All I Have Left

by Shey Stahl

  “Here, wear these,” she tossed an armful of clothes toward me. “You’ll look great.”

  “What’s wrong with my current attire?” I ran my hand over my t-shirt.

  Frankie gave me a cynical look, a look she had perfected over the years. “Seriously, Grayson, you fucking stink. How long have you been wearing that shirt?” her nose scrunched waving her hand in front of her face. “You need a shower!”

  She was probably right on that. I hadn’t stopped since I left New Mexico and I did stink.

  “You can’t just look good tonight, Grayson. You need to be mind-numbingly gorgeous. You have to…well,” her eyes narrowed at me. “Enough, you’ll see. Clearly, you need my help on this one. Trust me.” Frankie shrugged her shoulders carelessly and danced out of the room, adding a pirouette before she made it out the door.

  Trust was never a word you wanted to hear coming from Frankie Gomez. Ever. You’ll fucking regret it before you even hear the last inflection of the letter “t” flowing out of her mouth.

  The last time I trusted Frankie, I ended up modeling a clothing line she designed in front of a bunch of Catholic school girls while they checked out my junk and Evie and Kelly laughed hysterically in the back of the room. I was thankful she didn’t go to design school like she had originally planned and decided to be a nurse.

  I sighed in defeat knowing there was no stopping her when she was like this.

  “It’s good to be home,” I muttered to myself as I headed off to the shower. Once I was in there it felt refreshing to take a shower after the long drive. The hot water burned my skin a little, as sensitive as it still was on my back. I hated to even see what my back actually looked like, but I knew it wasn’t good.

  Once I was done with the shower, I ran a razor over my face but left some scrub, Evie always liked that on me.

  Nice one, asshole. You know nothing about her and now you’re looking to impress her. Idiot.

  As I looked around my old room, my thoughts drifted to her again when I glanced toward my window.

  You knew this wasn’t going to be easy.

  Frankie soon came bouncing back. Thankfully, I had my pants on as she just barged in like she lived here. Well she did.

  She stopped when she saw my chest and the scars scattered over it. Like I said, it didn’t look all that great. She said nothing, her eyes diverted to the floor.

  “Put this on and don’t touch your hair I already know what I’m going to do with it.”

  “What the fuck for?” I sighed dramatically but followed her toward her bedroom. “Where are we going tonight?”

  I’m almost certain I didn’t want to know that answer to that. I was praying it wasn’t some nightclub as I assumed by the way she was dressed in skintight jeans and an all too revealing top that it wasn’t the local Cracker Barrel we were going to.

  Fuck, what if Evie is a stripper or something?

  Now there’s a sight I want to see. You gotta understand how long this girl has plagued my dreams to understand my obsession with her. If you saw Evie Brooks you’d understand. She’s got this pretty long flowing blonde hair, freckles covering her face and the brightest green eyes I’ve ever fucking seen. Actually, pretty doesn’t do this girl justice. Gorgeous doesn’t either.

  “Ethan and the band are playing at The Point tonight so everyone is meeting over there. Josh and Kelly will be there. Mom and Dad are stopping by later when they get back from Birmingham,” she looked at her phone in her hand. “Which should be any time.”

  “Is Ev—?” I started to say ask but couldn’t finish her name.

  Truth was, I hadn’t spoken her name out loud since I left. I always carried a picture of her in my wallet, the one of us on sitting on the tailgate of my truck, and a few years ago I was paying for dinner when the waitress asked her name as she pointed at the picture, I couldn’t even manage to say it, all that came out was. “Oh that’s…my girl.”

  Frankie looked back at me as she pulled me back down the stairs with her, giving me another cheerful smile I couldn’t return. “Of course she’ll be there, she’s singing tonight.” she glanced up under her eyelashes to see my smirk.

  Oh, this I have to see.

  “Evie’s singing?” I gasped. “You have to be fucking kidding me. She’s not nervous?”

  The Evie I knew was too introverted for that. She had a beautiful voice but usually only sang in front of Ethan and me when we were younger.

  “Not by choice,” Frankie clarified. “We got her drunk first. Ethan had to beg. You know Evie.”

  I just shook my head slowly. I knew exactly what she meant.

  Evie always cared too much for everyone’s feelings but her own, part of the reason why I left. I wanted to give her a chance to fall in love if she wanted to without feeling as if she had to pick me because everyone thought we should be together. Or because we foolishly slept together one night.

  Don’t get me wrong, I desperately wanted Evie to pick me but I didn’t want her to ever feel she had to, if that makes any sense at all.

  “No time to talk about this now though. We have to get over there soon. Ethan could use your help you know.” Frankie hedged, smiling. “He missed you. We all did.”

  I nodded as I slipped on the clean shirt just before we walked out the door.

  “I gotta go meet Evie. You remember where The Point is, right?” Just as we were leaving, she reached for her bag by the table and a tiny black dress hanging on the door.

  If that dress was what Evie is wearing, I’m definitely going!

  “Yeah,” my hand ran over my jaw. “I remember.”

  Once I got to The Point, I found Ethan. He hugged me but thankfully didn’t start with the awkward questions. Ethan was always a great guy. He would do anything for anyone, just like his sister Evie. I couldn’t ask for a better man to be dating Frankie.

  I got straight to work helping Ethan tune the guitars and set up the sound equipment. It was good to see all the guys again. I missed everyone so much, not as much as Evie, but I missed them.

  When I had a chance to look toward the field behind the bar, it was filling up quickly.

  The Point, which was the only bar in Pinckard, was a local hangout for everyone—under age or not. When local bands wanted to play, they had a stage off the back of the bar. They opened the doors of the bar and threw one hell of a party. We used to party here in high school before I left. It was always one of Evie’s favorite places to hang out on the weekends because of the concerts. Ethan and I started a band when we were in high school, playing nearly every Friday night. We attracted some rather large crowds back then and it appeared Ethan hadn’t lost the touch. Part of me was glad he hadn’t lost his drive for music.

  It was then that I realized I forgot what it was like to be home. The summer concerts, the smells of the fresh cut grass, the warm humid summer nights…did I mention the bugs? One thing I did not miss. Although it was better than those fucking spiders in Iraq that looked like they could swallow a goddamn cat whole, these bugs were still a reminder that I was back in my own territory.

  After slapping a bird-sized mosquito off my arm, I noticed Frankie pull in.

  “Grayson!” I caught my already intoxicated sister as she flew through the air at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck.

  “Jesus Frankie, how much have you had to drink since I left the house?” I put my hands on her shoulders to keep her from jumping anymore; she reeked of tequila and limes. I began to wonder if she took a bath in it or how in the hell she actually functioned enough to operate a manual transmission on the way here.

  “Oh, uh,” she tapped her index finger on her lips for a moment. “Hell, I don’t know.” She said waving her hands around. “Can’t I just be happy that my little brother is finally home? Besides, I had to calm Evie down somehow.”

  “Did you tell her I was here?” I could feel my heart racing as I waited for her to answer.

  She smiled and shook her head no. “No, I was waiting until a
fter the concert.”

  We walked back into the bar and ordered a drink just as Ethan came walking up. He leaned down and gave Frankie a kiss. She giggled and reached up to hug him. I heard him ask her how much she had to drink as well. She really did smell as though she bathed in the shit.

  “Okay!” she huffed, wiping her hands down her jeans. “I spilled some on my jeans!” She looked down at the skintight jeans. “They make my ass look good so I refused to change.”

  Ethan shook his head in disbelief. “The things women do for fashion,” he grumbled then nodded toward me. “So…Grayson,” his voice faded as if he was going to ask why I was home.

  I smiled at him. “What’s up?”

  Please do not ask me why I’m home, or anything regarding Evie.

  “Would you care to play tonight?” he asked. “I know it’s probably been a while but just thought maybe you might want to for old time sake?”

  I thought about it for a minute. I hadn’t played in three months but I knew I would have no problem picking it up. I’d played nearly every day since I was three.

  “I’m a little rusty but why not,” I shrugged. “Let me know when you want me to come out.”

  Ethan walked back toward the stage as I went back into the bar to grab the drink I ordered. This was going to be a long fucking night and I needed alcohol.

  The thing was, my life had changed when I left this town. And now, looking at everything around me, it was changing again. I was sure of that.

  “Evie,” Ethan groaned from behind the stage where they were tuning the guitars. “Come on already. You’re fuckin’ stalling.”

  As I sat back stage against the stairs, I downed another shot of tequila to calm my nerves.

  I could never say no to my twin brother. Ethan and I didn’t always get along, with being identical twins and all. He would never hesitate to make my life hell every once in a while and that included not letting me get any sleep these days due to his active sex life…which happened to be with Frankie, my best friend. Talk about awkward, especially when I would hear their Together Time.

  It’s been just Ethan, our mom, and me since we were two. Because of this, Ethan was very protective of me and for the most part, he had good reason to be though. I seemed to find trouble everywhere I went.

  Ethan wasn’t a big guy by any means but he was a scrapper, as Josh would say. He had these big green eyes with thick black lashes that mirrored my own only his hair was a few shades darker than mine.

  Everyone thought he was absolutely adorable. Which could be a compliment to me too since we were identical twins. The funny thing about that was Ethan was born on September third at 11:58 P.M. and I was born at 12:03 A.M. on September fourth, which meant we didn’t share the same birthday. I have to say, growing up that was nice when we constantly struggled to find our own identity apart from being twins—everyone tends to group every aspect of your lives together. When you are three, it’s not an issue but when you are teenagers it can be a major downer.

  Ethan had come to me earlier today because their lead singer was sick with the flu. I couldn’t stand to see my brother stressed out so I said yes…but did I mention that I was drunk at the time this arrangement was made?

  I’m positive that was part of their plan.

  Reluctantly, I put my shot glass down and walked over to the band. I watched them banter back and forth for a moment about what song to play. They would do this forever if I didn’t interject soon.

  “Do you guys know that “I Shall Believe” song?”

  I could throw down Sheryl Crow when the time called for it.

  “Umm—yeah,” Ethan turned his head slightly to one side and cocked an eyebrow at me scratching his jaw. “Do you want to do that one?”

  “Yeah, I mean,” I was petrified of forgetting the lines. “I know that one so I think I should do one I know.”

  “All right,” Paul, their drummer, started strumming his guitar zealously. “Let’s do this!”

  Paul Jeffrey was my brother’s skittish, demented guitar player. Not to mention, I’m pretty sure he’s drunk right now.

  That makes two of us…well three if you count Frankie.

  The light was dim on the stage as I walked out but I could see the crowd gathering. There had to be at least a hundred people, if not more, waiting for us to begin. I could feel my heart beating in my ears.

  “You can do this Evie, stay calm!” I chanted to myself as I stepped to the microphone, coming into view of the crowd for the first time. The stage lights blinded me as I heard people start whistling.

  Damn Frankie and this fucking dress.

  I felt absolutely ridiculous wearing something like this at The Point when the guys got to wear jeans and worn t-shirts. I’d rather be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Tugging on the illegal dress trying to hide my thighs that were in clear view and I was almost positive my ass was hanging out the back by the draft I was feeling. I don’t even want to know what Shane would say later. Probably yell at me for showing too much skin.

  If I thought about it, I’d have to make some type of connection with my love for Grayson and his abrupt departure with the state of my life today. Had Grayson stayed, I’m sure we’d still be together to this day and Shane wouldn’t even be a blip on my radar. I would have never met him.

  Grayson was the love of my life who left me to face every fear alone without so much as a backwards glance. And, now, here I was facing my biggest fear, albeit slightly intoxicated, all by myself.

  Drawing in a deep breath, I did what I said I never would, I went on stage in front of about a hundred people.

  At first, it didn’t seem so bad, and then the anxiety started and memories of being in the field before me took over.

  My childhood, my life like that photograph was captured in that field. A time when my life made sense.

  After about three Jack and Cokes, I was feeling pretty good so I made my way to the field as the band started their warm ups. Sooner than I wanted, Frankie found me again, her arms wrapped around my waist.

  “I’m so happy you’re here!” she squealed clinging to my side again. “I missed my little brother.”

  Sometimes I hated having two older sisters. Growing up they drove me fucking insane. Times certainly hadn’t changed.

  I looked around to see who I knew, subconsciously looking for her. She must have driven separately because I’d yet to see her arrive with anyone. Part of me wanted to ask but I didn’t want to appear too eager, even though I was.

  I noticed Kelly in the crowd and she spotted me as well, greeting me with a huge smile and a wave.

  Kelly is my oldest sister. We rarely got along, okay, we actually never got along. She was beautiful and she knew it which made her one pretentious bitch at times but she was my sister and I loved her regardless. My parents called her the female version of me. I would not agree with that comparison at all.

  She started walking toward me pulling Josh with her when I heard the music I never thought I would hear start. It’d be a miracle if I made it through tonight.

  I looked up to the stage…my heart stopped. Evie stepped out wearing that tiny black dress that barely covered her thighs not to mention the back that had a slit all the way down to the top of her ass, exposing her beautiful skin in ways that should have been illegal.

  Thanks a lot, Frankie! Way to make this homecoming more difficult for me.

  Could she look any more tempting? Here was the woman of my dreams barely wearing anything.

  When I looked up at her, she was different, but yet, the same small town innocent girl she was before. My memory of her didn’t do her justice. I wanted to stop time right then and remember every detail about her that I’d missed for so long, knowing, fucking believing, she was the only one who got me though the last three months.

  As Evie stood there, she bit down on her lower lip, as she always did when she was nervous. That’s about when I could feel my heart beating in my ears.

  Jesus. So goddamn beaut
iful.

  Frankie glanced over at me to see my reaction, apparently pleased with her handiwork she hugged me closer. “Breathe, Grayson,” she whispered in my ear.

  I’m fucking trying!

  Josh and Kelly finally made their way through the rather large crowd.

  “Hey dude,” Josh pulled me into a bear hug, swinging me around like a rag doll.

  Josh Kurtis was Kelly’s longtime boyfriend. They’d been dating since high school and I can’t ever remember a time when he wasn’t around. They left after high school went to college together in Arizona and graduated last year. From what Frankie told me earlier, he had just gotten a good job with an engineering company and bought a house together.

  “Good to see you man,” he smiled and picked me up again.

  “Put him down.” Kelly slapped Josh as she approached us. “It’s my turn to hug him.”

  Kelly and I hugged, briefly, and then turned toward the stage as the music started. It was a quick reunion, small talk made with no questions asked.

  That’s when Evie stepped to the microphone, but kept her head bowed. I heard a few whistles, many coming from a man standing in the corner next to the stage. Both Josh and I turned to see who it was. I recognized him from high school but couldn’t think of his name.

  Sean…Scott…oh, who cares.

  “Fucking jackass,” Josh mumbled and turned away from him. “That guy is a douchebag.”

  Kelly looked over Josh’s shoulder to see who he was talking about and shook her head in disgust. “That’s putting it lightly.”

  I was furious he was looking at her that way. Not that I wasn’t but she was mine. She was always mine, even though she didn’t know it yet, somehow, someway I was going to prove this to her.

  That said douchebag continued to make catcalls at Evie, which didn’t help my jealousy problem. Especially when his buddies joined in.

  Just as I was contemplating walking over to them, and maybe kicking the shit out of them for good measure, Evie started to sing.