Faithful

by Bay, Louise

  Maybe.

  But I think Anna had a point when I had said the same thing to her on Friday night. I’d had these thoughts before Daniel came along. I hadn’t told my parents about the engagement before Daniel. Charlie and I had stopped talking, stopped connecting, before Daniel.

  I was relieved to get back to work on Monday. I wanted to be out of the flat. It seemed everywhere I was, I wanted to be somewhere else. Nowhere was comfortable.

  I redoubled my efforts to throw myself into work. I was so busy on the Palmerston presentation that I didn’t have time to think. Monday whizzed by. Charlie didn’t come home until after I was asleep on Monday, and I couldn’t wait to get to work on Tuesday. I had a bigger part of the presentation to deliver this time; I’d prepared well and was feeling confident. It was just David and me presenting today, so more pressure, but I had done this before.

  When we arrived at the Palmerston offices, David and I were herded into a huge meeting room with views of St Paul’s. It was awesome, despite the gray drizzle. I could just make out Lady Justice on top of the Old Bailey. London was distractingly beautiful. Finally our audience arrived: the General Counsel and his assistant, Jim, and Emily. Jim was one of those men who looked friendly; he was chubby and wearing a tie that probably hadn’t been on sale since 1987, but it suited him. He couldn’t stop smiling. It was comforting; I liked him and felt more at ease. We all swapped business cards—I noticed Jim’s title was General Counsel of Gematria Enterprises. I’d heard of them, but couldn’t think where. I thought this was Palmerston?

  Jim gave us a brief introduction to the Palmerston Hotels.

  “The hotels were the beginning of this business and we are very proud of them, a bit emotionally attached to them. Even the CEO—he might join us. He wants our advisors to understand this is not just a business deal for Gematria. It’s more than that; it’s personal.”

  Realization crept up my body. Oh god. This was Daniel’s company. I was sitting in his meeting room. I wanted to run. Did he know I was here?

  “Excuse me. I just need to use the ladies room.”

  I just reached the bathroom when the floor started to move beneath me. I crashed into one of the stalls and sat down with my head in my hands.

  What was going on? Did Daniel know I was here? Had he planned this or was it fate? He couldn’t have known I would be involved. There were over 500 lawyers at my firm. It was surely just a coincidence. I needed to man-up and get back in that room before I threw away my career.

  I splashed some water on my face and tried to steady my breathing. This was work and nothing else. I reapplied some makeup and took another deep breath and strutted back to the meeting room.

  Something was different when I entered the room; the air was heavier than it was before.

  Jim smiled at me. “Leah, this is Daniel Armitage, our CEO. I said he might be joining us. This is a very personal project for all of us.” My mouth dropped open as my eyes followed Jim’s line of vision.

  “Leah.” Daniel extended his hand looking right at me. The room fell away and I found myself staring at his hand. Covering for me, he grabbed my right hand with his. His hands felt soft and enveloped mine and I closed my eyes. He abruptly pulled away and invited me to take a seat.

  I sat down and refocused. I could do this. He didn’t mention that we knew each other, so I followed his lead and pretended he was a stranger.

  Oh god, had he invited my firm to pitch because of me? Was this meeting to see me? He took his seat at the head of the table and addressed David. His hair was glossy and the perfect length for running my fingers through—

  Focus, Leah.

  He completely commanded the table. No one was able to take their eyes from him, especially not me. I found myself studying his lips and absentmindedly reached for my own as I imagined what his would feel like on mine. My eyes moved down to his broad chest covered in his expensive suit and tie.

  And that’s when I noticed. That distinct band of gold on his left ring finger. I looked from his left hand up to his eyes for the first time since we shook hands and he caught my eye and I looked down again to check I wasn’t imagining what I’d seen. He must have realized what I was looking at and he instinctively covered his left hand with his right and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. My breath caught in my chest.

  I caught him in his lie.

  The rest of the meeting was a blur. I was on autopilot—I spoke at all the right points and in the same way as we had rehearsed, but I didn’t have any conscious control over anything. It just happened. I addressed everything I said to Jim and Emily. I could feel Daniel watching me, but I couldn’t look at him. I was worried I would blurt out, “You’re married! You told me you were divorced! I’ve been questioning my relationship because of you!” Of course I didn’t. And then we were packing up our papers and being seen to reception. Daniel was called away before we said goodbye.

  “Good job, Leah.” David said on the walk back to the office.

  “Really? I was so nervous that I wasn’t sure what I said.”

  “No, really excellent Even better than last time. I think they liked us.”

  Thank goodness. That’s what good preparation rewarded you with, I thought. I was right to throw myself into work. And now I had no reason to be distracted. Daniel was married, I was engaged. That was the end of that.

  Back at my desk, David came over. “Leah, I’ve just had a message from Daniel Armitage’s office. He’d like another copy of our presentation. Can you walk it over?”

  “Sure, I can get Deb to go.”

  “I think you should go in case he has other questions. Stop on your way home. Thanks, Leah.”

  Great. He’s going to think I want to see him. I couldn’t say anything to David now, though. I had left it too late. Oh god, I hadn’t even thought of what would happen if we actually won the pitch. I’d have to see him all the time!

  I finished what I was doing, logged off my computer, grabbed another copy of the presentation, and headed out the door. I would just leave it at reception and run like the wind.

  “Hi. Is that the additional copy of the presentation?” The bubbly receptionist smiled at me.

  “Yes, can I leave it with you?”

  “Actually, Mr. Armitage has a couple of questions for you. I’ll see you to his office.”

  I wasn’t sure how this day could get much worse.

  The receptionist put her head into an office. “Daniel, I have Leah from Wilkins & Watkins for you.” She beamed at me. “Do go in, Leah.”

  I stepped just inside the door, my eyes fixed on the ground. I left it open. Hopefully this would be strictly professional.

  Daniel got up and reached behind me to close the door. He was close enough for me to breathe in his masculine scent, and my god, he smelled delicious. He held both my shoulders in his firm grip.

  “Look at me, Leah.” I couldn’t stop myself; I brought my eyes up to meet his. “I need to explain all this to you. I realize this afternoon could have felt like an ambush—“

  “I need to go,” I interrupted.

  “Not before I’ve explained. Sit down, Leah.”

  I didn’t argue—I couldn’t argue. His hands, still on my shoulders, guided me to one of the sofas and pushed me gently to sit down. He sat next to me, his body positioned toward me. I was hyper-aware of every inch of him and his proximity to me. I stared at his hands covering mine. His body heat was overwhelming. I wanted to melt into him, have his hands all over me.

  I jumped to my feet. “It’s so hot in here. Don’t you have air conditioning?” I started grabbing at my jacket buttons and pushing my jacket from my body.

  “Leah, it’s not hot in here. Sit down and look at me.” He reached his hand up to my arm and pulled me down toward him.

  “Where’s your wedding ring?” Had I imagined it?

  “I’ve taken it off.”

  “So it wasn’t my imagination. I can’t believe you lied to me. Why? I was telling you no. You had no re
ason to lie.”

  “I didn’t lie, Leah. I’m not married.”

  “So you just wear a ring for fun?” Sarcasm was a core skill of mine.

  “No, I wear the ring because I don’t like people gossiping about me and my private life. I’ve never discussed my divorce in the office. It just stops questions and speculation.” It sounded like bullshit. He smelled so good.

  “I know it’s stupid. I’ve taken it off now. I won’t put it back on. I’m sorry, but I didn’t lie to you.”

  “I don’t believe you. I think you’re married,” I hissed.

  Daniel sighed and stood up abruptly and walked over to his desk and dialed a number. It was on speaker; I could hear the ringing. How inappropriate for him to make a call! I stood up.

  “Leah, please sit. I want you to hear this.”

  “What is it, Daniel? I’m really busy,” the speakerphone squawked.

  “George, you’re on speaker. Leah, Georgina is my ex-wife. George, how long have we been divorced?”

  “Well, clearly not long enough if you still think you can interrupt my day to play bloody stupid games. What is this? What do you want?”

  “George, look, I’ve still be wearing my wedding ring in the office to avoid awkward questions, and I need to explain to Leah I’m no longer married.”

  “No, Daniel, you are no longer married. We’ve been divorced five years because you are an intimacy-avoiding workaholic. Take the ring off, you idiot, and stop being a coward. I’m hanging up.” The line went dead.

  Daniel laughed affectionately. “So, that was my ex-wife.”

  He came sat opposite me on the coffee table with his legs on either side of mine, his hands on my knees. “I’m sorry if I upset you, I would never want to do that,” he whispered. He rubbed his hands up and down my thighs. “Please, Leah. Tell me you know that.”

  “I don’t know anything anymore, Daniel. You wandered back into my life just a few weeks ago and I don’t know anything anymore.” My eyes watered; Daniel wiped away the tears with his thumbs.

  “Leah, I’m so sorry. Tell me why you are crying. What can I do to make it better? Please talk to me, I need to know.”

  I sighed, resigned to telling him anything he wanted to know. I seemed to lose all self-control around him. “A month ago, everything in my life was so neatly packaged and in its place, safe and contained. My work, my relationship … And now I feel like everything has been tipped out of its neatly packaged box and into the middle of the floor and you …” I paused. My emotions were overtaking me, but I couldn’t stop. “You are standing over all of it. You are everywhere. In my thoughts when I’m at home, in meetings at work, even in my dreams.” Daniel started to pull me onto his lap.

  “Daniel, no. What if someone walks in?”

  “No one would dare. Anyway, the door is locked.” And he drew me onto his lap, onto his tight muscular thighs and against his body. This was not helping. One arm was around my waist and the other brought my head to his chest and pushed my hair from my face. His touch calmed me and my tears stopped, but I didn’t move.

  “I know.”

  “What do you mean you know?”

  “I know what you are feeling.”

  “You don’t know. How can you know? You don’t know me well enough to know how I feel.”

  “It’s the same for me; that’s how I know. This is not what I expected, either, but it’s real.”

  I didn’t answer him; there was nothing I could say.

  He stroked my back rhythmically for what felt like hours. I was cocooned by him and his delicious scent. I felt safe and warm and increasingly aroused. His hand moved down to the small of my back and I gasped—I was so sensitive to his hands. I turned my body toward him and trailed my hands up and down the contours of his chest.

  He felt amazing. It was difficult not to imagine what he looked like without his shirt on. In response, Daniel made a deep guttural sound deep in his throat and tilted his head back. Hearing him respond to my touch like that was so arousing; I felt a throb between my legs, and I moved my hands up over his shoulders to push off his jacket. He released me for a second and quickly resumed his stroking of my body, more urgently now, my back and my thighs over my skirt, and then trailing the skin just under the hem of my skirt, just grazing the lace of my stockings.

  I felt myself moisten; I was desperate for his fingers to reach higher up my stockings, up my thighs, and for a second I felt resentful at his power over my body.

  My resentment didn’t last for long as I buried my face into his neck and breathed him in. He ran his lips over my jaw and I pulled him closer to me. He trailed his tongue from my jaw to my neck. My breath quickened. I tried to stop myself, but couldn’t help but moan at the sensation of his tongue on my skin. He met my eyes, leaned his forehead on mine, and brought his hand from underneath my skirt as he slowed his hands over my body. Our lips were almost touching.

  “I want you, Leah. I want to kiss you.”

  He didn’t wait for a response before crashing his lips to mine with such intensity that I inhaled sharply. He pulled back slightly and ran his tongue across the inside of my top lip, tantalizing me until I couldn’t take any more. I pushed my tongue to meet his. He clasped my head in his hands and I couldn’t stop myself from making insistent moans into his mouth; it felt so urgent and so necessary.

  I shifted my weight and, without breaking our kiss, he took the opportunity to pick me up and lay me back on the sofa. He positioned himself above me, pushed his tongue deeper and deeper, and slid his hand up from my waist to my breast. I wanted him closer—I wrapped my legs around him. He responded by circling his hips. Through the layers of fabric between us, he was hard as stone. He clearly wanted me as much as I wanted him. He ground against me, pulled his lips from mine, and looked into my eyes.

  “What do you do to me, Leah?”

  I reached my hands around his backside and I pulled him harder toward me. He tongue dived into my mouth again.

  A shrill ringing from his desk and sharply reminded me of where we were. I pushed him away.

  “Daniel, your phone.”

  “Seriously, do you care?”

  “Yes! You should get that, we should stop this. What are we doing?” I kept pushing on his chest.

  Daniel moved off me and slumped into the couch. “Jesus, I feel like a teenager.” He started laughing.

  “Are you going to get that?”

  “No. There’s not enough blood left in my brain to allow me to take calls.” He laughed again.

  “This is not funny, Daniel.”

  “No, you are right, this is anything but funny. This is—you are—sexy, passionate, consuming, thrilling, and all I want. But no, it’s not funny.”

  I couldn’t respond. The outside world began to seep into my thoughts. What time was it?

  “I need to leave.”

  “Stay.”

  “It must be getting late. I should get home.”

  “I don’t want you going back to that wanker.”

  “What? Charlie?”

  “Yes, Charlie. He’s an idiot, Leah. I don’t want you near him.”

  I stood up and grabbed my jacket. “You don’t get to tell me who I go near. He’s my fiancé. He’s done nothing wrong. I’m the one who’s being an idiot—I’m betraying him.”

  Daniel grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like the guy, and I want you to have what you deserve. And you deserve better than him.”

  “And you are what I deserve? How dare you! Let me go!” I stormed out of the office without waiting for a reply.

  Talk about whiplash. I had gone from not being able to resist this man to wanting to physically hurt him. What I had done to Charlie was bad enough without the man that I had done it with telling me he was an idiot.

  I couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. I needed to get back to reality.

  Chapter Five

  My handbag was vibrating as I stormed up the street. Work was probably trying to cal
l me. I put my best telephone voice on, trying to keep a lid on my anger: “Hello, Leah speaking.”

  “Leah, please come back. You’re ri—”

  “How did you get this number, Daniel? Are you a professional stalker? Leave. Me. Alone.” I hung up and turned my phone off.

  As I got home, I braced myself for seeing Charlie—my lovely, dependable Charlie. My lover for the last six years, the man who wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I was so lucky to have him. I just needed to remember that and be more attentive to him. I hoped he hadn’t noticed how distracted I had been. But Charlie wasn’t home. I changed into my robe and ran a bath. I needed to wash Daniel’s scent off of me. I needed to rid myself of Daniel. I stretched out in the bath and tried not to remember all the parts of my body that had been touched by someone else.

  “Hey, Leah, are you in there?” Charlie’s voice came through the door.

  “Yes, come in—I’m just about to get out.”

  “It’s OK. I’ll pour us a glass of wine.”

  Charlie sounded odd, subdued. So I climbed out of the bath, relieved I’d had the chance to cleanse myself of Daniel’s smell. Charlie was on the sofa with his head in his hands and two glasses of wine in front of him. I sat next to him.

  “Hey, are you OK?” I gently stroked his arm.

  “Well, not really. I think we need to talk.” My vision blurred and I was suddenly nauseated. Oh my god, oh my god. He knows. Someone saw me. Oh my god.

  “We’ve not seen much of each other recently and I feel like we are drifting—”

  “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I know I have been distant.”

  “No, it’s me. I’ve had my mind on other things. Work and stuff. But I do love you, and I want us to be right again.”

  “And I love you. I feel like I’ve not been giving you enough attention.”

  Tears ran down Charlie’s cheeks—I’d never seen him cry before.

  “Don’t ever blame yourself, Leah. It’s not you. I’m a prick. I don’t deserve you.”

  Did he know about Daniel and me? Was he scared of losing me? Had he realized he’d been a bit insensitive about his parents’ reaction to our engagement? I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying. I reached my arms around his shoulders and brought his head to my chest.