Balefire

by Barrett

  “I’m so glad, I feel the same way. And how does their daughter feel?” Silke slipped an arm around Kirin’s waist.

  Kirin felt her heart squeeze a little tighter and she let out the breath she was holding. “She’s very happy.” She squeezed Silke’s hand and kissed her forehead. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about anyone before. It’s new and a little scary.”

  Silke turned to her. “Really, scary? How so?”

  “I’m not sure where to go from here. No one has ever made me feel so special or cared for and . . . I want to be very careful not to screw up.” Kirin shifted so they faced each other. “I don’t have a great track record for successful relationships, but I . . .”

  Silke touched her cheek and waited.

  “I feel like we’ve really connected,” Kirin said. “The more I get to know you, the more special you become. It just seems we both have busy lives that take us in different directions and I don’t know how to fix that. On top of all that, I’m really not sure how you feel.”

  Silke kissed her softly. “If you had asked me that question yesterday afternoon, I probably would have answered the same way you just did—unsure. But something happened today that I can’t quite describe. It was almost like a shift in energy or focus. After our swim when I was standing in the boat looking at the lake, I just knew that all these weeks of missed connections or interruptions were over. Do you ever remember hearing a Bible quote that said, ‘. . . and immediately, something like scales fell from his eyes.’”

  Kirin nodded. “I think so.”

  Silke stroked her cheek. “That is almost exactly what it felt like on the boat. I could see my future clearly. And when I watched you interact with your parents and their friends, I felt absolutely connected with you in an indescribable way.”

  Kirin took her hand. “Hearing you say that is incredible and so reassuring.”

  “Even though I haven’t shared the details about everything that went wrong with Rachel, it has made me think long and hard about a relationship.” Silke lifted her eyes and the moonlight illuminated her face.

  Kirin saw her pain and it went into her heart.

  Silke squeezed her hand. “The simple fact you let me come to it in my own time, well, it feels right. I guess I’ve known for a long time how much I wanted you in my life and I don’t want to wait any longer.”

  Kirin kissed her softly and pressed their foreheads together as she drew Silke into her arms. “I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Together I’m sure we can find a way.” She giggled. “Damn.”

  “I’d really like you to kiss me now.” Silke’s slipped her hand around the back of Kirin’s head, pulled her closer, and closed her warm lips over Kirin’s, effectively silencing every thought, including the symphony of night sounds.

  Kirin’s knees shook as Silke moved her hips and lips with calculated prowess. Her belly slipped down to her aching pelvis, and she gasped. “I want to spend the rest of my life in your arms.”

  Silke stroked her face and added several more hard kisses. “Me, too.”

  Kirin gripped Silke’s shoulders, panting. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to leave right after breakfast. I love being here with my family, but I want to be with you. We’ll have all day to be together and hopefully make some plans.” The smell of Silke’s hair and their faces pressed together kindled a spark deep inside that melted the last shreds of resistance.

  Silke kissed her again, but harder. “Will you come to bed, now?”

  Kirin took both of Silke’s hands and allowed herself to be pulled up and into Silke’s arms. They embraced long enough to watch the bonfire dim then Kirin followed Silke into the cabin.

  Silke tossed the blanket on the bed. “Please indulge me.” She caressed Kirin’s face. “I want to make love to you. I want to show you how very much I care, and I want you to just allow me to do that.”

  Kirin stood mutely but willing. The trembling gave way to submissiveness. “I will.”

  Silke slowly undressed Kirin with such tenderness that conscious thought slipped away, replaced by exquisite pleasure.

  Whispered commands were obeyed until Kirin could barely respond without a gasp or whimper. Her last memory was being completely enveloped by Silke’s luscious body.

  Chapter Forty-eight

  IN SPITE OF the festivities the previous evening and the private celebration in the Travelers cabin, the entire Foster Clan gathered in the lodge dining room for breakfast at eight o’clock.

  “Sorry we’re late. I thought we might actually beat you guys.” Kirin pulled out a chair next to her brother.

  “Good morning.” Her dad stood, smiled, and pulled a chair back for Silke. “Don’t worry, you’re not late, we just ordered.”

  Kirin picked up the coffee pot and poured two cups. “I’m afraid we have to get on the road a little early.” A chorus of disappointment followed until Kevin hijacked conversation with a wisecrack.

  At that moment, Silke watched the server approach with a large tray filled with plates. As soon as everyone had the correct order, she and Kirin ordered the irresistible blueberry pancakes with bacon.

  “I’m so sorry you girls can’t stay longer, but am very grateful we could provide an excuse to get our daughter up here this summer. You’re welcome any time.” Kirin’s mother passed Silke the maple syrup. “Do you need to leave because of your art project?”

  “Partially, yes. I have an assistant working on the wiring today and that’s the vital part of a lighthouse. He knows what he’s doing, but I need to do the final test because my name is going on it.” Silke smiled as a server set down the plate with two huge tantalizing pancakes along with thick-cut slices of bacon.

  Brittany cleared her throat. “Kevin told me that the big sculpture outside the UW student union is one of yours. Is that true?”

  Silke swallowed and wiped her mouth. “I’m afraid so. It was one of my early projects, and my instructor encouraged me to donate it. I had no idea the university would put it someplace so public.”

  Kirin beamed.

  AS KIRIN NAVIGATED their way back to the highway, Silke opened the window and took a deep breath. The rich earthy smells combined with aromatic pine filled her with pleasure. A dark forest, dappled with sunlight, seemed to stretch for miles and the numerous shades of green created a palette of jewel tones that astounded her. She desperately wanted to share the news about her improving peripheral vision, but didn’t want to tempt fate. Instead, she stored the memories to share later.

  “Are you really okay with leaving your family?” Silke said. “I could have stayed longer if you wanted. The project can certainly wait another day or two.”

  Kirin offered her hand. “Hey, it was my idea to leave. I enjoyed seeing everyone, but honestly, I really want to spend as much time as I can with you. We’ve waited long enough to be together and I want to hoard every minute.” Her laugh sounded as though it rolled up from deep inside. “I’m insatiable.”

  Silke felt her chest tighten, and she took Kirin’s hand. “About last night—”

  “Last night was perfect,” Kirin said.

  “Incredible. But, I’d like to explain something.” Silke loosened her seat belt and swiveled in the seat to face Kirin, then took her hand and kissed it. “Last night was wonderful. Being able to love you and not be directed was a new experience for me.”

  “What?”

  “Okay, bear with me. This is a little hard to explain. When I met Rachel, she was beautiful, dazzling—very outgoing and personable. I might have actually swooned the first time she spoke to me,” Silke said. “She was presenting a marketing seminar and just oozing self-confidence. As we dated, I obediently fell into lockstep with everything she wanted to do—happily. That got old after a few years but my training was complete. She responded to my little rebellions with sarcasm or derision and after a time, I quit trying. It wasn’t worth it.”

  Silke bounced her foot and the moisture evaporated from
her mouth. She sipped from her water bottle.

  “I know this sounds weird, and I’m embarrassed to talk about it. The fact is, Rachel dictated just about everything in our lives . . . including how we had sex.” Relief flooded her as she waited nervously for Kirin to respond.

  After what seemed like minutes, Kirin nodded. “So, does that mean you were waiting for me to take the initiative last night?”

  “No,” Silke said. “I wanted to be the one to make love to you. I’ve wanted to for a long time, I wasn’t sure if I could. Just like the other night when you put your hand on my neck, I kind of freaked out. It’s like a Pavlovian response. I have to respond in a certain way to avoid criticism or worse . . . pain. Do you understand?”

  Kirin steered the car into a vacant lot off the highway and threw the shift into park. She took off her sunglasses and closed her eyes.

  Silke had no idea what was going on, but held her breath.

  “I guess I always suspected there was more to the story but didn’t want to believe anyone would hurt you.” Kirin wiped at her eyes. “It breaks my heart and it makes me a really angry. I’m glad you didn’t tell me sooner, because . . . well, I don’t know.” She unbuckled her seat belt and leaned across the console. “You mean the world to me, and every day I fall a little more in love with you. I really hope you’ll be able to trust me to make love to you the way you deserve—gently, passionately, and endlessly.”

  Silke’s heart threatened to burst with joy, and she wrapped her arms around Kirin. “I so wish I’d found you sooner, but I’m grateful you’re here now and I promise to try and make you happy.”

  “You already do.”

  One kiss became two, became four until Silke could no longer pull away. Kirin’s gentle persistence vanquished the last shreds of Silke’s deeply ingrained reluctance.

  They finally stopped to take a breath.

  “I believe you, but I think we should get back on the road before I lose my senses completely,” Silke said

  Kirin’s lopsided smile, unfocused eyes, and breathlessness revealed the depth of her passion. “As you wish, but I’m certainly looking forward to the prospect of convincing you of my intentions.”

  Silke smiled back with utter joy. “I’m fairly certain I already understand the full extent of your intentions.”

  Kirin started the car, buckled up, and merged back onto the highway. “That’s funny, because I wasn’t sure about those intentions until just now.” She laughed then turned on the radio.

  The tender shared moment settled deep in Silke’s heart as they continued south toward Milwaukee.

  “I GUESS I should have filled up before we left Minocqua. You need to get anything?” Kirin pulled up to the first pump and cut the engine.

  “Maybe I’ll get something to drink, how about you?” Silke unbuckled and stepped out.

  “Sure, surprise me.” She scanned her card and began filling the tank.

  She watched as Silke entered the convenience store and smiled. A fleeting memory of the night before teased her. Silke’s gentle hands and soft lips had far exceeded her expectations but in light of their conversation today, Kirin could remember a few distinct moments of hesitancy. She hadn’t noticed at the time because she wasn’t paying attention to anything but the pleasure she felt from the multi-talented hands of the woman she’d dreamt about for weeks.

  She admitted she’d been somewhat frustrated by Silke’s resistance to her advances. Now she understood why. Damn that Rachel Bates. She hoped she could drive those dark memories away and replace them with the love and passion she felt.

  Silke got into the car, placed the cups in the cup holder, and opened a bag of Twizzlers. “Think we could drive back through Madison for old time’s sake?”

  “Great idea. Maybe we can get something to eat there.” Kirin navigated back into traffic while trying to think of some way to broach something that had been niggling at the back of her mind. “You mentioned going back to Belize a couple of times, and I wondered if that was still your plan.”

  Silke handed her a piece of candy and smiled. “It has been my goal for a long time to go down there to work for an extended period. Of course, it all depends on the grant and what happens with my house. I think my brother would like to rent it out, which is okay with me. And having some extra money would help.” She took a bite and chewed for a bit.

  Kirin felt her heart squeeze a little tighter and fought against feelings of possessiveness. If anything might doom their new relationship, it would be acting like Rachel.

  “But this weekend with you and your family has added a new wrinkle,” Silke said. “I’m not sure I want to be away from you for a long period of time—or even a short period.”

  Her sweet expression radiated sunshine.

  Kirin took her hand and kissed it. “It makes me glad to hear you say that, but I know how much being there means to you. And I have to admit, it holds a special place in my heart as well.”

  She glanced over her shoulder to change lanes and pass a slow-moving travel trailer.

  “I have to go to New York at the end of the week for a meeting with my publisher, which I’m not looking forward to. But after that, I’d like to make some plans, real plans, with you.”

  After several minutes, Silke squeezed Kirin’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “I really wish I could find the words to tell you how happy I am right now. For the first time in years, I actually feel hopeful.”

  Kirin held her breath and closed her eyes for just a second. She wanted to pinch herself to feel the intensity of love. Was it really possible? Was this that one chance in a lifetime? A twinge in her chest felt painfully reassuring.

  Chapter Forty-nine

  IT WAS NEARLY dark when Kirin parked in front of Silke’s now empty home. She had no regrets about spending the afternoon in Madison, even if it meant getting home much later than planned. After all, her original intent was to spend more time with Silke and she had. She gazed at her dozing passenger. A single spot from the chocolate ice cream cone marred Silke’s white tee shirt.

  She smiled.

  It had been a long time since she’d spent this many hours in the car. To ease the stiffness in her shoulders, she flexed her neck in several directions. Her fatigue paled in comparison to the giddiness, nervousness, and pure joy that flowed from the past forty-eight hours.

  Silke’s slightly sunburned knees were braced against the dashboard, leaving her bare thighs within reach. It was tempting, but given their discussion earlier, Kirin knew she had to tread carefully. Groping someone while she slept might seem intrusive.

  The time would come, and she just needed to be patient a while longer, but she recognized the ache in her belly as real desire. In all her time with Melissa, she very rarely had time to feel desire. Melissa had some kind of radar honed in on Kirin’s vulnerability or weakened state, and she never missed a chance to exploit the moment. In all honesty, Melissa’s hyper-sexuality fed her ego but wore her down.

  No, this relationship was better. Intimacy and tenderness filled her heart like nothing she’d ever experienced and now all she wanted was to share that love with Silke.

  “We’re home, sweetie.”

  Silke squinted then flitted her eyes for a minute. “I’m sorry. Can’t believe I fell asleep. I’m embarrassed.”

  “Don’t be. You look beautiful.”

  Silke sat up, stretched, and put her arms around Kirin’s neck. “I love waking up to your face.” She kissed her. “Will you come in?”

  SILKE PAUSED AS she stepped into the house. The once familiar smells repelled her. For seventy-two hours, her senses rejoiced in fresh air, sunscreen, bug spray, and the heady aroma of the north woods and Kirin Foster. Suddenly, the musty smell of her house felt oppressive.

  She flipped the light switch and illuminated the now Spartan living room. “Come in. You can just drop that bag by the stairs. Would you like something to drink?”

  “No thanks. I drank water all the way home and would
like to use the bathroom.”

  “You know where it is,” Silke said. “I’d really like to go out to the studio and see how the boys did with my list. Meet me out there?”

  Silke left her backpack in the kitchen and headed out the back door with keys in hand. She had left detailed instructions for Roger to help him complete the wiring and apply a final coat of marine varnish. There would be details to work out, but hopefully she could make the final arrangements for installation.

  The rollup door rattled and creaked as a wave of hot humid air permeated with the heavy scent of varnish along with green wood and sawdust assaulted her. She took a deep breath and allowed the safety and comfort of her studio to fill her. Even without the lights, she could see the carved lighthouse propped vertically and braced with a large hanging calipers that secured it.