Return to Bluebell Hill

by Rebecca Pugh

  She turned away to look across the garden. ‘Can you see how difficult things are getting already?’ she pleaded. ‘We cannot be a thing, Rueben! Why can’t you understand that?’ Her voice had grown louder. She eyed him angrily. ‘You shouldn’t have kissed me.’

  Rueben laughed, incredulous. ‘What! So this is my fault now? Are you kidding me?’

  She shook her head fiercely. ‘No. I’m not kidding you. You shouldn’t have kissed me. You’ve ruined everything. With your stupid lips and eyes and messy hair!’ Noisily, she scraped her chair back and stood. ‘If you hadn’t kissed me, we would not be sitting here now, discussing how it’s going to be when I leave. You have feelings for me, feelings that go beyond friendship, and I think I have feelings for you, too. And that wasn’t meant to happen. Ever.’ She threw him a furious look before turning and storming into the hall of Bluebell House. She turned into the kitchen, running her fingers restlessly through her hair and tried to figure out what to do, where she could go. She could leave, couldn’t she? Yes, that was doable. Esme was away, but she could call once she was back in London and explain the situation to her. Tell her about Rueben. How she couldn’t stay, how difficult things had already gotten… Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what she would do. It was the perfect plan. She’d never wanted to come here in the first place, back to this horrible place full of nasty memories and infuriatingly handsome men. She spun on the spot, raring to go, and faced Rueben’s chest as he blocked the doorway, watching her, his face unreadable.

  ‘You’re driving me insane, Jessica.’ His lips were on hers within seconds. He walked her backwards towards the kitchen counter and lifted her up with ease. He continued to work his magic on her mouth, hungrily, greedily, not pausing for breath. ‘Don’t fight it,’ he hissed through his teeth once Jessica’s legs were wrapped tightly around his waist and his hands were running over her thighs.

  She did try to fight it, tried with all her might to tell her body that it didn’t need him, but it wouldn’t listen. Instead, it seemed to be getting as close as it possibly could to Rueben’s, completely ignoring her internal battle and deciding to do whatever the hell it wanted to. Rueben’s fingers tangled in her hair, caressed her face, held her chin up so that she had no choice but to look at him.

  ‘Stop torturing yourself,’ he whispered when he pulled away. ‘Because it’s not just you that you’re torturing. It’s me, too. You’re killing me.’ He gave her a meaningful look and then covered her mouth once more. His tongue smoothly met with hers. It was heaven.

  She gripped the bottom of his t-shirt with her fingers and tore it up and over his head quickly. She ran her fingers across the bare skin of his chest, the smattering of hair, over the muscles and over his broad shoulders, touching every single inch of skin that she could get her hands on. He returned the favour so that they were both topless. It progressed quickly, both of them passionate and unable to wait a second longer, right there in the kitchen of Bluebell House, and for the first time, Jessica didn’t hold back. She allowed her body to have what it had been crying out for, and it felt incredible. She could have sworn she heard it sigh when Rueben finally took her, their hot breath mingling as one and dancing across each other’s skin.

  Afterwards, flushed and sweaty, Jessica allowed her head to hang back as she tried to catch her breath and come back down to earth from her high. Rueben was still between her legs, his forehead resting against her pounding chest, his arms wrapped around her body, tracing circles around her lower back with a single finger. The movement made her shiver. She looked down at the top of his head, his hair messier than usual after their unforeseen session in the kitchen, and felt as if her shoulders were free of everything that had been weighing her down. She smiled to herself, loving the feel of Rueben resting against her.

  ‘Round two?’ Rueben laughed breathlessly as he lifted his head from her chest and gazed up at her. She couldn’t tell whether he was serious or not. If so, she wasn’t sure that she was physically capable of doing it all over again, although the thought was definitely tempting.

  With a smirk, Jessica shifted upwards on the countertop and finally felt that she’d got her breath back and was able to talk without sounding croaky. ‘Are you serious?’ She brushed her hair away from her face and watched Rueben as he stood up straight and faced her directly.

  ‘I think that needed to be done, for health purposes as well as anything else.’

  She giggled as she watched him. God, he was divine. Everything a man should be and then some. ‘What do you mean? What health purposes?’

  ‘If that didn’t end up happening soon, I would have exploded.’ He moved his head forward an inch and dragged her bottom lip out with his teeth before kissing her again, then moving his lips to the side of her neck and allowing his tongue to dance across her skin. ‘Have I just made things even worse?’

  Jessica closed her eyes. ‘I don’t know, and right now I really don’t care.’ Threading her fingers through his sweat-dampened hair, she tried to ignore the sinking feeling inside that hinted towards things just getting even more complicated, but the feeling disappeared when Rueben’s mouth found its way back to her breasts and sucked, nibbled and licked, setting her on fire once again. As he did so, Jessica peered over his shoulder at the grand old kitchen of Bluebell House. Was it just her, or did it suddenly seem not so bad anymore?

  ***

  Rueben stuck around for dinner, which Jessica enjoyed thoroughly. He cooked them a chicken dish, along with garlic-infused rice, and she was sure it was one of the tastiest things she’d ever eaten in her life. She would happily allow Rueben to cook for her the rest of her life. But, as they ate and she listened to Rueben chatting away, she couldn’t help but wonder how their escapades had just affected her thoughts about Bluebell Hill. She’d be lying if she said that she didn’t want to enjoy his company, and body, day after day. The thought sent tingles of pleasure up and down her spine, causing her to wriggle in her seat.

  In reality, she knew that once she returned to London, the chances of her coming back to Bluebell Hill for a second time were miniscule, almost non-existent. The plan had been to deal with Bluebell House and then go home. That was it. Simple. Straightforward. She hadn’t included Rueben in these plans, she hadn’t known she’d meet a gorgeous man who would be able to make her laugh and smile in the way that Rueben was able to. She hadn’t prepared herself for this turn of events, and she suddenly wasn’t so sure that leaving Bluebell Hill would be as easy as she’d originally thought. She allowed Rueben to carry on with his enthusiastic chatter, filling the room with something other than silence, and pretended to listen as she nodded and smiled, but really, she was trying to figure out what the hell she was going to do when the time came to leave him, and Esme, behind.

  ***

  ‘Next stop is my parents’ bedroom,’ Jessica muttered when Esme had arrived and made them both a coffee the next morning.

  ‘Well, I’m free all day today, so I’m on hand if you need me.’ Esme smiled cheerfully.

  ‘Oh, would you, Esme? That would be brilliant, if you could? I’m going to feel a bit rude, rifling through their private possessions.’ She pulled a face, feeling uneasy at the thought of it. ‘Still, it’s got to be done, hasn’t it? Once it’s done, that’s it.’

  Esme recalled the events of her day out with Jane, leading them nicely to finishing their drinks and taking yet another load of boxes up the stairs to fill with her parents’ belongings.

  Jessica took a deep breath before pushing the door to their bedroom open. It was the strangest thing, but she couldn’t remember ever stepping foot in their bedroom. Not once. She brushed away the awful feelings that this realisation highlighted, and held her head high as she stepped across the plush, cream carpet and studied the space around her. It was very tidy, and Jessica guessed that that didn’t have anything to do with the fact that they had passed away, but that it had always been this way. It was all dark wood and cream with an impressive four-poster bed swathe
d with thick, cream material on either side. A built-in wardrobe was at the far side of the room, and an en suite bathroom on the other. Everything was in its rightful place, tidy, presentable, orderly. Just as she imagined it would be, as she guessed every single aspect of their life had been when they’d been alive.

  ‘Well, perhaps this won’t take as long as I thought it would,’ Jessica commented as she dropped the boxes to the carpet. ‘There’s barely anything in here besides clothes and a few bottles of perfume.’ It truly was the barest bedroom that she had ever seen in her life. Nothing personal caught her attention. Nothing in regards to their daughter. It was quite scary, actually. Quite… strange.

  ‘Shall we get started?’ Esme asked, hands on her hips as she surveyed the room beside Jessica. ‘And you’re right. It shouldn’t take us too long at all.’

  And so they began. The boxes filled quickly with the little amount of belongings that were in the bedroom. When it came to the built-in wardrobe, Jessica stood beside the open door and handed each garment to Esme, who folded them nicely and placed them into a black bin-bag. She worked methodically. Clothes first, then the dresses and suits which were zipped up in plastic-covered bags to maintain their pristine state. When it came to the shoes, she knelt on the carpet and passed them, one by one, over her shoulder to Esme’s waiting hands. They worked well together.

  ‘Do you think we should hand these all over to charity?’ Jessica asked once she saw that the end was in sight. The shoes had been neatly placed in rows, all in perfect condition, some of them looking as if they’d never been worn. ‘There are some really nice things in here.’ She picked up a pair of her father’s shiny, polished brogues, studied them for a second, and then handed them over to Esme.

  ‘I think that’s your best bet,’ Esme replied, placing them into an empty shoebox. ‘The charity shop will have a grand old time with this lot.’ They’d found a pile of empty shoeboxes in the wardrobe and had decided to put the shoes inside rather than dropping them into the bin bag.

  Once all of the shoes were out of the wardrobe, Jessica stood and eyed the empty space inside. She stuck her hand out to close the doors but then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a box sat on the shelf above the clothing rail, hidden away in the darkness. She was surprised that she’d even seen it. ‘Oh, hang on, there’s something up there.’ She stretched up on tip-toes to try and reach it, only brushing her fingers against the side of it and moving it further out of reach. ‘Oh, I can’t reach,’ she groaned. She turned to face Esme. ‘What do you think it is?’ She squinted up at the box, unable to make out the patterns that decorated it in the darkness. The only thing she was certain of was that it was a box, but that’s the furthest she was going to get. She couldn’t make out a thing.

  ‘No idea,’ Esme said, making quick work of tying up the last of the bin bags. Once finished, she moved to Jessica’s side and peered up. ‘How odd.’ She looked around the room for something to stand on, a stool perhaps, but there was nothing in the room that could help them. ‘We’ll have to wait for Rueben, I think he’ll be tall enough to reach it. Come on, let’s get this lot shifted.’ She walked over to the bedroom door and turned back to her. ‘Jessica, come on dear,’ she called briskly.

  Jessica glanced at the box longingly before leaving the room at Esme’s insistence. She made a mental note to ask Rueben to help her get it down later that evening. He’d surely be willing to help, just like he was with everything else in Bluebell House.

  Rueben appeared at the bottom of the staircase as she and Esme carried the bulging bags down towards him. Their encounter in the kitchen the day before had left her feeling fluttery and seeing his gorgeous face made it ten times worse. She grinned down at him and finally placed the box onto the floor, straightening up to greet him properly. ‘Hello, Rueben,’ she said as she looked back at him with a smile. She was dying to mention the box upstairs in her parents’ bedroom to him but reasoned that it could wait until later. ‘Ready for a trip to the charity shop?’ she asked instead, forcing herself away from the subject.

  ‘Course I am. Anything for you.’ He winked secretly before turning to Esme. ‘How are you, Esme?’ he asked breezily, placing his hands on his jean-clad hips.

  ‘I’m fine,’ Esme replied, fanning at her face after their struggle down the stairs. ‘Just hot. It’s very warm today, isn’t it? I think I’ll head back to the cottage for a lie down if that’s okay with you two? A nap will see me right.’ She kissed them both on the cheek before she left.

  ‘Wow. What’s up with Esme?’ Rueben asked once she’d disappeared, watching her curiously as she walked onwards and finally disappeared down the lane, back towards her cottage.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Jessica replied quietly from beside him. She did seem a little odd, or maybe she really was tired after the afternoon of packing up yet another room. She wasn’t exactly a spring chicken anymore. ‘Once you’ve dropped that lot off at the charity shop, would you be able to help me with something?’ She turned back inside Bluebell House.

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Are you sure it’s okay for me to be in here?’ Rueben asked as he stood to the side of her parents’ room, glancing around it nervously. He’d returned to Bluebell House after his trip to the charity shop and been dragged upstairs by Jessica. He looked frightened. Bedrooms were private things. Even more so when the owners of the bedrooms in question were recently deceased.

  Jessica smirked. For such a masculine man, he was a bit of a wimp really. ‘Are you scared?’ she teased, poking him in the ribs, to which he reacted by grabbing her wrist and pulling her into him. She caught her breath as she fell against his chest. So hard. So strong. She loved the feel of it against her. He seemed to like it too, from the way he was looking down at her dreamily. She swallowed as his scent overwhelmed her, something that she was sure she could get dangerously used to.

  ‘Not at all. It just feels odd, being in their bedroom when they’re… Well, you know.’ He looked down at her and kissed the tip of her nose tenderly. ‘Are you okay? You seem a bit twitchy.’

  Jessica pulled herself out of his embrace, ignoring the way the kiss on the nose made her feel, and nodded as she stepped quickly towards the wardrobe. ‘Yes, but I need you to reach up and grab this box for me. That’s why you’re in here. I need your help. You’re a lot taller than me and I can’t reach it.’ Rueben arrived at her side and looked up, following her direction of sight.

  ‘What is it?’ he asked, peering at it curiously, squinting to try and get a better look.

  ‘No idea,’ Jessica answered with a shrug. ‘But there’s only one way we’re going to find out, isn’t there?’ She couldn’t wait to get the box down and finally see what was inside. She was glad that she had Rueben there with her. He’d become such a great comfort to her and she loved having him around, especially during times like this. Because if she were to find anything out that could potentially cause her any sort of distress, she knew without a doubt that Rueben would have her back, and it made her feel better instantly. But of course there would be no distress. Nothing hinted towards there being anything like that inside the box. She just found it strange that it was up there. And she was only human, so her interest was piqued immediately.

  Minutes later, she and Rueben were sat cross-legged on the beige carpet in her parents’ bedroom with the mysterious box between them. Once he’d brought it out into the open, the patterns that had been indistinguishable when hidden in the shadows of the wardrobe turned out to be pretty, pastel-coloured pictures of baby paraphernalia.

  Jessica stared at the box, unsure now of whether she wanted to know what was inside. Something didn’t feel right and she couldn’t put her finger on what it was. She felt uneasy as she studied the box’s exterior, wondering again what exactly was hidden away inside. She’d never been a fan of secrets, of the unknown.

  ‘Go on,’ Rueben said, nodding at it eagerly. ‘Open it up, see what’s inside.’ His eyes were alight with keen interest. She
was glad someone was excited about the box and whatever it contained, because she certainly wasn’t. In fact, as the seconds ticked by, she was beginning to grow particularly fond of the idea of putting the box back where’d she’d found it and forgetting that it had ever caught her eye, but she knew deep down that she wouldn’t be able to do that. Not a chance in hell. Now she’d found it, forgetting about it would be impossible. She wanted to know why it had been hidden away up there. Who exactly had her parents been trying to hide it from? Was it her? Or perhaps they hadn’t been hiding it at all? Maybe they’d just shoved it up there because there was nowhere else to put it? She looked around the large room and swallowed. Or maybe not.

  ‘I’m not sure I want to open it,’ she whispered, unable to tear her eyes away from it. Rattles, rocking horses, bottles, dummies and nappies danced around the outer sides of the box. It was a baby box. That much was obvious. But whose? ‘What do you think is in there?’ she asked Rueben quietly, picking at her nails.

  Rueben shrugged. ‘Baby things?’

  ‘Oh, well done Sherlock.’ She snorted and finally, after a deep even breath, pulled it towards herself with both hands. ‘What if—‘

  ‘Jessica, just open it.’ Rueben said, nodding at her. ‘Why are you so nervous? It’s just a box with baby things on it.’ He laughed lightly. ‘You think too much. Just do it.’

  She nodded as she let out a heavy breath. ‘Okay.’ She lifted the pale pink lid slowly, with slightly trembling hands and peered inside. Rueben had been right. It was full to the brim with baby things. Baby shoes, baby blankets, a baby photo album. She reached into the box and began to take the items out one by one, slowly and with gentle care. A musty smell rose from the box as it began to be emptied of its items. ‘These must be so old,’ she commented quietly, picking up a soft, cotton blanket and rubbing it between her finger and thumb.