This Child of Mine

by Sinéad Moriarty

  ‘Mya and Lola. They’re seven and six. They seem like sweet kids. I’ve only met them a few times, but Mandy dotes on them. Tanya has them in a very expensive private school and seems to spend all her time having coffee with equally socially ambitious women. The only things she cares about in life are herself, David and her daughters. She can’t stand me. I’m a blot on her perfect life. The drunken freak who let her own daughter drown. I really don’t care what she thinks of me but it bothers me that she’s not very nice to Mandy. She tolerates her because she has to. She came with the David package. But you can see she doesn’t like having Mandy around, and Mandy feels left out.’

  Lexie clicked her tongue. ‘That’s it. I hate this Tanya already. So what about David? Is he still a good dad or is he all about the other two kids now?’

  ‘No, he’s still great, but he works incredibly long hours and he tries to keep everyone happy, which is impossible. He really loves Mandy but she hardly ever sees him on his own any more, which is hard. Now when they’re all together she only gets a little bit of his attention, and for the first eight years of her life she had him all to herself.’

  ‘It’s a pity he met this Tanya.’

  ‘I’m glad for him that he got married and had other children. I just wish he’d chosen someone nicer.’

  ‘Poor old Mandy, but at least she has a mum and dad who love her. Families are always complicated. I know I’ll hate whoever Dougie ends up with. It’s bound to be some gold-diggin’ slapper.’ Lexie stretched her arms up and yawned. ‘Crikey! Look at the time!’

  Laura glanced at her clock. It was almost one. They’d been sitting there for hours. ‘God, sorry, Lexie, I’ve completely bent your ear off.’

  ‘Babes, it was fascinatin’, and I feel as if I really know you now. I’m glad Frank hid me down here. I was a bit nervous arriving yesterday, seein’ as I’d only met you once, but you’ve been so nice and welcoming, I feel really at home. I hope Mandy won’t mind having a house-guest for a week or two.’

  ‘She’ll be thrilled. She thinks you “rock”. She should be home soon – David’s due to drop her back at lunchtime.’

  ‘I’d better get dressed, then. I don’t want to shock your ex.’

  While Lexie got dressed, Laura tidied up her paints and went into the house to make lunch. She’d been a bit reluctant when Frank asked her to put Lexie up, and now she was pouring her heart out to the doll-like woman. She smiled to herself. Never judge a book by the cover. Lexie was one of the most sympathetic, smart, sensible people Laura had ever met. Having her around was lovely.

  Half an hour later, the kitchen door banged open. Mandy stomped in, flung her bag in the corner and threw herself down on the nearest chair. She was followed by Tanya, who looked furious. Laura put down the salad leaves and wiped her hands on a tea-towel.

  ‘Hi, Tanya, hi, Mandy.’

  ‘Laura, I’ve had enough of this,’ Tanya snapped. ‘Your daughter is out of control. You need to teach her some manners or she’s not welcome in our home again.’

  Laura looked at Mandy. She could see from her daughter’s set jaw that she was upset but pretending not to be. ‘What happened, Mandy?’ she asked.

  ‘I’ll tell you exactly what happened.’ Tanya stood in front of Laura, shaking a manicured nail in her face. ‘Your daughter humiliated me in front of my friend and I won’t have it.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘David had –’ Tanya abruptly stopped talking and stared over Laura’s shoulder.

  ‘Lexie?’ Mandy jumped up. ‘What are you doing here?’

  Laura turned. Lexie was wearing skin-tight white jeans with a very low-cut red Sequence vest and sky-high red suede shoes.

  ‘All right, Mandy, how are you, darlin’?’ Lexie gave the teenager a hug. ‘I’ve come to stay for a little bit. I’m hiding from the paparazzi.’

  ‘Would someone like to fill me in?’ Tanya demanded.

  ‘Sorry, Tanya, this is Lexie. She’s a client of Frank’s. She’s going to be staying with us while she finishes her autobiography.’

  ‘Are you Lexie Granger?’ Tanya asked.

  ‘The one and only.’ Lexie tapped the side of her nose. ‘Now, darlin’, mum’s the word. I don’t want you tellin’ anyone I’m here. Frank’s sent me to Laura to finish my book and stay out of trouble. So you never saw me, capisce?’

  ‘I beg your pardon?’ Tanya frowned.

  ‘You know, “capisce” – it’s like in The Godfather when Marlon Brando tells everyone, “Capisce,” and if they rat him out they get shot.’

  ‘Are you threatening me?’ Tanya asked.

  ‘No, darlin’, just warning you.’ Lexie roared laughing.

  Tanya flicked back her freshly blow-dried hair and pulled her beige suede jacket around her. ‘I can assure you that no one I know would be remotely interested in your whereabouts.’

  ‘Easy, Stepmum, no need to get your claws out.’ Lexie winked at Mandy, who was staring at her adoringly.

  Tanya looked at her diamond-encrusted watch. ‘I haven’t got time for this, and I really don’t think someone who bares her breasts for a living is in any position to criticize other people.’

  ‘Relax, babes, I’m just havin’ a laugh.’

  Tanya scowled at her. ‘I’m afraid our sense of humour is very different.’ She spun back to face Laura, who was thoroughly enjoying this. ‘As I was saying, David had to go into the office so he couldn’t take the girls out for the afternoon, as he had promised. I was having the head of the school parents’ association over for lunch, so I asked Mandy to watch Mya and Lola for me.’

  ‘Which I did,’ Mandy piped up.

  ‘Putting a DVD on does not make you Supernanny,’ Tanya retorted.

  ‘She’s not their nanny, she’s their sister,’ Lexie reminded her.

  Tanya glared at her. ‘Halfway through lunch, Mandy came into the kitchen, when I had specifically asked her not to.’

  ‘Because she doesn’t want her “friend” to meet the freaky stepdaughter.’ Mandy scowled.

  ‘So what happened that was so awful?’ Laura enquired.

  ‘My friend, who is an incredible cook, was complimenting me on my delicious quiche and I –’

  ‘She was lapping it up, pretending she’d made it so I fished out the box it came in and started waving it around.’ Mandy smirked. Lexie burst out laughing again, while Laura tried to keep a straight face.

  ‘I was mortified!’

  ‘Bit sad to be lying about cooking at your age, love,’ Lexie said.

  ‘What I do or do not do is no one else’s business.’ Tanya folded her arms defensively.

  ‘Well, I’m sure Mandy just thought it was best to be honest.’ Laura tried to smooth things over.

  Tanya’s eyes narrowed. ‘Oh, but it gets worse. My friend is very anti-television. She was complaining about the rubbish children watch and how it affects their progress. I was agreeing with her. I don’t allow the girls to watch too much TV, just an occasional programme here and there.’

  ‘So I said, “Then how come they’ve already watched three hours of cartoons this morning?”’ Mandy giggled.

  ‘My mum had the telly on mornin’, noon and night. I’m surprised I don’t have square eyes. Didn’t do me no harm. Mind you, my sister’s a bit mental but I think that’s because she was dropped on her head when she was little, not because of the telly.’

  ‘Can you please stay out of this?’ Tanya was getting exasperated with Lexie’s constant interruptions. ‘The point is, Mandy humiliated me in front of a very important person.’

  ‘Sounds like she was just tellin’ the truth to me. You made your own bed, babe, and you had to lie in it.’

  ‘Look, Lexie, or whatever your name is, this is a private conversation between Mandy, her mother and me.’

  ‘No need to get your knickers in a twist.’

  Tanya turned to Laura. ‘Because of Mandy, this woman now thinks I’m a fraud and a bad mother. My reputation in the school wil
l be ruined. I will not be made a fool of in my own home. I don’t think Mandy should visit for a while. She needs to learn how to behave properly.’

  ‘Now, hold on a minute.’ Laura was seething. ‘All Mandy did was tell the truth, which is what David and I brought her up to do. There is no way you are going to stop her seeing her dad over something so ridiculous.’

  Mandy jumped up. ‘Dad won’t let you keep me away, you freak. No matter how hard you try and how much you wish I’d piss off and disappear, it’s never going to happen. I’m going to be around for ever. So get over it.’

  ‘Mandy, language,’ Laura scolded.

  ‘Language! Is that all you have to say?’ Tanya was incredulous. ‘She’s a brat. You should start disciplining her before she ends up in prison.’

  Lexie shrieked, ‘Prison? You need to get out more, darlin’. Half my relations are in prison. I know bad people, and Mandy here is a good girl. She’s just windin’ you up because your head’s stuck up your arse.’

  ‘How dare you speak to me like that?’

  ‘Easy, tiger. I’m just being honest.’

  Tanya’s eyes narrowed. ‘Well, if you value honesty so much, let me tell you this. Mandy is going to end up a delinquent unless Laura does something about it. Her exam results are getting worse each year, she doesn’t have any interest in sports, and she’s permanently angry and sulky. These are not good qualities and I won’t have her dragging my family down. Laura needs to start parenting properly and not indulging her all the time.’

  Laura shook a wooden spoon in Tanya’s face. ‘Don’t you dare criticize my daughter or my parenting skills. I’m doing the best I can, and Mandy’s a great girl. Like any teenager she has her moments, but that’s normal.’

  ‘Normal! There’s nothing normal about her or you. Dysfunctional is what you all are.’

  Lexie tottered over to Tanya. ‘Oi, I won’t have you talkin’ like that to my Laura. Bloody amazin’ is what she is. Brave and strong and kind. You should be thankin’ your lucky stars you know her. I’ve met a lot of people in my day and she is one special lady.’

  ‘Thanks, Lexie.’ Laura was touched.

  Tanya rolled her eyes. ‘I’m leaving now but Mandy is not stepping inside my house until she apologizes for what she did.’

  ‘You don’t apologize for honesty.’ Laura glared at Tanya. ‘Go. I’ll discuss this with David.’

  ‘Of course you will because David’s a walk-over.’

  ‘No, because David is her father. Goodbye, Tanya.’

  Tanya stormed out, almost taking the door off its hinges as she slammed it.

  ‘Blimey, she’s a piece of work.’ Lexie exhaled.

  Mandy exploded, ‘I hate her. She’s so fake and ridiculous. And she makes me feel unwelcome all the time.’

  ‘She just finds it difficult being a stepmother to a teenager,’ Laura soothed her.

  ‘That’s her problem, not mine. He was my dad before she met him.’

  ‘I know, and he’ll always be your dad so you don’t have to worry about that.’

  Mandy snorted. ‘I’m not worried. I just think he has shit taste in women.’

  ‘Hang on a minute, he won the flippin’ lotto with your mum,’ Lexie reminded her.

  ‘Well, she should have tried to make it work. She should have been nicer to him,’ Mandy said.

  Laura placed the lettuce in a salad bowl. ‘Your dad and I would never have made it as a couple but we’ve always got on very well as friends.’

  Lexie wagged a long red fingernail at Mandy. ‘Now you listen to me, darlin’. You’re lucky that your parents get on so well. My old pair used to go at it like alley cats, day and night. It was a relief when my dad got put in the nick.’

  ‘Well, I don’t feel very lucky. I have a mother who never lets me out of her sight. Who follows me around all the time asking me where I’m going and what time I’ll be back, like some kind of prison officer, and a father who’s too busy with work and his other kids to give me the time of day.’

  ‘Feeling sorry for ourselves, are we, babes? Let me tell you something. You are a very lucky girl. When I was growin’ up, no one gave a damn where I was, who I was with or what I was doing. When the school rang to say I hadn’t turned up, my mum said it wasn’t her problem. I’d have loved to have a mother who gave a shit and a dad who worked hard instead of one who went around robbin’ people at gunpoint. So stop your boo-hoos and start realizing how good you have it.’

  Laura could have kissed Lexie, but Mandy looked furious.

  ‘You don’t know anything. I hate my life!’ she shouted, and stomped up the stairs.

  Laura followed her, but by the time she got to her daughter’s bedroom, Mandy had locked the door. Laura sank down to the floor. All she wanted was for Mandy to be happy. She felt that was her job. She had let Jody down in the worst way so she wanted Mandy’s life to be as perfect as she could make it. When Mandy wanted something, she usually got it. Laura knew she was indulgent, but how could she not be? How could she deny this child anything? She loved her to distraction. Mandy was her life. Mandy was her second chance, and she had made a pact with God to devote herself to her child and make her life as wonderful as she possibly could.

  Lexie came up and sat beside her. ‘Teenagers are hard going. I was running wild and pregnant at her age.’

  ‘I wasn’t much better myself,’ Laura admitted.

  ‘She’ll be all right. She’s got a good family around her.’

  Laura leaned her head back against the wall. ‘I hope so.’

  ‘It’s hard doin’ it all on your own. Didn’t you never meet any men after David?’ Lexie asked.

  Laura shook her head. ‘No. When Mandy was born I swore I’d be there for her. I didn’t want a man to come in and make her feel left out or marginalized. When I saw how difficult she found it after David married Tanya, I knew I was right.’

  ‘Yeah, but you’re a gorgeous woman with your whole life ahead of you. Don’t rule out love. You deserve to be happy too.’

  Laura smiled ruefully. ‘I am happy, in as much as I’ll ever be. I got a second chance. I won’t let anyone come between me and Mandy. Ever.’

  ‘You’re a saint.’

  Laura’s eyes were moist. ‘Saints don’t wake up every day sick with guilt. Only sinners do.’

  16.

  Sophie

  London, June 2011

  Holly knocked on the door. ‘It’s me, open up.’

  Sophie let her friend in. She was still in her pyjamas and felt awful. She had spent hours tossing and turning, and when eventually she’d fallen asleep she’d had terrible nightmares. Red was the colour again today – panic. It was so bright it was making her feel nauseous.

  Holly was breathless. ‘Oh, my God, Sophie, when I woke up I thought I’d dreamed it all but when I walked into the kitchen your mum was standing there talking to mine and it all came flooding back. I nearly fainted when I saw her. I couldn’t look her in the face. I just kept thinking, Baby-snatcher. And then I felt bad about it because maybe she didn’t steal you. Maybe we got it all wrong.’

  Sophie sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. Her legs felt unsteady. ‘I don’t know what to believe either. I couldn’t look at Mum and she kept hovering about in my bedroom, asking if I felt OK. I couldn’t bear her to be near me. I just wanted her to go away so I could think.’

  Holly put the kettle on. ‘She’s really worried about you – she thinks you’re ill. I said I’d call her later to tell her how you were. You do look sick but I expect that’s normal after finding out your mother isn’t your mother, that she’s actually a stranger who kidnapped you.’

  ‘Thanks, Holly, that’s really helpful. Could you be any more insensitive?’

  ‘Sorry! You know me. I was born with foot-in-mouth disease. I promise to tread more carefully. But we need to get to the bottom of this today.’

  Sophie could feel her body beginning to shake. ‘I don’t know if I can handle it. I wish I’d never seen th
at Laura woman. I wish I didn’t know any of this.’

  Holly threw her arms into the air theatrically. ‘But the truth will set you free.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You know, Father Boyle was always saying it at school masses. The truth will set you free. I think Jesus or one of his apostle guys said it. It’s true, though, it will set you free.’

  Sometimes Sophie wondered if Holly was a bit mad. She seemed to live in a parallel universe. She was beginning to annoy her. This was serious: this was her life they were talking about. ‘Are you completely insane? How exactly is finding out my mother abducted me going to set me free?’

  Holly popped a handful of cornflakes into her mouth. ‘Because you’ll no longer be living a lie.’

  ‘But I didn’t know I was living a lie. I was perfectly happy with my life. I didn’t have guilt or fear or worry. I was just a normal girl.’

  ‘Nobody wants to be normal. It’s boring. I’m not saying that this whole situation isn’t terrible for you or that it will be easy to accept, but isn’t a tiny bit of you thinking, Wow?’

  ‘No, Holly, not at all!’

  Holly put the cereal box down and sighed. ‘You don’t have to jump down my throat. I’m just trying to cheer you up by seeing the less gloomy side of it. You know, every cloud has a silver lining and all that.’

  ‘This is my identity we’re talking about, not some movie.’

  ‘Speaking of movies, though, I could definitely see a film of this being made. I think Scarlett Johansson could play you and Keira Knightley could play me.’

  ‘What? You don’t look anything like Keira Knightley.’

  Holly bristled. ‘Who do I look like?’

  Sophie decided to annoy her. ‘America Ferrera.’

  ‘Ugly Betty?’

  ‘She’s not ugly.’

  ‘The whole programme is named after how ugly she is. You are such a bitch. I’m going home. Good luck finding out who you are!’

  Sophie grabbed her arm. ‘Come on, Holly, you know you’re gorgeous. I was only joking. I was being a bitch because you weren’t taking my situation seriously enough. It’s not funny to me. Not one bit.’