Once Burned

by Jennifer Willows

  She felt as if she floated on cloud nine the entire day. By the time five came and went, Juniper exited so fast, she was the first person to crank their car in the employee lot. The kids were ready when she arrived. Paris, per the norm, matched from head to toe in one of her cheer camp shirts in bright pink with matching leggings and pink high-top sneakers.

  Malik had grown so much and she hadn’t even noticed it. Within the last few months, he had filled out wonderfully. The boy had several growth spurts that left her struggling to keep up, but this one had left him with more brawn than he’d had before.

  “Mom, I went to the mall and bought you something cute to wear.” Paris chimed in as soon as she sat her bag down on the table.

  The kids each had a debit card, with a two fifty maximum on it funded from their child support account. The money allowed them to buy what they wanted if they were out with friends, and so long as they were responsible, she had no problems with it.

  Juniper kissed her daughter on the forehead and smiled. “I hope it’s not as eye catching as your outfit is.”

  “Malik helped and I think you’ll love it.”

  Juniper jogged upstairs and rushed through a basic shower. She looked at the bag onto of the bed, from some trendy chain store that she never stepped foot into. But she had to admit, the kids had taste a plenty.

  The workout gear was well constructed and would make the best of her body. The keyhole back shirt hung off one shoulder with heather grey leggings to accompany it. She tossed the items on and a pulled on a pair of tennis shoes that she hadn’t worn in years.

  When she was done, she walked down stairs just as the doorbell rang.

  Paris had one hazel eye glued to the peephole. “Hey mom, Spencer’s white?”

  Juniper whispered, so the man on the other side of the door couldn’t hear her. “As you can see Paris, yes, he is. Stop being rude and answer the door, please.”

  She grabbed her purse from the hall tree and tossed in the most basic things, her keys, wallet along with a tube of lip balm.

  “Mom, take this one.”

  Juniper looked down at the offered tube of lip gloss in an eye catching shade of pink. Personally, she preferred nude colors to bright pinks and red. But she stuffed the tiny tube in anyway just to save herself the argument and hurt feelings.

  After the introductions, Spencer drove and Juniper felt odd about it as she hadn’t been driven anywhere in ages. Well, with the exception of Malik as he worked on his permit.

  When the car finally stopped, she noticed they were at the city park. The place was pretty huge, with a fully appointed children’s playground, fields for dog owners, a small fishable stream, and numerous trees pruned into a perfect trim around the perimeter.

  “What are we doing here?” She asked, because really, she had no idea what two grown people and two teenagers would do at a park that would constitute a date.

  “You’ll see.” Spencer winked.

  He opened the trunk space with the push of a button, then pulled out a stack of rolled up mats, an oddly shaped bag with what appeared to be dozens of lumps, and a classic picnic basket. She hadn’t seen one of those in forever and she laughed. The basket looked like something from cartoons when she was a kid.

  Spencer handed Malik the rolled up mats, the odd bag was given over to Paris and he carried the basket himself.

  “Do I get to help?”

  “Sure can, just take these.” He handed her the keys to the car. Juniper didn’t think she would need the purse, so she tossed it back into the front seat and locked the doors.

  When they reached an unoccupied clearing on the far side of the park, Spencer sat the basket down atop a folded blanket. “Malik, Paris, you can just sit those down.” He opened the bag and pulled out a Frisbee.

  What was she expected to do with a Frisbee? Juniper knew what people did with the discs, but she had never personally played with one. “You know that I have no idea how to play with that right?”

  “Really mom?” Paris appeared dumbfounded.

  “Pretty much.” She shrugged, it wasn’t as if her lack of athleticism was unknown.

  Malik just shook his head. “Wow mom, I can’t believe it.”

  Juniper shrugged. “I’m not very coordinated and I’ve never been any good at sports.”

  “That’s okay mom, I think we can teach you enough to get by.” Malik smiled and picked up a blue disc.

  She watched as he spun the saucer shaped plastic on his fingers, then he whipped his hand around and around. The motion made the plastic glint in the light until Malik whipped his hand out and the disc glided into the air.

  He ran as if he could catch his own pass, he didn’t do too badly as the disc landed ten feet in front of him.

  Spencer nodded and cocked his head. “It’s just that simple. Take this one and I’ll show you different ways you can toss it.”

  “Alright.” Juniper took the green disc and spun it on her fingers. Or tried to, as she dropped it more times than the plastic rotated.

  She distantly heard Malik call for Paris, and her normally sullen daughter bolted into the wind laughter trailing her path the entire way.

  Spencer indeed showed her how to play with the Frisbee, they jokingly tossed it between the two of them like a hot potato. After a while, Juniper picked up enough tips that the group could finally play together.

  A scant half hour later, Juniper was winded, sweaty and having the time of her life. She felt like a child again. How in the world Spencer had taken years of adult propriety and turned it upside down, she had no idea.

  “Stick a fork in me.” Juniper laid on her back in the grass, every breath was labored and hard fought for.

  “Oh no, you don’t. We still have more to do.” Spencer grabbed her hand and pulled her upright, as he children called out.

  “Come on mom!”

  “You can do it!”

  Juniper put on her game face, even though she was ill conditioned for the workout that she had just endured. Spencer had taken no mercy on her and lobbed the Frisbee at her over and over again.

  “Come on, you’ll love what I have planned next.”

  The foursome walked back to the picnic basket. Spencer put away the discs in the bag. “Can one of you guys grab those mats we brought out?”

  Paris ran over and did as he requested. “Okay, done and done!”

  Spencer offered everyone a mat. “Unroll them and pick a spot, but you want at least three feet between your neighbor and yourself.”

  “Are we doing yoga now?” Malik asked, and Juniper smiled. It was the same thing she had assumed.

  Spencer nodded. “Something like that, but we are going to use the poses for meditation.”

  Paris raised a brow. “So we’re going to sit still and think?” The girl sounded bored with the idea.

  “Close, but no cigar.” Spencer smiled and sat down on his mat.

  Their grouping formed a small square.

  “We’re going to go through a few poses, not many though, since this is new to you guys. The pose I’m in right now is called the lotus.”

  Juniper looked at his legs and tried to mimic him, but she struggled to prop her ankles just right. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “Yes, you can. You just have to relax. It’s going to hurt a bit at first, because you’re not used to the pressure on the joints in that direction. But with time, it will get easier. I’ll go back in the pose again so everyone can see how it’s done.”

  He unfolded his legs and she watched him bend both knees into the posture. She tried it the same way, but failed miserably. She had to admit her jealousy was real.

  How could a man be more flexible than a woman?

  “That’s okay. Just relax into the pose and if you need to, only do one leg. Prop the other one like this.” She did the modification, but it still gave a nasty twinge.

  “That hurts.” Juniper muttered.

  Spencer shrugged. “How does that saying go? Pain is weak
ness leaving the body. That’s the point of meditation. We are going to teach our minds the ability to drift into introspection, despite the discomforts in our physical form.”

  Juniper looked at Malik, but her son was not paying her the least bit of attention. He was fixated on Spencer. Even Paris had given the man her undivided attention.

  Not that she could blame them. Spencer was magnetic, like a sea of calm amid turbulent weather. He just seemed… safe. Like he could be depended on.

  “Close your eyes. I want you to think about a place that makes you happy. A place that you like the best in the world. When we meditate, it is conscious, even as we delve into the unconscious. I want you to see color of the ground beneath your feet and the color of the walls. Think about the details that make that place special.

  Think about the reasons this particular place makes you feel joy. Be so detailed that if you described it to someone that had never been there before, they could see it too.” Spencer took a deep breath. “As you think on this place, breathe deep. Take in the air until your belly is full and release it slowly. Control the exhalation and make it last as long as you can.” Juniper opened her eyes and peeked over at her children.

  Paris seemed so much younger when she was relaxed and Juniper could see the child she truly was beneath the attitude and complaints.

  “Okay, now I want you to stretch your legs in front of you. Bend at the hips and lower your chest. Now wrap your hands around your feet as best as you can.” Juniper bent, but she wasn’t flexible enough to wrap her hands around her arches. At best, she was able to touch the tips of her toes.

  She couldn’t resist taking a look at everyone and she opened her eyes again. Spencer was bent so far, his head touched his legs and he could even link his fingers together around the bottoms of his feet.

  Malik looked about the same way she did, but at least he could curl his fingers over the toes. Paris was a cheerleader, so she wasn’t surprised her daughter was comfortably propped into posture.

  “Okay, now I want you to sink into this pose. Feel the pain and dismiss it. Let those twinges take you from the surface of your thinking to the places you mentally don’t want to go. The thoughts beneath the consciousness and the same places you visit in your dreams. Let those thoughts float past you, don’t linger on them. Our thoughts are like the ocean. The currents are deceptive. The surface seems placid. But the undertow can suck you away in seconds. But instead of swimming away from the current, let it take you.”

  Juniper didn’t want to fall into the depths of her own thoughts. She could only imagine what really happened in the back recesses of her brain. Shoot, she didn’t want to relive them now, or ever.

  But that didn’t stop her mind from following his instructions to the tee. It was as if Juniper only had a single question echo within the walls of her mind café. Just that suddenly, she found out what really was beneath all of her wavering and dithering with Spencer.

  She didn’t want to be hurt again.

  But even worse, she knew that he wouldn’t hurt her.

  And she still wanted to harbor the doubt anyway, so she didn’t have to feel so much.

  It was just that simple, even though she tried to hide from the idea of being used and discarded again. Juniper had no desire to feel the way she did all those years ago when her husband decided his haus frau wife was no longer good enough for him.

  It was a deep rooted fear for many black women, being cheated on and subsequently left by their mates for a white woman. She’d seen Javier with the women he liked to date, it was nearly impossible to miss tabloid magazines and newspapers at just the supermarket. But the reality was much worse than even the imaginings were. She had never thought just how worthless she would feel.

  Not that cheating with anyone, white, black or purple was alright. More or less, it was that she couldn’t change her skin color. Yes, she was a darker complexioned woman, but Juniper thought she was beautiful until the moment her husband publicly showed her she wasn’t.

  And it took her several years before she felt normal again, but there were still several scars on her psyche that she refused to probe even ten years later.

  But when it was all said and done, Spencer brought them back from private musings. “Now, I want you to take three deep breaths, one after the other and open your eyes.”

  All of them looked at around as if they were confused when they came back from where ever their minds went during the solo journey into the cobwebbed corners of conscious.

  “Ready to dive into that basket now?” He asked with a smile and she knew his meditation went better than hers had.

  “You bet, I’m starvin’ like Marvin.” Malik announced.

  Spencer pulled out several familiar plastic bins, just like the ones he gave her before and she never returned. Juniper couldn’t stop herself from grinning at the reminder that she still had ownership of both the woven bag and tubs, although the food within them was long gone.

  “Don’t think I forgot about that.” Yet again, he read her mind.

  “Of course not.” Juniper grinned.

  They ate and laughed as a group until the sun set and the air cooled.

  As she laid in bed that night, Juniper couldn’t help but think about just how well their date had gone, even with two temperamental teenagers about. She had fun and that was something she hadn’t associated with a man in a while.

  She sat in bed just before her usual nightly call and thought about the way the evening ended.

  “Can we go out tomorrow?” Paris asked, the usually snarky teen’s body language said she was vulnerable.

  It would be funny, if Juniper didn’t feel so sad about the reason. The child was normally a cool customer and acted as if she cared less what happened around her. If she and Spencer didn’t work out, Juniper wasn’t going to be the only one hurt in the crossfire.

  “Paris? I need you to take your behind in the house.” The sullen faced girl pouted as if she wanted to complain. “Not in a minute, I mean right now.”

  She walked inside the house and kicked at nothing along the way.

  “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be sorry. From what you’ve told me, she hasn’t had a man in her life in many years. So it’s to be expected that she would like more of my illustrious company. But I’ll leave that decision up to her mother.” He looked at her expectantly.

  “Well…” Juniper knew she would say yes. How could she do anything but after he’d gone to so much trouble to make certain they all had a wonderful time?

  Before she could concede, Spencer clasped her hands. “How about this, we’ll talk about it tonight.”

  “That works.” Juniper leaned in and hugged Spencer. “Oh, wait. I have to get your stuff.”

  “Nah, it gives me a reason to come back, and a reason for you to open the door when I do.” He winked just before he shut the passenger door she emerged from.

  “Bye!” Juniper waved as she stood next to the front door.

  “Not good bye, until later.”

  Chapter 5: Freaky Friday

  Juniper agreed to a date for the following Friday, as both kids had overnights with carefully vetted friends. She donned her most flattering dress, a jersey knit wrap that did everything to make her extra bits look fabulous and brought out the sheen of her skin.

  She had her hair done, in fact she left work early to make sure she was perfectly coiffed. Her nails and toes were both a simple French manicure that made the best of the short length she preferred.

  But when she sat across from him at the table and tried to make simple conversation, Juniper felt like an idiot. Half of her sentences were stutters. The other half made little sense even to herself. I sound like I’ve never read a newspaper in my entire life.

  As she looked at Spencer, Juniper had no idea why she was so nervous.

  Yes, you do. He’s too attractive.

  He was and no matter that she had seen him before, each time she had to acclimate herself to the a
ttraction all over again. Especially when he made such a conscious effort to dress the part. Spencer on a casual day was something to look at.

  Tonight? He’d pulled out all of the stops. His hair was parted with precision, his shirt so crisp she could cut herself on the collar and the leather shoes were expensive, but well worn. He looked every bit the stock broker and it was a good vision on him.

  She knew she looked nice. But everything about their date was outside of her comfort level. It seemed as if the other diners looked at the pair of them and wondered why he would be seen with her. The imagined judgments assaulted her esteem, bit at her ego until every worry pertaining to Spencer rose to the forefront.

  Juniper was overheated. She knew that within in moments the sweat would emerge from her pores, tell him and everyone else just how ill prepared and wracked with nerves she was. It spelled trouble when her palms beaded with perspiration and she wrung the napkin in her lap until the linen went limp.

  “I’ll be right back.” She couldn’t look at him for another second.

  When he stood up, she stiltedly exited the table. But despite all of the fear, he drew her attention away from everything and everyone until she turned her head and looked back.

  Juniper walked as fast as she could in the torture devices Paris had chosen strapped onto her feet. If she were in flats, it would look like she was running. And she was. Away from the table and away from the man that she felt such incredible chemistry with.

  Once she made it into the gilt and porcelain bathroom, Juniper washed her clammy hands, then blotted her face with a paper towel until most of the shine and half of her makeup was gone.

  She gave herself a pep talk.

  Be cool, Juniper.

  Quit acting like you have no idea what to do with a man.

  I don’t.

  Then fake it, till you make it.

  When she came back, Spencer stood until she was seated once again. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know.” She would rather say that, than the truth.

  I’m so attracted to you that I can’t stand myself.