Wrong Kind of Love

by Amanda Heath

  Teagan reaches out for me and I hug her by her place on the sink. “I know honey. I’ll talk to Caden and tell him to get over it. He needs to respect your wishes to be with Jaden or whatever y’all are doing.”

  “I don’t know what we are doing. He talks to me at practice and stuff, but he hasn’t ever discussed what we are doing. I don’t know if I should date him. I mean, it’s already gotten dramatic and I’m not even attached to either one!” Which is true. I didn’t even know Jaden had a dramatic side.

  “Well, then, you need to ask him. I think the only drama you are going to get right now is with Caden. I can ask him to back off. It’s not going to be like last time. I swear.” Teagan states.

  “I can’t go through that again, Teagan. What Jesse put me through was so awful; I can’t even believe it happened sometimes. I thought I knew him, you know?” This about my fake boyfriend who ruined my life back home. Again a lie, but you already knew that.

  “Yeah, I know, honey. I can promise you, neither one of my brothers is like that. Jaden wouldn’t disrespect a girl like that and Caden is more likely to get disrespected by a girl.”

  I smile at that. “Okay. Go play air hockey with Declan or something while I have a little chat with Jaden. Please?”

  “Sure, just send him this way,” she tells me with mischief in her eyes.

  I make my way back out the lanes and take my seat next to Jaden. “Declan do you think you could go play air hockey with Teagan? I want to have a talk with Jaden. In private.”

  Declan only nods and gets up from the table. I turn to Jaden and find him with sad eyes. “You’re going to tell me to back off right?” He asks me.

  I shake my head. “No I wanted to ask what you wanted from me.” I place my elbows on the table and place my head in my hands. This whole thing is getting to be too much for me.

  “I want you to be my girl. But I’m also not going to stand in the way of you and Caden. I love my brother, but if he’s who you want, then I’m not going to stop you. I would hate for you and I to date and then wonder if you’re thinking of him.” He rubs a hand on my back and I shake my head. I sure know how to pick them.

  “I’m not going to lie to you. I want to see if I can have something with Caden. I would hate to hurt you, but I just have to know.” I pull my head up and meet his eyes.

  “Then I understand. If it doesn’t work out, you can always try me again.” He winks.

  This week has been hell. I never thought in my entire life that I would miss a girl. And it pisses me off even more that I don’t even really know said girl. All I do know, is that she gets under my skin. Makes me want what I can’t have. It goes against everything in my blood to hurt my brother. He has been there for me my entire life. Pushing me to be better. Standing by my side when I fuck up. Comforting me when the pain got to be too much. I wouldn’t be on this planet right now if Jaden Harper wasn’t my twin brother.

  This week is also pissing me off because I can’t paint. My muse has left me and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back. I’ve never stopped painting this long since the first time I picked up a brush. I feel lost and alone. Painting isn’t just a hobby; it’s my fucking life. It’s what I want to do when I grow up. It’s what I want to pay my bills with. It’s what I want to be doing until the second I die. Nothing matters when I paint. So to lose my will to even pick up the brush is pissing me off.

  I don’t know why Jaden was acting like a complete and total asshole tonight. He knows I want Grace. I can’t believe he would go behind my back like that. I feel betrayed and I don’t know what to do about it. I haven’t felt this way since I was little and dad stopped coming home. I felt like he had betrayed us and all along he had. I don’t know if I will ever forgive him for what he did to my mom. That’s not a real man, that’s a pussy.

  I’m lying on my bed staring up at the white ceiling when I hear a soft knock oat the front door of my apartment. I sigh before getting off the bed and heading for the door. Hopeful its not one of Jaden’s dumb football buddies. Those jackasses don’t know how to act. They all think they are better than everyone else. I’m starting to think my brother is in the perfect place being friends with them.

  I peak through the peephole and my heart stops. There my Angel is. Standing in front of me looking like she came straight from heaven. I want to let her in and take her to my room and tie her up again. I don’t think I ever stopped wanting to do that. What I wouldn’t give to have her all to myself, but apparently she made her choice.

  I let out a breath of air and open the door. When she looks up at me I almost groan. I can see in her eyes how much she wants me. How much she wants to come in and let me devour her. And I have to be honest here; I have never wanted anything more myself. “What are you doing here?” I ask putting menace in my voice.

  She looks shocked for a second but doesn’t shy away from me. Her glare speaks volumes and I want nothing more than to make her even angrier. I want her so angry she never speaks to me again. Then this shit will go away and I can go back to me.

  “I came to talk to you. I think you got the wrong impression earlier at the bowling alley.” She doesn’t wait for me to invite her in, she just shoves past me. She plants that nice ass down on my old blue couch and crosses her legs. Her short lace skirt rides up her legs and my dick comes to attention. Grace has amazing legs. I want to kiss every inch of them. God, I’m such a freak.

  “Then fucking talk and then fucking leave.” I’m starting to get pissed off, not at her but me. I can’t believe how much I want her. This isn’t healthy.

  She rolls her eyes before crossing her arms over her chest, pushing the globes together. Grace is trying to kill me. “Look, Jaden asked Teagan to ask me if I wanted to go out with them tonight. I only went because Teagan begged me too. She didn’t know about us and how I feel about you. Jaden realized that I wasn’t into him and told me I was free be with you.” She pauses and starts fiddling with her thumbs. “That is if you want to be with me. I don’t know what you want because we tend to only have sex. Besides, I couldn’t be with Jaden after sleeping with you. That would make me a slut and I’m not a slut thank you very much.”

  I place my back against the front door and take a deep breath. I know Jaden and I know he wouldn’t just give her up. If that boy really wants something then he will do whatever he can to get it. This must be a test or something for Grace. They say if you love it then let it go, not that Jaden loves her. It would take a lot for Jaden to love a female; the man is married to football. “If he told you that, then he was lying. Jaden doesn’t just give up that easily. I know my brother very well. And I’m not going to stand in his way.”

  A look of pure anger passes over her face before it’s gone. I have a feeling it wasn’t directed at me, which is weird since I didn’t run into her arms, and ask her to marry me. Like that would ever happen. “Okay. Thank you so much for letting me in. I’ll see you around.” She gets up off the couch and heads to were I am standing. I’m so shocked by what she said I couldn’t find the will to move my legs. “Can I get by you please?” She asks in that sickly sweet voice.

  Who the fuck is this girl? Jesus one second she is a sexy vixen and the next she is some church going virgin? I haven’t been this confused in my entire life. “That’s it? You’re just going to walk out of here and not fight me? I can’t believe that for a second.”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you mean. I said what I had to say and you said what you did. It didn’t work out the way I wanted it to, so now I’m going to move on.” She smiles up at me and points at the door.

  “What the fuck? Why are you acting one-way and then a completely different way? Why can’t you just be that feisty girl I met the other night? I like her. This sweet bubblegum shit is disgusting and frankly not you.” My hands itch to grab her around the waist and haul her into my body. Then fuck her brains out. But I refrain.

  The anger comes off of her in waves causing me to be a little afraid. She steps clos
er and points her finger into my chest hard…again. “Look here you asshole. You can’t even begin to guess why I act the way I do. You don’t know me and have no clue who I really am.” She steps even closer and we touch chest to chest. “You had your chance, so don’t start wanting to know me now. I no longer want anything to do with you.” She steps back, breaking contact. “Now get out of my fucking way.”

  I hate to admit I am seriously turned on right now. “No.” I seethe stepping away from the door and into her body. I wrap my hands around her upper arms and slam my lips down on hers, devouring their fullness with everything I am. She kisses me back for a minute before she steps back and slaps me. She went back on her instep and used all her strength and I know tomorrow I’ll have a fucking bruise.

  Before I can grab her up she sprints out the door. I race after her but I see people around. I stop before they think something sinister is going on. “You can run, Grace, but I’ll eventually come after you. Whether you know it or not you’re mine and you better fucking get used to.”

  Grace stops right before she reaches her car door and turns to face me. She takes in all the people standing around gawking at us. “Don’t start throwing out that He-man crap. If you really wanted me then you would have me. You threw me away, not the other way around. Get over yourself. It was just sex and it wasn’t that good to begin with.” And then she is getting into her car and driving away. Leaving me standing with my mouth hanging wide open and like ten people laughing and pointing at me.

  An hour after Grace leaves there’s another knock on the door. I storm out of my room to answer, hoping and praying that it’s Grace, buts it’s not. My heart sinks seeing a confused look on some guys face. He has short auburn hair and hazel eyes. “What?” I snap.

  He puts his hands up in a surrendering way. “I’m Chance. I’m on the football team with Jaden and he said I could stop by and get my bag. I left it after practice yesterday and he got it for me.”

  “Right. I forgot. He said you would be stopping by. I’m Caden.” I toss my hand out there for a shake. I haven’t lost all my manners.

  I’m met with a strong hand and a good shake. Well nice to know this one isn’t a pussy. “Do you mind if I ask why you’re so pissed off?”

  I laugh, but the sound is harsh betraying how I really feel. “This girl has me all out of sorts. I can’t even think straight anymore, since I met her.” That’s all I’m willing to give him.

  He smiles and nods his head like he gets it. I don’t know how he could even possibly get it. “I had one of those in high school. Got me so caught up in her, I couldn’t see anything else. Which sucked, considering all she was out for was revenge. Ripped my damn heart out of my chest.” Okay maybe he does get it.

  “Damn. Now my shit doesn’t sound as bad.”

  “I get that reaction a lot.” He slaps me on the shoulder and moves into the living room.

  “How do you even deal with that? I’m not in deep like that, but I feel like I could have been.” Instead of moving to show him where Jaden’s room is, I head into the kitchen and grab a beer out of the fridge.

  Chance follows me and accepts when I hand him his own beer. “You don’t deal. That girl was my everything and she just up and left about five months ago. Didn’t even say goodbye, just left me this hateful note and a diary full of bad memories. Yeah I stopped thinking about her every minute of every day, but I still think about her every day.”

  “I’m sorry bro. I hope you can finally move on one day.” And I really hope he does. No one should be left with a broken heart this long.

  He shrugs his shoulder before speaking. “Mind if I ask what happened?”

  I shake my head but tell him anyway. “I met her last weekend at Declan’s party. We had a good time but when Jaden found out, he got mad because he liked her too. So I backed off and he said he would. Then he went out and asked her on a fucking date. Now she tells me she wants me and not him, but I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “You hooked up with Grace? Little sweet naïve Grace? Jesus, that’s a whole lot of messed up I don’t want to touch.”

  I chuckle. “I don’t know where everyone gets that she’s this little goody girl. The Grace I know is wild and untamed.”

  “I guess you know the real Grace then.”

  You can run Grace, but I’ll eventually come after you. Whether you know it or not you’re mine and you better fucking get used to it. I shiver under the covers recalling his words. I’m not going to lie and say they didn’t thrill me. But it’s too little too late. I don’t even know why the hell he said them. He basically pushed me aside for his brother, who told me to go after Caden. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be in the middle of twins. After being with Caden, I would never do anything with Jaden. If I did then I should get ‘slut’ tattooed on my forehead.

  Teagan sighs in her sleep. I turn to look at her and see the soft peaceful features of her face while she sleeps. What I wouldn’t give to be peaceful like that. I think I’m even uptight when I sleep. There is so much tension in my body and I don’t even know how to get rid of it. Any second, this life Aiden and I are building here, could come crashing down. It might not be perfect but that’s still amazing to me. My life in New York was so awful and I don’t know how I could ever go back to that.

  My step dad is named Daniel Hutson. He is forty-five years old. Two years older than my mother, not that it really matters. I love my mother to death but she could care less about anyone but herself. Daniel tortured Aiden and I most of our lives. Mom would be up in her room asleep after taking a pill that would knock her out for hours. Some would say she didn’t know what was going on, but I call bullshit. I had bruises on me almost every day for years, and she never once asked where I got them. But to love is to forgive and I do forgive her. I think she was raised much the same way and it was the only way she knows how to be. That doesn’t mean I’ll be inviting her over for Christmas dinner, like ever.

  Daniel also happens to be a state senator for New Jersey. Which means once a year I had to dress up and pretend to adore him. Aiden would have to as well and that only made it worse. Daniel couldn’t deal with having a gay stepson and when it became public knowledge that Aiden was gay, well it’s safe to say that shit hit the fan.

  That was the night we left, the night we almost got away without incident. Aiden was terrified of what would happen to me once Daniel found out that the whole world knew he was gay. Little did we know he was waiting for us.

  I know you’re thinking I killed him, but I assure you that you’re wrong. Daniel is happy and whole, the blood wasn’t his. It was one of his henchmen’s who tried to keep us in the house. Aiden wasn’t having any of it and beat the man to a bloody pulp. He stumbled around for a second before knocking me over and landing on me. I also assure you he is alive. I checked.

  I would take the fear of being discovered here, rather than the fear I had living in that house. Daniel used to tie my hands and feet and make me sit outside of Aiden’s room and listen while he molested my brother. It still makes me sick to this day. If I made any sounds or I protested I would get thrown around like a rag doll. He only stopped hitting me and leaving bruises where you couldn’t see when a teacher was concerned that I was always hurt. Nobody really cared though, nobody but Aiden.

  I think Justin would have given a shit, but I wouldn’t let him in long enough to. He assumed my home life was happy because I made him assume that. I told him I couldn’t have sex with the lights on, but in reality I didn’t want him to see the marks on my body. I was ashamed and not because of what was happening to me, but because I couldn’t stop it. What kind of person does that make me that I can’t stop someone from abusing me? It makes me weak. I never want to be remembered as weak.

  Deciding that I won’t be getting any sleep tonight, I quietly get out of bed and tip toe out of the room. I grab my cell phone off the desk before I exit. I know I shouldn’t and this might blow up in my face but I have to talk to Just
in. I miss him with every breath I take. I may be over my love for him, but he was my best friend for years. We did everything together. I just want to hear his voice. One last time.

  I get in my car and drive for two hours. I cross the state lines over into Oklahoma. I decided not to use my cell phone, but bought a disposable one at a gas station.

  Before I lose my nerve I dial Justin’s number and hold the phone up to my ear. It rings four times before a female voice answers. “Hello?” her voice is scratchy with sleep and I feel my stomach drop.

  “Who are you?” I don’t know why I feel a little jealous. I guess the selfish part of me was hoping he hadn’t moved on and he was sitting around moping the loss of our relationship still.

  “Carly, who the hell are you?” she sneers into the phone.

  I roll my eyes. I’m thousands of miles away bitch you don’t have anything to be worried about. “An old friend of Justin’s. Can I talk to him?”

  “No he’s sleeping. It’s like 3 in the morning.”

  I pinch the bridge between my eyes and try to calm down. This bitch doesn’t know who she is dealing with. “Wake his ass up and put him on the phone. He will want to talk to me.”

  “I don’t think so sweetie. I’m hanging up now. He has a new girlfriend now and he doesn’t need booty calls anymore.” She says it sickly sweet and I want to reach through this crappy phone and punch her.

  “I’m not a booty call you idiot. This is Kayla!” I scream through the phone.

  I’m met with silence and I look down at the phone making sure she didn’t really hang up.