Wrong Kind of Love

by Amanda Heath

  “What do you need, Mom?” I question grinding my teeth. Chance turns around when he hears the anger in my voice. I shake my head when he gives me a questioning glance.

  She huffs over the phone and I fight back a grin. Mom never gets mad about anything and I can tell I’m really starting to piss her off. I can’t really care since my parents have spent the better part of my life fighting. “Your brother called and said you moved out. And that you won’t speak to him. I have to say I’m disappointed in you.” I can see her in my head shaking her index finger up and down like she did when I was a kid.

  “Look Mom, it’s my business if I close off my relationship with Jaden. It was long past time to take a break from him. I’m sorry you don’t like it but there isn’t anything you can do. What’s done is done.” I shove my hand in my pocket and stare at the ground. I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable. I haven’t ever talked to my mother this way.

  “I didn’t raise you to turn your back on the people who love you.” She spits out in anger.

  I lost it after that. “Who loves me Mom? Other then you, I don’t think anyone does. Dad resents me because I won’t over look his shit, because I know it’s wrong. Jaden took the only girl I ever wanted away from me, and then he turned his back on his best friend. Teagan God bless her soul is so full of herself she couldn’t love anyone anyway.”

  I know I shouldn’t have said all that but I can’t take the lies running around my family. The hiding and pretending everything is okay. Because it’s not. I’m not surprised to find she hung up on me.

  “Are you okay babe?” Jaden asks while I sit at the kitchen table painting my nails.

  I look up at him and smile. I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. I take in his shaggy black hair and beautiful blue eyes. He has on his athletic shorts and no shirt. He is truly beautiful, but when I see him it’s not what I want. I want shaggy blonde hair and lighter blue eyes. I want tattoos all over his skin and that cocky smile.

  I’m the stupidest person that ever lived. I really am.

  With my dad coming back into my life, I realize lots of things. Like that I shouldn’t have given up Caden. I should have dumped Jaden the second Caden asked me to. I don’t know, I just feel like everything is pointless without Caden in my life. Since he pretty much walked away from his family, I don’t see him except for the class I share with him. And that is pure torture.

  I have to sit right beside him and I can’t touch him. I can’t kiss him whenever I want and I can’t hold his hand. I can’t run my hands over his thigh or under his shirt and over those amazing abs. And I hate that I can’t. It’s eating away at me that I can’t be with him.

  “Grace?” Jaden questions looking at me strangely.

  I blink several times before I acknowledge him. “What?” I start to fidget in my seat and I know my face is flushed. Thinking of Caden does that to me.

  “Are you okay? You have been staring off into space a lot here lately. Something I need to know?” he sits down next to me and pulls my chair closer to him.

  When his hand lands on my thigh I jump. Jaden’s hands are calloused from years of football. And I hate myself for wishing they were Caden’s. I’m a horrible, horrible person. And a slut.

  “I’m fine hun. I just have a lot on my mind. I guess I’m just really worried about Teagan. You know?” Is that something Grace would say? God I hope so. She has a bleeding heart so I’m pretty sure I got that right.

  I have been finding myself slipping up everyday and not just in front of Jaden but everyone. My accent will come and go and then I’ll snap at someone. Grace would never snap at someone. Fuck this is becoming too much for me, really.

  “Yeah I know. I’m really worried about her too. Mom said she has to force her to eat and take a shower. She won’t even talk to anyone.” He rubs a hand over his face in a sign of frustration. I think everyone is frustrated with Teagan. I can only blame her family though. They shelter her too much. She didn’t have time to grow enough for the hormones in her body. She couldn’t handle having a miscarriage because she knew nothing of life. It was like a slap in the face.

  I honestly feel more sorry for Declan. To lose the woman you love and your unborn child in the same day must have fucked him up. I wouldn’t know though. I see him around campus sometimes but he doesn’t make eye contact with anyone nor does he speak. Jaden won’t even talk about him or to him. That pisses me off to no end. How can you claim someone is your best friend and then dump them when they are hurting? I understand he went behind Jaden’s back but still it wasn’t that big of a deal.

  Jaden acts like Declan killed someone or something. Though Jaden has been acting a lot different lately. He seems to be getting angry at the littlest of things and sometimes he acts like he has too much energy. Even after he gets home from practice.

  “Maybe you should check on Declan? Or call your brother to see if he is okay?” I throw in. That is Grace, always worried about everyone else. Kayla is only worried about what’s going on in her life. Honestly Grace is becoming a big bore.

  “You would like that wouldn’t you? To hear about Caden? I know you want him. You want him way more then you ever wanted me!” he screams getting up out of his seat.

  I flinch at his voice and my mind tries to go back to times when Daniel would scream at me when I was little. I try and keep calm, because Grace wouldn’t get up and scream right back at him. Kayla wants to get up and scream, “YES!” because we all know I want Caden.

  “Jaden. Calm down, please. I was just asking a simple question.” I tremble for affect because I want him to feel bad about yelling at me.

  He sits back down on his seat and puts his head in his hands. “I’m sorry babe. I just get so jealous when you say his name. It sucks he had you before I could even get a chance to ask you out.” He takes a hand away from his face and places it on my thigh.

  I lace my fingers with his even though I want to take my hand and smack the shit out of him. “You have me now, hun. I’m not going anywhere I promise.” I rub his back as I speak. Everything out of my mouth is a lie these days. I don’t even know why I’m lying. Why am I becoming this person? Grace wouldn’t want to hurt Jaden but she can hurt Caden? I’m really starting to think there are two people living in my head.

  Grace wants Jaden and Kayla wants Caden.

  He frowns down at me and I start to get nervous. “Then why did you have sex with him? But you won’t with me?” This is a perfectly acceptable question but it still makes me want to slap him. I think most of the time I want to slap Jaden.

  “I was drunk when Caden and I happened. Besides I want our first time to be special.” Lie. I don’t want to have sex with Jaden. Yeah he’s hot and stuff but he’s not his twin brother. He doesn’t make my blood heat with desire. He doesn’t make my sex get wet with just the thought of him touching it.

  I need a huge sign that says SLUT pointing right at me.

  “Neither of us are virgins, why does it have to be special?” he states looking at me way to closely. Jaden much like his brother has too much insight.

  I huff and stand up from my seat. I grab my bag from the kitchen table but leave my finger nail polish. I head towards the door before I answer him, “Because I thought we were special. I didn’t want our first time to mean nothing too you. I didn’t want us to mean nothing to you.” I huff again and turn on my heel heading out the door.

  “Grace, babe, wait!” Jaden hollers, running after me. He catches me and gently grabs my wrist. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see it that way. I promise to make it special for you, for us.” He places a chaste kiss on my forehead and I smile.

  If you play the right buttons you can get a man to do whatever you want. I learned that from my cold hearted mother. I’m happy I have somewhere to use her life lessons, even if I don’t agree with them.

  This might be the dumbest, craziest, thing I have ever said but if I slept with Jaden I feel like I would be cheating on Caden. I don’t know what that says about me, bu
t I refuse to feel guilty. I refuse to let my life become like my mothers.

  She left someone who could truly love her for money and fame. I’m starting to see that if I stay with Jaden, forgoing what I feel for Caden, then I am becoming just like her.

  A few months later I’m out shopping with Cassidy. She is the only cheerleader I can stand. She is actually smart and uses her brain. I can actually carry on a conversation with her, and I’m glad I have her around since Teagan is still out of commission.

  Cassidy is actually a natural blonde but she has green eyes, which shine like gems. She is quirky and we have a lot of fun together. I don’t have to pretend to be Grace around her. It’s just easy to be Grace around her.

  I’m in the middle of telling Cassidy about something Jaden did when I see them. We are stopped outside an art gallery I haven’t noticed on this street before. Art for the Adults is the name of the place. What has stopped me dead in my tracks is one of the artist’s names on the window front. CG Harper.

  Caden Gabriel Harper.

  I only know his middle name because his mom yelled out his entire name during Thanksgiving. I don’t even think as I enter the gallery. I have to see what he has on display here.

  The name of the gallery says it all, because every piece in here is of nude models. Most of the paintings are of women in sexual positions. They don’t make me feel anything. It’s like the whole thing is staged and that’s not what art is to me. Unless it’s a portrait. You have to feel something. Art should show you an emotion. The emotion the artist is feeling at the time. I guess it’s like anything that is considered an art, there should be a purpose, a rhyme, a reason.

  It doesn’t take me long to find Caden’s paintings. And when I do I really want to find him and strangle him. Every single painting he has on display is of me. No one who hadn’t seen me naked would know it was me though. My face isn’t painted nor is my hair. Just my naked body.

  As I study the paintings I come to realize something. I shouldn’t be mad at all. I should be pleased. The way he displays me in them is so beautiful. You can see the love shining through every stroke and color. My body is worshipped and is so tasteful.

  Caden is in some of them with me. Those are the best. The way his hands possess me. The way his touch is loving and gentle. You can feel the lust coming off the canvas. If you didn’t know the people in the painting you would think they were long time lovers. Not two people who had sex five times. Who aren’t even together.

  I’m lost in a daze taking in every single pose and every single position. It’s real and it’s so beautiful. I don’t think anyone but Caden sees me this way. Maybe that’s the artist in him, or maybe it’s the man in him. These paintings say I’m his, that he owns me.

  I’m starting to think they are right.

  Never in a million years would I think I would find Grace sitting outside Declan’s house when I get home. I have been out to get food for Declan and I. Marcus is staying at a friend’s house tonight and I know Dec is upstairs in his bed.

  She looks amazing sitting there on the steps. Her blonde hair falling down past her shoulders. Her dark blue eyes trained on me. She opted for black skinny jeans instead of her signature skirt. Her jacket is a black pea coat. I have never seen so much black on her. Even her eyeliner is thicker and completely circles her eyes.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask softly looking at her under my lashes.

  She stands up without saying anything and walks over to me. There is something in her eyes but I can’t place it. “I came to see you.” She whispers looking up at me with a soft smile.

  I blink a few times completely confused, “Why?” I question moving past her to set the food down on the steps.

  When I turn back around she is right there, so fucking close I can smell her. The sweetness that is Grace enters my nose and my dick twitches. It sure does that a lot around her. Her soft hands come around my neck and she stands up on her toes to place a soft kiss on my lips. I’m stunned still for a fraction of a second. Then I react and my lips move against her. I open my lips and slip my tongue into her mouth. My hands go to her waist and I pull her against my hips.

  We are touching everywhere we can touch.

  It’s fucking amazing.

  It’s fucking torture.

  She pulls away first, but does it slowly. She doesn’t stop touching me, just kissing. She sets her forehead against mine before she whispers, “I saw your paintings today.”

  I freeze. I never meant for her to see them. I didn’t know how she would react about it. But as I look into her eyes I know it’s a good thing. “You like?” I ask as I run my nose along her jaw.

  She sucks in a breath before answering me. “I loved.” Her fingers tug into my hair sending a little amount of pain mixed with pleasure. “Why didn’t you show me?”

  I think about that one for a while. She lets me and doesn’t push. “I don’t really know. You aren’t mine, Grace. I wanted something to remember when you were. But then it turned into this whole other thing. Every time I painted you were right there as my muse. All I can paint now is you.” I whisper against her ear, which elicits a shiver.

  “Why?” she whispers clutching onto my shoulders.

  “Because you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen. The way you move, the way you look, and the way you are. I can’t get enough. So I started painting you when I knew I couldn’t be with you.” I’m nervous about this whole thing. What it means for us. I don’t want her to walk away from me again. I don’t want her to be with my brother.

  She laughs against my chest where she has her face hidden. “That’s cute in a stalkerish kind of way.”

  My arms go around her waist and my face goes into her neck. “I would stalk you to the end of the earth just to keep your beautiful in my sight.”

  “You sure are romantic tonight.” She giggles looking up into my eyes.

  “You bring out the best in me. What can I say? I want you to want me. I want you to be with me.” I shake my head not liking where the conversation is going. “I want, no, I need you to pick me. I don’t think I can stand to see you with Jaden for another second.”

  Her tiny hand comes up to cup my cheek and I sigh at the contact. The touch is tender and it means something to me. “Caden, I promise you won’t have to see him with me anymore. I don’t think I ever wanted him like I want you. I was just running from something that scared me. I’m done running. I see what I mean to you now.”

  I didn’t want to be hopeful so I had to have her spell it out for me. “So you’re leaving Jaden…for me?”

  She laughs softly as she leans in to kiss me gently. “Yes Caden. I’m leaving him for you. I’m done pretending I want him or that I want to be with him. He’s not you. He will never be you.”

  “Thank fucking God.” I spit out before slamming my lips against hers.

  I took Grace up to my bedroom and asked her something I have never asked anyone else. I have always wanted to paint on someone. A woman to be exact and since Grace is such a huge inspiration for me, she would be perfect for the job.

  I was so surprised when she agreed. Most girls wouldn’t like the idea of getting covered in paint. It’s messy that’s for sure. She didn’t care when I pointed this out. She mentioned something about it being fucking hot. I wasn’t going to disagree with her.

  Now she is laid out before me completely nude. Which is the only way I like to see her. She isn't hiding behind her walls this way. It's like I strip away that wall with every piece of clothing I peel off. I've never seen such an amazing body and all I want to do is copy it onto canvas and stare at it everyday.

  "Are you going to stare all day?" she chuckles holding her head up on the palm of her hand.

  I blink a few times having forgotten what I asked her to do. "No, Angel."

  I pick up my paint tray and settle next to her on the floor. Before I begin she traces the tattoos I have inked over most of my torso. I will my dick to stay soft but he has
other ideas as her soft hands glide over my flesh. I'm so hot inside and out and I feel sweat bead on my forehead. "If you keep doing that, I'll never get started."

  She chuckles again and lays flat on her back. Her generous breasts bounce and sway with her motion and a groan passes my closed lips. She smirks up at me with all that blonde hair laid out around her like a halo.

  "Vixen." I mutter dipping the brush in the blue and sweep it across her stomach. Her body shivers and her hands clinch. Nice to know I affect her as well.

  As I paint my mind zones in on what I'm doing and forgets everything else. Grace’s breathing becomes more and more labored the longer I work. You wouldn't think this would be a turn on but it is. For her. Her thighs close and squeeze together about every five seconds. Which of course turns me on.

  After awhile I can't stand it anymore and my free hand snakes down to caress her most private part. She's wet for me. And now I'll have her moaning. I set my paintbrush down and part her legs slowly. “Put your hands above your head Angel.” I say, my voice low and full of desire.

  She looks at me confused before she speaks. “The last time we had sex, you let me touch you. Why can’t I now?” she looks hurt and I want to take that away from her.

  I think back to the last time, which was during Thanksgiving. I was higher than a kite so that must have been the reason I let her touch me. “Lets try and see then. If that is what you want.”

  Her hands come down from above her head and they tug through my hair. “I wanna do what you wanna do. If you don’t want me to touch you, then I won’t. I just want you to enjoy it. And before you say you want me to enjoy it as well, I will as long as you do.”

  I take a deep breath feeling the overwhelming emotions that just shot through my body. “Okay.” I whisper bending down to trail kisses along her neck. Her chest is still wet from the paint so it ends up all over my shirt. I can’t seem to care. “Put your hands back over your head. I was really high last time, I’m just not ready for you to touch me.” I say nearly panting. That’s how turned on I am.