The result: pain, discomfort and bad smells. That’s not conducive to having sex at all, much less cunnilingus.
Also, regular soaps or bath gels are alkaline, which conflicts with and neutralizes the acidic environment of the vagina, again upsetting the delicate balance of micro-organisms there. A ‘low pH,’ or ‘acidic’ product made for use in the vagina is much preferred. Those will help the vagina to maintain its normal environment and protect itself against harmful micro-organisms.
Washing every day is good, it’s certainly not necessary to wash multiple times a day! This area should be washed after intercourse, but again, it’s not necessary to leap out of bed immediately to do so. And every woman should know to wash from front to back, to avoid bringing pathogenic micro-organisms from the anal area into her vagina.
She should also be "in tune" with her body, and see a medical professional if any unusual, painful or uncomfortable conditions present themselves.
Women should never allow any absorbent material to remain in close, intimate contact with their private parts for more than four hours, if avoidable. Years ago there were incidents of women suffering a disorder called "Toxic Shock Syndrome" (TSS) from tampons that were left in place for excessive periods while menstruating. The absorbent tampons became cultures for a bacteria, found in most everyone, called Staph aureus which grew, and produced a poison which unfortunately caused illness and deaths.
There is nothing wrong with using tampons, or panty liners, or sanitary napkins – it’s only necessary to be aware of their proper use and use them accordingly.
There are various creams on the market for use in and around the vulva. The woman should read all instructions carefully, and use them as directed.
It’s a good practice for a woman to wear cotton undergarments, panties, etc. near her vagina, allowing air to circulate there to allow the "good" bacteria to grow, and discourage bacteria which prefer tight, closed airless spaces. This is not to say that she can’t wear tight, slinky and hot garments, particularly when it’s for your mutual pleasure, but she shouldn’t wear them all the time.
If the two or three of you (or she by herself) like using sex toys, clean them thoroughly every time they’re used.
Avoid douching the vagina. It usually only results in loss of beneficial micro-organisms, and the subsequent proliferation of "bad" ones. The interior of the vagina is self-cleaning, only the exterior of the vulva needs "cleaning" in the traditional soap-and-water sense. Besides, her vagina smells just fine if it’s healthy, and doesn’t need to smell like various combinations of flowers or a scented candle!
Do It Right And Make Her Ask For It
Men and Women are Just NOT the Same
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"I was wondering why our love life had sort of become, well, if not defunct, it was pretty crappy. Anyway, I decided to try a whole new approach. Before, I was kissing Lisa and caressing her a little bit, then I’d squeeze her breasts and tickle her pussy, finally I’d ask her to give me a beej and when I was hard enough, and of course wet with her spit, then I’d kind of nudge her onto her back and slip it inside her. She never complained, but to be honest, she never really seemed to enjoy it that much.
At first she’d insist that she came when I did, but after a while she stopped doing even that...she’d just roll over when I did and go to sleep, without saying anything. Finally, though, I knew I had to say something and after weeks of conversation, we finally started talking about what was wrong. Slowly – but surely – we started fixing the things that were wrong, and honestly, our love life really is the way we both want it to be." – Bernard, 33
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Men and women approach foreplay in completely different ways, and when the needs of one aren’t met, chances are they won’t even make it to bed, or, if they do, somebody’s going to be unhappy afterwards. Most often, that’s the woman, but let’s face it, guys – if you’re in a relationship with a woman and she’s unhappy, don’t you think (or already know) that she’s going to let you know somehow?
Happy Wife, Happy Life – it’s true!
If you understand what the differences are, it’s a lot easier to satisfy her needs, as well as your own. Win-win all around.
Men are physical, and especially visual, women less so. A study done in 2008 of college students found that 90 percent of males and 60 percent of females surfed porn on the Internet, a highly visual medium. And according to a site that measures Internet traffic, 66 percent of Internet-using men between the ages of 18 and 34 look at online porn at least once a month. For women, the number is far lower. Does that make men bad? Certainly not! It means that men are often stimulated most easily by what they see, and to a lesser extent, by the other senses, ie, touch, smell, taste and hearing. A man grows up learning to stimulate himself – years ago, by a dog-eared copy of Playboy, nowadays by erotic stories, pictures and videos on an electronic device like a TV monitor, PC, e-reader or Smartphone.
Women, on the other hand, respond to less tangible things that involve emotions and interactions, and especially imagination. A woman can feel an erotic thrill from the glance of a man, or his eyes locking hers as they do the most mundane things. His scent, the way that his fingers touch her, all send messages that her brain interprets as stimulus. She may not be all that interested in seeing her husband or boyfriend walk out of the shower naked, even if his cock is at full, glorious salute, but she might respond more likely if he comes home from work, drops his keys on the floor, and gazes into her eyes at the door and kisses her more attentively than usual.
Why? Because his actions in the latter situation show that she is the focus of his attention – he’s thinking of her and not his dick. Of course, in the former scenario, everything that he’s thinking about is dick-related!
It’s also so important that you allow, and help her, to relax. If she’s tense, from unspoken concerns at work for instance, your foreplay techniques might not work as well. How do you help her to relax? It’s very simple – listen to her, sympathize with her, and when that’s done, listen to her, and sympathize with her. You don’t need to tell her how to fix her problems, that’s irritating and counterproductive. Just listen and sympathize. Besides getting her tension off her chest, she can more easily view you as an ally, as someone that she can trust.
Again, neither of those situations means that men or women are wrong, only that they’re different (thank goodness.) If you understand those differences, you can incorporate simple strategies into your interaction to improve sexual communication.
Effective foreplay, based on the above, is good –really, great actually. If you just incorporated that into your lovemaking, you’d be a better lover than most men, in my opinion. But if you include it with cunnilingus, I think that you’ll achieve legendary status!
How to Proceed Successfully After Preliminaries are Done
For me, touch is very, very important in regard to getting me turned on. A massage – really a combination of caresses and actual muscle kneading – is pretty fantastic. The interest that a man shows by his willingness to touch me (yes, every woman constantly worries about how attractive she is at any given romantic moment – Am I too fat? Too skinny? Is my skin smooth enough? Do I have a zit there?) is reassurance that shows me that I’m lovable.
And then there’s the implicit surrender to him in allowing him to touch me. If a stranger touched me on the subway, I’d slap him for invading my space. But if I’m allowing you to touch me, especially in a familiar way – I’ve given up some of my security to you.
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"Bobby is nothing special to look at – my friends tease me that he’s the stereotypical computer nerd. But when he runs his fingertips across my bare shoulders with just the right amount of pressure, not too much, not too little, I involuntarily shiver with pleasure, and I can feel myself get wet. What makes it even better is, he knows it gets me wet too, and he loves to lick me down there, and even tells me how good I taste and smell. God, I’m getting wet jus
t thinking about it!! "– Cynthia, 23
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Massages can be simple caresses of the non-erogenous parts of her body – back, legs, feet, hands, arms, or more intensive working of the muscles in those areas. But don’t use any type of force or pressure unless you’ve had training. It’s possible to hurt someone if pressure is incorrectly applied.
As a means of relaxation, time spent with a professional massage therapist can relax her, and earn valuable "HC" points for you. "HC" of course means, "He Cares."
If you bring her a gift, there’s a good chance that you’ll charm her with your thoughtfulness. One important tip – it should NOT be something that she needs, or that you think she should have. Unless you’re an extraordinarily insightful man, there’s a good chance you might mess that up.
Instead, get her something that she wants, even if she doesn’t know it. Flowers are nice, and you don’t need a big arrangement, smaller is better – it’s the thought that counts. If you’re in a long-term relationship, something that would remind her of time that you’ve spent together pleasantly is appreciated. Perhaps a souvenir from the lovely spot where you spent your honeymoon, or a vacation week – it’s easy to find knick knacks on EBay and elsewhere on the Internet for vacation spots.
Be careful about scented candles, perfumes, or other scented products. Women are particular about these, though you should be able to get a good idea of how her tastes run by checking out her vanity, and in any case, she’ll appreciate the effort, especially if it’s for no other reason than that you were thinking of her.
Take her out to eat. Anything from a simple meal at a local mom and pop restaurant, to a fancy boîte will do. Avoid chain restaurants, especially fast food. If you have a restaurant where you both had a good time, take her back there. She may be shocked that you remembered.
What can you do if you don’t have a history together? Take her to a mom and pop restaurant that gets good reviews on Yelp, or Urbanspoon. Make sure that it at least has some of the food that she’s likely going to want – nothing messy, like a rib joint, or iffy like sushi. Vegetables, salads, baked goods are a plus on their menu, as are lighter meats like chicken and (cooked) fish.
If you have a good imagination, and you can pull it off, a back story about the restaurant can spice things up. It’s kind of lame to tell her that "It sounded good on Yelp," when you can say, "I used to come here with my parents and it’s special to me." Of course, that can always backfire too, but if you’re not planning on spending the rest of your life with her, who cares? You just want to get her to bed. And because you’re reading this cunnilingus guide, I think that you also want to get your tongue in her pussy and your lips on her clit!
If you can pull it off, making her dinner or even lunch is a good move. You don’t have to be a good cook to win points with this, and you may earn even more points if you flub it! But try not to take on more than you can actually handle, and keep it simple. Complicated things take you away from her.
As a woman, though, I beg you: The night before, don’t throw out the line about "should I call you or nudge you for breakfast?" She’s probably heard it from lame guys before, and you don’t want to be one of them. If you do this right, she’ll be making breakfast for you, pretty much anytime you want.
Run the bath for her, it’s really very simple. Set up some candles around the bathroom (her favorite scented ones, but at least colorful ones in glass jars), bubble bath (scented again, using her favorite bath liquid), make the water comfortably warm but not too hot. That’s not hard.
You can offer to shampoo her hair, or just sponge her with a washcloth, loofah or a similar thing. Lights off, and she’ll relax and let her cares float away. She’ll be ready for sex and practically anything you want.
If she’s your long term woman, help her out with stuff you’re supposed to be doing anyway. Pick up your dirty clothes, clean up after yourself a little where you sit, take out the trash. Women actually like it when men do that sort of thing. And pleasantly surprised.
Similarly, brush her hair (gently), rub her scalp, rub her feet – you can use a fair amount of pressure there. All of these are things that men never do for their woman, so you’re not only going to be more thoughtful than any other man she’s ever met, you’re going to get her into the frame of mind where’s she’s open to anything, including a sweet cunnilingus session with your mouth on her pussy, a screaming orgasm and her complete and total dedication to then make you happy.
Do you see where these tips are going? They all involve you taking a few minutes out of your life to think about her, and then show it. They’re not especially expensive, but to her, it’s often more exciting than having your cock in her pussy. But not as exciting as feeling your tongue expertly licking her sweet little clit!
Women are Men at Half Speed
Do you remember what we said about lingering glances, attractive smells, and soft kisses earlier? Women do not turn on like a light switch. Admit it – you do, and it’s hard to understand why she doesn’t too. Well, it’s because she’s a woman, and that’s the way it is. You’ve got to play on her field, so learn and follow the rules.
Did you know that it can take hours for two women together to actually get to the orgasm stage? That’s because, for us, ideally, the journey is what it’s all about, not the destination. Oh, cumming is absolutely fantastic for us – but the time spent caressing, kissing, whispering endearments, heightening each other’s pleasure, just being intimate with another person – those are the unforgettable elements of lovemaking for a woman, not being rammed by a cock.
You don’t need to spend hours making your woman orgasm, but the more you involve time in bringing her soft and slow pleasures, the greater the rewards for you both. Pay attention to her sounds, the soft noises she makes as you stroke her, or kiss her throat, these are signals of her readiness.
Watch her eyes for signs. Lowered lids, eyes closing, wrinkles in the corners from her hidden smile – she’s telling you that she’s ready. Her fingers – are they moving aimlessly, perhaps stroking the chair or bed sheet? She’s focusing her body and mind on the pleasure that you’re bringing her, so her hands are on auto pilot. That’s a sign that the light touch of your tongue on her vulva might be the most exquisite pleasure that she’s ever experienced.
Don’t be in any rush to get your mouth there, let her anticipate it, let her yearn for it, let her beg to feel your mouth on her wet and eager pussy.
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"I have no idea where he learned to do it – he swears that he never licked a girl before, but god!! He kissed my cheeks softly, I could feel his breath on me. Then my lips...but only lightly, he didn’t try to jam his tongue down my throat or anything.
He used his fingers to turn my face away a little, and kissed in the little hollow in my throat, under my jaw, his lips were warm and soft. When I felt his tongue poke out a little and lick me, just a little bit, I giggled and wriggled my butt. I could feel excitement growing, my pussy was almost itching, and I realized that I was getting wet.
He slowly worked his way down my body, slipping my blouse aside and kissing my breasts, then gently taking my nipples between his lips, squeezing them just with his lips, then stroking his tongue over the nipple. His fingers were stroking my sides while I did that. Fortunately, he slowed it a little when I jerked as it tickled me. That would have been too much, but it was just perfect the way he did it.
When he got to my stomach, I moaned, I knew he was going to eat my pussy. I only hoped that he knew what he was doing, but god, if he was at all good, I was going to cum. That’s the only way I can cum, other than playing with myself.
When he finally got to my pussy, I was more than ready. He licked up and down my labia, I could feel electric shocks of pleasure streaming through my legs as his tongue lightly stroked up and down them. When his tongue dipped inside me, I shivered with pleasure, and came, just a little. He told me that I tasted sweet, and that my pussy smelled wonderful.
It was the best orgasm I ever, ever had. He’s a keeper."- Cheryl, 28
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Techniques
Cunnilingus doesn’t work by just haphazardly licking away at a girl’s clit. Sure, she’ll feel something, but it’s just as likely to irritate her at worst, or do nothing for her at best, unless you know what you’re doing. Here are special techniques that will have her as limp as spaghetti in your arms, and begging for more!
Foreplay
In my opinion, there’s no such thing as foreplay for women. Think about it – "foreplay" implies the big show is coming, right after some preliminary action. So for guys, the main pleasure is in their orgasm, and everything before that is kind of minor, but cumming, that’s what it’s all about, right?
For women, the whole process is organic and seamless. There’s little difference in the pleasure we receive while kissing, caressing, holding our partner, listening to them say something sweet, looking in their eyes, and the pleasure we receive from orgasm – in type and satisfaction. There is a big difference in intensity.
Blow Her Mind: His Illustrated Guide to Orgasmic Oral Sex So Good She'll Tell her Friends About It! Master Advanced Cunnilingus Tonight Page 4
