The Son That Changed His Life

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘Yes. Benedict Legrange. His father was French and his mother’s English.’

  ‘I see. And how did you meet him?’ Frances asked quietly.

  ‘He was staying with Simon and Ros while he recuperated from some sort of tropical disease he’d caught while working abroad,’ Emily explained. ‘He’s a doctor—he worked with Tom at one point—and it was Tom who arranged it.’

  ‘So this must have been soon after you returned to Bride’s Bay,’ Frances said, frowning.

  ‘Yes, it was.’

  ‘I always thought...’ Frances broke off and shrugged. ‘Well, it doesn’t really matter now what I thought.’

  ‘You thought Paul was Theo’s father?’ Emily shook her head. ‘No. Paul and I split up several months before I came back here.’

  ‘I see. So what happened when you discovered you were pregnant? Did you tell Ben or what?’

  ‘Oh, yes, I told him.’ Emily smiled sadly. ‘He’d returned to Paris by the time I realised I was expecting his child and I flew over there to see him.’

  ‘How did he take it?’ Frances asked, stirring her tea.

  ‘Not very well.’ Emily’s voice caught. ‘He accused me of lying, said that I was trying to pass off someone else’s child as his.’

  ‘What!’ The spoon clattered into the saucer as Frances stared at her in consternation. ‘He actually said that?’

  ‘Yes. You can imagine how devastated I was.’ Emily bit her lip when she felt tears well to her eyes. ‘I couldn’t believe he would accuse me of doing such a terrible thing.’

  ‘Pity help him when your dad hears that!’ Frances exploded.

  Emily shook her head. All of a sudden she knew that she couldn’t bear it if her parents took against Ben. ‘No, you mustn’t blame him. There was a reason why Ben thought I was lying, a reason I’ve only just found out about myself.’

  ‘Really? It would have to be a very good reason, is all I can say.’

  ‘It was. Apparently, he had cancer a few years ago and he was told that he would never be able to father a child because of the drugs he was given.’

  ‘Well, I suppose that does make a difference,’ Frances conceded. ‘But he didn’t tell you all that when you went to see him?’

  ‘No. I wish he had. I just thought that he didn’t want anything more to do with me and that was why he accused me of lying—so he could get rid of me.’

  ‘It must have been awful for you, darling. I wish you’d told me all this sooner. I feel terrible now because I had no idea what an ordeal you’ve been through.’ Frances’ voice was filled with remorse and Emily shook her head.

  ‘You aren’t to blame for any of it, Mum. If it weren’t for you and Dad then I would never have managed as well as I have done.’ She looked up when the back door opened as her father came in and smiled. ‘You two have been brilliant. Nobody could have asked for better parents.’

  ‘We just want you to be happy, don’t we, Noel?’ Frances said as her husband came to join them.

  ‘That’s right. Making sure that you and Theo are taken care of is our main concern.’ His expression darkened. ‘Now about Theo’s father. I don’t know what happened between you two—no doubt your mother will fill me in later. But if he’s set on causing trouble then he’ll have me to answer to. Nobody leaves my little girl in the lurch like he did and gets away with it!’

  ‘Thanks, Dad, but it’s a bit more complicated than that,’ Emily replied then looked round when she heard Theo coming along the hall. They deliberately changed the subject as none of them wanted Theo to hear something he shouldn’t. However, Emily knew it wasn’t the end of the matter and that at some point her parents would want to meet Ben. Although she didn’t relish the idea, she couldn’t refuse after everything they had done for her. All she could hope was that her father wouldn’t do anything rash. Maybe she hadn’t forgiven Ben for the way he had treated her, but it didn’t mean she wanted him to be at odds with her family, strangely enough.

  She took Theo home a short time later. Her parents waved them off, standing side by side outside the farmhouse. Emily couldn’t help envying them their closeness. They had the sort of loving and supportive relationship she had always dreamt of, the kind of relationship she had once hoped she would have with Ben, although not any longer. He might be Theo’s father but that was all he would ever be. Even if she did allow him access to Theo, it wouldn’t change things. They may be Theo’s parents but they would never be a proper family. Her heart ached at the thought even though she knew how foolish it was to let it upset her.

  * * *

  Ben couldn’t settle. Although he tried to join in the conversation as they sat around the table after dinner, drinking coffee, he was too distracted. He kept thinking about Emily, thinking about how hurt she must have been when he had accused her of lying. No wonder she didn’t want anything to do with him!

  ‘You’re going to have to sort this out or you’ll drive yourself mad.’

  Tom’s voice cut into his thoughts and Ben looked up. ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘This situation with Emily. You need to sort it out.’ Tom shook his head when Ben automatically started to protest. ‘Don’t bother. There’s no point claiming that you aren’t thinking about her when it’s as plain as the nose on your face that you are.’

  Ben sighed. ‘I just wish that I’d behaved differently when she came to see me.’

  ‘I can understand that but there’s no point dwelling on it. It’s what you’re going to do now that matters,’ Tom said encouragingly. ‘How you’re going to make things right between you.’

  ‘I’m starting to think that’s an impossibility.’ He shrugged when his friend raised his brows. ‘Emily has made it clear that she’s not exactly my biggest fan.’

  ‘So change her mind, prove that you’re sorry for what you did and that you only have her and Theo’s best interests at heart.’ Tom paused and looked at him. ‘You do, I assume?’

  ‘Of course!’ Ben declared forcefully.

  ‘Good.’ Tom grinned at him. ‘So what’s stopping you from driving over to Emily’s house this very minute and telling her how you feel? There’s no time like the present, or so they say.’

  ‘Stop bullying poor Ben,’ Hannah protested. She smiled at Ben. ‘Although I have to say that I agree with Tom. The sooner you get this sorted, the better for everyone, and especially Theo. He’s such a lovely little boy and he’ll love having his daddy around. It’s the best thing that could have happened to him.’

  Ben just smiled, not wanting to explain that he had doubts about that. He still hadn’t made up his mind if he was doing the right thing by getting involved in Theo’s life when there was no guarantee that he’d be around while the child grew up. However, until he had thought it all through properly he would keep his concerns to himself. Even though he didn’t intend to rush things, he still wanted to get to know Theo. In fact, he couldn’t wait to see him again. And Emily too, although he refused to delve too deeply into the reason why when she’d done everything possible to discourage him.

  He stood up, unable to sit there any longer, torturing himself. He needed to take some sort of action even if he did decide in the end that it would be better for Theo if he didn’t get too close to him. ‘You’ve convinced me. I shall go to see Emily and hope that we can work things out.’

  ‘It might be better if you phoned first,’ Hannah suggested hurriedly, but he shrugged.

  ‘What is the point? She will only tell me that she’s too busy to see me.’ He laughed thinly, hoping his friends couldn’t hear the hurt in his voice. Even though he knew he shouldn’t let Emily’s attitude affect him, it did. ‘I’m very much persona non grata where Emily is concerned.’

  Hannah didn’t say anything but Ben could tell she wasn’t convinced he was doing the right thing by turning up unannounced. As
he fetched his car keys, he realised that he had no idea how Emily would react. She would either let him in or, as seemed more likely, send him on his way, but it was worth a try. There were just four days left before he went back to Paris and he needed every second to press home his case.

  He drove to Emily’s cottage, working out what he would say when he saw her. However, there was no sign of her car when he arrived. She’d obviously gone out so he parked outside her neighbour’s house and switched off the engine while he waited. She would have to return at some point, of course. She would need to put Theo to bed, so she couldn’t stay out all night...

  Unless she had no intention of returning.

  Ben’s heart turned over. Surely she wouldn’t just up and leave to escape him, would she? He tried to convince himself that it was crazy to harbour such a notion, but he only had to recall how she’d behaved around him that day to know that it was possible. He swore under his breath. If he had driven Emily away then he would never forgive himself!

  * * *

  Theo was fast asleep by the time Emily turned into the lane leading to the cottage. He was normally in bed way before now so it wasn’t surprising. She rounded the bend, mentally crossing her fingers that she would be able to get him into bed without waking him. She really couldn’t face the thought of a lot of hassle tonight of all nights.

  She parked on the drive and got out. Hunting her key out of her bag, she went to unlock the front door then jumped when a figure suddenly materialised out of the gloom. It was a moment before she recognised Ben and she glared at him.

  ‘You scared the life out of me! What on earth do you think you’re doing, lurking in the shadows?’

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.’ He stepped forward and she could see genuine concern on his face. ‘Are you all right?’

  ‘Yes,’ Emily snapped because she didn’t appreciate the fact that her heart was hammering in the most ridiculous fashion. She opened the door then turned to him. ‘I don’t know what you want, Ben, and frankly I don’t care. I need to put Theo to bed so whatever it is will have to wait.’

  ‘Fine. I’m more than happy to wait.’ He glanced towards the car. ‘Shall I fetch Theo in for you?’

  ‘No!’ Emily rounded on him. Although she wasn’t sure if he was being deliberately obtuse, she wasn’t prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt. ‘I have nothing to say to you tonight or any other night. Is that clear?’

  ‘Perfectly. However, willing me to disappear isn’t going to work, I’m afraid. We need to talk and we need to do so soon.’

  He shrugged, his broad shoulders moving lightly under the thin navy cotton sweater he was wearing, and Emily felt a surge of heat race along her veins and looked away. She hated being so aware of him. She should be immune to him after the way he had treated her, but there was no point pretending that she was. Ben only had to look at her and her knees went weak. He only had to smile and her heart raced. It had been the same three years ago and little had changed if today was anything to go by. She wanted him now just as much as she had wanted him then and the fact that she was so weak filled her with self-loathing. Her mind might know that Ben was bad news, but her body didn’t. All her body could think about was how it had felt to lie in his arms and love him, to have him love her in return...

  She turned away, uncaring what he thought as she pushed past him and lifted a sleepy Theo out of the car. She carried him inside and up the stairs, ignoring Ben as he followed in her wake. Pushing open the door to Theo’s bedroom, she gently laid him on the rug and stripped off his shorts. Although he was dry during the day, he still needed a nappy at night so she popped it on then wiped his hands and face with a damp flannel and put on the bottom half of his favourite dinosaur pyjamas. Scooping him up, she laid him in his cot-bed and covered him with a light cotton blanket.

  ‘Night, night, sleep tight,’ she whispered, stroking his shiny dark curls. ‘Mind the bugs don’t...’

  ‘Bite,’ he murmured sleepily, closing his eyes.

  Turning, she left the room, leaving Ben to do as he pleased. He could stay there and watch Theo or he could follow her downstairs; she really didn’t care. Walking into the sitting room, she switched on the lamp, her whole body trembling as reaction set in. Today had been an ordeal and it wasn’t over yet. Ben was going to have his say whether she wanted him to or not, so maybe it would be simpler if they got it over with. It didn’t mean she was going to allow him to walk all over her, however. Maybe she had defended him to her parents but she hadn’t forgiven him and couldn’t imagine doing so either.

  Could she?

  Emily took a quick breath as she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She had always believed that she would never forgive Ben for the way he had treated her but that had been before she’d found out why he had been so cruel. Although it still hurt to know that he had believed her capable of such deceit, it had made a difference. That was why she’d been at pains to explain his actions to her parents, she realised. She’d wanted to be fair, to tell them his side of the story, not just hers. Maybe he hadn’t loved her, but she couldn’t punish him for that. He’d had his reasons for not believing her, good reasons, too, and she had to accept that and not allow the hurt she felt to stop her doing what was right for Theo. And if that meant allowing Ben to play a role in Theo’s life then she would have to consider it.

  It all sounded so logical in theory. However, as Ben came into the room, Emily knew it wasn’t going to be straightforward. When she looked at him she didn’t simply see the father of her child but the man she had once loved with all her heart. There was no denying that she still had feelings for him, either, if today was anything to go by, and that would further complicate matters. She needed to keep a clear head, weigh up the situation and make sure she did what was best for Theo. Theo was the important one. How she felt was irrelevant. She couldn’t allow her emotions to get in the way when she made any decisions.

  Emily bit her lip as a rush of panic assailed her. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that being around Ben was going to test her control to the absolute limit!

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘THEO’S fast asleep,’ Ben said quietly as he came into the room. He sat down, wishing that Emily would say something. She was staring at him with the strangest expression on her face...

  She stood up abruptly. ‘Do you want a cup of coffee?’

  ‘If you’re having one,’ he replied politely.

  ‘I am.’

  She left the room and Ben frowned. What had he seen on her face just now? he wondered. It had been such an odd mixture of emotions yet for a moment he’d thought he had seen real awareness in her eyes...

  He stood up abruptly and went over to the window, knowing how stupid it was to let that idea take hold. Emily wasn’t interested in him that way; she wasn’t interested in him any way! He knew it was true yet as he stared at the darkening view, he could feel his body quickening in a way that was all too familiar. Three years ago, he’d only had to look at her to feel his desire rising and it was happening again, right here, right now, this very minute. He wanted her, so help him, wanted to take her in his arms and taste the sweetness of her lips, feel the soft curves of her body under his...

  He groaned, feeling the blood pounding through his veins as he went and sat down. It had been years since he’d felt this way, so hungry, so filled with need. Resting his head against the cushions, he tried to remember when he’d last experienced this kind of all-consuming desire and felt his stomach sink when he realised that it had been the last time he’d made love to Emily. Oh, there’d been women since then, of course, not very many but a few; however, he had never felt like this with them. If he was being completely honest, he had never felt this way with anyone except Emily.

  ‘Here you are.’

  Ben jumped when a hand appeared in front of him holding a cup o
f coffee. He straightened up, cursing his own weakness. He’d come here with the express intention of convincing Emily to allow him to see Theo, not to try to get her back into his bed!

  ‘Merci.’ He took a sip of the coffee and winced when he discovered how strong it was. He put the cup down, wondering if she’d deliberately made it that way. Emily knew he loathed strong coffee, so had it been an act of defiance, a less than subtle hint that she had no intention of pandering to him? He couldn’t say for sure but, if recent events were anything to go by, it seemed likely.

  The thought wasn’t reassuring but he refused to let it deter him. He waited until she had sat down then leant forward. ‘The first thing I want to make clear is that I do not wish to cause any trouble.’

  ‘Really? You do surprise me.’ She took a sip of coffee, watching him over the rim of the cup with cold green eyes, and Ben swallowed his sigh. She wasn’t prepared to give an inch, which made his task all the harder.

  ‘I only want what’s best for you and Theo, Emily.’

  She laughed out loud. ‘Oh, please! Do you honestly think I’m going to fall for that old chestnut?’

  ‘It’s the truth. Whether you choose to believe it is up to you, but I want to do what’s right, what I feel is right in here.’ He touched his chest. ‘For both of you.’

  ‘Very commendable, I’m sure. What a pity you didn’t feel like that three years ago.’

  Ben heard her voice catch and hated himself all over again for having caused her so much pain. ‘I know that nothing I do can ever make up for what I said to you that day, but it will be different in the future, Emily. I promise you that.’

  ‘I don’t care about me. I’ve had three years to get over it. It’s Theo I’m worried about. I don’t want him getting hurt.’

  ‘And I shall never hurt him.’ Ben took a deep breath, doing his best to rein in the doubts that had surfaced again. No matter what happened, he needed to get to know his son, even if their relationship might never be as close as he hoped it would. ‘I swear on my life that I shall never do anything to hurt Theo. I just want the chance to get to know him. That’s all I’m asking for, Emily—to spend some time with him.’