Finding the Way (The Amish Millers Get Married Book 5)

by Ruth Hartzler

  John 3:16.

  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

  Chapter 10

  Mrs. Miller had invited over her four dochders, Hannah, Esther, Martha, and Rebecca, along with their husbands who also happened to be bruders, Noah, Jacob, Moses, and Elijah, and of course, their kinner. Esther’s dochder, Isabel, was now walking, and Hannah’s twins had been walking for some time. The twins were looking for Sarah’s big, ginger cat, Tom, but he had the good sense to stay out of their way and had made himself scarce for the evening.

  Hannah, Esther, and Martha were all expecting, and were teasing Rebecca that it would be her turn next. “Stop teasing me,” Rebecca insisted, “It’s not fair. It’s just like when you all teased me because I was the last Miller maidel to get married.”

  “But we didn’t know at the time that you weren’t the last Miller girl to be married,” Esther said. “There’s one more to go: Sarah.”

  Everyone turned to smile at Sarah. Sarah had felt somewhat overwhelmed that the Miller schweschders had been delighted when they found out she was their cousin. Mrs. Miller was having this dinner in honor of that fact, and Sarah was a little uneasy at being the center of attention.

  “So you don’t have morning sickness this time?” Sarah asked Esther, in an attempt to divert their attention away from herself. “Martha told me you had it badly with Isabel.”

  “Nee, not this time,” Esther said, and then laughed. “Thank goodness. None at all this time; I think I had it bad enough with Isabel to make up for several bopplis.”

  “Then perhaps you are having a boy this time,” Mrs. Miller said.

  Esther looked puzzled, but made no attempt to disagree with her mudder. Although Mrs. Miller had suffered morning sickness with her four girls, Hannah had no morning sickness when she was having her twins, one boy and one girl.

  “I was worried when I saw how sick Esther was when she was expecting with Isabel,” Martha said, “but I’ve been fine too.”

  Sarah bounced Isabel on her knee, thinking how lovely it would be to have her own boppli and have her own husband, preferably Benjamin Shetler. Perhaps their boppli would have sandy colored hair, all messy like Benjamin’s, and have his big brown eyes. They would have several kinner, all of whom would grow up tall like their vadder, and be tender and compassionate and lovable.

  “Are you all right, Sarah?” Mrs. Miller said. “Your eyes have gone somewhat glazed. You don’t feel sick again, do you?”

  “Oh, just daydreaming.” Sarah was embarrassed to be caught out. She hoped Mrs. Miller wouldn’t ask her what she had been daydreaming about.

  “Will Datt be in soon?” Hannah asked her mudder, and Sarah shot Hannah a grateful look.

  “I hope so,” Mrs. Miller said. “He said he’d be in as soon as he finishes showing Benjamin around the workshop.”

  “Benjamin?” Sarah shrieked and then everyone turned to look at her.

  “Oh, didn’t I mention that Benjamin is coming to dinner too?” Mrs. Miller’s eyes opened wide in innocence, and then she hurried into the kitchen.

  “I told you Mamm was a very keen matchmaker,” Martha said, and her three schweschders nodded.

  “There’s just no stopping her,” Hannah said, “I could tell you stories.”

  “You might as well marry him now. There’s no fighting Mamm,” Rebecca added.

  “Mrs. Miller wants me and Benjamin to marry?” Sarah asked in a small voice.

  The four schweschders nodded.

  Sarah chewed the edge of her thumb. “But I don’t think he likes me.”

  “Mamm won’t let a little thing like that get in the way,” Rebecca said, but was soon hushed by her three schweschders.

  “Of course he likes you,” Martha said. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”

  “But we had a fight. I accused him of telling Nash that I was, well, that I was your cousin.”

  “Did he?” Rebecca asked.

  “I don’t know, but I doubt it.” Sarah absently rubbed her forehead.

  “It’s nothing that can’t be sorted out,” Martha said, but they all stopped speaking as soon as Mrs. Miller returned.

  Mrs. Miller deposited a large pot of vegetable soup on the table. “That’s right, stop speaking as soon as I come in the room. I know nothing; I’m just a silly old woman.” Mrs. Miller stormed out of the room and presently the sound of pots and pans banging emanated from the kitchen.

  The schweschders chuckled softly. Martha opened her mouth to say something, but Mr. Miller came through the door, followed by Benjamin.

  Sarah didn’t know where to look. She stole a glance at Benjamin and noted that he didn’t look his usual, confident self.

  Mrs. Miller emerged from the kitchen. “Rebecca, Martha, you come and help me with the schnitz und knepp,” she ordered. Sarah stood up to help too, but Mrs. Miller fixed her with a steely gaze. “You stay there, Sarah, and talk to our guest.”

  Sarah was embarrassed by Mrs. Miller’s overt matchmaking attempts, and saw that the Miller schweschders were all exchanging amused glances.

  Mr. Miller went over to talk to his sons-in-law, the Hostetler bruders, in the other room, while Benjamin sat opposite Sarah.

  “Hiya, Sarah.”

  “Hiya, Benjamin,” Sarah said shyly.

  “Err, congratulations,” Benjamin said.

  Sarah was puzzled. “Congratulations for what?’

  “Err, for being a Miller,” Benjamin said, and then his face turned beet red.

  Sarah’s heart went out to him. Clearly he was nervous and didn’t know what to say. “Denki,” she said brightly.

  Mrs. Miller summoned everyone to the table. Along with the vegetable soup, she, Martha, and Rebecca had deposited plates piled high with schnitz und knepp, and the mouth-watering scent of smoked ham, apples, and brown sugar wafted through the room.

  The large, rectangular table was big enough to seat the adults, and the three kinner sat obediently nearby at a little table that Mr. Miller had built for them. Mrs. Miller seated Sarah opposite Benjamin.

  Sarah fidgeted, as a range of conflicting emotions ran through her. She was in love with Benjamin. She had been for years. The question which was on her mind now, and the question which had raised its head many a time in the middle of a sleepless night, was—did he share her feelings? Sarah had never known him to take any other girl on a buggy ride, and he had held her close when she was upset over Nash’s revelation. Yet was he only being kind? It was not the done thing for a young mann to hold a girl like that, so Sarah figured, or rather hoped, that it meant he did have feelings for her.

  And even if he did have feelings for her, had those feelings left after she had wrongfully accused him of telling Nash about her biological father?

  Sarah shook her head, but then looked up and saw Benjamin looking at her with his big, brown eyes. He has eyes just like a puppy dog, she thought wistfully. Sarah held Benjamin’s gaze for a moment, and then looked away. Something had passed between them, of that she was sure. Her stomach fluttered and her heart raced.

  Matthew 18:15.

  If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

  Chapter 11

  Sarah had made up her mind; no matter how embarrassing it might prove to me, she would apologize to Benjamin at the first opportunity.

  There was happy chatter over the meal, but that stopped as soon as Mr. Miller spoke to Benjamin. “Well, Benjamin, it’s all handcrafted of course.”

  “What is?” Mrs. Miller looked perplexed, and waved a spoon in the direction of her husband.

  “Why, the furniture, obviously.”

  Mrs. Miller muttered to herself.

  Undaunted, Mr. Miller pushed on. “We do the finish by hand. We do custom pieces, as well as the pieces we sell in our store. It’s all made here, though.”

  Mrs. M
iller stood up and cleared the plates. “I haven’t finished yet,” Mr. Miller said plaintively, but Mrs. Miller removed his plate nonetheless.

  Rebecca and Martha went into the kitchen to help Mrs. Miller with dessert. Sarah wondered whether she should accompany them, but decided not to, after Mrs. Miller had refused her offer of help earlier. After all, she didn’t want to make Mrs. Miller angry. She was already angry enough, judging by the sound of the pots and pans.

  Benjamin appeared engrossed by Mr. Miller’s discussion of the fine points of furniture making, and Sarah wondered whether it was genuine interest or whether Benjamin was simply being polite.

  Mrs. Miller came back out of the kitchen. “We’re having chocolate peppermint whoopie pies,” she announced, “but I forgot to gather the peppermint for the top. Sarah, would you and Benjamin mind gathering some peppermint for me please?”

  “It doesn’t take two of them, surely,” Mr. Miller protested, before he caught his fraa’s withering glare.

  “And, Abraham, give them a lamp to take with them.”

  “They won’t be out there long enough for a lamp; it’s only just getting dark now,” Mr. Miller said, clearly not realizing what his fraa was up to. Sarah, however, was only too painfully aware, and the others were all doing their best to hide their amusement.

  “It gets dark quickly,” Mrs. Miller snapped, before turning on her heel and storming back into the kitchen.

  Sarah’s cheeks were warm with embarrassment. She dutifully took the lamp from Mr. Miller and walked outside with Benjamin.

  Sarah wondered how long she could continue to give her heart to Benjamin without some sign that he loved her back. As she looked at him now, standing in the dusk, the twilight casting playful shadows around his face, Sarah felt the weight of heartache brought on by years of loving someone with no response.

  Sarah waited for Benjamin to open the little gate to the herb and vegetable garden, and then walked though, before turning to Benjamin. She expelled a long breath before speaking. “Benjamin, I’m sorry I believed Nash over you. Actually, it was all such a shock; I wasn’t thinking straight. Will you forgive me?”

  Benjamin’s face lit up. “Of course I forgive you; there’s nothing to forgive.”

  Sarah, delighted by Benjamin’s words, was not paying attention to what she was doing as she bent to pluck some peppermint leaves, still smiling to herself. “Ouch!” she exclaimed, as her hand closed hard around a plant. “I think that was nettle!”

  Benjamin bent over her. “Not nettle, surely? What would nettle be doing in a herb garden?”

  “Mrs. Miller grows nettle for rinsing hair, as well as for nettle tea.”

  “Oh yes, of course, nettle tea.” Benjamin held up the lamp to inspect her hand. “Show me; where does it hurt?”

  “This finger mainly.”

  Benjamin held the finger to his mouth and gently kissed it.

  Sarah stood there with her mouth hanging open. He does like me after all, she thought, somewhat shocked. Sarah soon revised her opinion, or at least had cause to doubt it, when Benjamin pulled away suddenly, dropping her finger like a hot potato.

  “You should go back to the haus and put something on that,” he said.

  “Oh, it’s just a little sting,” Sarah said, embarrassed by what had just happened. “I’ll put some burdock on it. That always works.” Sarah took the lamp from Benjamin and looked around for the broad leaves that identified the burdock plant. Finding one, she plucked a leaf, crushed it between her fingers, and rubbed it into her hand. The stinging eased almost at once.

  “Let’s go back to the haus,” Benjamin said again.

  Sarah did not understand. Why had Benjamin pulled away suddenly? Was he ashamed that he had kissed her hand? He was certainly acting like it.

  The two returned to the haus. “Where is the peppermint?” Mrs. Miller demanded.

  “We didn’t get it.” Sarah’s face turned hot.

  Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at them, and Sarah was mortified as to what they must all be thinking. “I hurt my hand on a stinging nettle,” Sarah said, “and then I put some burdock on it. With all that, we forgot all about the peppermint.”

  “I’ll go get it now.” Benjamin hurried outside.

  When Benjamin returned with the mint, the meal progressed happily, yet although there was happy conversation over dessert, Sarah and Benjamin remained silent.

  “Sarah, would you help me in the kitchen? The two of us can manage; the rest of you all stay out here and talk.” Martha’s tone was firm, and even her mudder and schweschders did not rise to help.

  Sarah and Martha cleared the plates. When they were alone in the kitchen, Martha pulled out a wooden chair and said to Sarah, “Sit down; we have to talk. What happened between you and Benjamin?” Martha and Sarah had become gut friends some time ago, after meeting when both were on rumspringa, but Sarah hadn’t seen much of Martha after she married Moses. Still, their friendship remained strong.

  Sarah put her head in her hands. “Oh it was so awful, so embarrassing.”

  Martha sat down next to Sarah. “What happened?”

  “Well, you know how you keep telling me that Benjamin really does like me?”

  Martha smiled. “Jah, but I’ve never managed to convince you.”

  Sarah nodded. “Well, I thought you were right tonight, but then I changed my mind again.”

  Martha appeared to be growing impatient. “Sarah, please just tell me what happened.”

  “Well, when we went to gather peppermint, I accidentally put my hand around some nettle.”

  “Ouch.”

  Sarah nodded. “For sure. Anyway, Benjamin kissed my hand.”

  “He what?” Martha all but smirked, and then put her hand over her mouth. “Sorry, go on! Benjamin actually kissed your hand? What happened next?”

  “He kissed my hand, but then he suddenly dropped it and acted a bit odd, and then said we should go back to the haus.”

  Martha smiled triumphantly. “He really likes you,” she said. “That’s proof.”

  Sarah was puzzled. “What, it’s proof that he likes me? I thought it was proof that he doesn’t. I don’t understand.”

  “An Amish mann doesn’t kiss a girl’s hand if he doesn’t like her, silly.” Martha rolled her eyes.

  “But why did he suddenly drop my hand?’

  Martha sighed loudly, “Because he likes you. Oh Sarah, really, you have no idea about menner.”

  Sarah had to admit that Martha was right about her having no idea about menner. But was Martha right about Benjamin? Did he really like her? And if he did, why hadn’t he asked her on a buggy ride yet? She did not have the answers.

  John 15:9-13.

  As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.

  Chapter 12

  Nash was waiting for Jessie by their usual place, down by the ruins of the old, stone cottage. She had not been there the last two mornings in a row; he hoped it would be third time lucky.

  When Jessie did appear, a faint wave of nausea washed over Nash. Jessie affected him like no other woman ever had. He had missed her dreadfully the last few days, and he realized that she had done her best to avoid him. He wondered if it was too late for them. Had he already pushed her away before he even had a chance?

  Nash stood and looked over the rolling fields. He was beginning to appreciate the countryside, and the more relaxed lifestyle, and now was not missing the city so much. Yet there was no rest from the questions that kept assaulting his mind. Had Jessie been right? Did he have a sense of entitlement? Was he really a spoiled brat? He had been aware that his mother had often cried about him, and that had made him feel bad, but now the first real pangs of remorse were filtering through to him.

  Nash turned around and saw Jessie approaching. She wasn’t smiling at him, but then, she wasn’t a smiling sort of
person. She is here, and that must be a good sign, he thought.

  “I didn’t know if you’d come,” he said by way of greeting.

  “I didn’t know if I would, either,” said Jessie with her characteristic frankness.

  “Why did you then?” Nash realized that his voice had sounded sulky; he hadn’t meant it to be.

  Jessie shrugged and pouted. “Dunno.”

  Nash stood, looking at his feet, and moving from one foot to another. After an uncomfortable silence, he decided to speak. It’s now or never, he thought. “Jessie, would you come to dinner with me?”

  Jessie appeared to be quite taken aback. “What, like on a date?” Her voice rose to a high pitch.

  “Yes, I suppose so,”

  “You said dinner?”

  Nash crossed his arms. “Have you gone deaf?”

  When Jessie glared at him, he hurried to continue. “Well, I can’t ask you on a buggy ride, can I, seeing that I don’t have one. Unless we took your buggy, I suppose.”

  Jessie shook her head. “Nee, we can’t take my buggy. That wouldn’t be right.”

  Nash was at first irritated, but then he realized that Jessie had not rejected him outright.

  “Well, how about it?”

  Jessie narrowed her eyes. “That’s not the nicest invitation to a date I’ve ever had.”

  Nash laughed. “How many invitations to dates have you had?”

  Jessie shrugged. “None.”

  Nash was nervous, and Jessie’s behavior was not helping. She was just standing there looking at him, and as yet had not accepted or rejected his invitation. His stomach was churning and all tied up in knots. Jessie was standing directly in front of him, and her proximity was adding to his nervousness. She smelled heavenly, like vanilla and roses. He gave it one more shot. “Jessie Yoder, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner?” he said with a flourish and a bow.