baby monitor that’s attached to the loop of my jeans. “We should celebrate… oh crap!” I pull away from him and race back into the kitchen.
Well… the milk is hot that’s for sure.
“Oops,” I mumble and take the saucepan from the hob where the milk has bubbled over and spilled everywhere.
“I’ll do that,” Nathan says as I grab a cloth.
I wave him off, “You’ve been working hard, go and sit down. Are you hungry?”
“Not really, I ate before I left the city.”
I give him a teasing smile, “Oh, I guess you don’t want the cookies I made then.”
He instantly perks up, “Cookies?”
“Yep,” I laugh when he darts for the oven and takes out the foil wrapped plate full of chocolate chip circular treats. “Share,” I open my mouth and wait for him to pop in a small mouthful.
He grins, places it in front of my mouth, as soon as I go to close my mouth around it he puts it in his own mouth and swallows with a groan. “Too good to share.”
“I made them,” I argue, still cleaning down the hob.
“I purchased the ingredients.” This time he does place a piece in my mouth.
He’s so right. Way too good to share. I snatch the plate from his hand and run.
“Hey,” I hear him whine before his footsteps follow mine right before he snags me around the waist and pulls me back into his chest. “They’re my celebration cookies!”
“Actually, they’re your welcome
home cookies. Your celebration cake is in the fridge.”
He immediately forgets the cookies and prowls back into the kitchen.
The large white chocolate cake covered in dark blue icing sits proudly on the shelf in the middle. Placing the cookies on the side I pull the cake out, and show him the silver icing that spells, “CONGRATULATIONS!”
“What if I didn’t get it? This cake would be like a kick in the teeth,” he says quietly and stares at the amazingly decorated cake, if I do say so myself.
I place the cake on the counter and wrap my arms around his waist, “I knew you would.”
“Gwen, even I genuinely thought I wouldn’t. How could you have such faith in me?”
“Because you’re talented and amazing.” I tip my head back and wink at him. “You should have faith in yourself.”
“You spoil me,” he grins, his fingers squeezing my back for a moment. “Give me it.”
I serve two slices and hand him his, we make our way to the dining room and sit on the table. “Tell me everything,” I demand.
“Well, I do have some other news. Good and bad.”
Hmm… I don’t like bad news. “Bad first so the good can cheer me up afterwards.”
“Okay,” he swallows his mouthful of cake and laces his fingers beneath my chin. “You won’t be getting Caleb’s trust fund. Unfortunately due to you not being married at the time of his demise his money went to his next of kin. Which was my father and mother. Although, my solicitor informs me that we may be able to transfer the trust fund over to Dillan. We’ll just need proof that he’s Caleb’s.”
Well that just sucks. My face falls as I realise it doesn’t look like I’ll be leaving here any time soon. Not that I want to but it’d be nice to stand on my own two feet. It’s great that Dillan might get it though. I’ll never have to worry about affording his school expenses.
“What’s the good news?” Please be brilliant, life changing news.
“The store will be up and running in two weeks and I received my trust fund plus interest.” He pauses for a moment, I bite back the urge to squeal with delight. “So… I got you a gift.”
What? “That’s great, but you’ve already given me enough.”
“It’s mostly because I’ll be travelling a lot again, I want to open a second location if this store does well.” He runs his tongue across his lower lip and pulls out a single black key from his pocket with a BMW key chain. “I got you a car. It’s perfect for families and has a fix for the baby seat so you won’t have to strap his car seat in every time. You’ll need it if I’m away.”
I stare at the keys on the table between us, “I don’t think I can accept it.”
“Don’t over think it. Just say thank you Nathan, kiss me and try it out tomorrow.”
I giggle and stand. Taking a step towards him I lean down and press my lips to his ear, “Thank you Nathan.”
He grabs my arm before I can move away and pulls me onto his lap, making me squeal. “You didn’t kiss me.”
He’s right, I didn’t. I roll my eyes and move my mouth to his cheek, planting an extremely moist kiss below his cheekbone.
“You, are, disgusting,” he cringes playfully and wipes his cheek on his sleeve.
Dillan’s screeches sound through the baby monitor, I step back, ready to deal with him but Nathan guides me back to the chair and tells me to sit and that he’ll sort it. I thank him and clear the table as soon as he leaves the room.
When I’ve finished cleaning I take my usual spot on the couch in the room and listen to Nathan talk to Dillan through the baby monitor.
“You really need to start smiling soon, if I have to listen to your mummy play peekaboo one more time, I’m going to gag her,” I snort at his sweet baby talk tone. His threatening words sounding so none threatening and cheerful. “Although it’ll probably only get worse if you do smile at that. So do us both a favour and smile at something I enjoy.” I hear a gurgle come from Dillan and laugh with Nathan, even though he can’t hear me. “Good boy.” There’s a pause, I hear Nathan sigh before his tone becomes quiet and sad. “You look so much like your daddy it’s almost painful.” Pause. My breath hitches. Nathan rarely talks about Caleb and when he does it’s usually just a few words of agreement about something I’ve said. “Mummy loved your daddy very much. Uncle loved your daddy very much. I’m sorry you’ll never get to meet him, he would have loved you more than anyone and anything.”
I choke back a hiccup and turn the monitor off. This isn’t my conversation to listen to. It’s private and it’s their moment.
Wiping my eyes I quickly fire up my laptop and try to distract myself. Instead all I see is Caleb staring back at me from my desktop background. I touch his face with my finger tip and slam the screen down after a quiet moment. I can’t break down right now, Dillan needs me to keep it together.
Why’s it so damn hard?
Nathan joins me half an hour later, he’s slightly distant and solemn looking but otherwise okay. We watch the television in a companionable silence, my head resting on his shoulder and my hand across his chest. He doesn’t play with the ends of my hair like he usually does.
When I look up, I realise it’s because he’s fallen asleep with his head hanging over the back of the couch. I laugh quietly and run my fingertips over his brow, smoothing his hair from his face. He’s had an eventful day by the sounds of it, no wonder he’s exhausted.
“You’re staring,” Nathan’s lips twitch and his closed eyes flutter open, only to confirm his suspicions.
“How do you know when I’m staring?” I mutter, feeling my cheeks heat.
He shrugs, “I don’t know. It’s kind of strange actually.”
“Yep,” I completely agree with that comment. “Bed?”
“Yes.” Staggering slightly as he stands, he holds out his hand. I give him my wrist, as is habit. I’m shocked when his fingers slide from my wrist and push between my fingers until they’re laced together.
I get changed in the bathroom after brushing my teeth and washing my face. Nathan gets changed upstairs. By the time he’s done I’m already in bed.
It’s rare that we go to bed together, I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it. I like our night time cuddles far more than I should.
He slides in usually after I’m sleeping and doesn’t wrap himself around me until he’s in the land of slumber himself. This time he instantly presses his front to my back and curls his legs with mine.
“I never thought I’d enjoy sleeping with somebody,” he admits quietly, his breath blowing the wispy hairs that lay over my ear and down my neck. “But now I can’t imagine a night without your body heat.”
That and my arse seems to be the perfect seat for his penis. Speak of the devil… ping.
This happens quite a lot, normally I don’t notice until the morning. I don’t say anything though and neither does he, though I just felt him tense slightly as if waiting for my reaction. In the mornings if I wake up before him I stay perfectly still and wait for him to notice, he usually rolls away from me or climbs out of bed and gets ready for the day.
Now it’s like there’s an elephant in the room. I should say something but what is there to say? The last time this happened and we were both awake it was awkward and funny. This time it’s not funny, it’s just awkward and a little bit of something else. Arousing.
We both lie perfectly still, as if waiting for the other to say something or to move. I bite down hard on my lower lip, a bit unnerved about what to do.
My leg starts to cramp so I relax back, wincing when his plaid pyjama bottoms tighten on his erect member as it slides between my thighs. His answering gasp tells me he definitely felt that too.
Soft fingers trail along my forearm, causing me to shudder. They travel up my bicep before tightly squeezing my shoulder and moving down my ribs. A warm hand comes to rest on my hip, my heart beat skips a few before beating a heavy rhythm in my chest. Everything tingles and I feel goose pimples rise all over my heat
ed flesh.
A flash of pleasure uncurls in my stomach as his hand pulls my hip back into him. My hand clenches tightly around the pillow case near my nose. A whimper escapes me and I hear him let out a breathy moan.
His hips pull back, I know he’s not wearing underwear beneath his pyjamas because I can feel his warm skin move over his solid length, beneath the thin cotton. For some reason this causes me to tremble and ache. My eyes squeeze shut as I let his slow movement torture and tease me with something I can never have.
He pushes back between my thighs slowly, exquisitely. A quiet groan escapes him, his chest vibrates against my back and his lips come into contact with the curve of my neck.
Blood boils beneath the surface of my skin, I become overwhelmed with a hot flash of heat that won’t dissipate. Need unfurls in the pit of my stomach and travels the length of my spine as his teeth gently bite at the skin below my ear.
This is so wrong but I can’t stop it. The head of him pushes between my lower lips, forcing the fabric of my pyjama shorts to ride up in the most delicious way. It bumps against my clit, a cry escapes me and Nathan takes this as permission to give me more.
His hand tightens its hold of my hip and his pelvis grinds into me again. We shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be enjoying this but I can’t help it. I’m only human.
Ragged breathing is now against my ear, the sound mingling with my own. The burning follows my blood flow, reaching the end of every limb. I whimper, my hand wrapping around Nathan’s, my hips pushing back to meet his. Oh god.
Can’t breathe.
Lights pop behind my eyes when I hear a hoarse cry rip from his throat.
Dillan cries and we both tense.
Reality seems to hit us both at the same time.
“I’ve got it,” I blurt and in seconds I’m out of bed and across the hall, my hands trembling, my legs jelly. Scooping Dillan up with a strength I shouldn’t have right now, I quickly change him and give him my breast. The discomfort of it helps me to gather my thoughts.
