The Vlogger Diaries

by T. Collins

  Emma’s coming round tomorrow night for another video. I’m doing this one as a live stream so Destiny can be surprised by dramatic events halfway through. This means we’ll have to rehearse it a few times before we go ahead, but it will be much more exciting if we pull it off.

  I’d better go and announce it on Destiny’s Facebook and Twitter right now.

  SATURDAY APRIL 29TH

  THE DESTINY CHANNEL LIVE STREAM

  Hey everyone! Sorry sorry sorry about the wait. But I’m back now and I want you all to know I’m fine and I’m moving on. I’m going to get out there and live my life and share it with you guys.

  [Emma did this one from the edge of the bed. This meant viewers could see the open bedroom door behind her.]

  Gale was a big part of my life but I’m over him now. And it’s all thanks to the help you guys gave me. There were so many great comments I don’t even know where to start.

  [As Emma talked into the phone, Callum appeared in the doorway holding a bunch of flowers and the purple teddy bear hugging the love heart. I’m glad I got to use that eventually.]

  And thanks so much for all your messages, emails and tweets. Every single one means so much to me. You have absolutely no idea.

  [Just as we rehearsed, Emma turned round and spotted Callum. She burst into tears and reached out for her camera. Then we cut the feed. Well, you’ve got to leave them wanting more.]

  As soon as we were done, we all crowded around my monitor and watched the comments come in. Emma read them out in different accents, and it was pretty funny. But I also felt a little guilty, like we were teasing our fandom. Some fans turned up too late for the stream, so I posted it to my account to let them replay it.

  Woah Kelsey

  OMG What has happened after this stream ended?

  Karla Turner Phillips (MachineGunKarla)

  TELL ME U WILL TAKE HIM BACK. GALE AND DESTINY FOR EVER.

  Just Being Courtney H

  You deserve better then him.

  xxFashionGirlxx

  OMG I can’t even … What just happened? This was insane?

  Lothario99

  Just to let you know babe, the offer of coffee is still on xxx

  xxFashionGirlxx

  Ew.

  destinyisperfect

  Gale and Destiny’s perfection and beauty kinda hurts.

  SUNDAY APRIL 30TH

  AN IMPORTANT QUESTION | THE DESTINY CHANNEL

  Hey guys! Thanks to all of you who watched the live stream, sorry it stopped so suddenly. For those of you who missed it, Gale came back here again. He tried to make up with me. And now … Now I don’t know.

  The thing is, I’m really not sure what to do. Gale made me cry for a week. I can’t just take him back. But we do have a real connection. How often does that really happen? And he’s admitted he made a mistake and apologized.

  [I got Emma to stare into space for a few seconds and then cut to the next bit. I closed the curtains and put the light on so it looked as though she’d spent ages mulling it over.]

  You know what? I need your help, guys. Leave a comment and let me know what you think I should do. Also, there’s a link to a poll in the description. Should I keep Gale or should I kick him to the kerb? It’s your decision, guys. Get voting!!!

  Now I’m wondering if I went too far. I thought the fans would like having a say in Destiny’s personal life. But maybe it’s unrealistic that anyone would make such a major decision like this. I don’t want the whole vlog to fall apart because of one video.

  It’s hard for me to tell. I’ve never had a boyfriend, not really. A few boys at my old school asked me out, but they all made Sebastian look like Ryan Gosling. And I sometimes had secret crushes, but I never did anything about them. Unless forgetting how to speak/turning red/tripping over etc. when they were around counts.

  9PM

  I shouldn’t have worried. None of the regular fans thought it was weird to make a major decision like this. In fact, the only person who thought it was at all strange was one of the regular trolls, and no one cares what he thinks:

  Just Being Courtney H

  No. You need a man who R E S P E C T you.

  Karla Turner Phillips (MachineGunKarla)

  Yes. Just thinking about you guys back together makes me emosh.

  Queen Ashley III

  Gale is a dog.

  Its Me Sophie

  Take him back! Destiny and Gale are my OTP.

  Lothario99

  Seriously. Message me.

  xxFashionGirlxx

  Stay classy, internet.

  Dating Fails

  Still single? Check out these secrets dating websites don’t want you to know bit.ly/1UHA9Zn

  Evil Liam 13

  What is wrong with you? If you got run over would you hold a fan poll to decide whether to call an ambulance?

  Crazy Kaitlin 2001

  It’s called having friends, you wouldn’t understand. Take a look at your own life before hating on others.

  Evil Liam 13

  I DON’T WANT TO LIVE ON THIS PLANET ANYMORE.

  MONDAY MAY 1ST

  Grace from the Swans was off sick today, so the seat next to Emma in chemistry was free. I hung around at the back of the room, unsure if I would be allowed to sit there.

  Emma seems so friendly when she comes round to make the videos now. She even arrived an hour early for the last one so I could go through her Romeo and Juliet audition with her. I read Romeo’s lines so badly we did more laughing than rehearsing, but I hope it was still a bit useful.

  She’s never actually come out and said I can talk to her in school now, but I was sure it must be true.

  While I was pondering this, Sebastian barged past and took the seat. I trudged forward to my usual spot on the front row.

  I glanced back at Emma and Sebastian from time to time during the lesson. At first she was recoiling from him as anyone sane would, but she soon started actually talking to him. Unless she’s suddenly got interested in first-person shooters, I reckon he must have been talking to her about vlogs.

  That can’t be good.

  TUESDAY MAY 2ND

  I was right. It wasn’t good.

  I was sitting on the table at the back of the lunch hall when Emma came over and planted her hands on her hips.

  It seems Sebastian has stumbled across the Clickfeed article. He noticed how much the new vlogger called Destiny looked like Emma and watched the video.

  He remembered what I’d told him in chemistry and worked out what we’d been up to.

  He spent all yesterday’s class stirring things up by saying that vlogs as popular as ours bring in thousands of pounds. Now Emma’s convinced I’m ripping her off and is refusing to appear in any more videos unless I pay her £50 for each one.

  Thanks, Cheese Breath. You just bankrupted me.

  WEDNESDAY MAY 3RD

  Emma won’t budge on her demands, and the fans are desperate for another video. I had to return to the vlog’s comments section tonight to tide them over until I can make Emma see sense.

  Destiny

  Hey guys. Thanks so much to everyone who’s voted so far. And thanks for all your comments. I appreciate them so much, and I read every single one. I just need to ask a small favour. If you don’t think I should get back with Gale, please try not to be rude about him. He’s a real person with real feelings too. Anyway, I promise I’ll be back soon. Keep your votes coming in.

  destinyisperfect

  True fans know Gale is perfect for Destiny. You are not part of this fandom if you don’t.

  Finn Funn

  I agree that Gale is perfect for Destiny. They are both morons.

  destinyisperfect

  Go ahead and troll us we are the true fam we don’t care LOL.

  THURSDAY MAY 4TH

  The seat next to Emma was free again today and this time I went straight for it. I tried to explain to her that Sebastian was talking nonsense and I’d actually been losing money on the vlog, b
ut she wouldn’t believe me.

  In the end I had to log in to my bank account on my phone. I showed her all the money that had gone out and the pitiful sum that had come in. She said she’s going to think about it and get back to me.

  FRIDAY MAY 5TH

  Sebastian was waiting at the school gates this morning. He said he’d spoken to Emma and agreed to act as her agent. He then pulled out a sheet of paper and told me it was a legal contract for us all to sign.

  I brushed the bright orange crumbs off and read it. It basically said all three of us would get an equal share of any profits. Me for coming up with the vlog and writing it, Emma for performing it and Sebastian for … oh, wait a moment … Sebastian for absolutely nothing at all.

  I screwed the paper into a ball and threw it at him.

  Emma was with the Swans at lunchtime, but she came over to sit with me. Jasmine and Grace pretended to ignore us, though they kept giving us the evil side eye. Maybe hanging out with uncool people at lunchtime is an even worse crime than wearing school shoes on No Uniform Day.

  I told Emma there was no point wasting a third of our profits supporting Sebastian’s cheesy puffs habit. I offered to split the money evenly and give her more creative control. This last bit sounds good, but it really just means I’ll let her improvise more, which she’s really good at anyway. As long as she doesn’t insist on including the stuff about Destiny being mute until the age of eight, we’ll be fine.

  So, crisis over. The evil braced one has been defeated, Emma is back on side and I can finally make another video for the fans.

  SATURDAY MAY 6TH

  BIG ANNOUNCMENT TA-DAH | THE DESTINY CHANNEL

  Hi everyone. I’m here at last! Thanks for all your advice. Having you guys there for me meant so much. You are all my best friend in the world. Every single one of you. So I can now tell you that with your help I have decided …

  [Callum jumped into frame and shouted ‘I’m back’ here. He did it earlier than he was meant to, but Emma covered it well.]

  Well that’s my big reveal ruined. It’s pretty obvious what I’ve decided now, isn’t it?

  [Callum threw his arms around Emma and kissed her on the cheek. How do actors manage to do that stuff without getting embarrassed? If Callum or anyone did it to me I’d flush bright red and have to stop the recording for a year while I calmed down.]

  The fans started arguing as soon as I posted the video, just as I’d hoped.

  Just Being Courtney H

  Who else was waiting for this to be uploaded?

  Queen Ashley III

  Me.

  My Name is Simone

  Me too!

  Poppy M

  Me three!

  Its Me Sophie

  Gale and Destiny 4 Ever.

  Crazy Kaitlin 2001

  True Destiny fans hate Gale.

  Chloe C

  How can you even say that? He makes Destiny happy and you would want her to be happy if u r a true fan.

  Crazy Kaitlin 2001

  I’m the first Destiny fan I know what is right for her.

  Chloe C

  I just went back and checked, I was first.

  Karla Turner Phillips (MachineGunKarla)

  <3 <3 <3 Gale

  Earn$$$

  I make over a thousand dollars a month responding to online surveys. Find out how at easymoneyfromhome.com

  Just Being Courtney H

  Please listen to me he is not right for you trust me on this I’m so sorry but I need to say it as a friend.

  ThatztottalyCate

  You deserve better then him. You are an angle.

  Ant The Pedant

  What sort? Acute? Obtuse? Reflex?

  ThatztottalyCate

  Dude this is not a lesion.

  Ant The Pedant

  I’m glad to hear you are not injured.

  SUNDAY MAY 7TH

  A SPECIAL PLEA | THE DESTINY CHANNEL

  Hi guys. I’ve got something to ask. Please could we all stop fighting? It’s great that you all had an opinion on Gale, but we’ve made our decision now, so let’s all get behind it.

  [Emma made her voice go up and down like she was just about to burst into tears, then stopped and waved her hand in front of her face.]

  Sorry … I promised myself I wouldn’t. It’s just that I really want it to work this time with Gale and I need you all to do your best. But when you leave comments like ‘he’s not right for you’ and ‘true fans hate Gale’ you need to know it hurts me. I’m sorry. This is not easy.

  Emma spent the rest of the video reading through the comments on the last video and getting more and more upset. I thought this would be a good way to stir things up.

  Just as I’d hoped, this new video got the fans going even more:

  Its Me Sophie

  I told you all to back Gale now she’s had to come out and say this I hope you all feel good.

  Queen Ashley III

  I still hate Gale but I will give him my support for you Destiny even though he is a dog.

  Planet Kate

  Proud of you both.

  Karla Turner Phillips (MachineGunKarla)

  Don’t listen to the comments of rude and disrespectful people. Whatever you say there will always be someone who’ll argue with you.

  Flames R Us

  I strongly disagree.

  Finn Funn

  If that’s Chinese for ‘This vlog is stupid and everyone who follows it sucks’, then I agree.

  Crazy Kaitlin 2001

  I don’t care what you say I still don’t trust Gale #OrginalFandom #OccupyGale

  Aaliyah H

  KMT how can you be in the fandom and then go against her wishes it makes no sense.

  Just Being Courtney H

  You should never have taken him back your making a terrible mistake.

  SHOUTING LAUREN

  I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW THIS IS TEARING OUR FANDOM APART THE FIRST THING WE HAVE TO DO AS FANS IS SUPPORT DESTINY IN WHAT SHES DECIDED THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO HER YOU CANNOT CALL YOURSELF A FAN AND TALK LIKE THIS ABOUT THE MAN SHE LOVES.

  Evil Liam 13

  You sound fun.

  MONDAY MAY 8TH

  Destiny got her first ever reaction video tonight. A girl with dyed blonde hair and impressive false eyelashes stares at her screen while the Special Plea vlog plays in a small window in the top right of frame.

  A SPECIAL PLEA – REACTION | RUBY REACTS

  Okay people. There’s a new Destiny video up. Let’s see what she’s got to say.

  [Ruby stares at the screen while Emma asks the fans to stop fighting.]

  Oh my god. Why would you do this to her? You’re meant to be her fandom, right? Did I get that right?

  [Ruby watches the screen again. The video cuts to Destiny crying and Ruby starts wiping the corners of her eyes and snivelling too.]

  Look what you’ve done to her. Take a look at yourself, fans. Sorry, I can’t do this. I just can’t …

  Why would you…

  I’m just like …

  It goes on like this until the Destiny video ends.

  I guess it’s flattering, and I hope it spreads the word about the vlog, but I’m really confused about why anyone watches these reaction videos.

  I clicked through to Ruby Reacts’ channel and saw she had half a million subscribers. Why are so many people hooked on watching someone else watch videos? They can see her laugh at slapstick videos, retch at gross-out videos and jump at scare videos. But why not just watch the videos yourself? I don’t get it.

  8PM

  Okay, this is weird. Someone’s just posted a reaction video to the reaction video. And they seem pretty upset too. Maybe someone will react to that and someone will react to that and then the whole internet will collapse. It’s making my brain hurt to think about it.

  9PM

  AAARRRGGHHH!

  Sorry about that. I can’t scream here in my room because everyone would hear, so I had to write a scream instead.

&nb
sp; Has that got it out of my system?

  No. Not quite.

  AAAARRRAAAARRRRAAAARRRRAAAARRRGGHHH!

  That’s better. Ten minutes ago, Mum barged into my room and announced she’d decided to start a vlog too, because she can see how much I’m enjoying mine. Then she took her phone out and played a video on it.

  Like a deer frozen in the headlights of a truck, I was unable to run and save myself. The video was so awful I’m trying to force it out of my mind, but it keeps coming back. Why isn’t there a delete function for my memory?

  Mum shot it in portrait mode, which wasn’t a surprise. This means the video would be either sideways or too narrow online. Why do phones even give people the option to do that?