Once Burned

by Jennifer Willows

  “We had this conversation before Juniper. You do know. You don’t want to admit it. As a conscious and self-aware being, you understand what you’re feeling. Just let the thoughts flow and say it.”

  “I’m nervous.” And she was. But that was a fraction of the big picture.

  He did seem confused, even as he asked. “Why?”

  “Because, well, I don’t really know. It’s like I’ve never been alone with you, just us, in person. On a date.” Yet another partial truth.

  “I can understand that. But I’m the same man you talk to for three hours every night and eat lunch with twice weekly. Just dismiss this,” he waved his hands in the air, “and talk to me. The same as we always have.”

  “I can try and do that.” Juniper lifted her hands into the air for the universal gesture of surrender.

  “Look at me.” When she looked up and into his eyes, Spencer smiled. “We’re going to do some quick breathing. We can’t get into the couples position, but we can share energy none the less.”

  He scooted forward into the table, until he bumped knees with her. He took each of her hands, the skin wasn’t rough, although she could feel the strength contained in the digits that bespoke physical use. “Just look in my eyes and breathe with me.”

  His chest rose and hers expanded. Spencer released the air with a gentle and controlled exhale. Soon, she felt her fears melt away with each breath until she was calm once more.

  “Is that better?”

  It was. She did feel much calmer. “Yes, it is.”

  “Good.”

  He looked at her as if he had made a decision in that moment and it was one she wouldn’t be privy to until he felt like mentioning it.

  She had to ask what the twinkle in his eye meant. “What is it?”

  “I’m thinking that maybe we should change venue for a bit.”

  “Where?” Lord, please don’t let him have a yen for a skin suit.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  When the waiter returned with a tray of steaming edibles, Spencer raised one hand to stop the other man before he laid the plates out. “Can I get the check and to-go boxes please?”

  The other man appeared concerned. “Is something wrong?”

  Juniper could imagine that diners rarely left The Chopping Block before after dinner espresso.

  “No, of course not. My date is not feeling well and I don’t want to have her sitting here in discomfort. But your service has been excellent, Jon.”

  The waiter bowed slightly. “Thank you.” He had to be a practical sort, and had likely determined that having another free table would only increase his chances of better tips for the night.

  Especially after she saw amount Spencer left.

  Oh, he was a slick one and slipped a few bills in the envelope provided. But the waiter gave it away. The man’s eyes widened as he opened the folio.

  “For that, I’m giving you the bottle of wine.”

  “That would be wonderful.”

  After Spencer was offered the car by a waiting valet, she found herself wondering what was next.

  Juniper, being Juniper asked. “Where to?”

  “Great minds think alike.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question.”

  “I was going to give you one of three options. Your place, my place, or a quiet location where we can dine under the stars.”

  “Wow, that’s going to be tough. Dinner under the stars sounds nice, but in all honesty, I’m dying to see your place.” She was curious to see what was in his medicine cabinet. It was the nurse in her.

  “Okay.” He seemed to think hard for a moment. “I can make that happen.” Spencer whipped the vehicle into a U-turn.

  They rode for fifteen minutes or so, Juniper looked around at the passing of landmarks she never paid much attention to before. It was as if they had agreed upon a mutual silence that was broken for nothing, save the occasional banality, a quip that was meant to lighten the tension and failed miserably.

  When they pulled into the space marked “P” in the small lot, she noticed a few things. One, the place looked empty. There were only two cars parked there and maybe twenty spaces altogether.

  Two, the building seemed smaller than what she was used to in this section of town. There may have been four floors altogether.

  But the area was quiet at this time of night, due mainly to the fact that they were in the warehouse district. If she weren’t with Spencer, she would have likely never driven this way on any normal day.

  His apartment was spacious, high ceilings and an open floor plan complete with large loft space overhead that she assumed would house the bedrooms. The entire lower half was visible in a single glance. There were a few things scattered about, a large sectional created a border between the living area and the dining area. A table rested against the wall with a pub style nook and chairs for seating.

  The majority of the walls were brick and the floor was polished concrete. It was beautifully masculine. Juniper found herself looking in every direction at once. The single load bearing wall and support beams were a country chic whitewash. The stairs wrapped around two corners leading to a door in the ceiling.

  But even the two bedrooms at the top of the stairs could be considered open as well. There were three walls, but the side facing the interior of the apartment was totally exposed and trimmed by wooden screens that would offer privacy.

  She wasn’t certain, but it appeared the screens might have been on a track and she was too far away to determine that with any certainty.

  She probably would have kept ogling his pristine house, but the owner of the space tapped her on the shoulder. “Follow me.”

  Juniper tugged her shoes off and took the stairs behind Spencer.

  He flipped a lock overhead and pressed the light switch on the wall before a short ladder descended.

  When they ascended the stairs, she saw the twinkle of lights. The tiny luminaries were fashioned from miniature bamboo lanterns that were cleverly lit by a stringed set of Christmas lights, although all were the standard white.

  It was just enough to see the amazing roof top garden. The space looked immense, as if the greenery spanned for acres rather than a mere dozen score of feet. There were bushes, some flowering, some not. There were tiny trees and other foliage that she had no name for.

  After she turned and twisted in an attempt to see everything in dark, Spencer coughed. It was a discrete sound, one that a teacher would make in a class of robust children. Not quite an admonishment, but more of a quick reality check.

  “Sorry. I promise I’m not normally this ill-mannered, but the scenery is… beautiful.”

  “I agree with you.” But when she looked back at him, he wasn’t looking at the surroundings the same way she was.

  No, he looked at her.

  As if she were the most beautiful woman in the world.

  In all honesty, Juniper had imagined the inevitable person that would come into her life. She had even thought about the way their relationship would be. Her fantasies were mainly close to her reality as it was now. Only difference was that her children were adults and that there was someone in her home at night.

  Someone to take vacations with, to cuddle in bed with.

  And on the rare occasion, once or twice a month, she even dreamed about sex too.

  But she hadn’t imagined passion.

  She hadn’t imagined a man that would turn her carefully planned life upside down.

  What she had intended was a warm and respectful companionship, a moderate flame built to stand the test of time.

  But what burned in Spencer’s eyes was a different from that as the heat from a single candle was from the burn of a crackling fire. Juniper well understood that he was interested, he had made those intentions very clear almost from the beginning.

  Although she had never seen this side to him before.

  Normally, he was calm, a safe harbor in the storm. Tonight, he was determined and she could see
just how he attacked life before he became the man she knew him as.

  Juniper darted her eyes from his there was no way she could maintain with the intensity he watched her with. Nor did she think she could live up to the promise that expression fostered.

  “Follow me.” He walked around a set of bushes and she saw a tiny path, only five feet wide marked by a stony set of tiles.

  The path seemed to spiral inwards as she traversed it. A moment later, Spencer stopped and shuffled into a clearing she assumed to be near the center of the roof. There was large square platform that she wasn’t certain the purpose of, as it was very low to be considered a table, and the function was difficult to determine.

  But she saw Spencer set the bags down and unpack them one by one. Then he reached under the low platform and tugged out a set of cushions. He patted one and she pulled the skirt around her before she sank to the pillow.

  It only took him a few minutes to offer her a plate with her food along with a glass of wine. Juniper bowed her head and gave a silent prayer before she dug in. Despite the fact that it was only lukewarm, it was delicious.

  She didn’t say a word, nor did Spencer. The meal, although taken together, seemed more to commune with the beautifully unorthodox spot of nature in the midst of concrete jungle. When she scraped the last morsels of coq au vin from the plate, she swirled black truffle butter on her baguette and sighed.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “I have to admit, I’m not usually into French food. But this is extraordinarily good.”

  “I prefer French baking personally, but the chef at this place is a client of mine and can make rock soup taste good.”

  Juniper laughed until her sides ached. “Rock soup? I haven’t read that book in years.”

  “I got the dubious honor of reading it last Christmas.”

  “Wow, never would have figured you for a rock soup kind of man.”

  “What kind of man do you think I am?”

  “Hmmm.” Juniper scratched her chin and chuckled. “I think, Cat in the Hat.”

  “Okay, you win on that note. I do have the Cat in the Hat. But my favorite is Green Eggs and Ham, or maybe Epossumondas.”

  Juniper narrowed her eyes. “You know what Spencer?”

  “What?”

  “Shut the front door.”

  “I did.” He winked back.

  Juniper’s belly hurt from laughing.

  After the laughter died, she darted her eyes over to Spencer. He looked back so quickly, she would have thought he waited for her to acknowledge his presence. The orbs spoke to banked passion and anguished need. She felt the same way, needy, hungry, and her soul seemed to spark with tongues of fire that she wasn’t certain she could extinguish.

  She wasn’t going to say what she really thought in that moment.

  “I want you Spencer.” Apparently, her mouth didn’t get the memo as the words fell from her lips of their own accord.

  “You know that I want you too, Juniper. Every moment we’ve spent together has led us here. But this isn’t the right time.”

  “Why?” The statement hurt as the syllable left her lips. It was as close to begging as she had ever been.

  Not once in her life had she ever asked for sex from a man, and in all honesty she hadn’t planned on it either.

  “I want you to know when we make love, that I actually love you. There will be no hesitation, no prevarication, and no confusion on the matter. I need you to be ready.”

  “Make love?” That wasn’t what she had asked for.

  Juniper wasn’t the type of woman to jump into bed with anyone. She had made a youthful mistake that she had paid for in spades as an adult. But even when she was with her ex, sex with him was a natural conclusion based on expectations. Not a love affair, and not a choice that she had been ready to make either.

  She had been too young to understand the ramifications. But in the same vein too old not to. Her parents had done the best by her that they were able. They made certain their first grandchild was born under the blanket of respectability that marriage offered.

  But she had never truly enjoyed sex, just the closeness it made her feel. The intimacy.

  Although, she was certain with Spencer, that might be a different story.

  Sadly enough, she had never had an orgasm until after she was divorced. And even then, the elation from the release of pressure wasn’t enough to fulfill her. Juniper always was left feeling like there was some crucial key she had missed. As if there was a button she was supposed to press before she went into orbit and the missing element was needed for maximum lift.

  But when she stopped delving into the closed door of her own memories, she realized Spencer looked at her expectantly. Like she had neglected something he’d mentioned.

  “Hmm,” Spencer leaned closer towards her. “It seems like I lost you for a minute there. Where did you go?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “If it didn’t, I wouldn’t ask.”

  “I just thought about what sex used to mean to me.”

  He made a sound that seemed to ask her to continue.

  “Tell me.” He said when she remained silent.

  “It’s not very good. But, now that I’ve gotten older, I’ve surprised myself.”

  “How so?”

  “I want more than a few thrusts and a wham, bam, thank you ma’am. I want sweaty skin and orgasms. I don’t want to get finished and feel like I’m alone when it’s all over. I want it all.”

  “That’s my point. Juniper, I want to make love, not have meaningless sex to scratch an itch. If I wanted that, it’s readily available. And the same goes for you. If that were all we looked for, then we could turn my sheets stiff by dawn. But if we want to have that closeness, we have to be close.”

  “I know.” Juniper grumbled. Tell that to her newfound libido.

  “Stop that.” He took her wrist, the right one and rubbed his thumb over the pulse point there. “Tell me the truth. If I gave you what you wanted right now, would you still respect me in the morning?”

  She wanted to laugh, but something in his eyes said he wasn’t joking, despite the levity in his tone.

  “Of course. I respect you now. Unless you did something truly horrendous, I can’t see that changing.”

  “Good. But I’m still not putting out.” Spencer winked.

  “Blast you, tease.” Juniper said, only half in jest.

  “You’ve teased me since we met.”

  “Not true. I don’t even know how to be a tease, and you know that.”

  “It’s what you do naturally. The way you bite your lips when you’re lost in thought. The way you breathe.”

  Juniper chuckled. “Breathe? Really? I think you’ve lost your marbles.”

  “Why? Because you have this huff and puff thing that is truly sexy.”

  “Liar.”

  “Wanna put money on it?” He winked and Juniper knew she had lost.

  “I would, but what’s the point?”

  “You’re doing it right now.” He looked pointed at her chest and Juniper’s nipples beaded painfully tight.

  Point taken. She looked down at her chest and noticed the shallow rise and fall that unequivocally proved her wrong.

  “So?” Yes, she was a mite defensive. But who wouldn’t be?

  “Nothing.” His brow lifted, and she knew he tried to still the emerging smile, but it wasn’t happening.

  Forget it. She refused to ask him again. “It’s late. You should go ahead and take me home.”

  “Not yet. I find that I haven’t had my fill of your company.”

  Juniper stood up. “You run hot and cold Spencer, I can’t do this anymore.”

  Spencer followed suit, his nearness a cage no metallic alloy could compete with. Her own attraction to the man had her leashed to the spot. “I never run hot and cold. For you, Juniper I’m always hot.”

  “Now you’re the liar.”

  His eyes narrowed.

  Bu
t as soon as she thought she had made her point, Spencer proved her wrong yet again.

  He tugged her close, a snap of wrist so quick, she wouldn’t have even seen it save the fact that she was no longer standing beside him. She was in his arms and he leaned over her.

  Loomed over her.

  If she didn’t know him as well as she did, Juniper would have been terrified. The expression on his face said he meant business. And she could practically taste it in the air as his mouth lowered to hers. Juniper watched him slowly descend and she lifted her face toward his, intent on meeting him halfway.

  When their lips finally met, it was kismet and something else she couldn’t identify.

  How had she gone so long without it?

  It was a recipe that would make her fantasies burn brighter than they ever had. His mouth was soft, but firmly applied and unyieldingly utilized. The flavor of him was a reminder of the delicious meal they dined on just moments before. Every gentle sip of his lips made her yearn for more.

  More that he stated he was determined not to give her yet.

  She didn’t know when she cupped his jaw with her hands, but as he pulled away from her swollen mouth, she felt the emerging facial stubble rasp her fingertips.

  Spencer sat down on the rise of the wooden table slash ottoman they had just dined on. His hands still gripped her arms and the pull forced her to lean over him, almost taking what little balance she had left. He didn’t alleviate the tug, until she gave in and bent.

  It was then he released her arms, but he gripped her legs instead. By the time all was said and done, he had pulled her atop his lap, facing him. Her skirt helped keep her spread thighs modest, but she could feel the stiffening erection anyway.

  It was the perfect position for something interesting to happen, but Spencer, being Spencer only held her. In all honesty, he was unlike any other man she had ever known. And that was a good thing.

  She knew he had to desire something more, no matter what he said before.

  “Are you sure about this?” Juniper asked, to break the ice after long minutes with a whole lot of contact, but no action.

  “Sure about what?”

  “This no sex thing.” Juniper until that moment kept eye contact but had to lower her eyes to the perfect points on his collar after she was done. It was so at odds with her own nature to be this bold with Spencer.