Protogenesis: Before the Beginning

by Alysia Helming

  They belong to Ever.

  Suddenly, I’m consumed by the memory of these same eyes locked onto mine, of him singing to me that hauntingly romantic melody at the dance, his ever-changing demeanor exposed for the world to hear in the song that he wrote just for me.

  Like a chameleon, I’m changing in your eyes.

  Ever is my real-life chameleon. I’m paralyzed, unable to move.

  “What…what are you doing here?” I stammer as I struggle backwards, tripping on the sand. The sun is now setting, casting images of the giant red sun with hues of pink, purple, and yellow into Ever’s hungry eyes. He is dressed in nothing but a loincloth, like one would imagine a Greek god would wear. He looks majestic with his tan, muscular chest oiled to a brilliant sheen.

  “Relax. This is a dream, remember? You can trust me here,” he says.

  “Hermes?” I ask tentatively. Of course, I know that this is Ever, but it’s a dream, so what fun it is to tease him, especially with him wearing a loincloth of all things.

  “No! Not Hermes. Don’t you recognize me?” he says in a small, disappointed voice. But then he looks down at himself. “Oh, I guess I can see how you’d think Hermes. Ha!”

  “Ever?” I whisper hoarsely.

  He nods. “Finally, I get to be with you…like on a real date,” he says as we sit down side by side, our toes touching on the beach.

  I smile playfully. “Hate to break it to you, but a dream is not a date.”

  He smiles, exposing a perfect row of sparkling white teeth.

  “You’re right. A dream is so much better.” He places his arm around me and draws me in close for another kiss. I’ll admit that I am enjoying this closeness with him. He murmurs into my hair, “We can do anything, and none of it will matter tomorrow. I won’t even remember that you crushed my whole world when you stood me up tonight.”

  I push him away. “I didn’t stand you up!”

  The look on his face shows immediate regret for bringing this up now. Disappointment reaches his features. “Of course you did. The dance, remember? You went there with Nick, but you were supposed to go with me.”

  I glare at him. “I called and left you a message to explain.”

  He shakes his head. “I know. I heard it. But still, I wrote the song for you.”

  Oh yeah, the song. God. My voice breaks as I say, “I can’t believe you did that.”

  The red sun reflects off the surface of his turquoise eyes in a way that completely melts me. He sighs, voice quiet. “Yeah.”

  “But what about all of those swooning girls?”

  “What about them?”

  “Well, it’s hard to take you seriously when you always have this long trail of pretty girls following you around.”

  “Uh-huh, right,” he says. “I’m not the only one with that problem.”

  “What?” I say in surprise. “Not me! No, I don’t have—”

  “Really?” he says. “Now I know about Nick, but who else is out there? I know at least five other guys at school who think you’re hot.” He smiles widely. “And despite all of my efforts – our dinner, the song – I trusted you with my feelings about my mom…and my secret at Agora.” His mood shifts to annoyance. “After all of that, the only thing I get is you inside of a dream!”

  “But I thought you just wanted to be friends,” I whisper.

  “Wha…? No!” He’s incredulous. “How could you think that?”

  Guilt overwhelms me. It’s as if he took a knife to my gut and twisted it. “Okay, I screwed up! Is that what you want to hear?” I pull away from him.

  “I don’t want to hear anything but the truth,” he says. “Do you care about me at all?”

  For a moment, I’m totally swept away by the mournful look in Ever’s deep liquid turquoise gaze. It makes me want to run somewhere far away with him and never look back. The truth is that I care way too much about him, but there’s no way I can admit it. These feelings are too deep, too awful scary for me. If I go there, I’ll never recover. Not ever.

  “You know I do,” I whisper, pulling him close to me again. He reaches up to push a strand of hair behind my ear. Very endearing. His eyes reflect the magical light of the setting sun as he starts to sing to me.

  Feel the way I feel and be with me…

  He runs his finger along the nape of my neck, and chills run down my spine. Something about this moment is almost too much. I’m overwhelmed with emotion. I pull away slightly.

  “What is it?” Ever says, concerned. In a flash, the sweetness he showed me just a moment ago is gone, as if a defensive mask now shrouds his true self.

  The look in his eyes reminds me of…of…oh yes, when he left me so abruptly at the site of Agora because of the text. Suddenly, I feel upset.

  “That text…who was it from?” I ask, pushing him away slightly.

  “What text?” He looks confused, acting as if he has no idea what I’m talking about.

  “You know what text! It was so not cool of you to leave me there at Agora all alone in the middle of the night.”

  “You said it was fine!” He pushes me away, folding his arms across his chest.

  “So what? Actions speak louder than words. After all that we shared at the hospital and Agora, you just up and left me there. I thought you said you weren’t spoiled!”

  I’m waiting for him to get mad, but instead of anger, he laughs – a big hearty, bellowing laugh – which makes my blood boil. When he calms down, he pulls me up close against him, crushing my body against his. His mouth hovers dangerously close to mine, sending my heartbeat into an insane frenzy. I inhale his intoxicating scent but then struggle against him to recover myself.

  Ever guides my chin up so that I meet his gaze. “Just because everything doesn’t go exactly as you think it should doesn’t mean that I’m spoiled.” His blue-green eyes sparkle mischievously. Then he adds in a low, husky voice, “Believe me, I know how to treat a woman.”

  I am totally stunned, frozen in place. My breath stops in my chest.

  Holy sweet Jesus! He is so hot.

  I attack him without abandon, pulling him closer. Our lips meet. I feel an insane urgency for him, as if I want him to devour me like a wild animal, and he returns the energy. The feeling is incredible. We pull apart temporarily. I whisper, “I guess we had a misunderstanding.”

  He says, “I guess so,” but then pulls me back into a fierce embrace, now drawing the length of my frame under him onto the warm sand next the water. I feel his body pressing into mine, which takes my arousal to a whole new level.

  I feel his hands travel over my skin, sending insane tingles throughout my frame, softly down to my chest and under my shirt. Lost in the depths of his stunning blue eyes, I see sweet adoration there.

  I wake up with a start as my body slams hard onto the floor and I cry out.

  What just happened?

  Harsh reality hits me as I realize that I just fell out of bed. I wrap my arms around my leg, inspecting my knee where an angry bruise has formed. Oh, man. My body is completely drenched with sweat.

  God, was that a dream? It felt so real.

  Conflicting emotions muddy my mind. I’m aroused, perplexed, overwhelmed, and annoyed, all at the same time.

  But Ever?

  So much for me forgetting about him.

  31 – The Stronghold

  “What’s all the commotion in here?” Janus comes stomping out of his room, rubbing his eyes.

  Good God, did I talk in my sleep? I pull the sheet over myself. The bruise on my leg smarts. I remember crying out in pain and smacking the floor. Tha
t’s all it was. Janus has no idea about the dream.

  “Oh, I fell off the bed,” I stammer in a raspy voice, my body still trembling all over. There’s no chill, yet I shiver as if I’m sick. Maybe I am.

  “What are you, a little child?” he grumbles. “For crying out loud, maybe we need to buy some restraints for you. You woke up the whole neighborhood!” He complains on and on as he pulls out a pan and a bowl, then places a carton of eggs on the counter. “May as well make breakfast. Have you ever had tiganites?”

  I shake my head no. I don’t dare talk, paranoid that the strained tone of my voice may somehow betray me. I can’t stop thinking of Ever and, ahem, that dream.

  Janus looks up, lost in thought, thankfully oblivious to me and my indiscretions. “Tiganites are Greek pancakes. So much better than what you have in America. You’ll see!” He’s way too enthusiastic for me at this early hour as he busies himself, scurrying like a madman all around the kitchen. My stomach growls in anticipation as I’m accosted by a savory montage of nutmeg, cinnamon, and vanilla. Oh, yum.

  As we’re sitting quietly at the table eating together, Janus takes me by surprise. “Happy birthday,” he says softly. With all that has happened, I totally forgot that today is my birthday!

  He wasn’t kidding earlier about these pancakes. They’re sumptuous, fluffy, and stuffed with Greek yogurt. “Wow!” I say with delight. “This is amazing. Thank you!”

  Janus smiles, revealing a whole row of his decrepit, yellowing teeth. “Since it’s your birthday, I have a special gift for you.” A gift? This is a surprise. “My gift to you is that I’m going to forget that you completely disobeyed my orders and went to the dance anyway. Believe me, this is quite a gift because – oh my Aether – I was hopping mad last night!”

  Crap. I’d hoped he wouldn’t notice! Well, at least he’s trying to be reasonable now. This moment could have been miserable hell, but instead, we’re celebrating my birthday! Stranger things have happened with Janus. I keep waiting for the usual swing in his mood, which should happen any minute now.

  “Uh, Janus…what’s the Aether?” I ask.

  “The what?” He seems caught off guard.

  “The Aether. You just said it. But also, I heard it discussed at your book club meeting.”

  “Oh yeah, okay,” he says, his finger on his chin, thinking. “With all that you already know, I’m sure it’s probably fine to tell you now.” His eyes assume a faraway look. “For thousands of years, the Aether was a spiritual construct, the foundation for all major religions on Gaea. Over time, however, scientific discoveries led to a new, more sophisticated understanding of the metaphysical world.”

  His voice is steady and calm, eyes glistening as he continues. “Today, our view is that the Aether is ‘alive,’ existing at the quantum level in the form of invisible energy that connects everything, living or not, across all universes. It’s kind of like the dark energy that you know from the theories of quantum physics on Earth, except our more advanced version of the quantum sciences suggests that the Aether is sentient, like a collective consciousness.”

  “Oh, kind of like a divine spirit,” I reply. I’m so curious. The more I learn about Gaea, the deeper the rabbit hole feels.

  “Kind of.” Janus smiles. “But try to think about it from outside the ‘box’ of religion, be it one or many gods.”

  He hums to himself as he goes back into the kitchen, reaches up into the cabinet, and brings down a small purple packet that looks like a vitamin supplement. Very carefully, he opens the packet and empties a white powdery substance onto the counter.

  Cocaine. Really?

  I watch in horror as Janus uses a small tube to inhale the contents up his nose.

  My mouth hangs open in disbelief. I can’t believe he would do this in front of me. “Seriously, Janus! Can you take your coke habit somewhere else?” I say with disgust.

  Instead of responding indignantly or defensively as a normal person should, Janus starts to cackle. “Oh gods, now that is funny!” He quirks his brow at me, smiles wryly, and asks, “Cocaine? That’s what you think I do? Really?”

  His lack of regard for my feelings makes me frown, but I feel compelled to respond. “Well, yeah. You snort white powder up your nose. What else could it be?”

  That’s when Janus does something altogether unexpected. He lifts his finger up into his right eye and pops out what looks like a contact lens. And there, suddenly, I can’t believe it, but his real eye color is…purple.

  “What the…!?” I say, jumping back a few feet, freaked out.

  His grin grows wide with excitement. Then finally, he explains, “It’s not cocaine! This is the Elixir!”

  I’m still fixated on his exposed purple eye. “This color…I’ve seen it before. The gods on Gaea…Ares, Poseidon,” I stammer, trying to remember.

  Janus nods enthusiastically, then explains that the Elixir is a compound that the gods have taken for thousands of years to maintain what we think of as immortality. The purple eye color is an unfortunate side effect.

  Whoa. I was kind of wondering how the gods could still be alive on Gaea, even if time does seem to pass at a different speed from here. Intensely curious, I ask, “How does it work?”

  “You know about the mineral lumite, right?” he asks.

  I nod, totally rapt.

  “The dust from lumite is harvested on Gaea to create the Elixir. Any humanoid that consumes it can harness the Aether, which enables rapid healing and regeneration, but not to the point of causing cancer. We age, but extremely slowly, which provides the illusion of immortality.”

  At long last, I feel that he’s being honest with me. It’s about time.

  An alarm beeps on Janus’s watch. “Blasted Drakon dung! I’m late!” He runs out of the room, slamming the door behind him, leaving me here to digest it all.

  I sit still for a minute before I jump up and start my search for Bastet’s collar. Where could he be hiding it? I comb through the entire apartment with absolutely no success. Argh! I throw my hands in the air. We’ve been through so much together, yet Janus doesn’t trust me! It infuriates me…and it hurts! But more than that, I feel helpless.

  As the day wears on, panic and desperation grow within me. What if I can’t find it?! There’s no point in even trying to figure out how to use the Catalyst if there’s no way to get back to Gaea in the first place!

  On top of this, just having the Catalyst in my possession terrifies me. I can’t be responsible for ending the world! Once I learn what I need to know from it, I can’t wait to be rid of it, to return it to my mother’s room under the school…the Stronghold.

  I pick up my cell phone and scan my missed calls. Nothing. Then I look at texts. Nothing. I have a confession. As much as I want to forget both Nick and Ever, I’m having trouble with it. Knowing how much time it takes for Nick to process things, I’m sure I won’t hear from him for a while, and frankly, that’s a good thing for me. Melina is not my problem. He needs to get over it.

  I guess I hoped I’d hear from Ever, especially since he knows that today is my birthday. Of course, I can’t get that dream with him out of my mind…of us…ahem…yes, doing that. It’s not as if we went all the way, but it felt so very real, as if it truly happened.

  The reality is that I’ll have to let him...both of them...out of my mind, now. A tear rolls down my cheek as this sinks in. I won’t be distracted anymore until I find my mom. Time to move on, and fast.

  Bastet rubs on my leg, her tail twitching erratically. “Meow!”

  “Yeah, girl, I’m going to be fine,” I say.

  I swear that if a cat could smile, I’d see one on her face.

  “Maybe I’ll ju
st call in sick to school tomorrow.” I sigh, my resolve wavering.

  Bastet’s ears perk up. Her tail points to the picture of my mom. I have a mission.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I say in a resigned voice. “No more messing around. I’ll go!”

  ***

  The next day, on my way to the bus stop, I feel strong and capable, ready to tackle whatever comes my way. Even so, I’m not looking forward to running into Ever. I remind myself that it was only a dream, a trick of the mind. My dreams belong to me. Abruptly, I bury these thoughts deep inside the recesses of my mind.

  I feel a vibration through my backpack. The Catalyst. Something about having a device that could end the world in my backpack changes my perspective. Onward and forward.

  A cracking sound startles me. As I turn, I see a man standing across the street. A sick, twisted grin tells me that this is bad. Vorlage. My pulse rises in anxiety, so I remind myself that I’m stronger than they are. They are just normal people, nothing special. Still, if there is one, then others are nearby.

  The bus stops in front of me, blocking the sneering man from my view. As I step inside, take a seat, and look outside, the man outside has disappeared. Good.

  As the bus takes off, I sigh in relief. Twenty minutes later, as we’re approaching the front gates to the school, I look up towards the driver. Through the rearview mirror, I see him look up. His eyes meet mine, and he smiles wide. Disgusting yellow teeth gape inside his mouth. Vorlage…here…on the bus.

  “Nice to see you, Helene,” he sneers, eyes locked on mine.

  I panic as I look around. The other kids are completely oblivious to what’s happening.

  The bus doors open, and I rush out past the driver, out onto the pavement, chest heaving. Entering the school gates, I run as fast as I can up the winding road and don’t stop until I reach the safety of the school.

  As I rush down the hall to my first class, I consider that it wasn’t that bad. I can easily take on one Vorlage. It wasn’t an attack. They were trying to scare me. But why?