Billy

by Donna Joy Usher

  ‘Bob picked up,’ I said.

  ‘Ooooh.’ Dave let out a whistle. ‘How bad’s the damage?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, on a scale of one-to-ten, what are we talking about?’

  ‘Well.’ I pursed my lips while I gave it some consideration. ‘I’d give her body a nine-and-a-half, and I couldn’t see all of her face cause of her sunglasses, but I’d be thinking from what I could see that it was about the same.’

  ‘You’re kidding?’ Dave looked over at Bob.

  ‘Nope. She’s a near perfect ten.’

  ‘Way to go.’ Dave walked back to Bob and thumped him on the shoulder. ‘Congratulations, man.’

  ‘She said yes,’ Bob replied.

  Mark and Nathan pushed through the door.

  ‘Oh goody, donuts,’ Mark said.

  I raced back to Bob, slapping Mark’s hand away from the box before he could grab one.

  ‘Bob needs them. I mean look at him.’ I gestured towards Bob’s pale face and glassy eyes. It was possible I was going to have to force feed him.

  ‘What happened to him?’ Daniel pushed his glasses up his nose and looked up from the report he was writing.

  ‘He’s in love,’ I said.

  ‘Oh great.’ Mark sat down in the chair next to Bob and waved a hand in front of his face. ‘Everyone’s in love except me.’

  ‘That’s not true.’ I was guessing he and Cindy were having an off moment.

  ‘It is. You’re in love, Dave’s in love….’

  ‘Dave’s married.’

  ‘Yeah, but you should hear him talk about his Missus. It’s enough to put a man off his dinner. Trent’s in love.’

  ‘His date went well?’

  ‘Don’t have any details.’ Mark’s hand crept towards the donut box again and I smacked it away. ‘But he’s been whistling for the last few days and has a silly grin on his face.’

  ‘Oh.’ I’d have to go and ask him about it later.

  ‘Daniel’s in love,’ Mark continued.

  Daniel let out a gurgle and turned back to his computer.

  ‘Kettle’s boiled.’ Dave slapped Mark on the shoulder. ‘Want a tea?’

  ‘Can you make Bob’s?’ I said. ‘I’m going to try and get him to eat.’ I turned back to my stunned friend. ‘Come on, Bob. Look, it’s a donut.’ I picked up a glazed ring and waved it under his nose. He didn’t notice on the first go, but I saw his nose twitch on the second pass. ‘Here you go, Big Boy,’ I said. ‘Got to keep your strength up for your date.’

  ‘Date?’ Panic kidnapped his facial expressions as he stared at me. ‘You have to come with me.’ He clasped my spare hand. ‘I can’t do it alone.’

  ‘Yes, you can. Here.’ I passed him the donut.

  He took it and shoved the whole thing into his mouth in one go. It was impressive, even for Bob.

  ‘Mwi caaan’t,’ he moaned through his donut.

  ‘Yes, you can.’ I nodded at Dave as he placed Bob’s tea next to the donuts.

  ‘Cwan wu wing er?’ He stared at me with shimmering, pleading, puppy-dog eyes.

  ‘Oh fine.’ Anything to snap him out of it. ‘I’ll ring her.’

  He gave me a crusty donut smile and turned his attention to his tea. I flicked on my computer and took out my notebook. We had unfinished paperwork from a couple of petty arrests we had done earlier on and I could tell that Bob wasn’t going to be any help at all.

  I typed while Bob regaled the rest of them with tales of Sasha’s beauty. Her wit. Her charm. I cleared my throat when he got to her legs, and he shot me a guilty glance before moving onto the glory of her golden mane.

  His poetic soul was surprising. It seemed I had underestimated the romantic in him. If this developed into something, perhaps Sasha wouldn’t be getting the raw end of the stick after all.

  I mean at the end of the day, if you loved someone, and they loved you back with an adoration bordering on fanaticism, if they made you feel like the only woman in the world, like you could do anything, be anything, well surely that made up for any deficiencies in the looks’ department?

  It was how I felt about Billy. And how he made me feel. Utterly special. Cherished. Adored.

  I frowned as I looked at the clock. With him getting home a little late from work it felt like ages till I saw him. I put my head down and got back to work, wishing the time away.

  ***

  ‘You sure you don’t want to do this?’ I held Bob’s phone out to him.

  He waved his hands, his eyes wide as he backed away from me.

  ‘Come on.’ I shook the phone at him.

  ‘You promised you’d do it. You have to do it.’

  ‘Calm down, Cupcake.’ I let out a theatrical sigh as I hit the dial button. The phone rang a couple of times before it was answered.

  ‘Hello. Sasha’s phone.’

  ‘Oh hey, Sasha. It’s Chanel, I was with Bob in the park today.’

  ‘Hi, Chanel, it’s actually Monica. Sasha’s sister. Oh no. Has he changed his mind?’

  ‘What? No, no not at all. It’s all he’s been talking about. He’s just too wimpy to ring himself.’

  ‘Shush.’ Bob flapped his hands at me. ‘Don’t tell her that.’

  Monica let out a laugh. ‘Oh thank goodness. I didn’t know how I was going to break the news to her. So when and where does he want to meet?’

  ‘Ummm. Is she free tomorrow night?’

  ‘You realise this is going to have to be a double date, right?’

  ‘You, me and the kids?’

  ‘Exactly. Hang on.’

  There were muffled voices for a few moments before Monica was back. ‘Yes tomorrow night is good. You want to go to that new Thai restaurant?’

  ‘The one near the train station?’

  ‘That’s the one.’

  ‘Bob.’ I put my hand over the receiver. Do you like Thai food?’

  ‘I like food. Period.’ He grinned at me.

  I put the phone back to my ear. ‘Sounds like a plan. Do you want me to book?’

  ‘Nah, I’ll do it. See you there at 7?’

  ‘See you then.’ I hung up and handed Bob the phone. ‘Tomorrow night at 7. And before you freak out, we’re double dating.’

  ‘You and Billy?’ He looked horrified.

  ‘No.’ I let out a laugh. ‘Monica and I.’

  ‘Ohh.’ His shoulders sagged in relief. ‘Thanks. I owe you.’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘You owe me dinner. How fortuitous you will be able to repay me so quickly.’ I flashed him a smile. ‘Got to go. Martine will be waiting.’

  He nodded, but the glazed look was back and I wasn’t even sure if he saw me go.

  ***

  ‘And then today, the most gorgeous bunch of flowers arrived for me. Scarlet red. And they smell divine.’ Martine paused to place a piece of chicken tikka into her mouth.

  I took advantage of her silence to interject into her half-hour soliloquy on Albie’s many virtues. ‘So Martine, how was dinner with Sally?’

  She cocked her head at me as she chewed her chicken.

  ‘You know. Your Drag Mum. Sally Sparkles.’

  Her Adam’s apple bobbed as she swallowed noisily. ‘Oh. That.’ She pushed the food on her plate around with her fork as if looking for a cockroach. ‘It was fine.’

  ‘Fine?’ I spooned some lamb korma onto my plate. ‘Define fine.’

  She pulled a face and moved her food around the plate a bit faster. ‘It’s complicated.’

  ‘What is?’

  With a sigh she deposited her plate onto the coffee table, picking up her glass of wine instead. ‘She’s an icon. A legend. And, well, it’s hard to live up to her standards.’

  ‘Ummm.’ I was trying very hard to understand. ‘What standards are we talking about? I mean, I think you’re perfect.’

  She flashed me a smile and shoved my shoulder, a gentle move for her which had me rocking sideways in my seat. ‘Oops. Sorry.’ Her face became sober again.
‘See, things like that. Sometimes I can’t hide the fact that I’m really a….’ She cleared her throat and tried again. ‘Really a….’

  I put my hand up. I didn’t want to hear the word come out of her mouth. To me she was Martine. Not a man. And I got a bit dizzy if I tried to comprehend what she was. My relationship with her male counterpart was non-existent. Yet here she was – my best friend. And to me she was perfect in all her too large, too strong, big bird kind of way. It made me angry that someone would undermine that.

  ‘You, are Martine,’ I said. ‘Nothing more, nothing less. You are the kindest, gentlest, most funny person I know. I love spending time with you. So does everybody I know. And Albie certainly likes what he’s got. So please don’t let some blast from your past make you doubt yourself.’

  She was silent as she twirled her wine glass in her hand. ‘If your Mum started picking on you, on the way you did things, how would that make you feel?’ Her words were directed not so much to me, but to the room, as if she were not asking me, but musing over her own feelings.

  ‘My Mum does that all the time,’ I let out a laugh. ‘But never in a nasty way. Never in a way that was meant to put me down. I don’t know what I would do if she was malicious. Is that what Sally Sparkles does? Is she mean?’

  Martine’s eyes snapped to me and her spine stiffened. ‘Oh no. Not mean. She just wants me to be the best I can. What mother doesn’t want that from her prodigies?’

  ‘Oookaaaay then.’ It seemed it was time to take the conversation back to more comfortable grounds. I let out a sigh and did the only safe thing I could. ‘So, tell me more about those roses.’

  ***

  I woke with a start. It hadn’t been a noise that woke me. In fact, the total opposite was true. It was as if I had come close enough to awareness for my subconscious to realise the wrongness in the room. The absence.

  I ran my hand down the far side of the bed hoping I was wrong. Smooth sheets, cold underneath. No body had slipped beneath those sheets in the wee hours of the morning. Billy hadn’t come home.

  I sat up and groped on the bedside table for my phone. Perhaps it wasn’t as late as it felt.

  A wave of panic rolled up and down my body, leaving me with a racing heart and sweaty palms. 4.05 A.M.

  Throwing the covers back, I leapt out of bed. Maybe he’d come home, made himself a tea and fallen asleep.

  Hope pulsed within me for the ten seconds it took me to get down the stairs.

  He wasn’t there.

  My hands shook as I dialled the number to the Station.

  ‘Kings Cross Police Station, Constable Print speaking.’ Riley, was far too happy when he finally picked up.

  ‘Riley, it’s Chanel.’

  ‘Hey Chanel, long time no see. When are you on nights again? Maybe we’ll overlap.’

  ‘Ummm. I have a few coming up. Riley, has anything come in about Billy?’

  ‘Your man? The Yank?’

  ‘Yeah, that one.’

  ‘Haven’t seen anything come across my desk. We would have rung you if there had.’

  ‘I know, I know. I just woke up and he’s not here.’ I tried for a relaxed laugh but it came out a little strangled. ‘He’s probably having a drink at the club he works at.’ I didn’t believe that for a second, but the last thing I wanted was rumours circulating at work. ‘I should have tried there first. Thanks.’

  ‘Catch you later,’ Riley said.

  ‘Yeah, later.’ I hung up and immediately rang the nearest hospital.

  By 4.30 A.M. I had finished with the hospitals. He wasn’t there but they would contact me if he came in.

  It was only then that I thought of doing the simplest thing and actually ring Billy. In my head, if he wasn’t home, something awful had happened.

  Maybe that wasn’t the case. Maybe he had ended up at a bar with one of the other security guards and hadn’t wanted to wake me. It was out of character, but not impossible.

  His phone didn’t even ring. It just made a weird burbling noise which annoyed me even more because I didn’t even get the option of leaving a rude message. Instead, I sent off a text demanding to know where he was.

  It was only after I hit send that Nathan’s voice crept into my head. ‘That there is a hard dog to keep on the porch.’

  I shoved it back out with a viciousness that left me with the start of a headache.

  Bruce. Bruce would know where he was. I dialled his number.

  ‘Fire? Is it a fire?’ he mumbled into the phone.

  ‘No.’ I felt slightly guilty at waking him but my panic and fear far outweighed the guilt. ‘Billy didn’t make it home last night. Was he still there when you left?’

  ‘Billy?’ Bruce said. ‘No, he wasn’t there.’

  ‘So what time did he leave?’ Perhaps if I could start to put together a time line I could track him down.

  ‘No.’ I could hear him shifting in his bed. ‘I mean he wasn’t there at all. It was his night off.’

  Cold ice walked down my spine. ‘Pardon?’

  ‘Chanel. I’m sure there is a perfectly logical explanation for this.’

  He hadn’t even gone to work. He’d lied to me.

  ‘Yes.’ My voice sounded brittle. Barely in control. ‘I’m sure you’re right. Sorry to wake you.’

  ‘Chanel.’

  I hung up before he could offer me a lame-arse explanation.

  Billy had lied to me. But why? Was it another woman?

  Even though the woman scorned was jumping up and down inside me shrieking for blood, I was able to push that thought to the side. My gut told me it just didn’t make any sort of logical sense.

  I know I hadn’t known him for that long, but there had been no signs, no symptoms, and the fact that Harry had raised him added weight to my gut feeling. I didn’t know a more loyal man than Harry. He’d waited for Mum for 25 years.

  So if it wasn’t a woman, why else would he lie to me? I had no idea, but I had a feeling I knew who might.

  ***

  ‘All right.’ I’m sure I looked a sight when I marched into Trent’s office. The three hour wait to come to work had not been kind to me. ‘Do you know anything about this?’

  Did he look guilty as he met my eyes? I couldn’t be sure. Trent had worked many undercover operations in his time as Detective. He was a master at hiding his emotions.

  ‘About what?’

  He gestured towards the seat but for once I didn’t sit. I was far too agitated.

  ‘Billy. About where he’s gone?’

  I was watching his eyes closely but they didn’t even shift when he said, ‘He’s gone?’

  I shook my head and put my hands on my hips. ‘What did the Super want to talk to him about?’

  I felt stupid for not following that up with Billy. I’d thought about it a lot in the last, very long three hours, and realised that every time I’d broached the subject Billy had distracted me in some, usually physical, way. In the end I had assumed he hadn’t rung the number. Stupid, stupid me.

  Trent leaned back and put his hands behind his head. ‘So your boyfriend doesn’t come home last night, and you immediately assume it has something to do with the Superintendent wanting to speak to him?’

  ‘Not immediately.’ I pulled out the chair and slumped into it. My anger had left in a whoosh, leaving me exhausted. ‘I’ve had some time to think.’

  ‘You know,’ he said, ‘most women would have jumped to a totally different conclusion.’

  ‘That one doesn’t make any sense.’ I didn’t bother clarifying what he was talking about.

  ‘You are going to make a fine detective someday.’

  I sat up. ‘I’m right. I knew it.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ He shook his head.

  ‘Trent.’

  He winced at the petulant whine in my voice but stayed silent.

  ‘Please. I’m dying over here.’

  ‘Sorry, Probationary Constable Smith. I have no information I can give you.’ His eyes
creased in the corners and this time I saw the conflict in them. He wanted to tell me something, but was trapped by the chair he sat in.

  I decided to go easy on him. It sucked, but it wasn’t his fault. ‘Fine.’ I stood up. ‘I’ll work it out myself.’

  ‘Chanel.’ Trent stood and held a hand out toward me. ‘Leave this one alone. He’ll be back when he’s back.’

  We locked eyes for a few moments before I wrenched mine away. I wasn’t promising anything.

  ‘Better get to work. Bob will be wondering where I am.’

  He looked unhappy as he nodded. ‘Have a safe day.’

  ‘Of course.’ I gave him a fake smile and hurried out of the room.

  ***

  Bob was hanging out by the coffee machine, watching it dispense his morning allowance of caffeine. He didn’t look up as I hurried by, probably caught up in a daydream about Sasha.

  That reminded me that I had a double date that night. Damn. I wanted to go home and berate Billy if he had shown up, and find him if he hadn’t. I didn’t feel capable of sociable conversation.

  ‘Hey, Chanel.’ Bob was back at his desk, a dreamy smile on his face.

  ‘Bob.’ I nodded my head and stood over him with my hands on my hips.

  I couldn’t sit. I couldn’t be normal. I needed to be moving. My worry chewed at me from the inside, giving me an itch I couldn’t scratch.

  ‘You ready to go?’ He eyed me up and down. ‘Okay then, I don’t need this right now.’

  Bob may have been fat, and he may have been slow, but he was mighty good at reading body language.

  I led the way, slamming the door open so that it bounced off the stopper and back into Bob. ‘Sorry,’ I called over my shoulder as I heard an, ‘Oooph.’

  I raised a hand to Lucille as I marched past reception to the front door. I took the steps up to the street two at a time, not waiting for Bob at the top before crossing the road.

  I was heading for the shadier parts of town. It may have been morning, but bad shit went down any time of the day at The Cross.

  ‘Chanel. Chanel.’

  I could hear Bob puffing behind me and took pity on him, pausing by the pedestrian crossing to wait for him.