Playing My Love

by Angela Peach

  "Sure! It's a date!"

  I felt stupidly warm for looking forward to it.

  4

  Voice Of An Angel

  We made it back to the cottage with less than an hour to spare and I insisted that Darcy should come in and take a shower. We were both roughly the same size and height at five foot eight, so I told her she could have free reign on my wardrobe. She'd gone to object, then glanced at my designer clothes and thought better of it.

  Gray was napping on the sofa when we went in, so I ushered her quietly to the bathroom and gave her fresh towels before running back to the lounge.

  "Gray? Darling, wake up?"

  "Ung…what time is it?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

  "About six. So listen, my car broke down today and that girl I told you about, from the park? Well, she came and picked me up, but then she crashed her car and we had to walk, but then we got lost and chased by bulls, so she's in the shower because she has a really important gig playing in town in less than an hour and we're both really mucky and I said we'd go and listen to her play. Is that okay?" I said in one breathless rush. He frowned, looking confused.

  "All that happened today?" he asked sleepily.

  "Yes, but I feel terrible because if she doesn't get to her gig on time, she'll lose money and she's a student, and it was my fault she crashed her car because I distracted her, so we need to drive her into town in your car. Are you okay to come out for a few hours, maybe get some dinner in the pub?"

  "Whoa, slow down a minute. You want us to go out? In town?"

  "Yes! That's what I'm saying!" I said, exasperated.

  "Who are you and what have you done with my wife?"

  "Gray, I'm serious. This is important to her. Have you got the energy to come out or not?"

  "For you, I always have the energy" he said, yawning.

  "Oh, there's just one thing" I hesitated, feeling awful at what I was about to ask. "She, uh, she doesn't know. About your, you know…"

  "My cancer?"

  I flinched, hating how casual he was about saying it.

  "Yes. Can we keep it that way? It's just nice having someone that looks at me normally and doesn't ask me if I'm alright or how I'm coping every two minutes. Do you mind?" My face was burning. It felt like I was asking him to hide a dirty secret because I was ashamed of him, but he just nodded and yawned again.

  "Suppose I'd best go get changed then" he said, standing to go to the bedroom. Then he stopped at the doorway and turned back. "You got chased by bulls?"

  "Go!" I ushered him off, then plugged my mobile in before following him into the bedroom. I had a quick tidy round as Gray changed and he watched me, amused.

  "This is a girl we're driving to town, right? Not some hunky college dude?"

  "Yes, she's a girl. And I can't believe you just used the words 'hunky' and 'dude'!"

  "Whatever. So why are you so nervous?"

  "I'm not nervous! You know how I get around new people."

  "Yes, you get quiet and shy around new people. You are definitely nervous."

  "I'm not nervous!" I insisted, smiling at him. But I could tell he was unconvinced, and it was probably because I was actually nervous!

  "How do I look?"

  "Like a prince, now go. Make a cup of tea or something. You can't be in here when she gets out of the shower."

  Grumbling good naturedly, he went to the kitchen to make a drink while I rummaged through my clothes for something to wear. I had just decided on a beautiful brown cashmere jumper with a pair of tight jeans when I heard a gentle knock on the door.

  "Alison?"

  "Yes, come in."

  She opened the door self-consciously, holding the towel around her and smiling dreamily.

  "Your shower is like standing at the bottom of a rainbow!"

  I laughed.

  "Funny, Gray said something similar when we first moved in. He said it was like being bathed by angels!"

  "It really is! Seriously, if you're ever in need of a lodger, you let me know!" she said, sitting on the edge of my bed. I watched a drop of water roll from her wet hair and down her collarbone, and cleared my throat. My nerves seemed more amplified now that she was actually in my bedroom.

  "Okay, so just rifle through the drawers and wardrobe and help yourself to whatever you want, I really don't mind. I'm going to take a quick shower as well and I'll meet you back in the lounge. There's perfumes on the side, and whatever you do, do not drink the tea Gray offers you!" I said, feeling quite flustered.

  "Great! I'll see you in a bit."

  "Great."

  I ran to the steamy bathroom and stripped off. It wasn't until I was stood under the jets that I started to analyse. By the time I was wrapping a towel around myself, I'd come to the conclusion that I was nervous about Darcy and Gray meeting, although I wasn't sure why. That would require further analysis later when I had more time. For now, I guessed it was because I felt embarrassed at having such a young friend who was still in college, or simply that they wouldn't get along.

  I tapped lightly on the bedroom door in case she was still dressing, and she called out for me to come in.

  "Wow, you look stunning!" I said, gaping openly at her. She blushed.

  "Your clothes are stunning. They're like all designer labels" she said incredulously. She'd chosen to wear a tight knit cropped black top that had a high neck and accentuated the curve of her breasts nicely, and was complimented by a pair of tight blue jeans that had never looked that good on me. She'd also managed to quickly dry her hair and was wearing one of my favourite perfumes.

  "You can keep them. They look so much better on you and I don't think I've ever worn that jumper" I said impulsively. It was a complete lie, but I felt generous.

  "Are you kidding? There must be about a hundred pounds worth of clothes here!"

  Well, probably closer to two hundred.

  "Please, I insist. Accept them as a gift."

  "Alison, only if you're sure? Because I'm going to stop protesting in about ten seconds and get very excited" she said, touching the soft fabric of the jumper. I smiled.

  "I'm sure. You look fantastic!"

  "Thank you! So much!" She came over and threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, aware of my nakedness beneath the towel. She seemed to notice it too because she pulled back quickly. "Oh. I'm sorry, you probably want to get dressed. I'll leave you to it" she said hastily and moved toward the door.

  "I won't be long."

  I got dressed as quickly as I could, hoping Gray wasn't going to say or do anything embarrassing in my absence, like tell some weird joke or ask about her private life. After a quick go on the hair dryer, I spritzed on some Marc Jacobs perfume and hurried out, pulling my blonde hair into a casual ponytail over my left shoulder as I went. When I got to the lounge, I found them both sitting on the sofa and chatting like old friends. They looked up as I entered and stopped talking. Gray gave a long low whistle.

  "Wow, babe! You look hot!" He said, standing to come over and kiss me. I blushed.

  "She certainly does!" I heard Darcy say, and I glanced at her in time to see her eyes work their way appreciatively down my body and back up again. My blush deepened, but when our eyes met she blushed too, obviously embarrassed at being caught checking me out so openly. We probably would have stood there blushing at each other a lot longer had it not been for Gray ushering us out the door, reminding us that we were on a tight time limit. We still had to pick up Darcy's guitar from her flat before going to the pub, and as we got into the car I noticed a tension settle over her. Gray put the car in gear and drove off as quickly as he could, and I turned in my seat to face her.

  "So what sort of music are you going to be playing tonight?" I asked. She looked at me, but she still seemed tense and distracted, so I decided to try and reassure her. "It's okay. We'll get you there on time" I added, but this just seemed to confuse her.

  "Hmm? Oh, I'm not worried about that" she mumbled.

  "Is i
t that you're nervous then?"

  "No, I'm fine. I've done loads of gigs before."

  I paused, knowing something was bothering her, and saw her eyes flicker toward Gray then back to me. I understood. Whatever it was, she didn't want to mention it in front of him. I leaned over the seats and lowered my voice.

  "It's a two way street Darcy. It goes both ways" I whispered quietly, but she cocked her head and sat forward, looking bemused.

  "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch what you just said. What goes both ways?"

  "You know, should you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here" I said, and then (for some unknown reason) I put my hand on her knee again! I felt her leg jolt, almost as if I'd electrocuted her. What was even stranger was that I felt the zing of electric energy go up through my arm too, as if I'd touched an electrified fence, although it was far more pleasant and there was no pain. We both gasped.

  "I'm sorry" I snatched my hand back, but she caught it with one of hers.

  "No, it's okay. I, um, I have really sensitive knees" she muttered, squeezing my hand gently. We stayed that way for a few seconds before she awkwardly answered the question I forgot I'd asked. "It's just…I've just realised I have a problem, which I didn't realise I had before. But now I'm aware of it, and I'm going to have to deal with it before it turns into a bigger problem." She looked down at our hands. "I'm sorry I can't say any more about it. It's quite a personal thing."

  "It's okay, I understand." I did. After all, wasn't I keeping one big, fat secret from her regarding Gray's illness?

  "So how long have you been playing guitar for, Darcy?" Gray asked, snapping us out of it. We let go of each other's hands quickly as she answered and I put mine in my lap, wondering at the pleasant pins and needles in it.

  "Since I was about eleven. I used to sing all the time and someone close to me suggested I learn to play the guitar as well, so I did. But it was more of a challenge for me than a hobby at the time. I guess I didn't really start to enjoy playing until I was about eighteen."

  "Really? What changed it for you?" he asked.

  "I fell in love" she said, smiling. "Then all of a sudden I wanted to play, I wanted to sing, and it all became this magical experience for me, a way to express my feelings!" She gave a dry laugh. "Luckily the pleasure of playing stayed when we broke up."

  She seemed to relax again after that, and when we'd collected her guitar she tuned it as we drove to the pub, making it there only a few minutes late. While she ran off to set up with her microphone, Gray and I ordered a burger and chips from the bar, then sat down to wait. There were a lot of raucous cheers from a large group in the corner and I guessed they were her friends. In fact, as I looked around, I could see it was pretty packed for a small town pub on a weekday evening. She'd obviously attracted a large crowd, no doubt drawing them in with her easy warm energy.

  After playing around with her sound levels for a few minutes, she cleared her throat and leaned in to the microphone.

  "Hi everyone. Sorry about the delay and thank you all for being so patient. For those of you who don't know who I am…"

  "We all know who you are, Darcy!" a lad shouted out, and there were a lot of laughs and clapping. She smiled around at everyone.

  "I think you might be right! Well anyway, just in case, my name is Darcy and if you've never heard me play before, I do change the words to suit myself, so don't worry. I haven't forgotten the words or anything" she said, then looked quickly at me and winked. I smiled, remembering our first meeting. "I'm going to start with a song that describes the day I've had today." She sat back and silence descended over the crowded pub before she started singing 'Perfect Day' by Lou Reed. She did indeed change the words and I wondered if she was improvising on the spot, or if she'd been planning this song while we'd been walking because she managed to add in being chased by bulls as well as crashing into a tree.

  But her voice? If I'd thought she could sing in the park, I hadn't heard her even trying! She was enchanting, haunting, beautiful. She raised goose bumps all over my body and I sat transfixed, even when our food turned up.

  Her set was just one spine tingling tune after another. I recognised a lot of the songs, some surprising me that she even knew them. I made a mental note to ask for her set list later, because the songs I didn't recognise I really liked.

  But it all came to an end far too soon and I found myself irrationally disappointed. I could have carried on listening for at least another hour.

  "Okay, I think I've got time for one last quick one. I hope you like it."

  She started playing and I knew the song instantly. It was an old Guns 'n' Roses track, Sweet Child Of Mine from one of my favourite albums, and I just had a feeling I was going to love her version more. She'd slowed it down so that it was almost a lullaby, and as she took a deep breath to sing the first line, her eyes flickered briefly over, catching mine. It was so fleeting, and probably no one else in the pub would have noticed it, but to me it spoke volumes. My breath caught as she began to sing.

  "She's got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain, I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain."

  She sang softly and I felt inexplicably like crying. In fact, halfway through my eyes welled up and I had to close them to prevent the excess moisture from escaping.

  She's done it again!

  For the third time, Darcy had elicited a buried emotion from deep within me! Just dug on in and gently pulled it out of me. First hope, then laughter, now tears. I took deep breaths as I listened and felt transported away by the melody until with a gentle flourish across the strings, she finished. There was a moments silence and I opened my eyes just in time to hear everyone go wild, clapping and cheering. Gray and I joined in enthusiastically.

  "That girl has got some talent alright" he said, leaning over. I still had a lump in my throat and didn't trust myself to speak so I just nodded in agreement.

  "Thank you" Darcy said into the microphone before removing the guitar from her neck and going over to her group of friends.

  "Do you want another drink?" Gray asked and I returned my attention to him.

  "Um, maybe we should go? It's quite late, I don't want you to get tired."

  "It's eight o clock, Ali, hardly the witching hour! And I had a long sleep earlier, so I'll be fine for another drink."

  I ignored him, putting my jacket on quickly. For some reason I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

  "Seriously? You want to go? Don't you want to say goodbye to Darcy first?"

  "She's with all her friends. I'll catch up with her another time."

  "No, she's not. She's heading over."

  Sure enough, a quick glance confirmed that she was threading her way across the room toward us, trying to politely ignore people desperate to talk to her.

  "Hey! You're not leaving are you?" she asked, her eyes shining more than usual and her cheeks flushed from singing. Gray looked pointedly at me.

  "No, of course not. I was just, er, going out for a cigarette" I fished the lie from thin air. She smiled, looking relieved while Gray raised his eyebrows at me, clearly amused.

  "So what did you think?"

  "It was an amazing set, Darcy. I really enjoyed it" he replied, and she thanked him then looked hopefully at me.

  "It was…beautiful" I said, wanting to say so much more, but not wanting to gush. She studied me intently, almost as if reading my thoughts.

  "Thank you. What was your favourite?"

  "I think I liked the one you finished on best" I said, holding her eye. She nodded, understanding that I knew it had been directed toward me.

  "That was my favourite too" she said softly.

  "Darcy, I was just about to get us a drink. Can I get you one?"

  "Yes please, a whiskey and coke, thank you."

  "Same again, Ali?" He winked at me and went to the bar, leaving us alone.

  "I'm really glad you enjoyed it."

  "I really did. I'd love to see you again.
"

  "I'd like that too."

  For a crazy second, I wondered if we were talking about her playing a gig or something else. I swallowed thickly.

  "So what are you going to do about Jim?" I asked and she frowned.

  "Jim? Who's…oh! You mean Tim? I don't know. I guess I'll give the insurance company a call tomorrow and see what they say."

  "I feel awful. I wish there was something I could do to help."

  "Hey, you got me here! And you gave me these awesome clothes! They probably cost more than Tim did anyway!"

  "Darcy! I can't believe how rude you're being! Aren't you going to introduce us to your friend?" A girl with curly blonde ringlets suddenly joined us. She was dressed to impress the guys with a very low cut top and mini skirt.

  "Sorry Nic. This is Alison. Alison, this is my best friend, Nicki" Darcy said, introducing us.

  "Oh, you're Alison!" she said excitedly, looking very interested. "We've heard so much about you…ow!" She glared at Darcy who glared back at her.

  "Nic and I are on the same course together and we also share a flat. Oh, and here's Alison's husband, Gray" she said, seeming to make a point of mentioning that Gray was my husband. A look passed between the two girls that I couldn't work out as he passed us our drinks.

  As it was too late to make a graceful exit we ended up staying and chatting, and bit by bit Darcy's friends filtered their way over until there was about twelve of us sat around three tables. She stayed next to me the whole time though, occasionally glancing my way to check I was okay and not too overwhelmed.

  Eventually we said our goodbyes and made our way to the door. I turned in time to see Darcy watching me leave, her eyes sad before she smiled quickly and raised her hand to wave. I waved back. I felt sad too.

  5

  Past And Present, Old And New

  "So" Gray said, in a tone that instantly got me suspicious. "You're getting on well with Darcy."

  "Yes. She's a nice girl."

  "Yes, she's lovely." He paused, sipping from his tea while watching me. "Not like you to make friends so easily. I mean, you've even said yourself that Jazz is, and would probably always be, your only friend."