Spencer's Face (Buckeye Hawks)

by Autumn Brown

  Then I took her to my house, so my aunt and uncle could subject us to the same thing. When we finally left for the dance, I was so relieved. At the dance, we met up with Sandy and Dwayne first. Sandy and Taylor commented on each other’s dresses and shoes. Then we met up with the rest of the guys and girls. I was actually having fun, talking to the guys.

  There was a lot of dancing, and hanging out. And, the pictures weren’t even too bad. I switched sides with Taylor so my birthmark wasn’t facing the camera.

  Shelly had invited Ryan to come to the dance. He asked Taylor to dance. Taylor turned him down. She danced with Zane though, when he asked. I danced with Mary while she danced with Zane. It was fun. Mary was a really nice girl. I’d known her for quite a while, since Zane had been dating her for months now. I danced with Sandy while Taylor danced with Dwayne. Those were the only two guys Taylor danced with though. I was really happy about that.

  Christmas vacation was coming up. I was excited about that. We’d get to spend the entire day together. We had plans to go to Phoenix several times to buy Christmas gifts, and to the movies, and skating with friends.

  One day during vacation, Taylor texted me. “My dad found the rubbers. I’m in so much trouble!”

  My world has just fallen apart. Her dad would probably whip her with the belt. I knew that he did that occasionally. I was worried sick about her. I ran into the living room where Todd was. “I need your car. Quick.”

  “Keys are on the hanger. Go.” he said immediately.

  Thank God he wasn’t going anywhere today and he was in a lending mood. I drove to Taylor’s house as fast as I could. I knocked on the door. Earl opened it. I could tell how mad he was by the way he opened the door. But then he started yelling. “Do not step foot inside this house.” he growled at me.

  “Is she okay?” I asked. I knew he got a little violent sometimes.

  I saw two of Taylor’s sisters walk by quickly. They were scared to talk, but looked my way, and kept on walking toward the kitchen. I was really worried now. The atmosphere in the house said there was a lot of trouble here.

  “She’s packing her things.”

  “Why is she packing?” I asked him. “Can I help her? Would you let me in just for a few minutes?”

  Taylor poked her head out of a room. “I’m okay. Can you wait on me outside?” she asked.

  I nodded. Taylor went back in her bedroom, or I assumed it was her bedroom.

  “I’m really sorry, Earl.” I told him. At least I could be a man about it. I didn’t want to run and hide. “I don’t know if this helps matters, but I really am in love with your daughter.”

  “Marriage is the only place for sex, Spencer. We thought she understood that. She will not be living under our roof while she has sex.”

  I stood outside the doorway. I wasn’t winning this argument. His beliefs were really deeply rooted. I could tell by the tone of his voice. He was upset that his daughter didn’t share in those beliefs. I stood at the doorway waiting on Taylor. It was taking her way too long. “Can I go help her?” I asked Earl. I was trying so hard to be polite, even though I was mad as hell at him.

  He shook his head, but then he said, “Go ahead.”

  I ran to her bedroom. It was the first time I’d ever seen it. It was really small, but pink and cute. She was crying as she packed several trash bags with clothes from her dresser and her closet. I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. She pulled back and continued with her packing.

  “What can I do to help?” I asked her.

  “Take all those boxes to my car.” she said through tears.

  The boxes had school books and her computer software, and several other things. I hauled a few boxes to the car and came back for more. We carried trash bags full of clothes to her car. When she put the last load into her trunk, she looked up at her father who was standing at the door. He looked back at her, but didn’t say a word. She closed the trunk, then stepped into her car. She drove to my house as I followed her.

  I pulled Todd’s car into the garage, then came back out to the driveway to meet Taylor. I hugged her tightly for several minutes while she cried. I started pulling her in the house, but she pulled away, refusing to come inside. “No, I’m too embarrassed to face them after this.” She said.

  “Where are you going?” I asked her. Did she have a plan? Was she going to sleep in her car?

  “I’m going to stay at that little hotel outside of Buckeye for a couple of weeks. Then Karen’s dad said he could rent me a trailer in their trailer park until I turn eighteen. Then I’ll go to college.”

  Okay, she had a plan. I didn’t like hearing it though. It didn’t include me. She didn’t say we would go to college. I probably shouldn’t be so focused on myself right now. She had a lot on her mind with just getting kicked out of her own house. “Come inside for a minute. Rest and let’s think about this.”

  “There’s not a lot to think about, Spencer. I need to get going before I lose the room at the hotel. I’ll have to stay with Sandy a few days if I do that.”

  “Damn. I wish we hadn’t left those rubbers in your car.” I told her.

  “Can’t change the past.” She said flippantly. “I need to go.”

  I kissed her goodbye, and she drove away. I felt like our life was changing drastically and there was nothing I could do about it. I could feel her pulling away from me and I didn’t like it at all.

  I went inside the house after she left. “Thanks for letting me borrow your car.” I told Todd as I sat in the living room with him.

  “Is she okay? Did you save the day again?” he asked, being flippant.

  “Her dad kicked her out of the house.” I told him.

  “What? Is it okay now? Is she allowed back in the house now?” he asked quickly, concerned.

  Janel walked in and I had to explain it all again. “She’s going to stay at the hotel in Buckeye for a few weeks. If her dad doesn’t change his mind, she knows a guy who will rent her a trailer until she turns eighteen.”

  Janel and Todd both thought that it was horrible that her parents treated her that way. They didn’t offer any alternatives like I thought they would though. I thought they’d offer to let Taylor stay here with us, in the extra bedroom. They didn’t. That kind of hurt my feelings, but I couldn’t blame them too much. This was their house after all. They’d already taken in one orphan.

  Taylor texted me that she’d found a room at the hotel. I told Todd and Janel since they were anxiously waiting for news in front of me when I received the text.

  “That’s good. It will probably all blow over after her dad thinks about it for a while. He’ll call her and tell her to come home tomorrow.”

  “You didn’t see him today. I think it’s for good.” I told them. “Aunt Janel, Uncle Todd. I need to go be with her. Just for a day or so. I know you don’t approve, but I think I really need to be there. She’s really upset.”

  There was almost a full minute of silence.

  “We’ll take you.” Janel said, giving in finally. “You’re going to be eighteen next month anyway. It’s not like we don’t know you’re already having sex with her.”

  “Thanks, Janel.” I said, then went to my room to pack a few things. I texted Taylor. “Can I come stay with you tonight?”

  She texted back with all caps “Yes!” with several exclamation marks.

  I was ecstatic that she wanted me with her. She gave me her room number. Todd and Janel drove me to the hotel. They came to the door with me and told Taylor how sorry they were and to let them know if they could do anything for her. She was really embarrassed, but polite. After they left, we made love on the little bed. It was a tiny hotel room. She didn’t seem to mind too much. Neither did I. All I needed was her.

  It was the first time we’d ever had sex in a bed. That changed everything. It was way better in a bed. I comforted her all night long in several ways. We ate breakfast out in the morning, and spent the day together. We took a shower together for the f
irst time. It was incredible to be naked with her. I held her close as we showered. She began rubbing my arms, then kissing me.

  We tried to figure out a way to have sex in the shower. Finally I sat down, and she started to sit on top of me. I pushed her away quickly. “Wait! We need a condom. We don’t want you to get pregnant.”

  She smiled at me. “Would that be so horrible?”

  “Yes, Taylor. It would a fate worse than death. I don’t want to be on that reality television show, or be a college dropout, or live in a shabby place with roaches.” I laughed at her.

  She didn’t think it was funny for some reason. I retrieved a condom from my bag, then rolled it on. Shower sex was incredible. I loved touching her almost all day, and holding her constantly.

  While we were at the grocery store, buying a few snacks, Taylor’s mom came down the same aisle we were in. She gave Taylor a look, then turned around and went the other way. Taylor stood frozen in the aisle. I wrapped my arms around her. Several minutes later we finished our shopping. I could tell that Taylor was on the lookout for her mom all during our trip though. She never spoke of the incident again. I didn’t ask about it either.

  Taylor and I had a fun couple of days in the hotel room until Todd and Janel called and told me to come home. Taylor drove me. Zane had to pick me up for school the next day. Christmas vacation was over. Instead of parking at lunch, we headed to the hotel room. It was way better. After school, we headed to the hotel room. This was working out really great for us. After sex, we’d watch television for a while, then go again. I’d drive Taylor’s car to my house at night and pick her up in the morning for school most of the time.

  A few weeks later, Taylor and I got into a terrible argument at school. She said I was flirting with Sally, her friend. I wasn’t. I was being polite as always. We were friends, but certainly nothing more. Taylor kept pushing, implying that I wanted Sally. She’d never acted so irrationally before. Usually talking to other girls was fine. I mean, how could I avoid talking to girls? I thought maybe she was just in a bad mood, because of her situation. That was so unlike her.

  She told me to catch a ride home with Zane. She didn’t answer her phone or her texts that night. She was still staying at the hotel. I borrowed Todd’s car and drove up there. She wasn’t there. I drove to Sandy’s house. She wasn’t there either. I was getting really worried about her. I even called Zane to see if she was there. She wasn’t. I left her several messages telling her to call me just so I wouldn’t worry myself sick. I drove home empty handed.

  Damn I must have really pissed her off. I didn’t mean to. I’d have to start watching it better. I really didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, but I could quit talking to other girls so much if it bothered her that much. Was I suddenly whipped? I’d never felt whipped until now.

  I worked on my music. I’d wait it out. She’d think about it and call me when she was ready. At nine thirty, she called. Finally. I answered the phone quickly, anxious to get to the making up part of the fight. “Hi. I’ve been worried about you.” I told her.

  “Quit worrying. I’m fine. Spencer, we need to talk. Can you come outside for a few minutes?”

  “Sure.” I said. “Now?”

  “I’m outside your house.” She said.

  I ran outside after telling Todd and Janel that I’d be right back. I stepped into her car. She had been crying. From the look of her eyes, she’d been crying all day. I rubbed her leg until she parked at our spot in the desert. She didn’t speak all the way there.

  “Tell me what’s wrong. We can’t fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

  “This isn’t working, Spencer.” She said slowly.

  “What? It’s working. This was our first fight. You can’t be seriously thinking about ending things between us.” I said quickly. Surely she wasn’t breaking up with me. This was so small.

  “I can’t handle it. You’re flirting too much with other girls. And, they’re going to be taking you up on that flirting soon. There’s a line forming behind me to see who will get you next.”

  “You’re full of shit, Taylor.” I yelled at her. “I’m not flirting too much. I’m not flirting. I’m being friendly. Hell, I’m just being polite. And, there’s no line behind you.” What the hell?

  “Trust me. There’s a line.”

  “Even if there was, I would never cheat on you, Taylor. You can’t think that I’m like Jose. You’ve got to know that. You’re the only girl I’ve ever wanted. You’re the only girl I will ever want. And, with every boyfriend you’ve ever had hanging around with us all day long, you have no right to say anything about being friendly with the opposite sex.”

  “I want to break up. This is too much. I’m being smothered. And, I think you’re feeling it too. I could tell that you liked it when Sally and the other girls flirted with you.”

  “Break up? This is just a misunderstanding. We can work through this. That’s what couples do. They work through things. They don’t break up at the first sign of trouble. Taylor, let’s talk about this.” I was almost begging.

  “We need to break up. I’m not happy. You’re not happy. It’s not working. We need to go our separate ways. You can date Sally or whoever is next in line.” She said.

  I could tell that it hurt her to say that last part though. I don’t know why she was saying it. It was no use. I wasn’t going to change her mind. She was set on breaking up with me. I had no clue what I’d done wrong. Flirting? I swear I was being polite. Taylor drove me home. I waited in the car for a minute. She was crying and couldn’t talk much.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow at school?” I asked.

  She nodded.

  “Maybe after you think about it, you’ll see how stupid you’re being.” I told her.

  She shook her head. “I’m not one of those girls who breaks up with a guy just to see if he loves her and begs her back, Spencer. Thanks for the last five months. I really did love you. I mean that.”

  Oh damn. She was really serious. She was actually ending things. It felt like she was ending my life. What would I do without her? “Taylor. Don’t do this. Please don’t do this. We said forever.” I was almost begging again. I was about to lose all respect for myself and start crying too. I could feel my heart breaking, actually feel it splitting in two. I now knew what heartbreak was.

  Taylor tried to take the bracelet off. She was going to give it back to me. I stopped her. “Keep it. It’s not like I can recycle it.” I told her.

  She kissed me. Really good, but softly, never any tongue. That was unusual for us. Every kiss we’d had in the last couple of months had our tongues involved. I thought maybe she was changing her mind, but then she pulled away. “I will never forget you, Spencer.” She said with tears in her eyes.

  It was a goodbye kiss. I didn’t recognize it, because I’d never received one before. I tried to pull myself together and not look like a chump. I couldn’t think of a thing to say. Nothing was going to change her mind. Nothing would make me feel better. I wanted to tell her that I was going to take Sally and any other girl that would have me out tomorrow, but I decided not to be an asshole. I could get out of her car with some dignity. I stepped out and even resisted the urge to slam the hell out of her car door. I forced myself to hold it together until I cleared the front door.

  I heard her car pull out of the driveway. This was it. It was over. The love of my life was gone from my life. What did a guy do after a breakup like this? My aunt and uncle were right. She was going to dump me sooner or later. Later was now. I hadn’t felt more like crying since my parents died. I wanted to cry. No I wanted to throw something. I wanted to hit something. I walked straight to my bedroom and locked the door.

  I looked around for something to break, but I couldn’t find anything. I wanted to find something. I went in my bathroom and punched the mirror hard. It hurt my hand, but didn’t break. I kicked the toilet. I didn’t expect it to break. I sat on the toilet and started to cry. No one would see me. I was saf
e.

  I heard someone trying to turn my doorknob, but the lock caught it. “Spencer. Are you okay?” Janel called to me.

  “I’m good.” I called out to her. I tried to calm my voice, but I knew it sounded like I was crying. I wished she’d just leave me alone.

  “Let me in, please.” She said.

  I didn’t answer her. I heard her go into the kitchen, then she returned a minute later. She had the key and she was using it. She opened the door and came inside my room. She looked over at me sitting on the toilet. I could feel the pity from across the room. I stood up and walked over to her. I hugged her. Somehow she knew that Taylor had dumped me. I didn’t let myself cry in front of Janel. I couldn’t.

  The next day Zane picked me up for school. I told him about Taylor breaking up with me. He was beyond shocked.