I Love You

by Shanade White

  “The cab is outside.” He whispered and turned his head. He could no longer look at her. She was innocent and naïve. It finally occurred to him that he took advantage of someone’s daughter.

  He longed to tell her all the ways she could’ve prevented herself from getting hurt in this situation but he knew that was a father’s job and that was not him.

  “I know it isn’t my business but Mr. Hausman, I’ve seen this happen too many times. The first few times it may be comical but isn’t it tiresome to have a slap with a side of eggs every morning?” Francois, the in-house chef shared. He waited for Andre’s response but it never came. Andre looked up at him and nodded acknowledging that he heard. All he’d ever lived was the fast life; he’d give anything just to finally slow down.

  “Thank you for breakfast.” He said pushing himself from the table. He walked to the back of the house and stood over his pool. He inhaled sharply and thought about what his life had become: he had everything except for the only thing he really wanted. All he wanted to do now was change that.

  *****

  “This is senior administrator Milan Chambers from the On Your Way to Wellness center. How may I help you?” Milan answered the fifteenth phone call of the morning. She answered calls while responding and forwarding emails. She had been doing administrative office work jobs ever since she left high school. It was the only place she felt desired. Everyday she was reminded that if she left all would halt and fall apart. She loved it.

  “I have already sent the patient’s medical chart to the psychiatric hospital, which she’s been admitted to.” Milan told the client on the phone.

  “You’re always a step ahead. Thank you Milan.” Clientele and the managerial staff always praised her for her timeliness and ability to anticipate tasks.

  Milan hung up the phone and took a sip of her large coffee. She had gotten most of the things on her to-do list done and she had two hours of work time left. Milan was responding to an email when her cellphone buzzed against her wooden desk. She stared at it and read the caller ID.

  It was Andre calling her. She grinned softly before answering.

  “Hello gorgeous.” He said. She giggled and shifted her weight in her seat before responding.

  “Hello doofus.” She joked. He chuckled and sighed into the receiver. She could picture his lips curling up at the ends causing his dimples to show. They were so deep that even the slightest movement of his lips caused them to form on his cheeks.

  “What are you doing later tonight?” He asked Milan.

  “I’ll be at home. It is Thursday, right? A new episode of my favorite crime-drama comes on tonight!” Milan expressed excitedly. She looked at the time and for once couldn’t wait to get home. Andre laughed. The things she was excited about and found happiness in were so simple. He enjoyed that and it didn’t make her simple-minded, like she thought, it just made her down-to-earth.

  “We should grab a bite to eat before you have to get home. What do you think?”

  “Sure, I wouldn’t mind. But, the couch and TV set are expecting me home by like 7 so it can’t turn into anything else.” She smiled.

  Whenever her and Andre hung out it always started as something as simple as a dinner before he’d take her to spontaneous places around New York City. They’d attend pop-up concerts in central park or go play laser tag in an indoor sports arena. It was never one thing with him and as much as she loved the excitement, she had the overwhelming desire to throw on her sweatpants and watch mindless crime-drama until she forgot how bad her life was.

  “I promise it’ll be just a dinner then you can go have your other date. Meet me in an hour at our regular spot?”

  “Definitely, see you then.” She nodded and hung up. Milan smiled, she loved her friend Andre. They had established such a strong bond that even on her worst days she wouldn’t turn down spending time with him. At this point, she valued a genuine friendship with a man almost more than she valued her marriage.

  She checked the time and debated telling Derek she’d be late coming home because she would be with Andre.

  He was very odd the way he was clingy and possessive about her whereabouts but when she was home he didn’t care about her presence. It didn’t even make a difference. He only spoke to her when absolutely necessary. She picked up her phone and dialed his number. ‘Better safe than sorry.’ She thought.

  “Derek, I’ll be home late tonight.”

  “You can’t say you’ll be home late if you come home four hours after your shift ends every night.” He exaggerated.

  “Okay, but I know you’ll be worried as always. I’m just letting you know ahead of time.”

  “I’m not worried about where you’re at… I think I’m trying to make sure you’re not cheating on me. You know the moment I catch any evidence of that shit, you better believe you won't have a house to sleep in anymore.” He threatened her as he’d done before. She rolled her eyes. The idea of her cheating on her husband was inconceivable in her mind. It was completely against her morals and the vows they shared.

  “Thanks for always ruining every phone call we have. I love you.” She said testing him. It was true for her. No matter how nonsensical he was she still loved him. It was the idea of being with him for 13 years of her life, being high school sweethearts and knowing he is the only man she’d been with and will ever be able to get.

  “I…I…” He stammered caught off-guard by those three words; he cleared his throat and tried again, “I love you too.”

  “Thank you, I know how hard that was for you.” She hung up and began fuming. She needed to figure out what she was going to do about her marriage. But, was it really something that she could deem her decision? A marriage was a commitment between two people and if love was a commitment too then Derek had probably given up on it by now. Equally as riveting, if love was a feeling, the one they had that resulted in their marriage had left the two of them long ago.

  “Milan, is everything okay?” Mr. Fields asked leaning into her office, noticing the tightening of her fists. She nodded and took a deep breath.

  “I’m actually leaving early, if that’s alright? I’ve finished all of the reports, checked in with the insurance agencies, and emailed this month’s newsletter.”

  “You can leave early all week with that kind of productivity.” Mr. Fields joked. Milan giggled as not to hurt his feelings, but she wasn’t in the mood to laugh. She slid her chair from under the desk and prepared to get out of the office and enjoy some time with her best friend. She really needed it.

  Milan walked out of the building and into the busy streets to catch a cab.

  *****

  Andre had arrived a few minutes earlier than the time he told Milan. He was nervous to see her because he didn’t know how she’d react to what he wanted to tell her. It was possible she could agree but it was even more likely that she wouldn’t and he’d have to crush his own dream.

  “Hey Andre, am I late? I could’ve sworn I planned everything to be perfectly on time.” Milan wondered as she observed Andre’s demeanor. He was lying against the rails to a subway station with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Clearly he had been there for a while.

  “No you’re fine. I was just early that’s all.” He told her giving her a hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek. She smiled softly and waited for him to lead her to the restaurant. He pointed at a black Lincoln town car, which had been parked in front of him: “Our ride for tonight.”

  “Our ride for dinner, you mean.” Milan reminded him that she didn’t agree to any other plans besides that. He chuckled.

  “Our ride for dinner,” he corrected himself. “I’m just positive we’ll be drinking so I don’t want to have to drive.” He explained. She nodded and commended his responsibility. He had no interest in getting in trouble or risking Milan’s life. Especially with the question he was prepared to ask her.

  “So, why today? I was expecting that after you’d have to find some time
to squeeze me into your schedule next week I’d get a call from you.”

  “I’m not that busy. I’ve actually slowed down a lot. I’m not into the whole party and women every night thing anymore.”

  “Am I talking to Andre? ‘Playa-playa’ Andre, where did you go?” Milan teased touching his face to check if he had a fever. ‘Playa-playa’ Andre was a nickname she had given him a few years ago, based on a southern twang of the word player, and he hated it. He laughed and pushed her hands off of him. He was being serious.

  “I’m not a ‘playa-playa’. I hate when you call me that. I just wasn’t ready for all the other things life had to offer before. I played it safe.” He told her sincerely. He had his fair share of women and that only taught him that he couldn’t trust any of them to be a wife or a mother to his child.

  “Oh, and now you think you’re ready?” Milan was amused. She twisted up the corners of her mouth ever so slightly and waited for his response enthusiastically.

  “Yes. Now, I know I’m ready.” Andre tried his best to sound firm and overly convincing. Milan held back a fit of laughter.

  “Is this one of your phases again? Remember when you wanted to be among the common folk and become a lawyer or a firefighter. Then, you wanted to be a musician and play your acoustic guitar for women and have them fling their panties at you. Then, you said you wanted to be an astronaut because NASA didn’t know what they were doing with the Mars exploration.”

  “Okay, I get it. I have gone through a lot of phases but that’s what happens when a kid has unlimited resources. You have the ability to touch so many things that you just don’t know where to start or end. I liked it and then I got bored with it so I threw it out and found something new to occupy my time.”

  “Exactly, and that may be nice to discard things when you don’t like them anymore but if you’re talking about real life, marriage, children, and a stable family… You can’t just leave when you get sick of them; it’s a permanent addition to your life, not a new toy from daddy.” Milan enlightened him. He sat silent with his hand in his lap. He knew how it seemed. He was just a spoiled billionaire who was tired of the fast life and he wanted something he hadn’t had before so that he could have a new change of pace. That wasn’t true, entirely. He wanted a child: he didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl from a woman who he could trust. He needed a woman who wouldn’t use the baby against him to garner his money or be in the tabloids fighting for custody.

  He needed Milan to be his surrogate.

  “We have arrived, sir.” The driver announced as he parallel parked in front of the Nouveau Château, a fine, five star French restaurant on the East side of Manhattan. Milan gasped, it was her favorite restaurant. She only got to go there once a year for her birthday.

  “Aw, Andre. You know this is my favorite restaurant.” She gushed and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing his cheek tightly against hers. He chuckled and patted her back. He couldn’t breath.

  “Okay, let me go.” He croaked through fits of trying to breath. She exited the car excitedly, not waiting for the driver to open the door and escort her up the curb. She held the lapels of her trench coat tightly on her shoulders as the cold wind whipped across her.

  “Hurry up.” She whined, pouting like a child. He waved goodbye to his driver and walked into the restaurant with Milan under his arm.

  “Mr. Hausman, right this way.” The usher immediately greeted them as they made it through the door. Milan smiled, the hospitality Andre received was far more courteous than she had ever gotten there. He had the perks of being a billionaire and a regular customer.

  “This section has been rented out and reserved for you as you requested. I will be your waiter at all times please do not hesitate to call me, my name is Jacque.” The man spoke with a fake French accent. Andre thanked him and politely told him to leave until they were ready.

  “So, how has everything been for you?” He asked her as they scanned the menus. They both knew what they wanted but it was always nice to go over their options.

  “Derek doesn’t love me but I guess that’s not too surprising. Other than that though I’m fine.” She flashed a fake smile before focusing her attention back to her menu. Andre placed his hand over her menu and slowly led it to the table.

  “Milan, what do you mean by that? You’re just making that up, I know he couldn’t have said that.”

  “It’s not what he said, it’s about what he didn’t say. It was so obvious.” She shook her head still unable to grasp that her marriage was loveless.

  “Well, maybe that’s a good thing. You can focus your energy on other things now.”

  “Like what?” She asked with her lip turned up. He was trying to brush off her pain as if she was overreacting. She wasn’t sure how much she appreciated it.

  “The right thing might just show up and take up all your time.” Andre said inconspicuously. She furrowed her eyebrows; it was obvious he wasn’t saying all he wanted to.

  “What the hell are you talking about, Andre?” She asked. She was sick of the games. She needed to know what he wanted from her.

  “Milan, I’ve told you how serious I am about changing my lifestyle and even if you think I’m just going through a phase I know there is a time in every man’s life where he needs to father a child and I know it’s my time. I’ve been thinking about being a father for a while now but I just kept pushing it back. That’s all I want now.”

  “Okay… You know to have a child you need a woman right? And last time I checked you don’t stay with a woman for more than one night.”

  “I only know one woman and I’ve stayed with her for about 13 years.” Andre said looking up at her momentarily.

  “Andre, I don’t know what you think you’re proposing but-”

  “Just think about it. You’re the only woman I’ve ever trusted besides my mother. You’re intelligent, beautiful, and I know it won’t be about the money with you. I’ll pay you well over the normal compensation. Milan, I wouldn’t ask if I had anyone else to go to, believe me. But, I just know this can work out.” He interrupted her. He was pleading to her passionately and she just couldn’t completely understand.

  “Andre, what exactly are you asking from me?”

  “Milan, I would completely owe you my life. I already love you but I would love you even more… I would love you unconditionally if you were a surrogate mother to my child.” Andre stopped breathing as he waited for her response. A stark silence fell between the two at the table as Milan tried to process everything. It overwhelmed her.

  “I can’t even wrap my head around what you just asked me so I’m going to order my meal and pretend I heard nothing.” Milan closed her menu and raised her hand for the waiter to return to their table. She avoided eye contact with Andre. It was a big decision and she understood why he wanted it to be her but she wasn’t sure if that was what she needed right now or what her marriage could handle right now.

  “Can I start you two off with any drinks?” The waiter asked as he arrived.

  “I’ll have a bottle of the strongest alcohol you carry.” Milan smiled at him. Andre nodded.

  “Bring two glasses.” He agreed and smiled at her hoping she’d laugh but she continued to avoid looking at him. “Silence, huh? That’s not a good sign.” He assumed. Milan sighed and swallowed hard.

  Pregnancy was something she’d never been through before. She was almost 30 and having a child was something her family had pressured her about ever since her and Derek got married 9 years ago, but they never had children because the time was never right. Milan had to work her way to her position as the Senior Administrator at the office and Derek had been working diligently as an electrician since the day he graduated high school. Children were never on their mind. Until recently, Milan had thought about being a mother but never brought it up to her husband. She wasn’t going to bring a child into the marriage she’d destroyed with Derek, and even more importantly, she wasn’t goin
g to be the kind of woman who has a baby to save her marriage. That would be a horrible thing to do. But, this child wouldn’t be hers; the baby would be Andre’s so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad? Her relationship with Andre was great and it had been for years since they met when they were 16 under very unusual circumstances.

  “I’ve looked everything up. If you have questions Milan, you can ask me.”

  “This would be my first time being pregnant… I just don’t know if this is really how I want it all to happen.” Milan explained as simply as she could. Andre reached his hand across the table and took her hand in his. She looked down at their contrasting skin tones and then up into his endless blue eyes.

  “You don’t have to make a decision right now. I don’t want you to be hasty. That’s not what either of us need when it comes to something this serious. Just take all the time you need.” He smiled at her softly and let go of her hand as the waiter returned with the bottle they ordered.

  “The strongest bottle in our cellar.” The waiter announced placing a vintage bottle of green alcohol into a silver bucket filled with ice. Milan widened her eyes as she read the name on the bottle’s label and began laughing.

  “Absinthe? I said strongest, not deadly.” She joked. Andre busted into a fit of laughter as well and they eased into normal conversation enjoying the rest of their dinner like the pals they were.

  Chapter 3

  Milan sat on the living room couch with her feet curled under her and a glass of wine in her hand. It was time for her weekly crime-drama show. She draped a blanket over her legs and tried to focus on the murder-rape case her favorite investigative team had to solve for the week but she couldn’t. Her mind was taken by the thought of being a surrogate mother. More importantly, she thought about how she was Andre’s only hope.