Playing My Love

by Angela Peach

  "Sure! Hey, Nicki, Alison brought us cake."

  "Ooh, she knows us so well! So where have you been hiding? Not seen you around here for a while?" Nicki asked, filling the kettle. I quickly glanced at Darcy, an eyebrow raised in question. She gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head.

  Did you tell her what happened between us?

  No.

  "I've just been busy round the house. We took on a lot when we bought it and it's just starting to take shape now, but it's been a lot of hard work."

  "That's something I've been meaning to ask. Have you and Gray retired early or something? I mean, neither of you are working and yet you've moved from the city to the country…aren't you a bit young, or are you just filthy rich?"

  "We both decided to take a year out from the city and the stress of our jobs, and just relax for a while. We had a lot of money saved up anyway, and the sale from our apartment in London was more than double what we paid for our cottage, so we banked the leftover change. I guess we just want to enjoy life while we can."

  Most of this was true, and was what I'd told Darcy long ago. Nicki looked impressed.

  "Well, it's alright for some! Wouldn't mind swapping places with you for a few months!"

  I changed the subject to their exams quickly, and we ate some of my 'cake-muffins' with a mug of tea as we chatted, before Darcy pulled me off to her room so I could show her how far I'd got with my guitar. The awkwardness returned briefly as I saw her bed, and felt a blush flood my cheeks at the memory of us on it. I noticed she had gone quiet too.

  "So…why don't you sit down and get comfy. It should already be tuned…" she said, taking her guitar from the stand by the head board. I obediently sat down, sure she'd be impressed with the level I'd reached all on my own, but nervous nonetheless. Her opinion meant a lot to me.

  I played through the songs I was most confident with while Darcy perched on her computer desk, keeping her face neutral as she listened, watching my fingers on the strings. Embarrassingly, I got frustrated with a section on Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here' that always seemed to catch me out, and it threw me off my rhythm.

  "Can you see what I'm doing wrong? Because I just can't get from here…to here smoothly and it's driving me crazy" I asked, demonstrating the sticky part.

  "You learned this? All by yourself?" she asked, astonished.

  "Well, I spent a lot of time on Youtube, but yes. Can you help me figure it out?"

  "That intro is really tricky! I can't believe you even tackled it! Yes, I can see where you're going wrong, and it'll just be an adjustment of where you position your fingers. Have you been sleeping with your guitar, Alison?"

  "I've just been practicing my fingering as much as I can before it becomes unbearable" I said, without even thinking. Darcy's eyes widened in amusement and she smirked at me.

  "Well, that's something I'd love to see" she remarked, quirking an eyebrow naughtily. I frowned, puzzled for a moment, before the meaning of what I'd said sank in. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand.

  "I can't believe I just said that!"

  "Just how long can you finger for before it becomes unbearable?" she teased.

  "An hour, sometimes two if I'm lucky. Depends how intense and passionate it gets! How long can you finger for?"

  She nodded, impressed.

  "I always did love a woman who could finger with passion and intensity!" she said, laughing, then leaned forward conspiratorially. "Oh, and I can go all night!" she added, winking. I gasped again in mock shock.

  "I can't believe you just said that!"

  "I know, I'm sorry! You started it!" she playfully shoved my shoulder and I shoved hers back, laughing. It was more out of relief, I thought, that the tension had gone, leaving us comfortable with each other again.

  "I actually did miss you, you know" I said, sincerely.

  "It's really good to see you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to pick myself up." She came and sat next to me on the bed.

  "I understand why you needed the time. How are you coping?"

  "Barely. She calls me once or twice a day every day."

  I swallowed. I didn't know this girl on the other side of the planet, but I'd inadvertently broken her heart and ruined her life. I felt awful. Darcy saw my face.

  "Hey, don't feel bad. It was my choice to stay. Although you were incredibly convincing in your argument to get me to stay, it was still my decision. If I'd really wanted to go, I would have."

  "Thank you. For staying."

  Our eyes met and warmth flooded through me. I knew I wanted to hold her and kiss her and do all sorts of other things with her, but we couldn't. I passed her back her guitar instead.

  "Play for me?" I asked softly. She took it from my hands and I got in a comfortable position to watch her.

  "I can tell by your eyes that you've probably been crying a river, and the stars in the sky don't mean nothing to you, they're a mirror. I don't wanna, talk about it, but you've taken my heart, if I stay just a little bit longer, if I stay here will you listen, to my heart…"

  I was accustomed by now to Darcy's amazing, and almost unconscious ability to tap into how she was feeling and find the perfect song with the perfect words (or words that she could adapt to suit) but I was still in complete and utter awe by her voice. It was as if she was singing directly to my soul, every time.

  She went straight from that song into Morcheeba's Never An Easy Way, then Norah Jones' Take It Back. They were all haunting and melancholic and I felt where she was playing from, recognising her emotions being raw and painful. But then she sighed and shook her head, and the next song she sang made me smile.

  "When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do, is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue…"

  Her phone ringing made me jump and she stopped abruptly.

  Ring, ring.

  "I'm just going to see who it is" she said, although my cunning sixth sense could have told her exactly who it was. She stood and picked the phone up from her desk, turning her back to me as she answered it. "Hey…um, I can't really talk right now, I'm in the middle of giving someone a guitar lesson. Yeah, I know…I just…" her voice became more hushed and intimate. "Please don't? You know that's not true…of course I care…no, I can't! Look, I'm gonna go, I'm sorry, I just can't do this right now. Bye."

  It had been impossible not to listen, and Darcy knew this. She turned back round apologetically.

  "Sorry. That was Sam."

  "I guessed. We can do this another time if you want to call her back?" I offered.

  "No, honestly, it's fine. She just won't accept that it's over between us. Keeps saying she won't give up cos she doesn't want to lose me again" Darcy mumbled, drawing her hair back from her face into a rough ponytail. There was a long pause, as I struggled with whether or not I should comfort her, but then she shook her head as if remembering something important. "Hey! I thought we were going to the beach! I've got my bikini on and my towel and sun lotion packed, so come on! Let's go! It's far too nice to be stuck indoors" she said, over enthusiastically, obviously desperate to change the subject and get out.

  "I'm ready when you are! Bring some of your music for the car, though. I'm bored with all my cd's."

  She selected three cd's from a stack, then pushed me out of her room. With a quick goodbye to Nicki, we rushed out into the sunshine, excited and impatient for the beach now. In the jeep, Darcy put one of her discs in and I pulled away from the kerb.

  "Alison, I meant to ask. What are your plans for the twenty eighth of July?"

  I thought for a minute. It sounded familiar, but I couldn't think why.

  "I'm not sure. What did you…oh! I know! It's the day Gray and I leave to go on holiday" I said, suddenly remembering.

  "Oh. Okay, well never mind." She turned to look out of the window, but not before I'd registered the disappointment on her face.

  "Why did you ask?"

  "It's nothing, really."

  "Daneka? Please tell me?"

>   "It's the day I graduate. I was going to ask if you and Gray would like to come to the ceremony, but I understand. I mean, it's not like you can delay the plane just to watch me throw my hat in the air!" She tried to sound like it was no big deal, but I could tell she was upset. I was.

  "I'm sorry. I would have loved to have come."

  "Honestly, it's fine! Don't worry about it. Nicki's mum will probably record the whole thing so I can bore you with the video when you get back!"

  We drove in silence for a few miles, just listening to the music. It was a band I didn't recognise, but as always happened with Darcy's excellent music taste, I loved instantly.

  "Who is this?" I finally asked.

  "It's this really cool band called Eeek. I saw them at L Fest last year."

  "L Fest?"

  "Mm-hm. It's a music and arts festival, just for lesbians. Anyway, I got chatting to the band afterward and now I try and get to see them if they're playing nearby. I can do you a copy of this cd if you want?"

  "Please. I really must give you some money for all the cd's you make for me." I thought of the twenty or thirty cd's she'd burned for me over the last couple of months, happily feeding my hunger for new music. She hadn't, however, mentioned the Carla Bruni song and I was trying to keep quiet about it. I could sing the French part off by heart now without hesitation, but what had seemed like simple strumming was far more complex when you added words to the rhythm. It was going to be a surprise for her when I finally had it nailed.

  "Don't be ridiculous! Do I even need to remind you I got a car out of our little deal? The discs are dirt cheap, so don't worry about it. I like sharing it with you. You have extremely good taste!"

  I smiled.

  "You said my cd collection was archaic!"

  "I never did! I said Gray's was archaic! I believe I said yours was retro!"

  "Ah yes, I remember now."

  "Oh, by the way, I'm still looking for the sheet music to that French song you liked. I haven't forgotten" she suddenly said, and I cringed inwardly.

  "French song? Oh, yes, I remember. That's okay, there's no rush. I've got plenty to be getting on with for now, so don't worry about it" I said, hoping to stall her.

  "Really? Are you sure? I thought you wanted to learn it for Gray, that's all."

  I glanced over at her curiously.

  "No. I thought it was…"

  Our song.

  "What?"

  "Nothing. I thought it was too complex for now, that's all." I paused, confused. I was sure she'd been singing it for me in the shed. I tried to sound casual. "Did you, you know, sing that for Sam?" Yup, that sounded casual!

  "No, I found it earlier this year, just after I met you. I didn't even think of her when I first heard it, though. That was one of the ways I knew I was getting over her."

  I wondered if she'd thought of me, but didn't dare ask and she didn't elaborate.

  She then gave me directions to get to a private patch of coastline that only a handful of locals knew to access, and we parked up before making our way through a thick wooded area. I was glad she knew where she was going because the path we were following wasn't very clear to the untrained eye. But after about fifteen minutes, the trees suddenly cleared and the vast expanse of beautiful azure sea stretched for as far as the eye could see.

  We spent the next four hours on the beach, going for dips every now and then to cool off. I was glad for my shades, covering my eyes as they wandered helplessly up and down her near naked body, but it was as we rubbed lotion on each other's backs that we both went very quiet and seemed to take extra care to apply it! There was something so erotic in the way my hands slid over her hot skin, and I had to physically stop myself when the lotion had been absorbed completely. When it was my turn to lay on my front, I felt like I was receiving an exotic massage! I thanked my lucky stars I was a woman and had nothing to hide when I rolled back onto my front (although there was definitely a more prominent showing of my nipples through my bikini top! Darcy was wearing dark shades as well, so I couldn't tell if she noticed it or not.)

  There were only about thirty or so others there, lending a private, exclusive feel to the afternoon and when we finally managed to pack our bags to leave, it was mainly hunger driven. We both had massive cravings for fish and chips with lashings of salt and vinegar to soak the paper. Darcy had nearly peed herself when I told her I could remember it being wrapped in old newspaper when I was a young child. When she stopped laughing, she told me she knew the best fish and chip shop in town and took me straight there. I was pleased to find she hadn't been exaggerating.

  When I got home, Gray questioned me again about Jazz, obviously mistaking my good mood as a good time to ask. However, I deflected it all and went for a shower instead to wash the sand and salt from my skin. When I emerged, I found him busy typing and he said he wanted to finish the chapter he was currently on, so I sat in the garden with a chilled bottle of wine and watched the sun go down. This gave me time to ponder how distant he'd become recently. I understood that he wanted to type up his novel and edit it before it was too late, but he also seemed to be withdrawing his affection from me. I wasn't sure if this was because he was depressed and pensive, or if I was just imagining it.

  When I went in to bed later that evening, however, he didn't roll over to cuddle me like he normally did and we ended up facing in opposite directions to fall asleep.

  The next morning a large package arrived for me in the post. When I opened it up, it was a female blow up sex doll. It was from Jazz.

  14

  Sky-sharing

  "Stop fidgeting!"

  "I can't help it, it's nervous excitement. Did we pack the travel plugs?" I asked suddenly, eyes squinted as I tried to picture packing them in the case.

  "Yes. Two of them."

  "Okay." I started to fidget again, checking my watch for the tenth time before shouting, "TOOTHBRUSHES!"

  Gray looked around, amused but slightly embarrassed at my loud outburst. A few people were giving me confused looks.

  "Sorry, she's got Tourette's! Anything could come out of that dirty mouth!" Darcy said from behind me. I turned around, beaming.

  "Hey! Congratulations honey! I'm so proud of you!" I threw my arms around her neck and squeezed her tight. She squeezed back even harder, laughing.

  "I can't believe I did it! Oh my god, tonight is gonna be amazing!" she gushed, her cheeks flushed with excitement. We pulled apart, but I took her hand in mine, thinking it wouldn't matter on a day like today. Gray didn't seem to mind.

  "Congratulations Darcy! I remember my graduation day…well, actually, I can only remember half of it, but it's a feeling that will always stay with you!" he said giving her a much gentler hug. He'd had his stent replaced last week in preparation for our holiday, so apart from looking tired and gaunt, there was very little colouring of his skin.

  "I'm so glad you guys could make it. You don't know how much this means to me, truly" she said, looking gratefully between us. She'd told us earlier that her mum had fallen really ill and had been unable to attend the ceremony. For some reason I got the impression there was more to this story than she was letting on, but I didn't push her for details. She was obviously very upset about it, and today was supposed to be a celebration. In fact, on the rare occasion that Darcy had mentioned her mum, it had always been vague and brief. Having my own secrets, I recognised the need for privacy until ready to talk, so I let it be.

  "Ali and I wouldn't have missed this" Gray said, just as a familiar face walked past. He smiled and stopped, recognising me.

  "Hey! How's the jeep?" he asked, and I realised with horror it was Phil, the car salesman. I looked guiltily at Darcy, suddenly aware that we were still holding hands.

  Maybe he wouldn't notice?

  Phil glanced down at our hands, then up at Gray, then back at me. Darcy clicked who it was at the same time he recognised who she was, even under her gown and cap. As I tried to release her hand, she tightened her grip, and pu
lled me closer.

  "Alison, don't be rude! Introduce him to Gray!" she admonished with an innocent smile.

  "Er, Gray, this is Philip, the guy who did the part exchange on the jeep for me" I said.

  "Hi, pleasure to meet you. So, you're her, ahem, husband?" he asked, looking nervously excited about the whole situation.

  "Yes. You gave her a good deal on that jeep. It's been a godsend round here" Gray said, oblivious to what was going on around him.

  "Mm, I'm not so happy with my car to be honest. I think I might have to come back in and take a look at those sports cars, don't you, Alison?" she tilted her head playfully, her eyes begging me to go along with it. I hesitated for a second, and then thought what the hell. I could explain the joke to Gray later.

  "Why not! You certainly deserve it after all your hard work" I said, winking at her in a way that only Phil and Darcy would be able to see.

  "Exactly! And I think I need something to give me pleasure while you're swanning off round the world with poor old Gray here for four weeks, don't you Phil?" she said gleefully.

  "I couldn't agree more" Phil was nodding emphatically, looking back and forth between us all.

  "We can go in later this afternoon if you want?"

  "Honey? I have plans for us this afternoon…surprise plans!" Darcy crooned, biting her lip suggestively. I didn't dare look at Gray, knowing he'd be wondering what the hell was going on.

  "Maybe we could go there after?" I suggested. Darcy threw her free arm up in exasperation and addressed Gray.

  "I don't know how you put up with her full time, I really don't!"

  "She's certainly a handful!" he replied.

  "Well, if you ever want me to take her off your hands, you just let me know! I'd be more than happy!"

  "I'll keep that in mind, but I should warn you, she's not the easiest person to live with. She'll keep you on your toes."

  "Hahaha, well that's okay cos I intend keeping her on her back!" she laughed, and Phil nearly choked. Gray had obviously twigged that we were winding Phil up because he carried on.

  "Good luck with that! Ali's always loved it on top!"