Journey of the Heart

by Mills, DiAnn; Darty, Peggy;

  Martha instantly picked up on Katie’s discomfort. “Katie, I believe you received a fine education.”

  “Can Katie teach us about Indians and surviving in the wild?” the eldest Jameson son said.

  Martha paused a moment, and all the children waited for their mother’s response.

  “If Katie is willing, she can teach you about those things, but first you must work hard on your other studies. And perhaps Jacob would like to join us,” Martha said. “What do you think about that, Katie? Of course, you must ask your aunt and uncle’s permission.”

  “It would be great fun,” Lauren said. “And she could also teach me French, although I don’t know if a soldier’s wife will ever need it.”

  Pleasure excited from the top of her head to her tingling toes. “I’ll ask my aunt and uncle, except I’m not sure I would be a good teacher.”

  “You’ve been a wonderful help today,” Martha said. “I believe you not only have the gift of teaching, but also the gift of patience and encouragement. God’s truly blessed you with an abundance of special gifts. Make sure you thank Him by using those gifts for the benefit of others.”

  Katie could only listen and show respect for the woman’s words. The thought of being useful made her feel good, especially teaching like her ma had done. But used by God?

  Had this God really given her gifts? The thought seemed incredible that He would give gifts to someone who wasn’t a believer. Did stubbornness play a part in her refusal to accept God and His Son, Jesus, or did she need some type of proof of His existence? God, if You are truly there, show me so I can believe. I’m so confused about my life, and I don’t know what is real or truth.

  Katie and Lauren finally slipped away from the Jameson household. Their time together would be short, but they were determined to make the most of it. Katie treasured the friendship with her and respected their differences in personality. Quick laughter, delightful spontaneity, and an unselfish, giving attitude were all a part of Lauren Jameson. No wonder a soldier had fallen in love with her. Lauren invited love and joy in every breath she took. Katie saw Lauren generously shower those traits upon everyone she met, and Lauren showed Katie what true beauty really meant. As the two girls walked about the fort, Lauren spoke to all they passed, if not with her voice then with a nod or smile.

  “Are your wedding plans completed?” Katie said.

  “Not yet. Mama has finished altering my dress, and I’ve been working on needlepoint every chance I get. Mama insists on so many things to be completed for our new home, but it really isn’t necessary. Besides, I hate to burden her with extra sewing and the like to help me set up housekeeping.”

  “I know I’m being selfish, but I’m glad you’ll be living close by,” Katie said.

  “No one could be more selfish than I am.” Lauren patted her arm. “I want to be married now and get all this wedding nonsense behind me. Mama and Papa want everything to be perfect, but the day will be wonderful with or without the finery and party plans.”

  “They want to give you the best because they love you,” Katie said. “My aunt is always talking about when I get married, we will do this or that. Maybe it’s more fun for them than us.”

  “Probably so. I simply don’t like to be the center of attention. It makes me feel uncomfortable.” Lauren shook her head. Her mood seemed to lift, and she began to laugh. “Now tell me about you and Sergeant Sinclair.”

  Katie smiled at the teasing note in her friend. “There’s nothing to tell. We’re good friends.”

  “Good friends, my eye. He visits your cabin nearly every day.”

  “To see the children, or Uncle Seth, or Aunt Elizabeth.” Fear of what Lone Eagle might do to Peyton and the others at the fort stopped her from thinking beyond friendship.

  “Oh, you are storytelling, Katie,” Lauren said. “I know for a fact the sergeant asked your uncle if he could come courtin’.”

  Katie attempted to give her a surprised look, but the mischievous twinkle in Lauren’s eyes wouldn’t permit it. “And how did you know about such a conversation?”

  “Your aunt told my mother.” Lauren tossed her head. “And some things a woman just knows—like affairs of the heart.”

  Katie couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the dramatics.

  “It’s good to see you happy for a change,” Lauren said. “I have been praying for you to find joy in your life.”

  “Thank you. Since Jacob and Emily have come to live with us, my mind has been occupied with them instead of myself. And yes, seeing Peyton, I mean Sergeant Sinclair, keeps me busy as we become better friends.”

  “He cares for you very deeply,” Lauren said.

  “How do you know?” Katie said barely above a whisper.

  “All you have to do is look at his face. It’s the same way my soldier looks at me. It gives away everything they’re trying to hide.”

  Katie didn’t want to discuss Peyton any longer. If she knew her own feelings for him then she could respond more readily to Lauren. But didn’t she love Lone Eagle? She thought real feelings of love never changed. Sometimes she wished she could push the Indian from her heart forever and allow Peyton to take his place. Could it be she feared Lone Eagle’s temper as much as she cared for him? Or was she afraid to let another man into her heart? As much as she refused to admit it, she saw the caring in Peyton. A combination of guilt and perplexity forced her to refrain from any romantic notions. Peyton must remain a friend.

  The Kiowa had seen her talking with Peyton. Their conversation must have looked as though they were more than friends, especially in light of making amends for their disagreement. Once more, fear and anxiety had cast a menacing shadow. The Kiowa spy would surely tell Lone Eagle about Peyton.

  If she believed, she would pray. If the soldiers were attacked and Peyton was killed, it would be her fault. The words of the Kiowa echoed across her mind. As much as she hated to ever talk to the Indian again, she would have to find out Lone Eagle’s answer. But now, deep in her heart, did she really want to leave her aunt and uncle? What of her promise to Pa? And how was she to find her rehoboth?

  The ugliest thought of all sprung from Lone Eagle’s threat to wipe out the whites. The warrior didn’t say she would be to blame, but Katie knew Lone Eagle. Many times he revealed only a portion of his thoughts with the intention of waiting for a response. He didn’t anticipate anything; rather, he allowed others to react before he proceeded with his plans. Lone Eagle had learned the lessons of cunning and wit in dealing with his enemies. Were the Kiowa’s words intended to scare her into returning to the Comanche village?

  Chapter Eight

  The fifth day of the patrol’s absence crept by much like a lingering fever, and still no word from the soldiers. Uncle Seth and Aunt Elizabeth prayed for the men during mealtimes and at bedtime. Katie bowed her head in respect to their God, but she didn’t appeal to the Comanche gods, either. A lump rose in her throat, and she couldn’t eat or sleep.

  For the second night Katie tossed and turned, unable to relax or pull peace from the recesses of her mind. Racing thoughts became like nightmares, and she even imagined hearing the war cries of Comanches and the screams of dying men. Peyton said the patrol would be back in three or four days. When tomorrow dawned, it would be the sixth day. If only the men would return unharmed.

  Night turned into morning, and Katie watched the chalky pastels of purple, pink, and orange spread across the sky. How could nature continue its unrivaled beauty and not be sensitive to the turmoil of the people around it? The Comanches relied solely upon the spirits of nature to guard and direct them in their dealings with the enemy. Whites prayed to a sovereign God to protect them from evil. Both claimed their way was the answer to life’s purpose and meaning. She wished she knew which side possessed the truth. Sweet peace among the Comanches and the whites would be a true miracle.

  Midmorning found her restless and irritable. When she grew frustrated in dealing with Jacob, she decided to take a walk. A
heaviness rested upon the fort, as though the air carried some dreadful news. It seemed quieter than usual, not the normal hustle and bustle that resounded from corner to corner. As she moved about the various activities, she observed more soldiers posted in strategic points. Her eyes traveled upward to the canyon walls, and she searched for signs of Indians. Nothing moved out of the ordinary, but her heart pounded like war drums.

  The scenic beauty surrounding the fort masked her inner turmoil. The ten-mile stretch known as Wild Rose Pass wound up from Black Mountain and looked down upon the fort. The pass was breathtaking, a welcome sight for any traveler who had weathered the desolate trail and warring Indians. The waters at the foot provided fresh fish, and Uncle Seth had taken Jacob there fishing on more than one occasion.

  A band of soldiers and civilians drove wagons loaded with logs toward the fort. The armed men selected oak, pine, and cherry from the higher slopes to construct additional buildings within the stronghold. She wished they were the overdue patrol.

  “What have your Comanche friends done with our soldiers?” a portly lady called out to her.

  Katie recognized the woman, Mrs. Ames, an outspoken member of the church. She’d never heard a kind word from the woman and doubted if she ever would. Katie chose to ignore her. It would open her to more criticism and accusation. Instead she walked back home to tend the garden for Aunt Elizabeth.

  If she believed in God, she could pray for Peyton and the others. At least then she would feel like she was doing her part in the waiting. She sighed deeply and fought the familiar lump rising in her throat. Oh God, if You are there, would You please bring the soldiers back safely? I don’t know what else to say or do, but I ask if it is possible. Uncle Seth tells me that all things are possible with God, and he and Aunt Elizabeth along with lots of other folks are praying for them, too. I’d prefer a sign, something I could see and touch, but it’s more important for the men to be protected.

  She no longer sensed anxiety overwhelming her, except she didn’t know why.

  Shortly after dusk, while her aunt and uncle and Katie quietly went about the evening chores, someone pounded on the door. Uncle Seth rose to receive the caller with Jacob trailing after him.

  The sound of a familiar man’s voice stole her breath.

  “Peyton,” Katie whispered. “Peyton!” She rushed to the door and nearly flung her arms around his neck but caught herself. Nonsense, she must contain herself. What would he think? “We were so worried about you,” was all she could manage, for tears stung her eyes and strangled any more words.

  “I think you’re glad to see me.” Peyton grinned.

  “Are the others unharmed?” Uncle Seth said, ushering him inside.

  “Yes, sir, God rode with us every step of the way and back.”

  “If you don’t mind me asking, what delayed you?” he said. “Folks were mighty worried.”

  “One of the men got a stomach ailment, and it passed around to all of us. We weren’t able to complete our orders, and by the time we all recovered, our supplies were nearly gone.”

  Jacob moved shyly toward Peyton, and the sergeant chuckled. “Have I been gone that long, little man? I did take a bath before I came here, so I shouldn’t be offensive.” He bent down to Jacob’s side and gave him a hug.

  “Emily is walking,” Jacob said, returning the affection. Ever since he first hugged Uncle Seth, he’d been more open. “Here, Emily.” He motioned sweetly to his sister. “Walk over here to Sergeant Sinclair.”

  Aunt Elizabeth stood the child on the floor, and she walked toward her brother’s outstretched hand. Everyone clapped and cheered as she fell into Peyton’s arms. Katie felt a pang of regret that she, too, couldn’t have reached out to the sergeant.

  “Why don’t you and Katie visit outside?” Seth said. “It will give you two some time alone. She has been ornery as a she-bear ever since you’ve been gone.”

  Katie denied any such actions and followed Peyton into the evening air. “I am so glad you are safe,” she said once the door closed.

  “I could tell.” He laughed. “For a moment I thought I was going to get Katie Colter into my arms.”

  The telltale warmth spread from her neck to her face. She was thankful for the darkness concealing her embarrassment.

  Within a few feet of the cabin, he gathered her into his arms. “I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.”

  Katie trembled uncontrollably. She willed it to stop, except the shaking continued. Peyton released her as though he had embraced a hot potato from a cooking pot.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

  Katie licked dry lips. “I don’t know why I am reacting like this. I was so worried, and I missed you the first morning you were gone.” She hesitantly touched the cuff of his sleeve.

  “But you don’t want me to hold you?” Peyton’s question sounded kind, but she could tell he was hurt.

  “Peyton, I’m not sure of what I want or need. So many things are going on in my head, and I wouldn’t want you to think my feelings weren’t honest.”

  “I understand,” he said. “I understand more than you may realize.”

  She relaxed slightly. Even though she knew Peyton had no idea what troubled her, his gentle words made her feel better.

  “Can we walk a bit?” she said. “Or are you too tired?”

  “No, I’m just fine.”

  “Would you tell me what happened while you were gone?” she said, to change the way of their conversation.

  “It’s most likely boring—vomiting soldiers doesn’t say much about heroic feats of valor.”

  “You have a point, a good one I might add. But I just wondered if you met up with any Comanches.”

  “No…no problems at all. Like I said, nothing to report, only heat and empty prairie lands.”

  “Nothing seen or heard outside of these gates is boring—the land is beautiful and free.”

  “We did ride past your ranch,” he said. “Everything looked fine. Just deserted.”

  “Then you were in the heart of dangerous country,” She paused, while words and emotions jumbled into her head. “I asked God to keep you safe.”

  “And when did you pray for me?” Peyton said.

  Katie considered the time. “Yesterday, about midmorning, I was out walking, trying to rid myself of a sour mood.”

  “Oh, missing me put you in a sour mood?” His tone quickly changed to a serious note. “Katie, did you say midmorning?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “God truly did watch over us,” he whispered. “We were riding along the Teyah River when a peculiar feeling came over me. It was more of an urgency to turn the men around and ride out of there—fast. At the time, I felt foolish in giving the order, except now I believe the message came from God.”

  She stood speechless. She knew the area all too well. Comanches could have easily led them into an ambush. God did answer her prayer. And He’d given her a sign. She must tell Uncle Seth, tell him that God had answered her prayer.

  “You’re strangely quiet, more quiet than usual,” Peyton said. “Are you all right?”

  “I was thinking how God answered my prayer as soon as I spoke it. I’ve never confessed to believing in Him, and I prayed for you and the other soldiers out of desperation. I also asked Him for a sign so I would know if He was real…. He gave me both.”

  “Your aunt and uncle will be pleased,” Peyton said. “I’ve been praying for you to find God, too.”

  “You have?” she said. “I’m a little confused about it all, but how can I not believe? I need to thank you for not giving up on me.”

  “A hug would be nice, but I’ll wait until you’re ready. I should get you back home before Colonel Ross sends someone to fetch me.”

  “Yes, of course, and I must tell Uncle Seth and Aunt Elizabeth everything.” She did have good news.

  “You, tell everything and not keep a bit of it to yourself?” Peyton laughed. “Now God woul
d be performing a miracle.”

  Back at the cabin, Peyton excused himself with the promise of visiting the next day. When Katie told her aunt and uncle about her prayer and Peyton’s report of the incident along the Teyah River, Aunt Elizabeth cried and Uncle Seth hugged her. The three prayed together, and her uncle led Katie to Christ.

  The tension of the past days vanished at the close of the prayer. Not that the problems and fears disappeared, but the burden seemed lighter. Without being able to fully express her peace and joy, she opened the family Bible and found Psalm 40, where someone had clearly underlined the passage: “I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. Blessed is that man that maketh the Lord his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies. Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.”

  The ache in her heart was on the mend. Her new heavenly Father would direct her through the days ahead. She didn’t expect things to be easy, only that God would be with her. And like Emily, Katie took the first steps into the arms of her heavenly Father.

  Chapter Nine

  After Katie gave her heart to Jesus, she found a sense of peace and joy sprouting like wildflowers in spring. Uncle Seth said the Lord allowed gentleness and compassion to accompany her wherever she went. No longer did seriousness and sadness mark her every thought, and she responded to helping others more than before. Katie believed she must reach out to those who hurt. She wanted to soothe their pain, especially those who had endured tragic losses from the Comanches. The sensitive traits were real, and she couldn’t deny them. The dilemma of making peace took precedence over who was right or wrong.