Jace: Rebels Advocate (Book 4)

by Sheridan Anne

  Fuck. I could have lost her. Here I am being a petty asshole making her suffer with the thought of me having a child and moving on, instead of working it out and letting her know that it’s alright. Yes, she hurt me by leaving, but she’s still the woman I love. No matter what.

  “You’re safe now,” I remind her as my arms instinctively tighten around her, needing to feel her as close as possible.

  The need to quiz her on exactly what happened flies through me, but I don’t dare ask. I don’t want her to have to relive a single moment of it. I’m sure it was awful and I can’t imagine how hard it would have been. The smoke would have been thick and it would have been hard to see. Hell, from the state of her shop now, it’s a miracle she made it out alive.

  Her sobs begin to slow but the tears still remain strong. She pulls her head up and does her best to wipe the tears away. “I need to see it,” she tells me.

  My head is shaking before the words even register in my head. “No. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go in there.”

  “I have to,” she begs.

  “Babe. No,” I beg with my heart on my sleeve, hating being the reason she doesn’t get what she needs. “It’s dangerous in there. Come back tomorrow and look through with the daylight.”

  Her eyes search mine, desperate for me to change my mind, but I don’t budge which only makes the tears pool in her eyes again. Seeing her like this, knowing that her heart is breaking for a reason other than me, is absolutely killing me. I want nothing more than to take her pain away. Hell, I’d go back and fight that damn fire myself if it meant saving her store.

  Even after seven months, I’d still move heaven and hell to give her the world.

  She has worked her ass off for everything she had inside those four walls and to see it all gone pisses me off. “Come on,” I tell her, lifting her off my lap and over to the passenger’s side. “I’ll take you home.”

  She slowly nods her head and I reach out to close the door before taking off down the street. Her eyes remain locked on her store for as long as physically possible before turning to face out the front of my truck.

  I can’t help but reach across the center console and take her hand in mine. In any other moment, she’d look down and wonder what the hell it means. She’d be asking all sorts of questions and thinking I’d finally come around. But not this time. She doesn’t even look down at our hands, just simply stares out the windscreen.

  A teardrop slides down her cheek, falls off her jaw, and splashes against my hand on her lap. I look down at the tear and want nothing more than to take her pain away.

  I pull up at her building and have to drag her out of my truck. I wrap her in my arms and get us up to her apartment. I hate doing it, but with her keys burnt to a crisp, I have to break down her door again.

  I get her inside and the first thing I notice is what a great job she’s done putting this place back together. Usually, I’d say something but now is not the time. I walk with her down the hallway and past the bathroom. We’re just about at her bedroom when she starts to backtrack. “I think I might shower first. I smell like smoke.”

  “Alright,” I say as I follow her into the bathroom.

  She goes to stand before the mirror and takes in her ash covered body. She looks devastated as she takes herself in and I’m sure all it’s doing is making her remember the state of her store. “Come on,” I say, leaning into the shower and turning the tap for her. “Get yourself cleaned up and I’ll put you to bed.

  Our eyes meet in the mirror and she instantly looks away. It stings to know she can’t look at me, but I’m not about to bring it up. She lets out a sigh and starts pulling at her clothes. I take that as my cue to leave and walk out the door. I close it behind me and make myself comfortable on her new couch while listening to the sound of the water running through the wall.

  It’s oddly silent and all the moment does for me is have my mind running through all the possible scenarios that could have taken place tonight. I mean, what if she hadn’t gotten out?

  Knowing her well enough to know that she’s crying in that shower has me desperate to go to her, but I don’t want to push my luck. It’s a miracle she hasn’t thrown me out yet

  I listen as she turns off the taps and rummages around in the bathroom, before watching from my perch on the couch as the door opens and she trudges up the hallway, wrapped in her towel.

  I give her a few minutes to get dressed before making my way up there. I push into the dimly lit room to find her pulling her tank down into place. The tears are still on her face and this time, I need to go to her.

  I pull her into my arms and she folds into me as though she belongs there. “You know I love you, right?” I murmur into her hair. “I don’t know what I would have done if you had gotten hurt.”

  She stiffens in my arms but I don’t let her go. “You can’t say those things to me,” she tells me, though I don’t miss the pure relief in her voice.

  “I don’t care, babe. I just did.” She doesn’t respond but I feel her shaking her head against my chest. “Cam?” I question. She pulls back and looks up into my eyes as she patiently waits for what I need to tell her. “The baby,” I start. “She’s not mine. She’s my niece.”

  “What?” she whispers as her watery eyes search mine. “She’s not yours? There’s no baby Mumma?”

  “No, Cam. There’s no baby Mumma. She’s Jessie’s little girl, Isabella,” I explain as a wave of relief comes over me. There’s nothing I hate more than deceiving her. She deserves better than that. “I’m sorry. I knew what you were thinking and I just let you. I should have told you when I realized you thought she was mine, but I was just so damn angry with you. I still am, Cami.”

  Her hands fist into fabric of my shirt before she pulls me back in and she nuzzles her face back into my chest. “You don’t know how happy that makes me.”

  I let out a sigh as my hands run up and down the length of her back. “Do you want me to stay with you?” I question.

  Again, she shakes her head. “No,” she tells me. “You’ll ruin my bed.”

  “Huh?” I grunt as my hand wraps around and squeezes her waist. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “This is a new bed. You ruined my last one with bad memories. This bed is all mine. I won’t let you touch it, not if I ever plan on sleeping in it again.”

  Shit. Even with one of the worst days of her life, she still has enough fire to call me out. A smile begins to spread across my face knowing that she’s going to be alright, though if her head wasn’t shoved into my chest, she’d probably be cursing me out by now.

  “Alright,” I tell her. “I won’t ruin your bed, but I’m not leaving, especially with your door busted in.”

  She lets out a little huff. “Fine,” she says with a bit of her usual stubbornness. “But if you even think about coming in here after the lights go out, I’m going to rip off your balls and feed them to Luke’s snake.”

  In other words, if I even think about getting my dick wet, I’ll be a dead man, but she should know I’m not about to take advantage of her like that. “Got it loud and clear, babe,” I murmur. “I’ll stay on the couch.”

  “Great,” she groans. “You’re going to ruin that for me too.”

  I roll my eyes and lead her over to her bed before peeling back the sheets. “Get in,” I tell her.

  She does as she’s told and looks up at me with her head squished into her pillow. “You’ll be alright?” I question as I kneel down to her. She looks away and presses her lips into a tight line. She nods ever so gently and it’s screaming at me that she’s lying, but she wants to be alright.

  I lean in and press a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be out there if you need me,” I tell her before reaching over and flicking off her lamp.

  As I walk out of her room, I can’t help but hear her quiet voice. “I always need you.”

  Her words cut me like I’ve never known. I don’t even know if she had intended for me to
hear them, but either way, they tear right down to my soul and make me feel like an absolute bastard.

  I’d give anything to be able to be the man she needs me to be, but I’m not. I’ll never be. I’m damaged and unpredictable. I couldn’t put her through a life like that.

  So instead, I walk out to her living room, grab the throw blanket off the other couch and get comfortable.

  I find it impossible to get myself to sleep, especially with the way her quiet sobs flow up the hallway. Each one of them tears me down and has me feeling like I could crumble.

  I ignore all her rules and throw caution to the wind. I get up off the couch and before I know it, I'm scooping her up into my arms. She curls into me and the way she fits is as though we were created for one another. She dries her tears on my shirt but there instantly replaced with new ones.

  I walk us out into her living room and lay down on the couch, not wanting to ruin her bed for her. I pull the blanket over us as she gets herself comfortable on my chest. My fingers run up and down her back as she listens to the steady rhythm of my heartbeat.

  Her tears eventually dry up and her breathing returns to normal as she finally falls into a deep sleep. With my girl safely in my arms, I follow right behind, knowing that come morning, I’m going to have to walk away and hurt her all over again.

  Chapter 8

  Cami

  My body becomes stiff and I open my eyes to realize I’m still on the couch, wrapped in Jace’s strong arms.

  I bring my hand up to rub at my sore eyes before resting my hand back down against his chest. I can’t help but breathe him in, knowing that the second he wakes, he’s going to bolt out of here like his ass is on fire.

  He was incredible last night. He held me through one of the hardest moments of my life and put his issues aside to be there. I know that deep down, he was probably thinking about getting out of here and coming up with his excuses as to why he should leave. But what counts is that he didn’t.

  It probably wasn’t great for my heart, seeing that sensitive and caring side of him as I know I won’t see it again. I can guarantee the second he wakes up, I’ll be watching that wall slide down behind his eyes.

  But what hurts the most is the when he told me he loved me and that the baby wasn’t his. It was like a sick joke that cut more than losing my store. It’s like he enjoys playing with my heart. I mean, if you love me, then come and be with me. Instead, he’s always just out of reach and it kills me that I don’t know why. At least he doesn’t have a kid though. I guess that’s always a positive.

  But it leaves me wondering why the hell I’m not enough for him? What it is about me that makes it so damn hard for him to commit?

  I give myself a moment to take advantage of being in Jace’s arms before allowing reality to hit. He may say that he loves me, but he’s not mine and I need to put this shit to rest before he manages to draw me back in. After all, I just spent seven months away trying to forget this feeling.

  Quite honestly, I’m surprised he’s even still here. Jace King is notorious for trying to escape awkward situations where he might have to actually reveal some sort of emotion.

  I push myself up out of his arms and the movement has him stirring beneath me. His hand remains on my waist until I get myself far enough away for him not to reach. I walk over to the kitchen without looking back at him and flick the kettle to boil. If I’m going to make it through this day alive, then it’s going to have to start with a killer caffeine hit.

  I listen as Jace pushes himself up into a sitting position and groans in his sleepy haze, only then do I glance over my shoulder to look at him. He rests back against the couch, rubbing his eyes as he checks his phone.

  I stand with my back to him as I go about making myself a coffee and decide to be a better host and grab a mug for him.

  I hear Jace push up off the couch and walk towards me. The sound of his footfalls has me frozen in place. Last night I was a mess and it was acceptable for me to fall into his arms, but now, he’s the guy who broke me.

  He walks right up behind me and places his hands on my waist. I feel his wide chest pressed up against my shoulder blades and I forget how to breathe. I want nothing more than to lean back into him and allow his hand to circle my waist, maybe travel down and show me what it feels like to be alive. “How are you feeling?” he murmurs in a low tone that has my insides clenching.

  “Better,” I say before sliding his coffee aside.

  As he releases my waist to grab the mug, I take the opportunity to step out of his arms. “I um… I have a lot to do today,” I say, already starting with my excuses as to why he should hurry up and get out of here before I get on my hands and knees and beg him not to walk out that door again.

  Those green eyes of his pierce into me and hold me captive. He slowly brings the mug up to his lips and takes a sip of the scalding coffee before nodding his head. Shit, even while my world is crumbling around me, he still manages to turn me the fuck on.

  I go to step away and scram down the hallway when he pushes forward and steps right into me. Just as I had thought, I watch as the wall comes down behind his eyes. “Don’t think for one second that you and I don’t have a lot to talk about,” he tells me, bringing back the usual hard Jace that I’ve become so accustomed to over the last two years.

  I mean, he’s always so hard to read. One day, he’d be my best friend, wanting to share every detail of his life with me, the next, he’s the man who slowly kills me.

  I step back away from him in my need to maintain our distance. “There’s nothing left for us to talk about,” I tell him, before turning on my heel and walking away.

  I listen out, waiting to see if he’s going to follow me and try to get all his answers. I know he’s desperate to lose his shit at me. It wouldn’t be Jace if he didn’t put me in hard situations where I didn’t want to be. I know it’s killing him to not demand an explanation so there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s coming. The question is when.

  I hear his movement in the kitchen and I brace myself for what’s going to come next, only he doesn’t follow me. He walks through the living room, shuffles the broken door around, and leaves.

  I let out a breath of relief as my heart starts to ache for him.

  There’s nothing worse than when he walks away from me. Even though it’s what I need, it still hurts. It will always hurt.

  I was an idiot to think my seven months away would be able to dull these feelings for him. Instead, all it managed to do was make me long for him more. He’s like my drug and I haven’t had a fix in so long. I need that carefree Jace to come back. The one I fell in love with right at the beginning. The one who hadn’t broken me.

  With Jace gone, I give myself a second to pull my shit together. I’m a business owner and an independent woman. Yes, my personal life is in a mess and now so is my professional one. I’ve had the night to break down and mourn the shop I lost, but now it’s time to build myself back up.

  Cameron Drew is not a quitter. Hell, that’s clear in how many times I’ve gone back to Jace.

  It’s time to pull up my big girl panties and get shit sorted. I have a business to save.

  But first things first, I need to sort myself out. My eyes are sore and puffy and my shower last night did absolutely nothing to get the ash and smoke out of my hair.

  I get myself ready for my day before remembering to call for the door guy. He shows up half an hour later and gets stuck right into it, probably wondering what the fuck is going on for me to be calling for replacement doors so often.

  As he fixes it, Kelly pops her head in and I give her the rundown of my night while she reminds me that I’m a strong woman, capable of getting this shit under control.

  I leave my apartment an hour later and get my ass down to the store to check out the damage. As I stand out the front of the store, unable to pass the police tape, I look in and realize just how close I came to meeting my maker last night.

  The fire tore through here i
n the blink of an eye and destroyed everything in its path. From what I can tell, it looks as though the fast food place had a bit of a mishap in their kitchen, and I was the one who suffered from it.

  My chest aches as I take in the damages. I mean, I knew it would be bad, but seeing it in daylight just makes it seem so much worse. The whole place is going to have to be knocked down and rebuilt, but I guess that’s what I pay insurance for.

  Do not cry again. Do not cry again. I’m a strong, independent woman. I can handle this shit.

  I let out a breath and start rebuilding it all in my mind. Maybe this is my chance for a new beginning. There are so many things I could do with the store. Maybe try a new layout, add a few more change rooms, make space for more storage and displays.

  This is going to be a good thing. It will suck for a while, but then it will come good. It has to. No one is allowed to have this much bad luck, right? I mean, eventually, it has to turn around.

  A gasp beside me has me turning to see my store assistant, Bec, standing beside me looking at Style me Crazy in horror. “What the hell happened?” she says, wide eyed.

  “There’s was a bit of a fiery explosion in the kitchen next door,” I explain.

  “Shit,” she sighs. “Tell me you weren’t here when it happened?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “I was out the back. My phone is still back there so I couldn’t call you guys to tell you not to come.”

  “Hey, don’t worry about us. All that matters is that you’re ok.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” I say, still not completely in agreeance as my heart still aches. “So, unfortunately for you, Lilly, and Kim, you’re all out of jobs.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she tells me. “You just focus on rebuilding this place so we can kick some sales ass when we get back. Just think about it, it’s an excuse to have a massive re-launch party.”

  I can’t help but smile before pulling her in for a hug. “I knew there was a reason I hired you.”

  “I know,” she laughs. “I’m pretty darn cool.”

  I roll my eyes and let her go. “Why don’t you get out of here? Go spend the day with that little girl of yours.”