Love and Liberation: A Christian Wife's Journey Into Sexual Freedom

by Laran Mithras

"You haven't paid attention to Revelation, have you?"

  "But Jesus comes to save Israel."

  Caleb shook his head at her. "That's the popular myth. Go read it later. Jesus arrives to fight against Anti-Christ. Israel is already destroyed. Do you really think if Jesus meant to save Israel, He would be late?"

  Dina coughed in disbelief. She would most definitely be searching Revelation for that later.

  He took a sip of wine and watched Donald Strauss captivating the small group of chatters. "What is more frightening than learning the truth is realizing there may be far more we don't know and will never learn."

  ~ ~ ~

  Dina watched over the next hour as Olivia and Melissa molded themselves into more and more contact with her husband. The flirting was more than obvious now, and she had to admit that her jealousy was going to be a problem.

  At what point of her own liberation did she have to come to terms with Josh's liberation? Did she want that? While she wanted to be liberated from the confines of traditional mores that had nothing to do with the Bible, she wasn't sure she wanted that for Josh. He's mine. I will be the liberated one. He just needs to understand, is all. He doesn't need to be liberated.

  She watched them get up and go back into the kitchen for more wine.

  "You looked troubled, young one." Donald stood near her, hands in pockets, looking down his nose at her with an appraising look.

  "What? Me?"

  "I've seen the look before – many times."

  She felt defensive. "And what look is that?"

  "No need to be combative." He sat in the empty spot Caleb had occupied before the pastor had moved on to circulate with the guests. "I have no reason to be accusatory."

  Dina looked away, unsure what to say to her employer.

  "Overcoming inhibitions is a very difficult personal obstacle. How far is one willing to go to remove them?"

  Darn him, he knows exactly what I'm thinking. "I don't know what you mean."

  He gave her a patient look. "You do. But I imagine you're at the stage where the questions are unanswered."

  She pursed her lips and said nothing.

  "The approach to letting go is one of the most difficult you'll face when it comes to your husband. It is also the easiest once it is done."

  She looked at him. "I don't want to lose Josh."

  His smile was quick and friendly. "Of course you don't. And you won't, either."

  "But—"

  He held up a finger. "Never forget that there are two people involved in your loving relationship. Your love for him and his love for you. Together, you form a bond that runs both ways. If you were to stop loving him, for example, he would not suddenly stop loving you."

  "I suppose not."

  He crossed a leg and placed both hands on one knee. "If he were to be introduced to the concept of liberation and allow you freedom, would that mean your love for him would instantly vanish?"

  "Well, no, of course not."

  "Yet you assume that of him."

  "Pardon?"

  He tilted his head at her. "You want him to approve of your freedom. But you assume that if you give him the same freedom, he will instantly stop loving you."

  Yes. "No, of course not." How can he read me so well?

  He raised both eyebrows at her.

  She felt herself flush with shame. "But what if he likes some other woman better—"

  Donald touched her arm. "You forget that he is a real person."

  "What?"

  "Your insecurities are how you view yourself. You must remember, your husband is intimate with all that you are. He loves you despite your insecurities."

  "I—"

  "His love for you didn't happen by accident. Neither will he suddenly discover one of your insecurities you think are secret and be gone from your life. He has made a decision to love you and does. Whereas you seek to gain his trust for yourself, you are unwilling to trust his love for you."

  Caleb had come back over to the couch. "Do unto others…"

  Donald nodded. "Quite right. Love must go both ways. If you want him to love you, you must love him."

  "But, I do—"

  "If you want him to trust you, you must trust him."

  Dina was about to face her largest hurdle.

  CHAPTER 9

  Dina said, "I do trust him, but—"

  "But you want to retain control," said Donald. "While you say you trust him, you really don't."

  She felt helpless.

  Melissa came towards them, a twinkle in her eye and a sneakiness in her step. She held out her hand to Dina. "Come. We were successful."

  Her heart began pounding and a clammy feeling of doom washed over her. "What—"

  "Come."

  Donald settled back and smiled. Caleb gave her a nod.

  Dina allowed herself to be pulled out of the living room and down the hall to the bedrooms. Oh no. I can't handle this.

  Melissa turned outside the master bedroom. The door was open, the lights off, and Dina could see no one inside the bedroom. The woman held a finger to her lips. Then she leaned in and whispered in Dina's ear. "We were talking about cleaning toilets of all things and how you had him clean one. We got him back here into the bathroom and his ice finally cracked. Be very quiet and come see."

  Dina moved into the dark bedroom behind Melissa. Her entire body was shaking so hard she thought the other woman might feel the vibrations in the air. Her skin felt cold and clammy and a minty taste was in her mouth. She was close to fainting.

  Light was coming from the partially open bathroom door and nothing else. All was silent.

  Holding her finger to her mouth again, Melissa gently guided her to a spot several feet from the door. Her whisper was very quiet and close. "Stay back here in the dark and watch."

  Dina felt dread and worry. This is where it's all over. It's too late to turn back now. Far too late. Melissa went to the door and slipped inside. She left the door open enough for Dina to see. The first thing she saw was Josh leaning back against the bathroom vanity from the side. His hands were on the counter behind him, bracing himself. His pants were around his ankles.

  He glanced worriedly at Melissa as she came in, but then back down to Olivia. The woman was on her knees, stroking and sucking Josh's shaft. The older woman's black and silver hair moved delicately with her sucking motions.

  Dina's eyes went wide. She felt the onrushing burst of emotions promising panic, fear, and disaster. But none of them hit. The approach of her fears turned to fascination and within seconds she found herself watching, mouth open. Josh's face was a mixture of surprise, worry, and pleasure. Bubbling up within Dina was an urge to laugh at his comical expression, but she dared not. She could almost taste her husband's panic through his looks.

  Melissa knelt down next to Olivia and both of them began fondling and kissing Josh's erection.

  Dina felt, instantly, comfortable and satisfied. Her husband was getting his dick slurped and it looked right. It seemed proper – almost as if the two women were on their knees worshiping him as he should be worshiped. She felt pride that it was her husband's cock that was being venerated and not some other man's.

  The two women competed, their tongues and mouths kissing and licking his shaft. One would suck, then the other. Their free hands roamed over his hips and thighs. Then they would lick him together, their tongues often crossing as they pleasured Dina's husband.

  She so much wanted to bounce in there and ask him what he thought. She was smiling wide, her cheeks almost hurting with it. She wanted to laugh and to ask him – even if later – what he thought of the pastor's wife blowing him. She felt close and bonded to him even watching from several feet away.

  Josh hung his head back, his body tensing.

  Dina felt her ownership and intimacy with him then; she knew he was about to cum.

  Melissa was stroking him while Olivia was licking the head of his erection.

  He groaned, low, and his muscles stood out on hi
s thighs. A burst of cum splashed onto Olivia's cheek and she squawked in shock. She thrust her mouth down over his spurting cock and began sucking. Melissa's hand milked the shaft while Josh filled Olivia's mouth with his cum. He grunted several times and then began relaxing.

  Dina felt satisfied that it was all quite alright. Had she not seen but heard about it later, it would have hurt. Seeing it made her a part of the act, even if unknown to Josh.

  Olivia sucked for a few seconds longer, and then pulled back to the head. She gave it one last suck and then pulled free.

  Josh tensed suddenly at the last suck and an aftershock shot of sperm flew out of his cock and into Olivia's hair at her forehead.

  The pastor's wife giggled. "Oh my goodness."

  Melissa redirected his cock into her mouth and gave it a final, gentle sucking.

  ~ ~ ~

  Dina was all smiles as they drove home. She couldn't seem to contain herself. "That was a fun party." She wasn't sure how to bring up The Big Blow.

  Josh wasn't looking at her. "Err… I don't know."

  Oh come on. You got your dick sucked. It was great. There was so much she wanted to say, but he looked embarrassed and ashamed. She wanted to tell him that she had seen and didn't feel jealous. She wanted to talk about how fun it had been to see two women sucking him. She wanted to share with him, but he seemed distant and closed – guarded and defensive.

  Guilt.

  She felt horny and wanting attention. This isn't working. "It was nice of them to be so inclusive of you."

  "What?" He sounded nervous.

  "Olivia and Melissa."

  "Oh, them." He said it with a dismissive air.

  Why is he being so defensive? Fear? Should I tell him I know? She made up her mind. "You don't need to worry."

  "Worry?" Panic flared in his voice. "Worry about what?"

  "I know what happened. I saw it." There; it's out. Now everything will be easy.

  "Saw what?"

  She sighed. Maybe this really isn't working. Doesn't he trust me? "I saw you getting blown—"

  His words were fast, tripping over each other in haste. "It was an accident. Stupid. It'll never happen again. I promise you. It was just a dumb thing… maybe too much wine—"

  "Josh. It's okay."

  "What?"

  Dina sighed. "I'm not mad at you."

  "You aren't?" He looked as if he had just seen a big, furry spider lying on his pillow.

  "No, I found it exciting; I can't wait to get home and get naked with you."

  He laughed, very nervous. "It was wrong. It won't happen again."

  "It wasn't wrong. It was nice."

  He looked at her, amazed. "Nice? How about immoral?"

  "Sexually immoral?" She rolled her eyes. Not this again.

  "Right."

  "Were either of them temple prostitutes giving you sex for the worship of some false god?"

  He rolled his own eyes. "Oh come on. People didn't just run around in the Bible having multiple women—"

  "Solomon had seven hundred wives."

  "And God cursed him for it," Josh said triumphantly.

  "He did not. God cursed Solomon because he started worshiping other gods. God didn't curse him when he married all those women."

  He looked at her, accusation in his eyes. "What are you, some free-love hippie?"

  This is getting nowhere and my mood has vaped. "I'm going to give Pastor Mann a call tomorrow. I think you should talk to him."

  "About what?"

  Are men really so dense? "About what you think is immoral."

  "Getting a blowjob from someone not my wife is immoral."

  No, it isn't. You'll see.

  ~ ~ ~

  Dina got up from the pew. She wanted to ask him how it went. But her husband's look was troubled. Instead she said, "All done?"

  Josh nodded, the troubled look not leaving his brow.

  She led him out to the car in silence.

  "I don't know," he finally said. "I guess much of what you said was right."

  She felt a surge of triumph. "About?"

  "About what we've learned. About how traditions and habits begin to become part of what we think is God's word."

  "Shocking, huh?" She got into the driver's seat and started the car.

  "I wouldn't have believed it if Pastor Mann hadn't showed me the original Greek of the Corinthians fornication passage."

  "Temple prostitutes."

  He shook his head no in disbelief, but said, "Right."

  Should I tell him about my barrel encounter with the pastor? Hmm, no, not yet.

  He squinted at her. "Were you involved in what they did to me?"

  She frowned. "It wasn't a crime."

  "I know that." His tone was defensive.

  She would have to treat him carefully.

  He continued. "I meant did you know they were going to…"

  "I knew they were going to try to break your ice."

  "By giving me a blowjob?"

  "No, not specifically. To be honest, I wasn't sure I was ready for them to do anything like that."

  "I thought you said you liked it."

  She nodded. "Yes, after I saw it. I was scared though, before it."

  "Scared? Why? You thought one might bite it off or something?"

  She giggled, relieved that there was some levity to offset her fear. "No. I just wasn't sure I wanted some woman touching you sexually."

  "Oh. Well, it was okay, I guess. And I guess it wasn't a sin, according to the pastor." He shook his head again in disbelief. "Do you think they're going to do that again?"

  "Huh? Blow you?"

  His face flushed slightly. "Yes."

  Jealousy flared in her and the conflict within her caused her to frown. Warring inside was her possessiveness and the memory of the excitement. It had been fun to see. Was once enough? Did she draw the line and call it all a success, but no more? She had been in occasional talks with Melissa as she went about her daily duties in the household. They had hired a mouthy Mexican maid for the basement while Dina's work kept her upstairs.

  Melissa had talked to her about what she had felt and about liberation – about how the steps she had taken were big, but still initial steps. She looked forward to learning more, looked forward to letting go, and the freedom from guilt Melissa assured her would happen.

  She didn't like the guilt, the jealousy, and the anxiety.

  Josh said, "It wasn't so bad, I guess."

  You guess? She remembered he had asked a few seconds ago if they would do it again. "Well…"

  "If it's what you wanted, I guess I'm cool with it."

  Stop guessing and start thinking. "I don't know what they plan." She didn't. Was Josh going to be invited to more functions? There weren't very many through the year. Did she want him to go? She knew she desired liberation, but did she want it for her husband? She didn't think so.

  He touched her leg and rested his hand there.

  She felt a surge of love at the simple gesture. No, I don't want him to be liberated. He can't handle it; only I can. I can't ever tell him about Caleb fucking me. She felt her insides warm and she squirmed in her seat. She remembered the feel of his thick shaft sliding past her lips and into her pussy. She remembered the lust and excitement, mixed with fear. Would the pastor do me again? That would be so good. Her mouth opened in a silent pant. She wanted to get home and tear off Josh's clothing. She wanted him to throw her down on the bed and ram her pussy good and hard.

  Then she thought of Sebastian fingering her and her legs twitched involuntarily. Her pussy clenched and developed a deep ache. What was Sebastian like? Should she be thinking it? If it wasn't a sin, then she shouldn't feel bad about thinking about him when she and Josh had sex, right? She felt her pussy becoming very moist.

  ~ ~ ~

  Dina finished wiping the kitchen counter. She dropped the rag into a bucket for the laundry. She turned at the approach of Melissa's quiet footsteps. "I was just finished here."


  Melissa shook her head. "I didn't need the kitchen. I wanted to ask if you and your husband would like to come over for a… private party. Just a few friends."

  "On Friday?"

  "No, Friday and Saturday are for our regular guests. I was thinking a Sunday night and maybe just the pastor and a couple others."

  "Well…"

  "I think if your husband is exposed to a very light version of how we live, he might be more receptive to your liberation."

  That sounded great. "Yes, it's still something of an issue with him, though he says he's okay with the blowjobs."

  Melissa's eyes became very bright and she pursed her lips. It was her way of holding back laughter.

  Dina felt defensive. "It's not a joke—"

  The woman quickly touched her arm. "I don't view it as one. Sometimes it is rather amusing to see a progression with which I am so familiar."

  "Was it hard for you?"

  There was silence in the kitchen as the woman looked away. She nodded slowly, remembering. "Letting go and trusting your love is a very difficult hurdle but also the easiest. When it happens, you realize you had nothing to worry about."

  "I think I'm okay with my own liberation…"

  Melissa looked back at her. "It's Josh that's your hang-up."

  Dina nodded.

  "That's what I meant by the difficult part. It's also very easy. Your fear, however, will control you until you overcome it with the act of defying it."

  "You make it sound so easy."

  "It is, girl. I also understand the fear in you holds you back. I've experienced it. Will you come Sunday? So that we may help your husband approve of what's happening here?"

  "Okay." She wanted Josh to understand. She wanted his approval. Then maybe she could tell him about Pastor Mann.

  Melissa winked. "Wear your maid uniform."

  Dina giggled. "The short skirt?"

  The woman gave a knowing nod.

  "We'll come."

  CHAPTER 10

  Dina couldn't tell him exactly what, but his look told her he was imagining that the so called get-together was going to be just a little more than a quaint party. "Just a few people."