Weapon of Desire

by Brook, L M

  We sit on the lounge rug supping wine, listening to music and relaxing in each other’s company, surrounded by flickering scented candles that we picked up in the marketplace. The starchiness Daniel displayed this morning and last night has faded away.

  Our chicken creation is delicious and Daniel is soon himself cracking jokes and poking fun at me for awful dishes I’ve produced in the past. He is right I haven’t always been a good cook with some disastrous offerings are still imprinted in my memory.

  Full with good food and wine we lounge back on the floor leaning against the sofa. I’m pleasantly surprised how little I’ve thought about Anthony today while in Daniel’s company and I’m confident that here in Madrid we could make it work.

  “Daniel how soon can I contact Mum and my brothers? They’ll be worried about me.” I slide onto my side watching Daniel resting his head on the edge of the sofa.

  He turns to face me and smiles “Darcey we just need to ensure that Marie and Frederick are no longer a threat to you or your family.”

  I sigh with despair as reality seeps into my secret world as I flip onto back looking up at the ceiling. In my head I try to establish a plan to take control of my life.

  “Darcey it won’t be forever. You just need to stay low for a while.” He sits up beside me waiting for my response.

  “I’m truly grateful Daniel but I can’t expect you to fund my lifestyle here.” I rise upwards to face him provoking a confrontation.

  Our bodies are inches apart as we stare deep into each other’s eyes searching for answers to go forward. Daniel impulsively kisses me softly and then pulls back to register my approval. I respond by sliding closer, opening my mouth to return the kiss. His hand strokes my face and glides down to my chin drawing me in towards him.

  “This is our life together I’m funding.” His mouth possesses mine and we’re instantly entangled with one another.

  I frantically worry that I’m enjoying this too much or is it I yearn for the touch of a man. I start to panic as my thoughts meander to Anthony as I pull back panting and holding Daniel’s puzzled gaze.

  “What’s wrong?” He sits upright looking concerned.

  “I just need some time.” My heart bleeds as I notice the pain in Daniel’s face.

  “Ok…no problem we’ve all the time in the world.” He calmly stands collecting the empty dishes carrying them out to the kitchen.

  With one wall separating us there is silence from both rooms as Caro Emerald sings of a “Black Valentine.” I’m immediately remorseful as I stand contemplating whether I should enter the kitchen or not. Daniel returns to the doorway and smiles with both hands placed firmly in his pockets.

  “Darcey, I understand, it’s ok……we’ve had a wonderful day together, let’s not rush things or ruin it.” He leans against the door waiting for my reply.

  “I’m sorry for acting so weird… I do want this to work.” I can sense chemistry building again between us and my heart races. I’m frightened to let my urges spill out and instead turn to move towards the bathroom halting as I reach the door where Daniel stands. “I’m tired after all that shopping……I think I need to go to bed.”

  “Yes me too.” He looks down at me with sparkling eyes and I gulp trying to restrain my body as I pass him in the doorway.

  I stop for a second “Thank you for today.”

  His mouth curls with a sexy smile “Goodnight Darcey.” He leans forward kissing me slowly.

  Every fibre of my body tingles and it takes all my strength to pull away from his lips. He grins knowing the affect he is having on me and I smirk looking down realising I’ve exposed my vulnerable inner desires.

  “Goodnight.”

  I rise early in the morning to find Daniel in a deep slumber on the sofa. Tugging on my jeans and Daniel’s sweater I stroll along the sleepy street in search of the grocery store. I have a craving for melon and plan to make a cheese omelette for both of us. Standing in the checkout queue I spot a photograph of myself splashed across the front page of a local Spanish newspaper. My heart thumps loudly inside my chest as I pick up a copy to read. It’s in Spanish making it incomprehensible to me but Daniel is fluent in both Spanish and French.

  The checkout assistant is too busy chatting to a young man on the other side of her till while she scans my items with a quick hola without making eye contact. Relieved I quickly pack away the newspaper and hand her ten euros accepting my change swiftly in an effort to leave.

  Daniel is in the kitchen dressed in joggers making coffee when I return in a panic. “Daniel I’m all over the papers…look!” I retrieve the newspaper and push it under in his nose.

  “Morning Darcey” he sarcastically replies. “Would you like a coffee?”

  “Daniel this is important…… I’m sorry for being so hysterical but what does it say?” I lean back patiently as he sips coffee and sighs.

  “Darcey what did you expect, you was kidnapped, then involved in a murder and now missing.” Daniel takes his coffee and the newspaper and walks into the lounge sitting down on the sofa. He starts to read privately and sips more coffee which starts to infuriate me.

  “Well?” I sit opposite watching his frowning expression.

  “It says that they believe the shooting outside the bank and the man found murdered in the car is connected and that three men and a woman are being detained for questioning. They want to speak to you and urge anyone to come forward if they know of your whereabouts. They know you purchased a train ticket and suspect you are still in the city.” Daniel looks up smiling “They don’t know where you are.”

  Slanting backwards on the sofa I stare blankly across to the balcony. My mind is running wild; they must be questioning Anthony, Nick, Frederick and Marie. “Do you think I should offer myself for questioning?”

  “Why would you do that? Marie and Frederick are going to deny everything anyway.” Daniel stares trying to fathom out my motive to go back.

  “I know but Anthony and Nick may need my support, they could be blamed for the murder.” Thinking of Anthony I remind myself of Marie’s comments stating that he was with her more than I knew but I still can’t help but feel responsible for providing the truth.

  “Darcey your fingerprints are all over the knife, you would’ve also been caught on CCTV outside the bank……. It is highly unlikely that they’ve any evidence to pin on Anthony or Nick for the murder.” Daniel looks pensive before he continues “There’s no way of knowing what Marie has told them and how much she implicates you in trying to retrieve the stolen property from the vault and also the murder of her colleague.”

  “You’re right…I’ll start breakfast.” I seek out the solitude of the kitchen concentrating on whisking eggs and chopping cheese.

  Daniel appears at the door still clutching the newspaper “They name you so won’t be looking for Jessica Palmer……although you can’t risk being recognised in the street.”

  With an egg whisk in one hand I spin to face him “so I’m now prisoner in this apartment……great nothing has changed!”

  “Darcey this is only until they arrest Marie and Frederick for your kidnap and attempted murder. Then you can be sure that you’re not in the frame.” He moves in closer and smiles as he puts down his coffee cup and the paper.

  His hands wander around my waist as he sneaks a peek over my shoulder “What are you cooking?”

  I can’t help but grin, “Omelette.” Daniel is so calm and collected and exactly what I need right now.

  “Mmm…. hurry up ….I’m hungry.” His lips softly touch my pouting mouth and then a quick slap on my behind jolts me forwards before he leaves the room as coolly as he has entered.

  Sunday is spent wearing sunglasses and a cap to stock up with more groceries a new mobile phone and books to read in preparation for Daniel’s departure. He wants me to stay close to home as much as possible and not draw attention to myself. It feels so unusual to have Daniel with me to do trivial tasks where before he was always away and then we
ate out when he returned.

  As evening draws closer we pick up a takeaway Chinese meal in favour of not cooking and again lounge around on the rug eating and sipping wine. Every now and then my thoughts turn to Anthony and Nick being held and questioned. I’m instantly taken on a guilt trip and desperately want to be there to help them.

  Daniel isn’t so relaxed this evening and I know it’s because he’s worried about leaving me here alone especially with the whole world searching for me. He tries to make light conversation and hugs me when I become tearful talking about Mum. I know I’m going to really miss him over the next four days.

  Morning comes around and I get up at 6 to see Daniel off. Lying on the sofa I watch him walk backwards and forwards from the bathroom as he packs his travel bag and dresses in a checked shirt and jeans. I make coffee and nibble toast nervously.

  “Ok…… I better make my way to the train station.” He throws his bag over his shoulder and tilts to claim a kiss. “Remember; call me if you need to talk to someone.”

  I nod my head unable to speak for fear that my words will crumble into a splutter of tears. A smooth sensual kiss calms my heavy heart and I smile appreciatively as I open my eyes.

  “Speak to you later… be good.”

  Daniel has only been gone 9 hours and I’m already starting to feel lonely. I peer out of the balcony window to take in the dramatic sun dipping down over the city. It’s so entrancing as the colour washed old buildings change shade. Madrid has managed to capture my heart or perhaps my heart has been free and open to Madrid.

  I try to settle with a new book but it doesn’t hold my attention while I constantly think about Anthony and Nick. Daniel calls a number of times to check on me and I give my best happy performance to allay any concerns he may have.

  Tuesday I dare to venture out into the courtyard and enjoy the late autumn sun while continuing to read a book. The warm breezy day sends me into a light snooze after the broken sleep alone in the apartment last night.

  “Hola.”

  I open my eyes to see a young gentleman standing over me. “Hello.”

  “Hi……my name is Anton.” He smiles as he stands in joggers and a sweat drenched T-shirt.

  “Hi…… my name is Jessica.” I shake his out stretched hand.

  “Have you just moved in?” He withdraws his clammy hand.

  I’m aware that I should be keeping a low profile “Yes……… we moved in on Saturday.”

  “Greg and I have lived here a couple of months; it’s so peaceful which is amazing being in the middle of the city.” He sits on the bench beside me.

  I’m conscious of my identity and hide behind my sunglasses. “Your accent isn’t Spanish, where are you from Anton?”

  “I’m from Brazil but lived with Greg in New York.” He leans back taking in the rays. “So where are you from Jessica?”

  “We’re from the UK.” I should’ve guessed he’s gay, he’s far too pretty. “So did work bring you here from America?”

  “Greg was offered a transfer with Citibank.” Anton looks down at my book “so what do you guys do?”

  “Daniel is a journalist and I’m taking a break at the moment.” I look down behind my shades trying to hide my lying eyes. “So what do you do Anton?”

  “I’m an Artist, just about to launch my collection and open a gallery.” He’s so cute and likeable however I get the feeling he is finding Madrid a lonely place while Greg works at the bank. “Jessica you should both come round for dinner, we can all celebrate our new lives here in Spain.”

  “Anton that sounds like a good idea.” I smile enthusiastically forgetting who I really am and all my baggage.

  “If you ever feel like a morning workout you can always join me for a city jog.” He rises from his seat. “I’m at number 22, knock anytime.”

  “I might just do that, I need to get fit.” I scoop up my book, realising I’m hungry. “We’re at number 14, nice meeting you Anton.”

  Daniel calls every morning and night and I fill him in about the new neighbours and our invite for dinner at their place on Saturday. He’s obviously worried about them recognising me but also pleased that I’m not lonely while he’s away.

  Anton and I meet each morning for a two mile jog and then have lattes at a nearby coffee shop. He’s so excited about the launch of his gallery and spends all his time talking about plans for the grand opening. Daniel is travelling home today and therefore instead of my usual afternoon visit to read at the library I head for the supermarket. I want to cook him a hearty traditional roast beef dinner with Yorkshire puddings and onion gravy.

  The newspapers and broadcast news seem to have tired of me over the past couple of days which is a huge relief and have turned their attentions towards hundreds of German families’ who have received property and land deeds from the Berlin bank vault. I think about how Anthony must be so pleased that he’s managed to keep Freya from being named or connected to the war crimes. I hope that she’s fully recovered from her heart problem and that Anthony and Nick are back home.

  Daniel looks exhausted when he arrives early evening but is a welcome sight brandishing a beautiful bouquet of roses and lilies. The apartment oozes good home cooking and is lulled with candles and the soothing sound of Amy Winehouse.

  Dropping his bag to the floor Daniel is evidently stunned by the effort I’ve made on his arrival home. “Before you tell me all about your assignment I want you to unwind in the bath and I’ll make you a gin and tonic.”

  He grins and makes tracks for the bathroom “Ok baby.” He passes by planting a kiss on my lips “Something smells good.”

  Perched on the edge of the bath I watch Daniel relax back amongst the bubbles and slurp his gin. I listen attentively as he talks of his assignment in Russia which interestingly was reporting on German families who’d fled during the war and have now received back their land and homes. Daniel seems extremely moved by the whole experience and it’s the first time I’ve heard him give any praise to Anthony and the Robin Hood act of giving back to the people.

  The evening is very peaceful and Daniel isn’t very talkative but chills out on the sofa after second helpings of dinner. Something is bothering him but I can’t get him to open up.

  “Daniel why don’t we share the bed tonight?” I notice his eyebrows rise with surprise and then his wide eyes gaze across at me.

  “Only if that’s ok with you?” He rests his head back against his clasped arms.

  “Daniel we are both grown-ups!” I smirk standing to clear the plates. “I can see you’re shattered why don’t we go to bed and talk tomorrow?”

  “Good idea.” Daniel sleepily drags himself off to the bathroom and then into the bedroom.

  Blowing out the candles I wonder what is worrying him. Turning my attention to loading the dishwasher and unpacking Daniel’s bag of dirty washing I notice an English newspaper tucked in the side pocket. On the front cover is a picture of Anthony and Nick standing outside the police headquarters in Berlin. The caption underneath reads “British men released.” Staring down at his weary face my heart stops as I gasp for air. I’m astonished by the reaction he still has on me. My eyes are promptly drawn to the bold headline:

  Please find Darcey – I Love Her

  I close my eyes as tears silently deluge my cheeks and form wet grey circles on the newspaper. I try to read the report through misty eyes and hold my mouth to muffle my sobs. Anthony reiterates that I was kidnapped but believes I’m still alive. He declares “I have to find Darcey, I love her and we plan to marry at Christmas.”

  The reporter continues with details of Marie Lowe and the kidnap last week and how I’ve not been seen since. Marie and Frederick are still being held in custody for further questioning.

  My heart is heavy with sorrow as I yearn to comfort Anthony right now. How can I love two men so much and whatever I choose to do, one is certain to get hurt. I still love Anthony but I’m too frightened to live with the danger he presents.

 
Eventually feeling completely drained I pull myself together and make my way to bed where Daniel lays fast asleep. Now I understand why he didn’t want to talk, he must’ve read the newspaper article. I curl up on my side and try to justify my desertion telling myself Anthony lied to me and can’t be trusted. My heart conveys a different story as new tears fall onto my pillow. What do I do?

  Daniel is much chirpier in the morning and cooks pancakes for breakfast with chocolate sauce and strawberries. My favourite!

  “Daniel don’t forget we’re invited to dinner at Anton and Greg’s place this evening. We should buy some of those wicked cakes in the deli to take for pudding.” Without looking up I indulge in another piece of chocolate coated pancake.

  “Is that wise?” Daniel lies across the bottom of the bed watching me eat.

  “What…. buying cakes?” I’m annoying him as I reply knowing exactly what he is referring to.

  “You know what I mean.” Intolerant and sulky he sits up.

  “Daniel we should act like any other couple and if they become suspicious or recognize me, we laugh it off stating that they’re not the first to ask if I’m Darcey Brooks.” I look up from my empty dish to a stony faced Daniel. “It’s as easy as that.”

  He sighs and smirks as he reluctantly gives in. “Ok, we’ll go but don’t give too much information away.”

  I smile kneeling as I tower over him pushing a chocolate coated strawberry into his mouth. Scooting to the edge of the bed I head for the bathroom.

  “I’m taking a shower, are you coming shopping with me?”

  “I’ve got to get my report typed up…. are you ok getting the groceries on your own?” Daniel follows me out into the lounge sinking onto the sofa with his laptop.

  I roll my eyes with disappointment “no problem.”

  After so many days wearing joggers and trainers I’m keen to get into my new red dress with a pair of heels for dinner at Anton’s place. After shopping and cooking lunch I spend the afternoon pampering myself applying a facial treatment and painting my nails bright red while Daniel taps away.