"Why did you let her go?" I ask, puzzled. They were already a couple when Steve started working for my mom.
"We fought. You know that she had this idea of moving somewhere else, the great big world. But I am a cowboy and can't imagine leaving the countryside behind. So she left, and I stayed behind."
"When did that happen?" I ask.
"Six months ago," he says hoarsely.
I look at Steve. It is obvious that he still feels the way I feel right now, after six months. He hankers after Davina, because she left him, and I feel like crying over the failed relationship with Delsin. "Do you think he is suffering the way you do?" I ask tentatively.
"If he loves you like I love Davina, it's destroying him right now," Steve answers in a rough voice. "Call him and ask him to come here, Camille. That is the only way to save it. Running away doesn't help, nor does it ever work.”
"I need time," I insist.
"Well, then take your time, but give him a chance to fight for you."
"Soon," I murmur and close my eyes. "Can we sit here a while longer and just not talk? I don't feel like talking anymore, and with you, I can be silent so well."
Steve smiles. "Of course we can do that."
His hand strokes my arm as we merely sit there and gaze into the darkness. Fireflies careen through the night, and I can hear the crickets in the meadow. I have missed those sounds in Miami. They mean home to me, and they also have the power to soothe me a little. It feels very relaxing to sit there quietly, no need for words. I have also missed this stillness, only interrupted by the sounds of nocturnal animals. Each chirp and rustle, each breath of wind through the grass. In this homely atmosphere, we slowly sip our chocolate.
Chapter 10
I have been home for five days now and I evade all conversations that might lead to discussing Delsin and my emotions. I feel cornered, as if nobody wants to grant me the possibility to create the necessary distance to that episode of my life. Yesterday, I was on the phone with Avery, and he told me how difficult it was to keep Delsin from travelling to Texas, but that he eventually managed to persuade him to give me the time I need. Thally and Hailey will come visit me on the weekend. Hailey grew up in the area, and we went to high school together. We've been friends since early childhood and have been inseparable for most of the time. It feels weird to be here without her. It felt weird during the year I had to stay here and convalesce, too. I remember our lengthy phone conversations that took place every other day and that sent the phone bill rocketing.
Today I'm out riding with Peach. Yes, I know her name is like that of the video game princess, but I don't care. I gave her the name after she stole a peach from my hand as a filly.
Further back on the property there is a rivulet, meandering through the grassy landscape. I like to sit there when I want to think things over. It's a place that neither my mom nor Buck frequent. From time to time, I encounter Steve, because the second, smaller house on the premises is nearby. This is the building my family was supposed to live in, if mom and dad had proceeded with their bed and breakfast plans. But because things turned out differently, Steve lives in this house now, while we live in the main house.
"Rest a little, pretty girl," I tell Peach, pat her neck and descend. I lead her to the brook to drink. I know she is not going to run away; I don't have to tie the reigns to a tree or something. While she is drinking, I sit down next to her, take off my shoes and socks, and put my feet into the crystal clear, ice-cold water. Then I lay back and look up into the sky. "What do you think, Peach, should I give him another chance?" It may be crazy to talk to a horse, but I know she understands me.
She snorts.
"Ah, don't be a backstabber, pretty girl," I smile.
Now she whinnies.
I sigh. "Okay. So you're saying I should call him? So we can talk?"
Why couldn't he simply act like an asshole that I can easily hate? Why did he have to be so nice to me that I could develop feelings for him? It's not fair!
I cannot meet him face to face. Not yet, anyway. So I resign myself to the fact that I will clarify things over the phone, when he is more than a thousand miles away and cannot confuse me, nor dissuade me from what I want to think.
I take my phone from my pocket and dial his number.
I hear it ring four times, then the voicemail comes on.
"Hi, Delsin. It's me, Camille. I just wanted to call to see how you are doing and ... and to talk to you about the things that stand in our way. I guess you're out skating or whatever. Call me back when you hear this, okay?" I hang up and put the phone back into my pocket.
"Either he is out, or he doesn't want to talk to me," I tell Peach, who is grazing next to me. I sit up and look at her. "Are we heading back?"
Her nose pokes my shoulder to make me get up, and I follow her pushy invitation. I climb on her back, press the Stetson on my head so it won't be blown away by the breeze, and click my tongue. Peach starts trotting. We slowly move away from the brook, and when we reach the main path, I let her canter.
Peach jumps a knee-high fence, which divides the fields from the rest of the property, and then she carries me back to the stables in no time. When she stops in front of the barn, I jump off and lead her inside. I take off her saddle and carry it to the tack room, whence I return with the grooming box.
"Back already?" Steve's voice interrupts my thoughts.
I look at him. He is feeding carrots to Buster, who is standing patiently in his stall. "Yeah." I turn to Peach again. "And did you call ..."
"Yes," I cut him short. "I called fifteen minutes ago and left a message on his voicemail. He ... probably went back to his old life, and is now having a good time with some chick he picked up," I say despondently.
"I don't think so."
"Oh, but I do." I take the hoof pick from the box and clean Peach's hooves.
"Cami, if he really suffered the way your mom told me after you talked about it, after she talked on the phone with your friends, then I refuse to believe that he's simply going to pick up the next girl and move on."
"But that is what I believe," I whine.
Steve utters an exasperated sigh. "Message received. I won't mention him again."
"Thank you, Steve. Finally, someone understands that it irritates me." I take a deep breath. "You know, ever since I've come here, my mom is chasing after me, pushing me to talk to him, to invite him here. She doesn't seem to understand that I need more time." I'm done with the horse's hooves, so I exchange the hoof pick for a brush and start grooming her. "It's just that ... that I'm more and more convinced," and here I sniffle and wipe my eyes on my sleeve, "that there is no use trying."
"Why are you so certain?" he asks and comes closer.
"If he cared so much, he'd take my call, wouldn't he?"
Steve clicks his tongue, making the horses whinny, and then he shakes his head. "Maybe his battery ran low?"
"Possible," I nod. "But I doubt it. I think he is out with some chick, someone who is all too ready to distract him from thinking of me," I sigh, willing my tears to stay put. I focus on Peach again.
Steve takes another brush from the box and goes to her other side.
"Thanks for helping me."
He smiles at me. He has a sexy smile, one of the reasons I had this crush on him before I left. "You know, you need some distraction yourself. If you're up for it, I'll go out with you tonight, and then we can both distract each other from our recent failures."
"That would be awesome," I answer with a bit of a smile. "How about we go to that ... cowboy bar?" What I mean is a bar that plays mainly country music, but I have forgotten the name.
"You mean the Honky-Tonk at the end of the road?"
I nod emphatically. "Yes, that's it."
"I don't think they're going to let you in," he muses.
"Steve, I went to college. I have my fake ID now," I grin. "Don't you dare tell my mom though. She would take it away and lock me up. Promise me!"
He
utters a soft laugh. "Promise. My lips are sealed."
"Thank you. When do we head out?"
"Right after dinner, I'd say."
"Awesome," I grin and throw the brush into the grooming box. "I'll bring Peach to her stall and take a shower." I was out riding for hours, and dinner will be ready in an hour, so I need to get going.
"Remember to dress like a backcountry girl," he reminds me.
"I will, don't worry. Yesterday's dress was an exception," I giggle. Yesterday, I wore a summer dress that had Steve and Buck bug-eyed, but I had felt the need to feel feminine. I pick up the grooming box and carry it back to the tack room. Then I lead Peach to her stall, fill some fresh hay into her rack and fetch a handful of carrots from the bucket. After she has everything she needs, I brush the straw from my shirt and look at Steve. "See you at the dinner table."
"Aye. Bye, Cami."
I saunter to the house, looking forward to a night out. When I see what I see, I freeze.
"There she is. Come over here, Cami," Buck calls.
My heart lurches, my breath hitches and my head seems to whirl. Why did he have to come here?
"Cami, honey," Buck repeats.
Hailey and Delsin are standing on the porch with him. Delsin looks over at me. His eyes are sad, even though he tries to muster a smile.
"Take one step, and then another. You can do this," I murmur to myself and move towards them. Slowly. They all keep their eyes on me, so I pull the hat lower. I don't want to look them in the eye. Finally I reach the porch.
"Hi, Cami," Hailey greets me and hugs me.
I hug her back, feeling utterly overwhelmed. "What are you doing here?"
"Your mom invited us. Well, she invited Delsin, and I took him along in my car when I started homeward," she explains after she has released me from her grip.
He takes a step towards me.
"Where is Thally?" I want to know.
"We dropped her off at her place, because she was sick of being in the car," she giggles.
I nod slowly. "Okay." Then I look at Buck. "Thanks for stabbing me in the back like that," I say softly. "I'll be inside," I tell them all, a little louder. Then I slip into the house, lest they decide to leave me alone on the porch with Delsin.
"Cami, wait," Buck calls after me, but I have already reached the stairs and take them two at a time.
"We should give her a little time," Hailey says slowly.
I pause at the end of the stairs, where they cannot see me, and listen.
"I shouldn't have come," I hear Delsin say.
"She may be overtaxed and only needs a little time," Hailey says again.
I don't want to hear more, so I slip into my room, which has its own bathroom, like all the bedrooms in the house. I throw off my clothes and stand in the shower. I hope I can still go out with Steve, I think. I desperately need that kind of distraction.
***
I am wearing a denim skirt and another plaid shirt, and I could not refrain from wearing my Stetson, but my hair isn't pinned back this time. No make-up except for a little mascara to highlight my long lashes. I put on my tan cowboy boots and go downstairs. I have timed my entrance so that dinner would be on the table when I come down.
"Thanks, Misses Brooks," I hear Hailey say. Why is she still here? Oh yes, my mom invited her, just like she invited Delsin.
"How do you like college so far, Hailey?" my mom asks her when I enter the kitchen.
Delsin stands when I come in. "Hello, Camille," he murmurs.
"Good evening, Delsin," I answer flatly and sit down in my chair.
Hailey and mom are staring at me.
"Um, yeah. Miami is nice. I feel quite at home and college is a lot of fun," Hailey tells mom when she has found her voice again. "Classes are getting progressively more difficult, but Delsin's and Camille's best friend Avery helps me out when I don't understand stuff."
"That's nice. Your mom must be proud of you," my mom smiles. "And what about you, Delsin, what is your major?"
He does not take his eyes off me, which makes me feel awkward, but I keep staring at my still empty plate. "I major in architecture. I really enjoy it."
"And this Avery guy? What is his major?" she continues her interrogation.
"What is this? 'Get to know your daughter's friends by asking too many questions?'" I ask in an irritated voice.
"Would you please tell me what is wrong with you?"
"With me?" I flare. "I'm pissed!"
"Why, Camille?"
"Because you invite him here despite the fact that I told you I needed time. I would have done it myself once I was ready, but no, you had to do it. For five days straight, you have been cornering me, telling me I need to talk to him, making it urgent. And now you go ahead and invite him without telling me!" I yell at my mom. It might be beyond my age and a low point to be exploding like that, but she has ignored my wishes, after she had promised to respect them. That riles me to no end. It wasn't like that before. When I broke off with Kieran, she didn't tell me I needed to talk to him and reconcile.
"Well, I'm sorry, but I was sure that you'd never have found the courage to invite this young man here. And furthermore, I think you ought to appreciate that he made the journey, just to be with you," she shoots back, sounding angered, too.
I take a deep breath as I try not to explode, and then I get up. "Enjoy your meal," I say and march out of the kitchen.
"Cami, will you please stay here," she calls after me. "I am sorry; it's not like her to be this impolite."
"I fully understand her, Misses Brooks. She is still hurt and ... and I cannot blame her for feeling this way," Delsin says.
"Maybe you should follow her," my mom suggests.
I rush out of the house. I need some air to breathe, so I run to the brook. The sun is still high in the early evening sky, so I don't need a flashlight to find the way.
"Camille," I hear Delsin's voice behind me.
I run faster. I'm not ready for this; why does nobody seem to understand that?
Tears sting my eyes, because I never fight with my mom, and I never talk to her like I just have. She disappointed me, that's all there is to it. She should have accepted that I need more time. I lose my Stetson on the path, but I don't bother picking it up. If I do, Delsin is going to catch up with me, and I don't want that to happen.
A few minutes later I reach the brook. I can run well in my boots, but the slippery terrain makes it hard, so I am glad I have made it here without stumbling. I lean against the trunk of the old oak tree that still carries the carved initials of my parents in its bark. I wipe my tears away, careful not to smear my mascara.
"Camille, where are you?" Delsin calls.
Heavens, I am such a coward, hiding behind a tree!
"Please come out," he calls again when he reaches the riverbank.
I look at him from behind the tree. He is wearing jeans, the usual sneakers, and a white t-shirt with a short-sleeved black shirt on top of it. "Camille," he repeats, turning and peering into the foliage. He sees me, stares at me, and comes closer. I shake my head as if to stave him off, but he ignores the gesture and looks at me with worried, sad eyes. I avert my own eyes, because I don't want him to see my tears.
"I thought you knew I was coming," he says softly. Slowly, he raises his hand to my cheek. "I am sorry. I wouldn't have come if I had been aware of the fact that you didn't know."
My breathing comes labored and I close my eyes. "I need more time, Delsin."
"Time for what?"
"To think. I've been here for only five days, and you keep haunting me. Well, not you personally, but everyone keeps asking me to call you and trying to give me advice, trying to convince me that I need to get in touch with you again. Nobody respects what I want. What I might need," I cry.
"Do you want me to go?" he asks softly.
"Go where?" I breathe, raising my eyes to finally look at him again.
Delsin takes my face in his hands. "I'll go where you want me to go.
You only have to tell me, and I'll stay or I'll go." His thumbs catch my tears and brush them away.
The situation takes my breath away and I feel oppressed. "It will destroy me ... You ... you're not good for me," I stammer.
"That's what it looks like, yes, but I want to change that. I haven't seen Cay since the party, but I got this text message ..." He pulls back his hand and takes his phone from his pocket. Then he types and scrolls, before he hands it to me. "Please read this, Camille."
I take the phone and look at the screen. Thanks to me you got rid of your girlfriend. So when do we get together? XOXO Cay, I read. And then I scroll down to Delsin's reply: You damn bitch, thanks to you the only woman I love has vanished from my life!
My hands start to shake as Delsin pulls me into an embrace. "It happened exactly as I told you, but you didn't give me a single chance to prove it," he whispers.
I don't say anything. What am I supposed to say? That I was wrong and therefore forgive him? I don't know what to think as it sounds so unreal that he might really have become a different man. No womanizer anymore. These things don't happen in a day. Never.
His fingertips draw circles in my neck, which makes me shiver, but I don't stop him. Right now I am glad that someone is holding me. That's all.
"Should I stay or should I go, sweet Caramel?" He asks softly.
I utter a heavy, weary sigh, letting his words reverberate in my head.
"Your mom prepared a room for me. If you want me to go, tell me now, so Hailey can drive me to my dad's house when she goes," he murmurs and lets me go.
"Is everything okay, Cami?" Steve interrupts us. He seems to be on the way to the main house.
I look at him. "Yes, I'm fine. We ... I guess we need to go out tomorrow, or another day, though," I answer, trying not to sound too much like the cry-baby that I am.
"Okay," he nods and walks on.
I lower my eyes and look at our feet.
"Why don't you answer me?" he wants to know.
"Because I don't know what to answer," I admit sheepishly.
"You are unsure whether you want me to leave or not?" he prods, sitting down in the grass.
"Yes," I nod and lean back against the tree.
Rough: Daunting Temptation (Coral Gables Series Book 1) Page 15
