After an hour, the young people, emotionally intelligent just like their father, wound up the party and dispersed to their homes. Manny confirmed with Yael that he’d come by the next day to pick them up and take them to the airport. She kissed him goodbye and whispered a secret.
"What did she whisper to you?” I was curious after she left.
"She said she finds you charming." He came up to me and kissed me warmly. I hugged him and felt him shaking with excitement. He lifted me lightly and carried me up to the bedroom, where he undressed me gently and we madelove.
Later, we lay curled up in bed, and I told Manny about Eric, about all the lustful looks at the tennis club fifteen years ago, about fifteen years of longing and about our surprise encounter two days ago. Manny was a little shocked that I hadn't told him anything about Eric before, but the truth was, there was nothing to tell. Up until that day, for me at least, it was all in my head. Nothing had happened between Eric and me, and, indeed, for the fifteen years I’d been fantasizing about him, he was far from being a central figure in my life.
Manny was very interested in Eric’s appearance, especially in light of the stories about him being the favorite among the girls at the tennis club. Eric had been, and still was, an impressive man: tall, well-built, with a warm manner and a winning smile. Manny, on the other hand, was a big, husky man. Manny was very handsome in my eyes, but I'm afraid I was so in love with him that I saw him in a different light.
"So, Hercules offered you a fairytale romance today, and you came running to me?” I couldn’t miss the satisfaction in his voice.
"Today I was offered what I’d dreamed of for years on a silver platter."
"So why didn’t you take it?"
"Because when the fantasy became a reality it was much less attractive."
"Eric sounds like a very attractive man."
"He is very attractive, but I realized it wasn’t what I wanted. I don't want to be the lover of a man who married a woman he doesn’t love. I want to be the woman of the man I love most." I started to get confused and was afraid that Manny didn’t fully understand. "Do you understand me?"
"More than you think.” He smiled. How could I think that he wouldn’t understand? He read me like an open book.
I was a little hungry, so we went to get something to eat from the kitchen.
"So, what now?" Manny asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Will you go back home tonight? Are you leaving him? Is Itay leaving?"
"The truth is, I haven't thought about any of it yet. Once I knew I wanted you, it was important to me to let you know first." I smiled.
"So basically, from here, you return home again.” I heard the disappointment in his voice.
The truth was, I hadn't thought about what would happen next. I just knew it wouldn’t be easy, and I wanted Manny to help me arrange my thoughts.
"I haven't said anything to Itay and the girls yet."
"Well, you can't just drop it on them. You have to do it with the utmost sensitivity and wisdom."
Utmost sensitivity… I didn't know how to handle that. I had an idea or two about utmost wisdom from the field of family law. After all, I was a lawyer.
I knew one thing at that moment almost certainly: the clerks of the family court would know that I wanted a divorce before Itay knew. The last thing I needed was to manage my divorce case through the rabbinical court[8]. I hadn't decided yet if I was going to tell Itay that I’d cheated on him, but if I revealed that fact, I wouldn’t have the upper hand if we conducted the case in the rabbinical court.
It was a Thursday, so it was clear to both of us that we’d have to wait until the following week.
It was one of the longest weekends of my life. Although I’d been conducting an intense and passionate affair with Manny for months, after deciding that I was leaving Itay, every minute I lied to him was like an eternity. Luckily for me, Itay went out on Saturday morning with the girls, which allowed me to visit Manny, who was a bit upset by Yael’s departure and needed my encouraging hugs.
Eventually, the following Sunday arrived and the first thing I did once I got into the office was seek a law firm that specialized in family law.
I found a small, friendly firm that I’d heard about once from a colleague, and I made an appointment for the next day at noon. It was important to me to get a female lawyer. I had a feeling a woman would be less judgmental.
From the moment I shook the hand of attorney Hava Ziv, I knew I'd found a lawyer who fit me like a glove. She was warm and pleasant, very maternal and I allowed myself, protected by attorney-client privilege, to pour my heart out. I may have been wrong, but she gave me a real sense of genuine understanding of my situation. She didn't judge me, but also didn't try to sugarcoat the situation: I’d cheated on my husband, I was the guilty party in the story and should prepare accordingly. She obviously agreed with me that, with regard to the distribution of property and custody arrangements for the girls, it was preferable to hold the case in the family court.
I knew in advance that there’d be no particular problems regarding division of property, even if Itay really insisted. I was financially independent. I also had a clear understanding that our standard of living would be significantly reduced, simply because, until now, our two fat salaries paid for one apartment and now we’d have to pay for two.
Regarding the girls, I really hoped Itay wouldn't cause trouble. I thought it would be really hypocritical of him to demand full custody when, in fact, most of their care since they were born had fallen to me, even though I worked full time.
I knew that, despite having the division of property and child custody issues being resolved in the family court, for the divorce itself, I’d have to go to the rabbinical court, the sole authority for granting a divorce in Israel. What I didn't know was that I’d have to give the rabbinical court grounds for wanting the divorce. Hava explained to me that if my reasons weren’t good enough, I may not be able to obtain a divorce.
I started to worry that maybe Itay wouldn’t agree to a divorce. Itay was rational and fair, but more than once he’d joked, during our good times, when I’d asked him if he thought we’d ever get divorced, that his spiritual role model was an old Yemeni who was jailed for many years because he wasn’t willing to give his wife a divorce.
I always liked that answer because it gave me confidence, and this was Itay’s twisted way of telling me he loved me so much he'd go to jail rather than leave me. But now, when I wanted a divorce more than anything else, all this talk about going to jail and not letting me go scared me.
I realized that I needed a reason; infidelity was an excellent excuse. The issue was that a declaration of an affair would forbid me from being both with my husband and with my lover, according to Jewish law. That is, if I asked for a divorce because I had another man, I’d get my divorce, but wouldn’t be allowed to marry Manny.
CHAPTER 23
When Hava explained to me about this ‘forbidden from being with husband and lover’ rule, I was shocked. I’d completely forgotten about it. I’d learned about the rule during my religious high school studies and as part of my law studies, but since I hadn’t been religious for over a decade and a half, and since I only dealt with corporate law, I hadn’t come across it lately.
I knew that if I gave birth to Manny’s child while I was married to Itay, the child would be considered a bastard[9], but that didn't bother me because I had no intention of getting pregnant, and Manny didn't want to be a father again either. We wanted to enjoy the rest of our lives together. Diapers and sleepless nights weren’t exactly what we were missing.
Nor was it important for me to marry Manny in the rabbinate. Over the years that had passed since I’d turned my back on religion, not only had I become secular, but even anti-religious. I had no problem, for example, with my daughters marrying non-Jews or bastards. I only cared that they’d be happy. But the thought of some rabbi disqualifying the remarkable relationship Manny and I h
ad, just because of some stupid law, drove me crazy.
In general, all these chauvinistic and discriminatory Jewish laws made me uncomfortable. Why were men permitted by Jewish law to have several women? Why were there no real sanctions on a man who cheated on his wife? Why, when a woman cheated on her husband, was she immediately prohibited from being with her husband and with her lover, when if the man was the cheat, he could be forgiven by his wife or marry again with whomever he wished?
While Jewish law is one of the most developed ancient laws in history, and I got to learn a few impressive Mishnah’s (in terms of justice and reason) written thousands of years ago, but when it came to women in general, and laws pertaining to unfaithful or wanton women, Jewish law simply did not do justice to women. Not every woman went and cheated on her husband because she was a bad or disloyal woman. In fact, I estimated there were very few such women. A woman or man who cheats on his or her spouse does so, most probably, because they’re missing something at home. With all the anger and indignation of the betrayed, why can’t we also see the side of the traitor?
I left the meeting with Hava a little upset. Hava said she would try to open the case in family court within two or three days. I decided to postpone speaking with Itay until the day the case file was officially opened. I didn't want to risk the slightest chance that he’d open a case before me in the rabbinical court, but it was more important for me to have The Conversation with him before he engaged a lawyer.
The next day, I met with Eric and his partners to finish the business we’d started a few days before.
After the meeting, Eric assumed we were going to eat lunch together.
"I haven’t stopped thinking about you," he said after the waitress had taken our order and walked away.
I smiled. What could I say? I was flattered and excited, but his timing was bad. Their legal case was supposed to have begun about six months previously, but was delayed for various reasons. If only I’d met up with Eric before that fateful visit to Manny’s clinic, everything would have been different. Or maybe not. Maybe I’d have become fed up with Eric, or he’d have gotten sick of me, and then I’d have fallen in love with Manny anyway. There’s no way of knowing.
I didn't reply to Eric and he continued. "Have you thought about me at all?”
"I’ve thought about you a lot." Eric smiled, satisfied. "For almost fifteen years, I’ve been thinking of you and what could have been.”
Eric grabbed my hand and stroked it. He had perfect hands. "Why ‘could have been’? It still can be."
"No, Eric." I pulled my hand away. "I admit that, if we’d met six months ago, there’s a good chance that it would have happened, but not now."
"Why… don’t tell me you have another lover?” He emphasized the word lover like a joke.
"Yes." I answered briefly, and Eric’s eyes widened in disbelief.
"Are you telling me that someone you’ve met in the last six months is so significant that you won't give us a chance?"
"That’s exactly what I’m saying."
"No, Sharon, it can't be! I could have built a nuclear bomb from the sexual tension between us fifteen years ago… it can’t all be gone."
"I don't think it's gone, but you’ve turned up at a bad time."
"And if I wait? When will your lover allow me some room?”
"It won’t happen any time soon."
"How do you know? Maybe his wife will find out?"
"He’s a widower."
"Widower…" he said in a voice full of wonder. "You know, it's not the most fair thing to do."
"Why? Should I be afraid that his wife will come after me from the grave?"
Eric smiled. "No... funny... he’s free, and you’re not."
"I will be soon," I said. I couldn't believe I’d told Eric before Itay, the girls, my parents, my friends. For fifteen years, I’d seen nothing of this man… now he’d turned up and suddenly gotten a place in the front row!
Eric gaped in astonishment. "You're not serious?”
"I'm actually very serious."
"You have little girls! Don't do this to them."
"So it’s better for them to have a sad and embittered mother?"
"No, but you could be happy without leaving your husband and daughters… with me, for example."
"It might have been, but now it's too late."
"Why? Your lover’s unwilling to share you with your husband?"
"Yes." I looked down.
"That’s the problem when one side’s single."
"But it's not just that." I started to defend my decision. "Manny’s the straw that broke the camel's back. I didn't betray my husband because all was well."
"So your lover’s name is Manny?"
"Yes," I smiled.
"How old is he?”
"Fifty."
"Not a child."
"As I recall, you’re not far behind him."
"Right," he smiled. “In November, I turned forty-four. Remind me… how old are you?"
"In November, I turned thirty-four."
"So there’s a large gap between you two."
"Not something that can't be bridged."
"Does he have small children?"
"Two adult children."
"Well, so his life’s good: the wife died, the kids have left home and now he finds himself a young chick."
"Don’t talk like that. He’s an amazing man."
"Is he good looking?"
"In my eyes - amazing."
"And in mine?"
"I don’t know," I stammered. "Probably not."
"Why? Is he a short, bald guy with glasses?"
"Actually, he doesn’t wear glasses, and he’s not bald."
"But he’s short." Eric hoped that there was a flaw in the story.
"He’s taller than you, in my opinion."
"So he’s fat."
"He isn’t lean."
"Fat."
"You could say that."
"And what does your husband look like?"
I took a picture of Itay out of my wallet.
"Cute husband." He handed it back. "So, you’re leaving a handsome young man for an old fat man."
"Manny’s not old."
"Mature, then," Eric corrected himself.
"I must remind you – you’re younger than him by only six years."
Eric sat quietly for a few seconds and then said, "Well? So? Is it final? Are you separated already?"
"I haven't told my husband yet."
"You’re kidding me!"
"Nope"
"So it’s not final."
"It is absolutely final. I met with my lawyer yesterday. She’ll open a case in family court on my behalf tomorrow.”
Our meals arrived, which gave Eric a few seconds to digest what I’d said.
"Sharon, you can’t seriously be telling me that your lawyer and I know about you divorcing your husband before he knows?”
"I hadn’t planned on telling you. It just came out."
"If I were your husband, I’d raise hell if I knew that you'd opened a divorce file without talking to me first."
"What is there to talk about? I know I want a divorce."
"Still… you decided together to get married. Isn’t it only fair to include him in your decision about getting a divorce?"
"But I'm afraid."
"Of what?"
"That once he knows that I want a divorce, he’ll rush off to open a file in the rabbinical court, and then I’m screwed."
"Why would you be screwed?"
"Because I ‘whored and betrayed my owner.'" I quoted the biblical term.
"So?"
"I don't know what’ll happen, but you can bet on it that the rabbinical court judges will be much less forgiving toward me than the judges in the family court."
"Then why do you have to tell him you have a lover?"
"I don't have to."
"So don't tell him."
"I don't know if I can. In any case, he might find o
ut by himself."
"So be discreet until everything’s behind you."
"And then what? Play it as if I’d just met Manny?"
"Yes, why not?"
"I'm a lawyer, Eric, I know how slowly the wheels of justice turn. Even if everything gets done by mutual agreement, it’ll still be months before it’s over. I don't know if I can wait months."
"Sometimes patience pays off."
"And sometimes it just kills the story."
"Like it did for us?" The truth was that this was a poor example. First, I’d longed for Eric for many years and not just a few months, but now I couldn’t say for sure that something would really have happened between Eric and me. When fantasy had become a reality, it had become much less attractive.
"So maybe you should 'meet' Manny during your separation from your husband," Eric suggested.
"Not a bad idea at all," I admitted. "I’ll have to think about it."
"But one thing you have to do is call your lawyer and delay her filing the case without first informing your husband. I’m telling you, it’ll destroy what little respect and love you still have between you."
He was right.
I didn't wait and, in his presence, over a cooling steak, I called Hava and asked her not to open the case. Luckily, she hadn’t proceeded with the paperwork yet, and certainly hadn’t gone to court. I explained to her that I’d decided to risk it and talk with Itay before we started the process. She didn't try to change my mind and said that it was possibly better that way, and that I knew Itay better than she did, and could predict his response better than she could.
"Don’t tell me you married Itay – Itay from the club!" Eric said when I hung up. He’d heard me mention my husband’s name and thought I might have married Itay Fishman, who had taught with him at the tennis club.
"No – yuck!" I laughed and told him how I’d met Itay during my military service.
"So you married for love?"
"A very great love," I confessed. "I remember the week before the wedding. I was impatient, not getting cold feet like some. I couldn’t understand people who hesitated, I just so wanted to be his wife already."
Confession of an Abandoned Wife - Box Set (Books 1-3) Page 18
