Wrong Kind of Love

by Amanda Heath

  Aiden said we were here in Arkansas because it was far enough away from New York. I should have told him he was full of shit. I keep thinking back to the day I called Justin and how much danger I put us in. Well Aiden put us in even more.

  My biological father is my professor for Chemistry 101. I haven’t seen this man since I was eight years old and he was packing up his bags to leave my mother. Aiden said Daniel forced him out, but I didn’t really care. He left us in that house with those people for ten years. He can kiss my ass.

  The second thing happened five minutes later. While I’m sitting there staring holes into my father’s brown haired covered head, I hear a very familiar sexy drawl. It comes from a few yards back but I know it like I know my own voice. No one could mistake Caden Harper for anyone else.

  I don’t even turn around. I can’t believe that I have a class with him. I do realize I haven’t decided my major, but we all know he’s going for art or something. I really don’t see what chemistry has to do with art. I really hope he ignores me. I couldn’t handle him right now upon the discovery that my father is living in Arkansas and teaching college students.

  Dad doesn’t look any different. Still looks like an older version of Aiden, before he dyed his hair. Though now that he has turned around I can see the grey growing at his temples. I can see what my mother saw in him. He is very classically handsome with this strong jaw and smart nose. His brown eyes are scanning the room and right before they reach me I duck my face down. I really couldn’t do with him recognizing me.

  “Got something for the professor?” Caden whispers into my ear.

  I jump in my seat and turn around to glare at him. “Excuse me?” I snap turning away from him.

  He sits down in the chair next to mine. I groan and roll my eyes. Figures he would want to torture the hell out of me. “Well you have been staring holes into that guy for like five whole minutes. Just wondering if you had a thing for older guys now.” He shrugs his shoulders while reaching over into his bag.

  “I’m not staring at him.” I snap again grabbing my bag to move to another seat. I’m not sitting next to him all this semester.

  When he grabs my wrist to stop me I freeze. I told him no. I told him I wanted Jaden when really I wanted Caden. Want Caden. I think I will always want Caden. “Sit, Grace. If you’re gonna pretend you want my brother, you can at least be my friend.” He motions with his eyes for me to sit.

  I really want to sit but I refuse to be pulled in again. I refuse to be in this sick game of whatever with him. I’m stronger and better than this. “No. Let go Caden.”

  “Sit. I mean it. If you didn’t want me in your life then you shouldn’t have stayed with my brother.” I really start to leave again but he refuses to let go. I know this might cause a scene so I finally do as he wishes and sit. Though I’m not happy about it at all.

  “Good girl.” He whispers right in my ear and I can’t stop the shiver that races through my body. Caden gives me a knowing look and I grit my teeth. Cocky asshole.

  Professor Carlton AKA dad starts class after I plant my ass. I try to listen I really do, but I can’t find the space in my head. I really just want this day to end so I can go back to my empty dorm room and blow my brains out.

  Teagan has spun into a severe depression and decided she didn’t want to do anything but lie in bed all day long and stare at the ceiling. Not that I blame her. I don’t know what I would have done had I find out I was pregnant by a miscarriage. I feel for her, I really do but she shouldn’t have shut Declan out. That was immature and now I’m kind of wondering what the hell she was thinking.

  The asshole next to me had enough of the bullshit running around in his family and moved out of the apartment he shared with Jaden. Word has it he is living with Declan and his little brother.

  Before I know it class is over and Caden is shaking me out of my thoughts. I look up at him and I see the same look I know is reflected in mine. We want each other but I won’t put myself through all that again. I don’t want to be that girl who falls head over heels for the guy knowing he is going to hurt her. “Coffee?” he asks softly.

  It’s on the tip of my tongue with Professor Carlton says, “Miss…Breadfield.” He has to look down at his roster. “A word please?”

  Caden gives me a confused look and I shrug my shoulders. “Never.” I whisper too so that only he can hear. “Yes sir.” I say to Professor Carlton.

  Caden glares down at me but I can’t care. I hope Dad didn’t recognize me. I hope he has some trivial thing to ask me or anything other then what I know he is going to say.

  When Caden finally leaves the room I make my way down to Dad’s desk. He walks over to his classroom door and shuts and locks it. He pulls down the blinds and I know right then and there he knows who I am.

  I’m startled when Dad grabs me up into a really tight hug. I don’t even know why, but I start crying and hug him just as tight back. I don’t want to let him go ever. My mother hasn’t ever hugged me and this is what I remember the most about my dad. His hugs.

  “Kayla. Kayla. Kayla.” He chants over and over again in my shoulder. I feel dampness through my shirt and I know he is crying too.

  “Dad.” I whisper shakily.

  He pulls away to look down at me. All the love I wish my mother could muster for me is shining in his eyes. He places his hands on my jaw and wipes away my tears. I refuse to stop touching him and hold onto his biceps. “What are you doing here? Where is Aiden? How the hell are you in college? You haven’t even graduated high school yet!” he exclaims looking me over.

  “Aiden is here. We had to leave Dad. It wasn’t safe there anymore.” I whisper placing my head on his chest. I take in the woodsy smell of his cologne and I am home. It’s one of those smells that opens memories and makes you relive happy times. This one makes me think of being carried in his arms to my bed late at night after staying up too long playing video games. He would always kiss my forehead and tell me he loved me.

  “I know, baby. I’ve been trying to get y’all out of there for so long. Daniel has too much power and they refused me custody of you guys.” He lets out a shaky breath and starts running his fingers through my hair.

  “What happened? Why did you leave us to begin with?” I take a step back to look up into his brown eyes. Eyes exactly like mine, which are hiding under my blue contacts.

  “When your mother started sleeping with him, he tried to pay me off to just leave. I refused the money but I went through the divorce because I was never going to stay in a marriage where my wife isn’t faithful.” He pauses to drop his arms and grab my hand. He leads me over to a desk and waves for me to sit. “That’s when things got out of control and out of my hands. He made up some bullshit files that stated I was an unfit father and the courts wouldn’t let me near you and your brother. I tried for the past ten years, Kayla. I never stopped trying to be back in your lives. I wanted that more than anything.”

  I grab his hand as he starts to sob. I squeeze as tight as I can. This all sounds like something Daniel would do. He is a sick bastard. “I believe you Daddy. I do. Daniel put us through hell and back. I can imagine he did the same for you.”

  He squeezes my hand harder and gets up, pulling me along. “Take me to Aiden. I have to see my boy.” Tears are still shining in his eyes but I know they are happy now. I can only hope Aiden will be happy to see him.

  I help Dad lock up and we head over to Aiden’s apartment building. Which surprise is the same one Jaden lives in. I think that is how he knew about them. How he knew to point me in Jaden’s direction. And to stay away from Caden. I only wish he never had. My life would be a whole of a hell lot quieter and un-stressful.

  I knock on the door and after a minute it flies open and Aiden grabs Dad up in a hug. “Dad!” he exclaims as they get caught up in the moment. I look around to see if we are gathering attention from anyone, but the coast looks clear.

  “Aiden. Aiden. Aiden.” Dad chants much the same way he did
when he hugged me. I smile softly and start pulling them into Aiden’s apartment.

  They seem to talk really fast and unintelligible after that. I chuckle to myself, heading into the kitchen to make us drinks. I could really use alcohol or hell even a joint but I have to settle for sweet tea. I didn’t even know people drank tea sweet until I moved here. I also thought it would be totally disgusting until Aiden forced me to drink it. Now I can’t get enough of it.

  I bring out the tray of food while Aiden and Dad are in an argument about science or something. I might be a gaming nerd but I’m not an intelligent nerd. Schoolwork was never a strong point in my life. Though I have enough common sense to last me the rest of this life and the next.

  “Kayla, who was the boy sitting next to you in class?” Dad asks eyeing me over the top of his cup.

  “Most likely Jaden Harper. They’re this years ‘it’ couple.” Aiden tells me laughing at me with his eyes.

  “No it was Caden Harper. I tried not to sit next to him. He refused to let me move to another seat.” I roll my eyes for affect but I can tell Aiden doesn’t believe me.

  “Whatever you say sister dear.” And then the shit winks.

  I knew something was up with Grace staring at Professor Carlton, so I put my stalker skills to use. I totally stayed after I walked out of the door of the classroom. I even pressed my ear against the door. When I heard Grace call our professor Dad I about shit my pants. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t see that coming. Not in a million years.

  I don’t exactly know what to do with this information. At Thanksgiving she told me she wasn’t who she said she was. I just didn’t realize she lied about a lot of things. The conversation she had with Professor Carlton makes it seem like she hadn’t seen him in years. I’m starting to wonder if there was ever an ex-boyfriend that made her life a living hell.

  Any good brother would tell on Grace. I’m not a good brother. I’m a horrible brother. I haven’t always been one though. Jaden and I used to be really close. We would talk about everything and do everything together. I don’t have one childhood memory without Jaden in it. That’s the way it should be, but the middle of freshman year Jaden started to become distant. I know people grow and change but this was different.

  For example, Jaden is the same person he has always been. He just got secretive and stopped spending time with me. I thought maybe he was embarrassed of something, or me so I did what I do best. I have the uncanny gift of being at the right place at the right time. It was a beautiful night and I had the urge to paint outside. I hadn’t had the urge before or since. I don’t paint landscapes or scenery. I like to paint people, always have always will. But that night I wanted to paint the stars as I saw them. Beautiful globes of light shining down on us with their healing light.

  Anytime I thought life was becoming too much for me, I would stare at the stars. They were up there all alone. Yeah they appear in clusters but really they aren’t even close to each other. That’s how I felt, surrounded by all these human beings and I still felt alone. They were all alone up there but they kept on shining, even when the sun was out. I knew I could go on as long as they were up there.

  So that was what I was doing this particular night. I just had to paint what I saw when I looked at the stars. I wanted to compare what they meant to me. Then I heard female giggles. I knew Teagan was upstairs in her bed all tucked in for the night. Marie was still living at the house but I knew it wasn’t her. She wasn’t home yet from her future husbands, Max’s, house. Then they rounded the corner.

  I have never seen Jaden as happy as I did then. Ava was everything to him. You could tell by the way he looked at her, the way he touched her. The guy hardly ever smiled but here he was with a big goofy grin on his face. He was so in love. He even kissed her like he couldn’t get enough for her. It was totally romantic and made me sick to my stomach.

  I packed up my stuff and went into the house. I could let the stars wait, Jaden was more important. It was a few weeks later that Ava was in a horrible car accident and lost her memory. Jaden became more distant and angrier. I never told him I knew about Ava and I’m thankful I didn’t. Jaden loves his privacy and I knew that Ava’s parents didn’t let her date. Though she couldn’t be with anyone better than Jaden.

  Our relationship was never the same after Jaden lost Ava. I miss the brother I had when I was little. I miss the brother who was there for me after what happened with Coach. I don’t know the Jaden who walks around now, because lets face it; he’s a complete and total asshole. I really want to put Grace in that category with him but I can’t bring myself to do it.

  Grace, with all that blonde hair hanging down her back. Those dark blue eyes, full of life and passion. Her bow shaped lips just perfect for kissing, and the most wonderful curves that are to die for. And then it’s more than that. Like the way she smiles at little old ladies, or the way she brightens an entire room just by walking into it. Or the way she is there for Teagan even though you can tell she’s getting on Grace’s nerves by the expression on her face. Or the way she actually looks interested in what people are telling her during a conversation, like she actually gives a damn whether they are talking about schoolwork or the last book they read.

  I love those things about her. I don’t know if I love her but I know I love the way she is. She does things to me I can’t explain and it scares the shit out of me most days but I can’t seem to get her out of my head no matter how hard I try. It’s crazy and it’s wrong. I should have let it go or tried hard to win her. I did neither. Now I’m left all alone and stalking her like some psycho.

  I have lost my damn mind.

  “Okay so you mean to tell me you paint pictures of naked chicks?” Chance asks me while eyeing a painting I’m selling at the local gallery.

  “They are more than that to me, but yes, Chance, I’m painting pictures of naked chicks.” I chuckle at his awed expression. No one else seems to give a damn about what I paint or come to see them.

  I was pleasantly surprised when Chance asked to come and see the paintings I had for sale. I took all the ones I had up in my apartment with Jaden and trashed them. They weren’t my best work and I couldn’t look at the angry pieces anymore. I’m no longer angry with any of it. Life chose to let me have Grace for a little while and took her away. Now I have to sit and wait. If she comes back, she comes back. If she doesn’t, then I pretend she didn’t exist and find someone who I can love despite the way I feel for Grace.

  “That’s awesome.” He walks up to one and places a hand on his chin. He looks like he needs to take a shit, but I assume he is trying to see the point. I wish I could explain to him that there isn’t a point. Each piece means something different to me, but they mean something completely different to the viewer. “I feel like all of these are of the same girl?” he says it like a question.

  Fuck. I didn’t really think he would notice. They are all Grace, of course. She is in various positions, in all of them she is naked, but you don’t see her face. If she walked in here right now I’m sure she would be surprised to see her naked body all over the gallery. Jaden, I know would never step foot in here, the guy can’t stand galleries let alone paintings. I have nothing to worry about there. I clear my throat. “Yeah they are all of the same girl.”

  “You must have strong feelings for her.” He turns around to eye me up and down. I flinch and look away from his knowing eyes.

  “Why do you say that?” I stammer out, scratching the back of my head.

  “In the one where you’re touching her, it’s in a loving way. Almost as if you don’t want to ever let her go. Then in the ones where you’re not touching her, you can tell her body is tuned to your hands. I never thought you could paint something so sexual yet tasteful.” He shakes his head and chuckles. “I knew you had mad skills, dude but this is amazing. You have some crazy talent.”

  “Thanks.” I say, choked on emotion. I’ve been hanging out with Chance off and on the past couple of months. Sometimes
people walk into your life for a little while and sometimes they stay for the long haul. Chance has turned out to be around for the long haul. He’s even helping me with Declan who is a total wreck. I never thought I would see the day my sister brought a man to his knees.

  “Okay enough of the girly shit. Lets go see if we can’t get Declan out of bed.” Chance pats me on the shoulder and heads for the front door.

  I follow with a grin on my face. I couldn’t handle being in the same room with Jaden knowing he’s with the girl I want. So I moved out and decided I needed to help Marcus with Declan. The dude only gets out of bed to go to class and I think he only does that because Teagan dropped out. Mom and Dad were not happy about that.

  I felt like Declan was a kindred spirit since we both got fucked over by women. Chance fits right in since his old lady dropped kicked his heart as well. I like to think of us as the three broken hearted Douches bags. It has a nice ring to it.

  My phone rings in my back pocket and I groan. My parents aren’t happy that I moved out of the apartment and they aren’t happy I don’t come home anymore. I say screw all of them. I love my mom but she doesn’t have enough backbone and I can’t stand that she is still with my dad. I have never been close to Dad and I never will be. Throughout my childhood he only thought of himself and not his six kids. Fuck him. Jaden handled the whole Teagan/Declan shit badly plus him stealing my girl, I wouldn’t call him brother ever again. Okay that was lie. I’m just pissed.

  The phone flashes ‘Mom’ and I almost hit the ignore key. I haven’t talked to her in a little while so I decide to answer. “What’s up Mom?” I ask fighting the irritation out of my voice.

  “Honey! I can’t believe you answered. We have been calling you for weeks!” I roll my eyes. They’re only worried about appearances. It looks bad that I have pretty much disowned them. Forest, Marie, and Jessica have tried to talk to me as well but they aren’t a part of what is going on. Besides they are all grown and out of the house.