Once Burned

by Jennifer Willows

  “Did you guys finish your homework?”

  Malik piped up first. “Of course mom, I did mine at lunch.”

  Paris rolled her eyes at her brother. “Um... I still have a project I have to write the essay for.”

  “Then I suggest you go do that then. It’s almost seven and I want to watch the dancing show with you guys before bed.”

  That was a family favorite. They would watch the show and critique the performances of the B-list stars and athletes. Juniper had a few things she needed to do for herself as well, and that included readying her scrub uniforms and washing the load of clothes that had piled up over the last few days.

  When she finished her chores and the children had finished theirs, they all piled onto the huge sectional sofa in the living room. The family as a whole didn’t watch much TV, but Juniper had learned early on that whatever her babies watched, she would have to as well until they were old enough for some of the material that was so readily available in these days and times.

  Life was much different now than when she was young. She had grown up in a community that had no strangers and people left their doors unlocked. Now, she fretted if she thought the alarm wasn’t set and she even had an app that let her monitor her home via remote cam when she was away.

  She even owned a gun, although it did her little good locked away as it was. Juniper even knew how to shoot it as country girl born and bred.

  But when the hour of family television watching was over, she hugged each of her children and sent them off to their rooms for the night. Juniper pulled on her favorite gown. No sooner than the fabric cleared her shoulders to skim south, the phone rang.

  “Hey.” He said.

  “Hi.” She replied.

  The conversation was as easy as the previous night, only with more laughter. But now they had a rapport and it made everything flow, as if they were two glasses of water that were being poured into the same vessel.

  Eventually, they discussed their person philosophies on life and spirituality.

  Spencer’s was a simplistic version. “I believe in something much greater than myself. But I think that each of us has the potential to be a vessel for the universe.”

  That was almost an anathema to Juniper. She attended church every Sunday and on all major holidays. The children were raised to be god-fearing, the same way she had been as a child. But she still couldn’t stop the conversation with Spencer, despite the fact that their beliefs were wildly different.

  “Do my personal beliefs bother you?” He asked after she was mutinously silent for several awkward moments that she had no way to take back.

  She almost hated to respond. “Honestly?”

  “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  If you want the truth, here it goes. “They do.”

  “Well, try something for me.”

  “What?” Please don’t try to have phone sex with me.

  Although, she just might like it.

  Not yet.

  “Where are you right now?”

  She really wanted him to be as nice as he seemed. “Uh, I’m bed.”

  But he remained matter of fact. “Sitting up or laying down?”

  “Up on the pillows.”

  “Okay. I’m going to play some music. Lay down flat on the bed.” Juniper rolled her eyes but complied, curious about what he was going to ask her to do.

  She could hear an odd tone, a flute of some kind maybe?

  The notes were a simple melody that flowed, and would be right at home in the spa at the villa.

  “Are you ready?”

  “I think so.”

  “Just listen to my breathing and try to match mine.”

  Juniper closed her eyes and let the odd flute notes relax her into following Spencer’s rhythm.

  In. out.

  Exhale. Inhale.

  For long moments there were no words spoken and none were needed. Even though she might have dismissed the notion before, she could feel her energy rise beneath her skin. Juniper was hyper relaxed, yet she had more energy than could remember at this time of the night. It was as if she had slept for a full night and woken fresh.

  Spencer took one deep breath, released it slowly and she followed suit.

  “How’s that?”

  “That was…” Juniper searched for the right word to describe the feeling of energy buzz through her veins. “Refreshing, maybe?”

  “I’m glad you think so.”

  “So meditation?”

  She could almost hear the smile in his voice. “Yes. I love to meditate. It helps me when I think I need clarity and distance from myself.”

  “I never thought about it that way. It always seemed like something pagan and weird.”

  “Think about it this way. People live their lives in fear, hobbled by unfulfilling careers and the regret of bad choices. Imagine your house, the one you’re at right now. You live in it and you know what’s inside. But over the years, you’ve bought new things, replaced old and worn items.

  So you might not remember every detail like its fresh. You’ll forget the rock on your mantel was one your daughter gave you ten years ago, or that you have a tiny bird statue on the table until something happens to remind you. But if someone that doesn’t live with you looks into the same room, they will see a snapshot you’ve forgotten existed.”

  “Okay.”

  “That is what meditation does for people. We are able to look past what our lazy brains want to recollect and take in the entire picture, see what we would otherwise overlook due to familiarity.”

  “You’ve got my attention.” And she knew he was right. At the moment, she could see so clearly. Tiny details that she didn’t normally pay attention to. Like the way her skin took in the temperature of her room, and the chemical taste of the jasmine air freshener plugged in beside her bed.

  “I know I do. And I really appreciate it.”

  It was then that she looked at the clock. It was way past her bed time. But she wasn’t even sleepy it seemed like. “Do you know it’s almost one?”

  “Yeah, I just noticed that. Go to bed, your day starts much earlier than mine does.”

  Juniper stuck her tongue out at the phone. “How do you know that?”

  He chuckled. “Because you look like the type that gets up before dawn.”

  So sue her, she liked to be ready for anything. “And you aren’t?”

  “I am too, but I’ve learned the power of micro naps.”

  “What’s that?”

  “It would take half of the night to totally explain the bio rhythms and timing. If you take too much of a time out, you feel worse than when you started. But I’ll make sure to tell you all about it tomorrow night.”

  “Okay, it’s a date.”

  “Not yet, but eventually it will be.”

  “Bye!” Juniper hung the phone up and chuckled.

  She thought she would be wide awake for hours, but she drifted off as soon as she slid back onto the pillow.

  Chapter 4: It’s A Date

  Juniper knew logically that it took twenty one days to form habits. But talking with Spencer nightly had become a routine much more quickly than that. She always made certain that her phone was charged to the max by eight forty five and that she was dressed for bed by that time as well.

  There was only one occasion she didn’t speak to him at nine.

  That day in particular was a long one for him as he had to move his mother into her new apartment at the villa. So it was no surprise that he was fast asleep by then. Even still, to make it up to her, he called at dawn while she made her children breakfast. Malik’s car was out of the shop and she didn’t have to drive her children to school, so she had the spare time.

  She had learned the benefits to mediation within that timeframe and found that she appreciated the few moments she took for herself to relax and let her mind go free.

  Juniper had acquired another habit to go along with Spencer and his scintillating conversation.
>
  Masturbation. It was an addiction, she couldn’t stop herself. The minute the call disconnected, her hands invariably made way over her body.

  She went to bed with a slick sex and stiffly pinched nipples every single night. Her hunger had grown fiercer than she ever imagined was possible.

  There was only one storm cloud on the horizon. Spencer hadn’t asked her out on an official date since the offer he made the first night. It made her feel like he was playing her somehow, as if he were just having fun with a lonely divorcee. From what she knew of him, he wasn’t that type of man, but somehow, her old reservations had crept back to the forefront with every night passing by the same as the previous evening had.

  It took Juniper numerous bouts of mental deliberation to even think about mentioning her concerns.

  Finally, one month later, after dozens of impromptu lunches and a hundred hours of conversation, Juniper jumped into the murky issues with head first.

  That night, the topic was yoga. Spencer was an accomplished yogi. As he put it, the only reason he woke at dawn was to perform sun salutations. It was a routine that allowed him to combine various poses that flowed from one to another seamlessly.

  She was interested and looked up some of the moves, but she felt like she was out of her element. Some of the poses looked harder than she wanted to admit.

  “That’s the beautiful part about yoga. You can use modifications if needed, so you can get into any pose without triggering chronic pain. I’ll make sure to show you one morning at sunrise.”

  Even though his words were far from sexual, she immediately thought about why she would be with him at that time of the morning in the first place.

  Sex.

  Hot, hungry, jungle sleepover sex.

  Juniper was shocked by the urge. She had what she assumed was a normal appetite for carnality, even if she didn’t indulge. But after so many years of abstaining, she had mastered her body’s needs in that regard.

  As always, he was in tune with her. “Did I offend you?”

  “No, of course not. It’s just been awhile for me, that’s all.” She didn’t explain.

  But his next words showed he didn’t need explanation, and showed just how well he understood her. “Well, it’s been a long time for me as well. But I wasn’t referring to sex. Yes, I would love to make love with you, Juniper. But not until you’re ready for that step. I’m not one to take the sharing of my body lightly either. For me, sex is so much more than bodies bumping in the night. I have learned the value in worshipping my lover as she represents the divine.”

  She couldn’t touch that statement with a ten foot pole. Not if she wanted to avoid the topic at hand. Juniper felt lust for Spencer, but she didn’t want their conversations to turn into late night phone sex either.

  “How long is a long time?” She imagined that as an attractive man, a long time would be somewhere in the neighborhood of six months.

  “Just shy of three years.” Well, apparently she wasn’t the only one who had lived the abstinent life.

  “What?”

  “Yes. Juniper, I may not be a man who has embedded spirituality within the walls of a church, but I am very spiritual. Sharing myself with a woman is something I have a healthy respect for. At one point, I was just like most other men. I slept with women if they were adult, available, and attractive. But after learning better, I found that empty sex didn’t solve anything, didn’t fill the empty void inside me. Remember how I told you I was an investment broker a few years ago?”

  “I do recall you mentioning that before.” A few weeks previous, he’d mentioned what he used to do for a living.

  Until he found himself having a mental breakdown from stress, combined with several heath issues that he was much too young for.

  “Well, in all honesty Juniper, I found myself wondering what the point of it all was. I knew I had to take some time off on doctor’s orders and have a vacation. But when I got ready to board my connection to Spain, I saw another headed flight headed to India and I took that one instead. That decision changed my life. It was there that I met my first sannyasa.”

  “What is a san-a-whats-a?”

  “Sannyasa. That is a term used for monastics that live a life of spiritual pursuit until the age of fifty. The initial stage, the one I studied under is known as Brahmacharya. Usually the time is decide if they want to become monks and that is what the students are usually called.”

  That was something new. “What was that like?”

  “Believe it or not, I felt so free. I had money and plenty of it. But money doesn’t fill needs in life. I needed those months and my life was forever transformed by what I learned during those days and nights. There were no thoughts of how much I had of anything. I wore the same robes every day. I had the same meal most days as the foods are kept unseasoned.”

  He described a life of dining once daily in the morning, with entire hours spent in prayer throughout the remaining hours. She could taste the simplicity of the life he described. It could be peaceful for the right person. But she couldn’t imagine living day by day that way and she said as much.

  “That’s why I became a life coach when I came back. I had numerous colleagues that had the same issues I did. They were just too attached to the lifestyle to part with it even for their own health. The things I took the time to learn can be healing to a fractured soul. And I didn’t mind helping.”

  “Don’t monks abstain from money and sex?”

  “They do. Although there are certain stages that a man can choose to become a married practitioner, called a Grihasthas. Some are lay people as well, earn wages. Plus, western philosophy gives a strange concept of value. Those adages associate worth with price. If I charged too little, or nothing, then likely the people that I help would spurn my message altogether.”

  “Wow.” She had never thought about that. But she had to concede, as he was correct. “I guess you’re right though. Like when I bought my car, if it had been offered for a really low amount, I would assume something is wrong with it. It would take me aback to say the least.”

  “Exactly.”

  “I have a question.” She didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t go another moment without knowing the answer either.

  “I hope I have the right answer.”

  “Why haven’t you asked me out yet?”

  “I have.” He said simply.

  “No. I think I would remember that.”

  “I’ve asked you to let me take you and the kids to dinner, what about a dozen times already?”

  He had. In fact, his estimate was probably very low. But she never assumed he was really asking her out, just fishing. Not to mention, she didn’t know if she was ready for him to meet her children yet. “I meant just me and you.”

  “The reason I’ve asked for the first date to be with them is because I think they should have a chance to meet me first. When I come to pick you up and take you on a date down the road, they should know who their mother is getting into a car with. They should be comfortable with the idea of you alone with me and they aren’t around. That’s only fair and respectful.”

  She had never thought about it that way. “You’re right.”

  “I know I’m asking for a lot. I know that you don’t bring men around them, with good reason. If they were younger, I wouldn’t press for it. But with them being so much older, they have the right to want to know what my intentions are. And they have the ability to ask for it.”

  “I already said you’re right. What more can I say than that?”

  “You could say the day and time you want to have dinner. I’ll take you almost anywhere you want to go.”

  “Why almost?”

  “Because I can’t promise anything outside of the continental US. It would extend way past dinner.” Juniper couldn’t stop herself from giggling. It was so childish that she wanted to stuff her fist in her mouth immediately.

  “I like that laugh.”

  “I don’t.” Giggling was
childish.

  “The whole point of life is to feel, Juniper. That’s what we do as human beings. Our existence is nothing more than to feel at one with the universe, to take each moment and experience the joy that lives around you.”

  Juniper sat still unable to respond. What could she say to that?

  Nothing.

  So she sat there and took deep breaths. One by one, inhale to exhale.

  “Are you still with me? Or did I run you off yet?” He joked, but she could tell in his voice that he was nervous.

  That surprised her. Spencer was a calm man with still waters that ran deep and not the kind of man that was insecure about a single facet of himself.

  “I’m here. Um, what you just said made me think. That’s all.”

  “Instead of thinking about whatever is on your mind, think about when you would like to bring me into your life.”

  She didn’t imagine he would leave the matter in her lap so simply. “The date?”

  “Isn’t that the topic at hand?”

  “True. How about Friday evening?”

  “It’s a date. What do your children like to do?”

  “If we base the date on their likes, we’ll end up watching a Kung Fu movie with crème brulee instead of popcorn. I’ll leave it up to you. Just let me know what the dress code will be in advance.”

  “I can do that. How about comfortable workout clothes and I’ll pick the three of you up at six.”

  “Can do.” Honestly, the idea of allowing Spencer near her children terrified her. They were older, but this was unknown territory. They had never met any of the few men she’d dated in the past and she could only imagine their reaction when it was all said and done.

  The next morning, she told the kids over breakfast. Both of them were ecstatic. Paris was just a bit more vocal than Malik was about it. He just smiled and nodded in appreciation. Paris on the other hand, jumped and chortled in way that reminded Juniper just how young she was, no matter how adult she acted.

  When Juniper woke Friday morning, she recalled the last thing Spencer said to her the night before. “I can’t wait.”

  And the headiest part was that he was being wholly honest with his statement, she could hear it in his voice. He was truly excited to be with her and her opinionated babies.