Heartbeat

by Ellis, Tara

  He sat on the floor next to me and placed his head in my lap. “I know, Kesha. I know I should have never put my hands on you that day, and we’d still be together.”

  I didn’t say anything. Maybe it was best he believed that.

  “I don’t wanna hurt you Kesha. I just want it back to how it was. You ain’t like them other hoes. I knew it from the moment I saw you, that you was different.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. I had no idea what time it was but I was praying it was after seven. I was praying Harris was already on Darnel’s trail.

  “Can it be like it used to be, Kesha?”

  He looked up at me and had the nerve to have tears in his eyes. I nodded my head and forced myself to smile at him. He smiled back at me and I knew then I would have to do whatever it took to keep this crazy muthafucka’ happy so that I could stay alive.

  Charlie

  I wasn’t trying to fall in love. It was the last thing that I needed in my life right now. But as I sat across from Rick and his divorce attorney, the only thing I could think of was Amir. I didn’t care that Rick was trying to fight me on everything; that he was asking for the house, although he never wanted to buy it in the first place. I didn’t even flinch when he said he wanted half of my business because it was started during the marriage. I just sat there smiling on the inside because I knew I was meeting up with Amir after I left this divorce mediation.

  “Well, that’s not going to happen,” Rochelle said with a laugh. “Trendsetters is not marital property.”

  “Oh, but I beg to differ,” Rick’s attorney said. He was a cocky son of a bitch wearing an expensive ass suit. I hated the way he kept smirking at me like he knew something that I didn’t.

  “Look, I really don’t want your business, Charlie. Hell, I don’t even want this divorce!” Rick ran his hands across his bald head. He looked horrible, like he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in forever. But the part of my heart that he’d broken wouldn’t allow me to feel sorry for him. “All I’m asking is just one more chance.”

  “I’m sorry Dr. Johnson, but we’re beyond that point,” Rochelle said. Her tone was sharp. I was so glad I hired this chick. “My client is ready to move forward with the divorce proceedings. Now, we were hoping we could resolve this amicably but you’re talking about taking the home, and half of Charlie’s business. And we’ve already agreed that we would not touch your retirement accounts but if you want to play dirty…”

  The mediator cleared her throat but she didn’t say anything.

  Rick whispered something to his attorney and I glanced at Rochelle who had one hell of a poker face.

  “We will further this discussion in our next mediation meeting next week.” Rick’s attorney looked at the mediator.

  “Is that ok with you and your client, Ms. York?”

  Rochelle glanced at me and I nodded. “That’s fine with us.”

  I zoned out as the mediator gave us a short speech and then dismissed us. I waited around in the lobby, giving Rick ample enough time to get in his car and drive away. I didn’t want to run into him. Once I was sure he was gone, I walked into the parking garage toward my car.

  My heart fell to my feet when I saw Rick standing against my car. I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself for his bullshit.

  “What do you want, Rick?”

  He shook his head, “Damn, Charlie! You really going to go through with this?”

  I didn’t bother giving him an answer since he knew full well I was going to divorce his cheating ass.

  “You didn’t even try to fight for us. I mean, you didn’t try counseling, you wouldn’t even meet with the pastors and me. I know I fucked up, but damn! I was thinking you would at least try.”

  I could feel the heat rising inside of me from anger. I checked the time on my watch. “Look, Rick, you can’t make me feel bad for wanting out of this marriage. I tried every day I was with you to make our marriage work. But while I was trying, you were out there sticking your dick in random bitches. Now that I’ve washed my hands of this so called marriage, you ready to start fighting for it?”

  “Is there someone else? Is that why you don’t giva’ fuck about me no more?”

  I laughed and shook my head. I hit the unlock button on my keychain hoping that would make him move from my driver’s door.

  “Because the Charlie I know…the Charlie I used to know wouldn’t be so easy to throw in the towel.”

  “Well, yeah, that was the Charlie you used to know. The one who thought she had a faithful husband.”

  He huffed and ran his hand across his head again. “I’m not giving up on this marriage, Charlie. I’m willing to do anything to make it work.”

  I looked at him and there was something in his eyes that told me he was telling the truth. Maybe he had learned his lesson. Maybe me filing for divorce showed him he didn’t want to be with anyone but me. There were so many maybes but I wasn’t sure I wanted to risk my heart like that. There was no way I could go through something like this again. I just didn’t think I was strong enough to give Rick another chance.

  He must have sensed the wavering inside of me because he took my hands inside of his and kissed them softly. “I promise you, Charlie. I’ve changed. Just give it some more time. That’s all I’m asking. Give it some more time and some real thought. And after you’ve done that and you still want to divorce me, I’ll let you go.” He kissed my hands again before dropping them and finally moving out of my way.

  I didn’t say anything to him. I just jumped in my car and put it in reverse. I glanced at him as he stood in the parking garage watching me drive away.

  I’d given it plenty of thought, or at least I thought I did. I couldn’t say for sure. I knew I was acting on the hurt he’d given me, but there was something else pushing me to divorce Rick.

  Amir.

  He was the Band-Aid for my torn heart and he made me feel things I’d never felt with Rick. I’d given Rick so many years of my life. I was ready to move on. I was ready for a new start. And I couldn’t imagine a future with Rick when all I saw was Amir.

  I pulled up in front of my shop and walked in past the stares and whispers of some of the stylist. I couldn’t say for sure, but I was assuming some of them knew what was up with my love life. I didn’t care though. I couldn’t pay any of my bills with what they thought about me.

  I finished working and closed up the shop. I headed straight to Amir’s apartment. For some reason, he insisted we spend most of our time at his place rather than mine. I didn’t argue with him about it though, because in reality, it didn’t matter where we were just as long as I was with him.

  I parked in the familiar parking space, locked my car, and knocked on his door. He came to the door without a shirt on. I eyed his physique before kissing him on his lips.

  “How was your day, baby?” He asked before letting me inside of the apartment.

  I decided against telling him anything about mediation with Rick. I didn’t like the way his jaw tensed up whenever I told him anything about my divorce, so I kept the Rick talk to a minimum. “It was ok, how was yours?”

  He smiled and his eyes got big with animation. “Man, babe, I got another contract!”

  It made me happy to see him happy and since I’d been messing with him I hadn’t seen him this happy. “That’s good, Amir!”

  “Hell yea it is. I wasn’t sure I was gonna take it when the nigga approached me about it cause I thought he was gonna low ball me on the price. But when I gave him the quote today, he agreed.” He took a deep breath and I could have sworn I saw stress lift off his shoulders. “This is a big contract. It’s enough to set me up right for a minute.”

  He sat on the couch beside me and I turned to start rubbing his shoulders. “That’s really good, Amir. I’m happy for you.” His shoulders were knotted up so I massaged them until I felt the tension finally leave.

  “I was thinkin’. How about I give you a key to my place?”

/>   My breath stilled. Since we’d started messing around we never put a title on what we were doing. And although I couldn’t see a future without him, we never talked about a future. So I had to ask, “What does this mean for us?”

  He kicked his feet up and laid back on the couch. He pulled me onto his chest and ran his hands through my hair. “I was hoping you’d be my woman. I mean, I know you going through your divorce and shit and you probably ain’t lookin for a man right now. Hell, I know you don’t even need one but I want you to be mine, Charlie. Like for real.”

  My breathing grew thick with excitement. I didn’t care if anyone thought I was moving too fast because this was what I wanted. I wanted to be with Amir more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life. There was something about him that my soul yearned for. He provided something that I never knew I was missing. I reached up and kissed his full lips. “I want to be your woman, Amir.”

  “I want you to meet my parents.”

  I smiled as I listened to his heart beating in my ear. I loved listening to his heartbeat and it started beating faster than normal as soon as he’d said that.

  “I would love to meet your parents.”

  “Good, cause I told them you’ll be coming to dinner tomorrow.”

  I jumped off his chest and looked at him with bucked eyes. “Are you for real?”

  He laughed and I wanted to punch him in his beautiful face. “You said you was my woman, right?”

  “And what if I said I didn’t want to be your woman?”

  He gave me that smile that turned my insides to mush. “I knew you wasn’t going to say that.”

  ❤❤❤❤❤

  When we pulled up in front of Amir’s parents’ house I realized I was more nervous than I thought I would have been. It’d been so long since I met a guy’s parents. What if they weren’t feeling me? What if his mama was worse than Rick’s? I pushed the thoughts to the back of my head as I walked hand in hand with Amir up the driveway.

  An older man, who I assumed was his father opened the door. He had a smile that took up most of his face. ‘Well, well, well. If this isn’t the beautiful young woman that got my son’s nose wide open!” He immediately took me in his arms and I relaxed.

  We walked inside and his mother walked out of the kitchen wearing an identical smile as her husband’s. She too, gave me a warm hug before ushering us into the living room.

  “I’ve heard so much about you, Charlie,” she said. “I’m Amir’s mother.” She said as if I hadn’t known. “You can call me Miss Rosie.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Rosie.” I put my hands in my laps and fiddled with them nervously. For some reason, the nerves had returned now that we were all seated and all eyes were on me.

  “And I’m Luther,” his father said. He hadn’t stopped smiling since we arrived.

  “You’re a very pretty girl,” Miss Rosie said. “Amir tells us you own a hair salon?”

  I nodded as heat rushed to my cheeks. “Yes ma’am.”

  “Aww. That’s very nice.” She looked impressed and I couldn’t help but compare her reaction to Rick’s mother who hated my occupation.

  “You got any barbers in that salon?” Luther asked. “Cause we really need somebody that can cut that shit off my son’s head!”

  I giggled and Amir’s mouth shot open. “Come on, Pops. You said you wasn’t gonna embarrass me if I finally brought her over.”

  Amir’s words echoed in my ear. It made me wonder how long his parents had known about me and how much he’d told them.

  “Well, we just waitin’ on my daughter, Cher, to get here and we can all eat,” Miss Rosie said.

  “It smells wonderful,” I offered.

  Miss Rosie blushed and since she had the same fair skin tone as Amir, it showed as her cheeks turned a bright pink. “Thank you, sweetie.”

  An awkward silence fell upon the room with no one knowing what to say next. I racked my brain trying to figure out how to break the silence. But when there was a knock on the door, I was thankful I didn’t have to.

  Amir jumped up from the couch and opened the door. “Late as usual, big head.”

  Cher playfully punched him and entered the home. She greeted her parents with a cheerful voice but when her eyes landed on me, I couldn’t help but feel as if her voice went flat.

  “This is my girl,” Amir said.

  She gave me a smile that was obviously forced. “I remember you…from the salon.”

  I gave her a genuine smile hoping it would make her warm up to me. I knew how much she meant to Amir so I wanted so badly for her to like me. She didn’t know me so she had no reason not to. Maybe she was one of those sisters that thought no one was good enough for her brother.

  Miss Rosie led us into a tiny dining room and we all sat as she brought bowls to the table. “I hope you like fried chicken, Charlie.”

  “Oh, I love fried chicken,” I said.

  “Bet you ain’t never had no fried chicken like Mama’s tho’,” Amir said. “Did you make mac-n-cheese too?”

  “Boy, you know I made my famous mac-n-cheese!”

  Amir winked at me. “If you thought my mac-n-cheese was good, you gon love Mama’s. Cause she ain’t used no damn soy milk.”

  I nudged him and laughed but my laugh was cut short when Cher asked, “You been cooking for her?”

  He looked at his sister like he’d finally caught her attitude. “Yeah, why?”

  “Uh oh, Mama and Daddy. It must be serious if she got Amir in the kitchen cooking,” she said.

  His parents laughed and I forced one as well. I’d worked around chicks who didn’t like me on a daily, so it wasn’t hard for me to read Cher. Something told me she wouldn’t have liked any chick that Amir brought over.

  After Miss Rosie had brought all the delicious smelling food to the table, every one joined hands as Luther blessed the food.

  After I opened my eyes, Amir winked at me and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “They ain’t so bad, are they?”

  I hushed him and began piling food on my plate.

  “Charlie, I must say. I been knowing this boy his whole life and I never seen him as happy as he’s been since he’s met you,” Luther said.

  I felt something in my heart jump. I looked at Amir who was smiling at me. “Wow, that makes me feel special,” I said.

  “You should,” Amir said. “I don’t just bring anybody to meet my parents.”

  “That’s true,” Miss Rosie said. “He’s never brought a woman to meet us before. That’s how I knew this was serious.”

  I didn’t know how to respond but it did make my heart smile to know I was the first woman Amir thought enough of to introduce to his parents. As beautiful as he was, I was sure he had tons of them to choose from.

  “Yeah, he came over here one day just ranting and raving about this woman he met,” Luther said.

  “Alright, alright. Don’t go blowing her head up,” Amir said before stuffing his mouth with mac-n-cheese.

  “But you was,” his father continued. “He said he thought he’d met his wife.”

  Cher dropped her fork and rolled her eyes but I couldn’t pay her any mind, I was still replaying Luther’s words over and over in my head.

  “Come on, Pops,” Amir said.

  “Do you want to get married, Charlie?” Miss Rosie asked. Her eyes were full of expectancy.

  I swallowed the lump that had now formed in my throat. “Uh, yes ma’am.”

  She looked pleased with my answer and returned her attention back to her plate of food.

  Amir placed his hand on my thigh and gave it a quick squeeze.

  “What about kids? You got any, already?” Luther wanted to know.

  I shook my head because my mouth was now full of food. I made sure I’d swallowed before saying, “No sir. I do not have any, but I do want them one day.”

  My answer seemed to light up his face. “Good, cause neither one of these here kids of ours done gave us any. And for a minute, we was abou
t to give up hope.” Luther laughed.

  “So, now ya’ll done got your hope back?” Cher said. Her voice had a bite to it. “Now, ya’ll think ya’ll gon get some grandkids?”

  The smiles on Luther and Miss Rosie’s faces seem to disappear instantly.

  “Aye yo, what the hell is wrong with you?” Amir asked. I could tell he was containing his anger and mouth due to his respect for his parents.

  “Ain’t nothing wrong with me but it damn sure is something wrong with everybody else at this table.”

  “Cher!” Miss Rosie looked mortified. She sat her fork down and looked from her husband to her daughter, then back to her husband again.

  “I mean so we just gon pretend that Amir gon get married, have some babies and live happily ever after?” Cher shook her head like she was disgusted.

  I looked at Amir and his jawline was tense. “Cher, you really need to chill the fuck out.”

  “Amir!” Luther’s voice boomed.

  Cher ignored Amir and focused her eyes on me. Instead of seeing the anger I expected in them, all I saw was pain. So much pain lied in her eyes that I could barely stand looking into them.

  “Did he tell you he has cancer?” She said.

  Her words hit me like a brick to the face. I sharply inhaled but it felt like the breath had been sucked out of my body completely. I looked at everyone before looking at Amir, who wouldn’t look back at me.

  “Cher!” Miss Rosie said and her voice was cracking. “I can’t believe you!”

  But I couldn’t hear what she said next because the only word repeating itself in my ear was cancer.

  Lake

  Going to the police station and telling them about my baby and me was easier than I’d thought. I’d been tripping for nothing. None of the detectives looked at me suspicious or nothing. In fact, they looked grateful that I’d given them some more dirt on Greg. They promised they’d try to keep my name out of the media, but couldn’t make any guarantees. I really hoped that they would because the last thing I needed was some damn reporters beating on my door. Nothing would have Mama and Daddy at my apartment sooner than to see my damn face on the local news.