“There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do or say just to make people react. People were reluctant to invite me to their parties, only because they feared what I’d do next.”
Nick grinned. “Indeed? Pray, why are you telling me this, uncle?”
Grant shrugged. “Seeing Henry made me think back to those days.”
“But you knew Catherine’s parents before you married Elizabeth.”
“Yes.”
“So why would Henry’s presence remind you of those days?”
Grant blindly reached for Nick’s hand and clasped it. “Because I hadn’t talked to Henry and Sophia since I married your aunt. During my rebellious time, I became reacquainted with them.”
“Is this when you thought about marrying Catherine? After all, it would be scandalous to offer for a young girl who was younger than your own nephews.”
Grant’s gaze moved around the room before finding a point and staring. Nick didn’t know what he was looking at, and could only assume memories ran rapid through his uncle’s mind.
“No. That came much later. But after your father died, I took you boys with me when I visited Henry and Sophia.”
“Yes. I remember.”
“Catherine was such a lovely child, so fun and full of life.”
Nick grinned. The lovely child had blossomed and became lovelier. He’d loved her all this time and had dreamed of making her his wife one day.
Grant sighed. “She’s so much like her mother.”
The tenderness in his uncle’s voice made Nick pause. Had something been going on between him and Sophia? Nick patted Grant’s hand. “You are getting tired, so I shall leave now.”
“Thank you. You’ve been most attentive. Just like my dear Catherine. She’ll make a perfect wife, do you not agree?”
“Indeed, she will.”
Nick’s heart tugged. As much as he wanted to forget she was his uncle’s fiancée, he couldn’t. Yet at the same time, Nick couldn’t ignore the yearning inside of him for wanting her nonetheless. He’d loved her for so long. Why was God punishing him this way? Couldn’t He see Catherine made Nick happy and always would?
He stood. “Good night, Uncle Grant. Pleasant dreams.” He turned and strolled out of the room, his heart twisting in knots.
As much as he wanted to get Catherine alone tonight to hold her and discuss their dreams, he couldn’t. Catherine had been correct when she told him this was wrong. So then why couldn’t he refrain from wanting to make it right?
* * * *
The hot water Catherine sunk into should have relaxed her, but lately that wasn’t part of her daily activity. Sighing, she sank lower in the now cooling water and rested her head against the back. There was really no other choice. She’d been raised properly and knew she must follow her parents’ wishes and marry Grant.
Tears filled her eyes and she glanced at her nightgown hanging on the door. Tonight she couldn’t allow Nick to come to her room. She must tell him of her decision no matter how much she wanted to change her mind.
After climbing out of the tub and toweling herself dry, she dressed in her nightgown and slipped on her wrapper. She walked to the vanity and picked up her brush, pulling it through her hair as she walked to the low burning fire.
The soft click of her door opening, had her swinging around to see who had come in unannounced. She wasn’t surprised to see Nick, and her heart leapt.
His gaze moved over her night attire as he closed the door. “Forgive me for coming, but I just had to see you.”
“Nick, you should have knocked.”
He shrugged. “Then I take the chance of being caught coming to your room, especially if I wait for you to answer the door.”
She moved to the vanity and set her brush down. “I meant what I said earlier, Nick. We cannot do this. Meeting alone in secret is wrong.”
He walked up to her and grasped her hands. Warmth enveloped her fingers, and looking at him she could see how much he cared for her, but this would not work. Tears filled her eyes and she shook her head. “Please Nick, don’t—”
“Catherine let me say this and then I’ll leave.” He breathed deeply. “I know you are engaged to my uncle, although not legally yet, but I cannot help the way I feel about. I don’t want you to marry him, Kitty.” He lifted her hands to his mouth and pressed them against his lips. “I’m in love with you and have been since we were children.”
Her heartbeat hammered as happiness filled her, yet at the same time, dread washed over her, knowing their love could never be. “Indeed? That long?”
He nodded. “I didn’t want to say anything when we were younger because we both had a lot of growing up to do. By the time I became a man and was successful in my shipping business, I found out about my uncle’s wishes. Then it was too late. He had already spoken to your parents and the deal was done.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks. “Oh, Nicholas. Do you know your words make my heart sing? Yet...what can we do?”
He pulled her into his arms and she rested her head against his chest. Softly, his palms rubbed her back in soothing circles.
“Kitty, don’t you realize I know this? It’s killing me inside every day I see you. I want to be the man loving you and marrying you, but I can’t deny my uncle’s dying wish.”
Squeezing her eyes closed she held back the sobs rising to her throat. She clutched the front of his shirt as tears poured down her face, wetting the material quickly. “Oh, why are you telling me this? Why now?”
“I just wanted you to know.” He kissed the top of her head. “I wanted to tell you in hopes that this pain ripping through my chest would disappear.”
She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “Let me know if it does, because I’m afraid mine will never go away.”
He lowered his head and captured her mouth with his. She clung to him and kissed him, knowing this may be the last time. His arms tightened around her as his lips moved with hers. When agony constricted her chest to where she couldn’t breathe, she pulled away, shaking her head.
“I’ll leave now,” he whispered before turning and walking out the door.
She ran to her bed, knowing that her pillows would help soften her cries.
* * * *
Morning came quickly, and Catherine hadn’t slept a wink. She’d lain awake all night pondering her life, and even though a headache pounded through her skull, making it hard to open her eyes, she came to a conclusion.
She could not marry Grant. She may be shunned from society, and her father may hate her, but she deserved a better life. She worried telling Grant would cause another attack, and she prayed the Lord would guide her words to where Grant would understand her dilemma.
Through half-closed eyes, she dressed without her maid’s assistance, ran a brush through her hair and pulled back the bulk with a ribbon. Before the day started, she must tell Grant.
Today may be her last day here at the duke’s estate, but she was confident she could find a job as a seamstress somewhere in town. She refused to return home to a father who thought she was insane, so she was determined to make something out of her life. She hoped Nick would still love her and want to marry her, but if she was the cause for his uncle’s death, he may never forgive her. Unfortunately, she must take that chance. It was the only way to be happy.
She left her room and made her way toward Grant’s, but when Hobbs, his servant, came out and shut the door, Catherine stopped. “Good morning,” she greeted nicely.
The older man nodded without smiling. “Good morning to you, Miss Catherine.”
“Is Grant awake? I would very much like to talk to him.”
“I’m about ready to bathe him. If you would like to come back in an hour, I’m sure he’ll be more presentable then.”
Although Catherine didn’t want to wait, she had no other choice. “Thank you, Hobbs. I will return later.”
Catherine took careful steps down the hall and into the breakfast room, fearful her head would split open
if she walked too hard. If only she could sleep, this headache would leave, she was certain.
Through squinted eyes, she peered into the room. Her father sat by himself at the table, a piece of bread halfway up to his mouth as he stared wide-eyed at Catherine.
Inwardly, she groaned. Knowing her father, he’d see right into her heart and know what had happened with her and Nick, and more importantly, what she wanted to talk to Grant about today. It would be her own fault if lightning struck her from heaven right this minute, and knowing her father, he’d say she deserved it.
“Good morning, Catherine. How are you?”
Catherine didn’t smile, nor did she scowl. It would take too much effort and probably be too painful. She moved with slowness to the table and took a seat across from him. Resting her face in her hands, she said, “As you can probably tell, I have quite a headache this morning.” She peeked between her fingers. “How about you?”
Henry’s smile made Catherine’s stomach churn. Did she detect malice lurking in his eyes?
He linked his fingers together and rested them on the table. “I had a most pleasant evening, and today is beginning to look brighter, thank you.”
“When are you going to return home? Don’t you have a business to attend?”
“Not since I retired, my dear. Besides, even if I did, my daughter comes first.”
Catherine dropped her fisted hands to the table and scowled. “Why didn’t you think of your daughter first before now? Why didn’t you think of your daughter two years ago when she needed you the most?” Although each heated word created a painful throb in her head, she couldn’t stop the words from flowing from her tongue.
His eyebrow arched. “What are you prattling on about?”
Her heart clenched. He hadn’t even remembered. “I’m referring to those awful weeks after Mother’s death. I needed someone who would comfort me, but you refused.”
His cup of coffee was halfway to his mouth, but he stopped. His eyes darkened, and she was certain fire would shoot out any moment. A muscle in his cheek twitched and his jaw hardened.
He straightened and slowly sat his cup on the table, his gaze never wavering from hers.
“This is sudden. Why bring up this after all these years?”
“It’s been two years, Father. Don’t make it sound longer than that.”
He nodded. “Fine. So why discuss this now?”
“Because I want to know the real reason you’re here, Father. Why do you have concern for your daughter now when you haven’t had that emotion for quite some time?”
He leaned forward on the table. “I’d rather not talk about your mother’s death.” His tone of voice was lower, deeper. His gaze narrowed, his jaw tightened. “And you know the reason.”
Tears stung her eyes and a knot formed in her throat. “Yes, but I don’t understand. You’ve never told me why you think I killed her.”
Nostrils flaring, his chest heaved with deep breaths. “Your mind has hidden the truth from you.”
She shook her head. “Why would I want to kill my own mother? There’s no logical explanation,” she whispered.
“I beg to differ. Insanity runs on your mother’s side of the family. Because of your outrage when you discovered your betrothal, I think you went mad.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “Then why can’t I remember?”
“Because your mind has blocked it out, child.”
She took in a deep breath. “Why didn’t you turn me over to the police?”
He raked his fingers through his hair and rubbed his skull. “Because you’re my daughter and I’ll protect you.” His gaze softened. “And no matter what you think, I do love you and care about your well-being.”
Fresh tears joined the stream running down her face. “If you cared so much, why did you betroth me to an older man?”
“Oh, not this again.” He scowled and shook her head. “We have been over this countless times. Your mother and I wanted what was best for you. Why can’t you see what a fortunate girl you really are?”
Obviously, he would never understand. Catherine quickly stood and wiped her wet cheeks. “You’re right, Father. We have talked about this subject too much already. I grow weary of trying to make you feel my frustration.”
She turned and walked toward the door, then stopped. She called over her shoulder, “I would like you out of this house this afternoon. Your presence is putting too much stress on Grant, and I fear he’ll go into another attack. Maybe when he’s better you can come back for another visit, but I don’t want to see you again before that time.”
She angrily marched out of the room, almost knocking down a few servants on her way. When she turned the corner, she ran smack into Hodgson, who grasped her shoulders to keep her upright.
“My dear, Catherine. What’s wrong?”
The worried expression on the older servant’s face made her emotions crumble. She covered her face and leaned against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and cooed softly.
“Oh, Hodgson. Why can my father not understand this turmoil I’m in?”
He stroked her hair. “I wish I knew.” He lifted her chin with his fingers. “Have you gone to the Lord with this problem? The good Lord will always understand.”
Sniffing, she wiped her eyes. “Hodgson, when did you become so smart?”
“I’ve always been this way.” He chuckled. “Why else do you think your father keeps an old man like me around?”
“You’re not much older than my father.”
“No, we’re not.” He grinned. “Do you know we are related?”
“Indeed?” She gasped. “Father never told me that.”
“Well, we are second cousins. I was from the poorer side of the family. But we were close growing up, and that’s why he puts up with me.”
She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “You are a wonderful man, Hodgson. Why couldn’t you be my father?”
He shrugged. “Because your father got to Sophia first.”
She laughed and pulled away. “Thank you for making me smile.”
“Any time, my dear.” He patted her head and walked away.
Taking a deep breath, Catherine hurried up the stairs, straight to her room and didn’t stop to relax until her bedroom door closed. Although Hodgson took away her anger momentarily, too many confusing emotions stormed rapidly through her mind: those from the past, and especially those from the present. How could she deal with everything? Last night’s confession from Nick had only added to her list of problems. Staying locked in her room wouldn’t solve anything.
She wandered to her vanity and looked in the mirror. The long sleeved, yellow satin day dress made her face pale, even though she was certain her churning stomach had a lot to do with it. Running her hand over her warm cheeks, she swiped the last trace of tears. She smoothed her long hair, not having the ambition to wear it in a fashionable bun today.
A frown marred her face, and she pinched her cheeks to give her ghostly appearance a little color. She must find the courage to talk to Grant no matter the consequences. There must be a way to prove they shouldn’t marry – and actually have him agree.
She kneeled by her bed and said a prayer for strength and courage, and for the Lord to help her say the right things. She stood and smoothed out her dress. Taking a cleansing breath, she walked out of her room and to Grant’s. After she knocked, Hobbs opened the door.
“Is now a good time to see His Grace?”
“Yes, Miss Catherine.” He motioned her hand to enter, and once Catherine did, she stopped dead in her tracks.
Nick was here, too!
Standing at the end of the bed, leaning his shoulder against the post, his gaze met hers, his warm smile growing the longer he stared. Keeping cool indifference as her mask, she tried to appear as if his affecting scrutiny didn’t make her legs weak.
Something different hung in the air as she looked from Nick to his uncle. Both men looked a trite forlorn.
Inwardly
she groaned. She definitely couldn’t discuss what she had planned now...not with Nick here and not in this atmosphere. Lifting her chin, she walked past him and to the bed where Grant sat with a breakfast tray on his lap.
“Hello, Grant. How are you feeling this morning?”
A frown marred the duke’s face. “I’m feeling well I suppose...considering the tragedy that happened late last night.”
She sucked in a breath. Did he already know about Nick’s confession to her? Was that why Nick was here now? Should she quickly explain? But then, Nick didn’t look as if guilt weighed heavily on his shoulders. Perhaps it wasn’t what she’d thought.
“Late last night? What happened?”
“You didn’t hear?” Nick asked.
“Hear what?”
“Mary, Uncle Grant’s nurse, was killed. Beaten to death, in fact.”
She gasped and covered her mouth. “Oh, dear Lord. How awful.”
“Yes, it is.” Grant grasped her hand. “Nobody seems to know anything. The constable is looking into the matter, though, and I have every confidence the culprit will be found.”
“I’m relieved to hear that,” she said. “I know I’ll sleep better once this crazed person is caught.”
Grant took hold of her hands, pulling her to sit next to him. He kissed her hands gently. “What can I do for my beautiful Catherine today?”
Since she couldn’t say what she’d originally planned, she had to do some quick thinking. “Um...I was going to ask if we could go to the opera, but because of the bad news about Mary...”
Grant waved his hand through the air. “The opera is a stupendous idea. It will give the constable time to question our servants and search for evidence, plus it will help us get our minds off Mary. Besides, it’s about time we appear in public, do you not agree?”
Hesitating, she held her breath. No, she didn’t really want to appear in public with him, not when she wanted to break off their engagement before it was even announced. But she couldn’t tell him that. Once again, she prayed the Lord would forgive her for lying. “Yes, I agree.”
Grant’s gaze switched to Nick. “Perhaps you and your brothers would like to join us? We can make this into a family affair.”
Love Me Always (The Fielding Brothers' Saga) Page 15
