by Lynn Cahoon
The buzzer rang and the gate slid open. Satan lived up to his name, jerking and twisting, but Jesse was like a dancer atop him. He anticipated the bull’s moves and adjusted his body to flow with the animal’s movements. Lizzie had never seen anyone ride so smoothly. Jesse seemed to read the bull’s thoughts.
This is why he does it, she understood suddenly, and why James doesn’t leave him. Beauty and poetry on the back of a bull. Jesse loves it and James has to help him be what he is.
Heart aching, Lizzie realized that if James could do the same thing for JR, whatever JR eventually chose to do, she would forgive him anything.
The buzzer went off and the cowboys went to help Jesse off Satan’s back before the bull could do any damage. Jesse stood in the middle of the arena waving to the crowd. Then the rodeo clowns escorted him to a gate and he disappeared.
“That was great!” JR fairly vibrated with excitement. “I want to ride bulls just like Uncle Jesse. Can we go meet him?”
James glanced at Lizzie for permission before he said, “Sure, let’s go introduce you to your uncle.” He stood and took JR’s hand, telling Lizzie and Angie, “Come or stay, it doesn’t matter to me.”
Lizzie searched his face. Clearly he was still angry over hearing about Jesse’s and Angie’s plans from a loudspeaker. What she wanted to know was where would that lead him — and what it meant to both her and JR.
Only one way to find out.
She rose and placed a hand on Angie’s shoulder. “Let’s go congratulate Jesse.”
Glued to her seat, Angie watched James and JR walk down the bleacher stairs, She looked fearful, as though she was about to refuse. Then … .
“It’s now or never I guess.”
“Atta girl.” Lizzie helped Angie to her feet and together they followed the man and the boy through the crowd.
Walking into the firestorm only one of them expected.
• • •
Jesse held court in the rider’s area, surrounded by girls. Most of them had been in the barrel racing competition. James even recognized the current Shawnee Rodeo Queen. He shook his head. Jesse was in his element. His brother noticed him through the mass of estrogen and waved him forward.
“Hey girls, I’ve got to talk to my brother. I’ll be down at The Riding Club later tonight so save me a dance.” He waited for the women to disperse before addressing James, “Did you see the ride? I couldn’t have asked for a better bull. I owned him.”
JR piped up, “You were super! I’m going to be a bull rider.”
“You are?” Jesse bent down to his level. “You want a picture with me? Or an autograph?”
JR shrugged his shoulders. “I guess. But really, I want you to teach me to ride bulls.”
“Your mom would love hearing you say that.” James grinned at him. He pulled JR closer. “Jesse, I’d like you to meet your nephew, JR.”
Jesse stared at him. “He’s your kid?”
“Yep.” James waited for the challenge.
“I can see that. He looks like you. What are you, six?”
“I’m five.” JR stared at Jesse. “So you’ll do it?”
“I’ll do what?” Jesse popped JR’s hat.
“Teach me to ride bulls.” JR straightened his back. “I already know how to ride.”
“Yeah, sheep.” James slapped him on the back. To Jesse, “You don’t have anything to say?”
“It’s about time she told you?” Jesse stood and leaned against the wooden corral slats. “What do you want me to say, dude?”
“You knew?”
“Bob let it slip one day when I called. I heard JR crying in the background. He must have been about six months old.”
“You’ve known since — wait.” James wasn’t sure he’d heard his brother. “You’ve been talking to Lizzie’s dad ever since we left and you never told me?”
“JR wasn’t my secret to tell.” He nodded toward where JR stood at the fence to the bull corral, watching the animals. “He looks like a Sullivan, don’t you think?”
“Damn it, Jesse!” James turned toward the corral, “JR, be careful. Stay out of there.”
“He’s going to be a hellion. You’re going to have problems, you know.”
“Yeah, I get that.” No wonder he’d found JR by himself at the sheep pens. No one could keep track of him without hogtying him. Feeling overwhelmed, he took a few just-in-case steps toward JR. “When did you and Lizzie’s dad become best friends?” Jesse had never even hinted about JR or his talks with Bob.
Jesse shrugged. “I started talking to Bob a long time ago. Bob took pity on me when I’d go over to the cabins looking for you and Lizzie. He let me tag along with him.” Jesse watched JR pick up a piece of straw and put it in his mouth. “Losing his wife hit him pretty hard. He called a lot that summer.”
“I thought you were dating Becky then. So it wasn’t her on the phone, it was Bob?” Eyes on JR, James crouched, hands on his knees. A sense of betrayal unfurled inside him. His world had turned upside down and Jesse had known all along.
“Sometimes it was Becky. But when we broke up, I let you think the rest of the calls were from her, too.” Jesse nodded toward JR. “I guess I should have told you. But once I left your number with Bob, I thought sure Lizzie would dial your number.”
“She said she didn’t have it before I gave her my card.” James worked his mouth around something that tasted bad. “But Bob hasn’t been himself for a while now, either, so maybe … .” He shook his head. It didn’t matter. Everyone had known about JR but him. “That’s why you wanted to ride this rodeo. So I could meet JR.”
“That’s one reason.” Jesse nodded at the end of the barn. “Lizzie and Angie are here.”
• • •
James stood and waited for Lizzie. “Sorry I took off. I wanted to talk to Jesse.”
Lizzie took a quick breath. “You told him?”
Again that sense of betrayal unsettled him. “JR did. Five years ago when Jesse and your dad were on the phone, JR started crying. Jesse knew all along.” James shook his head. “He kept it a secret.”
Lizzie stared at Jesse. “You knew?”
“I know lots of things.” Jesse strode over to pluck up JR who’d been inching his way toward the back of the barn. “Come back here. Those horses aren’t as friendly as they look.”
“Yes, Uncle Jesse.”
“That’s going to take some getting used to.” Jesse set JR down and gave Angie a hug. “What did you think of the ride?”
“You were magnificent as usual.” Angie smiled.
James focused on Jesse, trying to ignore Angie. “You’re looking at land here?”
“Well, kind of. We went out with a realtor yesterday. But I’m not the one looking for a place. Angie is.”
Angie watched James as she said, “I’m coming home, James.”
“I didn’t know you were from the area.” Lizzie looked confused.
Angie glanced at Jesse who nodded. “She’s family, too.”
She took two steps toward James. Then stopped when he took two steps backward, glaring at her. Angie turned to Lizzie.
“I’m James and Jesse’s mother.”
JR came and wrapped his arms around James’s legs. “I told you I might have a gramma.”
Dazed, James clutched JR tight to his legs. Letting the little boy’s absolute faith in miracles ground him while the remainder of James’s world collapsed and rebuilt itself.
His mother had returned to Shawnee. Finally.
CHAPTER EIGHT
James sat on a bale of straw with JR perched on his knee. Nearby Angie filled them in on the short version of her life after Shawnee. James had heard a portion of the story months ago, but unlike Jesse, he didn’t believe a word coming out of the woman’s mouth.
“My full name is Lorraine Angelica Chapman Sullivan Dexter. When I left Shawnee and married Dex, I started going by my middle name.”
“How’d you marry someone else?” James head spun. And one th
ought pierced through the muddle.
Please don’t tell me my mother is not only a runaway deadbeat but a bigamist, too.
“Your father and I divorced a year after I left. Didn’t he tell you?”
“Apparently no one tells me anything.” James glared at everyone except JR. “What, am I so delicate I can’t take the truth?”
“You want the truth?” Jesse asked at the same time Lizzie sputtered, “James, that isn’t fair. You know — ”
“I’m not mad at you, Lizzie.” James sent Jesse a murderous glare and ignored Angie altogether.
“You’re not mad at me, right, Dad?” JR put his arms around James neck and turned his head to face him. “Because I wanted to find you. And gramma.”
“I’m not mad at anyone, JR.” James hugged him. “It’s a lot to take in.”
“Good, because we’re family. Now all we need is Grandpa Bob and we can eat Thanksgiving dinner together and Christmas and my birthday.” Just like that, JR had it all planned.
James shook his head. He didn’t want JR falling for Angie’s bullshit when he knew she could disappear exactly as she had before. His fury centered on a target. He’d known for months that she wanted to talk to him, to explain. He’d put it off, not wanting to listen to her lies. Her truths. He didn’t like the fact that JR was here, but hell, might as well do it now instead of leaving anything more to chance. Chance hadn’t served him particularly well this weekend.
He took a deep breath, asked the only question he could formulate, “Why did you leave without saying goodbye? No cards, no notes, nothing.” Aw, shit. Exactly what he’d done to Lizzie.
“I sent cards.” Angie stepped toward him. “And letters. After the divorce, everything came back return to sender. I guess your dad thought I’d divorced the two of you, too. In a way, he was right. I was young and stupid. I thought he’d be able to give you a better life without me. You were happy here. I was suffocating.”
“We were happy as a family. Once you left, life went to hell. Jesse and I had to raise ourselves. Dad wouldn’t even let us see Grams.” James remembered the days they didn’t see their dad at all. “No wonder we were wild, we never had a chance.”
“Dude, she’s here now.” Jesse, as usual, saw the bright side of things.
“So, what? Forgive and forget? That’s your advice?” James laughed bitterly. “This is coming from the man who knew I had a kid and didn’t think to tell me.”
“James!” Lizzie rose, took JR’s hand and tugged him away from his father. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s see if we can find pony rides or something while these guys sort their issues without you.”
“Lizzie … .” James tried.
“No.” She spun on him, putting herself between JR and the Sullivan boys. “My son is not a tug toy and neither am I. He shouldn’t have to listen to this.”
She turned to march away, only to have JR ask, “What did you mean, we’re not tug toys? Why are you mad at dad and Uncle Jesse? Did Uncle Jesse know about me and not tell dad?”
Grimacing, Lizzie shut her eyes, drew a breath and dropped to her knees in front of JR. “JR, sometimes adults don’t think before they speak, just like kids. It shouldn’t happen, but it does. Right now dad and Angie and Uncle Jesse are talking about things that happened a long time ago before I ever knew them. I don’t understand all of it, so I don’t expect you to. And I don’t think you should hear any more of it when your dad is so…” She hesitated over the word ‘angry’ and changed it. “When your dad is so upset. He needs space to work this out and I don’t think you and I can help him with that.”
“Oh.” JR’s brows beetled then smoothed. “But if we go ride ponies now, we can come back and do more stuff with dad and Uncle Jesse and Gramma Angie when they’re done, right?”
Lizzie huffed air. No, she wanted to say. Then we can go home. Instead she nodded. “Yes. If your dad and Uncle Jesse don’t kill each other, we can come back.”
“Good.” JR turned to James. “Don’t kill Uncle Jesse before he can teach me to ride bulls.”
James melted. “I promise.”
Satisfied, JR took Lizzie’s hand and the two of them walked away.
Leaving James with his heart in pieces, looking for a way make things whole.
He looked at Jesse. “I don’t like being kept in the dark, dude. I don’t care whose secret you think you’re keeping, if it has to do with me or my family — ” he canted his head after Lizzie and JR “ — you fill me in. Got it?”
Jesse hunched a shoulder. “Yeah.”
“Good. Now you two are settled, can we get back to me?” Angie flipped her blonde hair with a practiced hand. “Aren’t you excited about my news?”
“Seriously?” James returned his stare to his mother. “You want to move home and start being a mom now? What? Too old for chorus lines?”
Angie took a breath. Let it out. “You’re right. I was a terrible mother. I left you and your brother and your father because I wanted to dance. No excuses. I sucked at being a housewife. And then, after a while, I didn’t know how to come back. Even though I wanted to.”
“So now, you want to? You want to be my mother?” James almost spit the word at her.
Angie offered him a crooked smile. “I may not be the mother you deserve, but I’m the one you’ve got. That’s all I can be. I want to get to know you. Your brother and I have been talking for the last six months. We thought being home in Shawnee, maybe you’d open up.” She looked up at Jesse for support.
Instead of leaping into the fray, Jesse took a step back and, for the first time in memory, let James lead.
“This isn’t home,” James said intently. “I don’t have anywhere that’s home. The only good memories I have of this place are the times Lizzie and I were together.” Everything he’d ever asked God for in the middle of the long cold nights when his dad was passed out on the couch and Jesse slept in the twin next to him had come to him at once: his mother came back. He and Lizzie had a son. He had a great job working with his brother. Yet all of it felt wrong.
Be careful what you wish for.
He shook his head. “I need to think.”
With that he took off into the crowd, feeling like a ten-year-old again. Lost, confused, alone.
Looking for answers and not liking the ones he got.
• • •
After too much excitement, JR had fallen asleep on the drive home. He was ecstatic to have a grandmother. When they’d met up after the pony ride, Angie had promised to come for coffee the next day so she and Lizzie could talk. Get to know each other. Lizzie grinned as she tucked the sleeping JR into bed. Angie would be a different type of grandmother. But for JR, knowing one more piece of his family made him happy. And that’s all she could ask.
She changed into sweats and an old tee shirt. Even without Barb it had still been a wild weekend. She felt bad for James. He’d found out about JR and his mom moving home in the span of forty-eight hours. No wonder he’d seemed shattered and distant when he finally rejoined them after talking with Jesse and Angie — then taken off again almost as quickly when JR started calling Angie “Gramma.”
She put the teakettle on to boil and sat at the table, flipping through her notebook with the ‘to do’s’ for her new life courtesy of her old one. “Mom, I hope you’ll help me through this. I’m praying I can be half the hostess you were.”
“You’ll be better.” Her father’s voice came from the doorway.
“Dad, I didn’t expect you home tonight.” Lizzie stood and headed to the fridge. “Have you eaten?”
“Sit back down. Yes, I’ve eaten. We need to talk.” Bob Hudson sat in his favorite chair at the table and rubbed his hand over a spot in the wood.
“You want a cup of tea? Or I could make coffee.” Lizzie said, puzzled. So many ‘We have to talks’ this weekend. So many surprises that said no one had really talked to anyone else in years. So what didn’t she know about her father? He didn’t look drunk. But if he hadn’t been at the
bar, where had he been?
“I don’t need coffee.” He didn’t look at her. “Maybe a shot of whiskey.”
She rose to get it, but he stopped her.
“It was a joke. Really, sit down.” He reached over and grabbed her hand. “You know I loved your mother.”
“You’re upset about the cabins.” Lizzie jumped to conclusions. “I’m sorry, but James was here and fixed the things I couldn’t and — ”
Her dad interrupted, “I’m not mad about the cabins. I think it’s a great idea. I’m glad James helped you and that he knows about JR. It’s about time the two of you made peace with this.”
“Then what do we need to talk about?” Lizzie sipped her tea, wondering if this was how James felt right before he learned about JR. She didn’t like being on this side of the surprise.
Her dad drummed his fingers on the table. “You know Martha, right?”
“Martha Peck? The lady who owns the tilapia farm down the road?” Lizzie didn’t know where this conversation was going.
“We’ve been seeing each other … .”
“You’re dating?” Where had she been?
“You could call it that. She asked me over to help her set up her fish farm and we got to talking. She’s kind of funny.” Bob grinned. “We started doing coffee every morning. And, well, I’ve asked her to marry me.”
“Wow.” Flummoxed, Lizzie sat back in her chair. Probably served her right, since she’d pulled the rug out from under James this weekend.
“Liz, your mom’s been gone eighteen months. Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“No, dad, it’s not that.” Lizzie struggled to put the misunderstanding right. “Of course I want you to be happy. I’m surprised, that’s all. I thought … I thought … . “ That you’d been drinking your life away or going senile. She bit back a grin, glad to be wrong. “I don’t know what I thought.” She frowned suddenly. “Do you need me and JR to find our own place?” She didn’t know how that would work either financially or in terms of her plans for the cabins, but maybe she could just rent out four of them while she and JR temporarily lived in the fifth.
Shocked, Bob stared at her. “Why would I want you to move? I’m moving into Martha’s place. You and JR can spread out here.” He gestured toward the back yard. “Put in that play area JR’s been asking about. Make the place more kid friendly for your renters.”
