The Highlander Who Saved Me (Heart of a Highlander Collection Book 2)

by Allie Palomino

  *****

  Athyn passed the McLean holding and spoke to a couple of guards. Since he was an ally of the McLeans, the guards were friendly.

  “Hello, Simon. Ye’re looking like a terrible lot!” Athyn said, slapping Simon on the back.

  “Aye, and ye reek of days gone without a bath!” Simon jabbed back, laughing.

  More small talk transpired between the men and Athyn approached the subject he desired more information on, with caution.

  “I have to be on my way. I just stopped in for a greeting. I have not made my mind up but I may visit Laird Ramsay this day.”

  “Well, Lady Miriam and Lady Katherynne have arrived only moments ago. Do ye wish to speak to them?”

  Athyn was appeased, and shook his head. There was one more necessary question.

  “Have ye seen Lady Ramsay? Madeleine, that is?”

  A smile developed on Simon’s face.

  “I’ve gotten myself a good look. Pretty thing, isna she? Laird Ramsay is a fortunate man!” Simon said laughing.

  Simon had seen Maddie before when he had briefly traveled to Keisealle to deliver a message from the McLean. Unfortunately, that’s where the misunderstanding transpired. Simon believed that Athyn had asked if he’d ever seen Maddie, not if he’d seen her that day.

  Athyn, on the other hand, was feeling assured that Maddie had spoken the truth. After ending the conversation, he departed. He had tried to be a good friend to Connor and felt satisfied that he followed up on Maddie’s visit to her home.

  It was the least he owed to Connor and Maddie.

  *****

  “Dear Lord, child, what are you doing here?”

  The door was wide open.

  “Oh, Sister Margaret! I am so alone!” Maddie wailed. She couldn’t help it. She did feel alone. Many times, Maddie had visited Sister Margaret when she was younger. Maddie had been so excited to join the convent then.

  “Come in, dear child,” Sister Margaret said with an accompanying gesture. After having sat Maddie down, Sister Margaret left to fetch a glass of water. After a long drink, Maddie spoke.

  “My life is over, Sister!”

  “But I thought you had wed,” she said, and at the look on Maddie’s face, continued. “Aye. Word reaches fast when a Scotsman takes an Englishwoman for wife.”

  Maddie took a gulp of air and explained the full story. When she was done, fresh tears poured out of her eyes and her lips quivered.

  “‘Tis a shame, my child. Have you given any thought that perhaps he changed his mind and truly loves you?”

  Maddie shook her head immediately.

  “Nay, and I won’t give it any thought either, Sister,” Maddie said, crying.

  Sister Margaret sat down next to her and rubbed her back.

  “I’m not showing much yet, but my tummy is getting bigger.” Maddie smiled as she moved her navy wrap to show her.

  “‘Tis a tiny tummy, aye, but nevertheless discernable,” Sister Margaret said laughing.

  “He noticed, but didn’t put the signs together that it was a baby and not weight gain,” Maddie said sadly.

  “Now, don’t you sit there and place the whole blame upon his shoulder, Maddie. You hid it, as did his mother.”

  Maddie nodded.

  “You look very fatigued, my dear. ‘Tis time you slept soundly. Seeing as how your sleep during the past week was interrupted by your worries and fears, you need a sound sleep. Would you like to eat before?”

  Maddie shook her head. “I’m very tired. My stomach is fraught. Do you think it is alright for me to stay here?”

  “Aye, my dear. The abbess adores you, you know that. Stay here for as long as you like,” she said, patting Maddie’s hand.

  Maddie tried to smile.

  “Or forever,” Maddie said, sullenly.

  “Nay, not forever, Maddie. Connor will be here to come for you.”

  “I don’t know, Sister. The clues I left in the parting letter were obscure. I’m not sure he would think to come here.”

  “Why did you leave the clues behind, Maddie?”

  “I was weak, but after further reflection during my journey here, I know ‘tis an impossible situation. We can never be, for he does not love me!” She began to cry again.

  Seeing Maddie distressed, Sister Margaret wanted to end the conversation. She patted Maddie’s hand.

  “Let’s get you settled in, darling.”

  As Maddie left with Sister Margaret, she thought about the irony of her life. She’d always believed that she’d be here for the rest of her life, until she met Connor. Now here she was, and it was more than likely where she would spend the remainder of her days.

  Only, she wasn’t alone.

  Maddie had the baby she always wanted and she had experienced the greatest love she never thought she would ever know. Now, the love of her life was gone, and the only man remaining was the one to whom she always thought she’d devote her life.

  God.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  “Binouix! It was him! He took her!” Connor roared.

  Everyone stood looking at him in the courtyard. He was ranting and raving again. It had been like this for a week since finding the hooded cloak and letter. Malcolm had had enough. Connor needed to face the truth that Maddie was dead.

  “Connor, I have sent for yer Mother and Katie. We will have a ceremony for closure of this situation. We canna have a burial because we doona have a body, but we will erect a cross to remember her.”

  “This isna a situation! This is my wife, and he’s taken her!”

  “Come inside, Connor. We will discuss this in there.”

  Connor, much to Malcolm’s relief, followed his directions. Malcolm, Kiel, Iain, and Kirk followed him. Once inside, Malcolm tried reasoning with his son.

  “Connor, ye must come to accept her death. Do not blame yerself. It was fate’s hand. She had seemed withdrawn and depressed, Connor. She’d had a tough life.”

  “She wouldna kill herself! She knows that’s a sin!” Connor shook his head. His eyes were dark, tormented.

  Iain also shook his head. He understood Connor, and thought much the same, however, the proof was insurmountable.

  “She’s gone. Ye must come to terms with that Connor,” Iain said gently.

  Connor turned to look at all of them and studied their faces. He had barely gotten ten hours of sleep over the last week and a half. He was running on adrenaline, fear, and anger. He knew he was crazed, but didn’t care for his life was over.

  She was gone.

  His beloved wife was gone.

  And his heart and soul with her.

  Malcolm knew the precise moment Connor realized that Maddie was never coming back. His face relaxed its tense hold and his shoulders drooped. Aye, fatigue and failure overcame him in one swoop.

  “I failed her,” he said hoarsely. “I failed her.”

  “Nay, Connor. We all did. Her family, too. She was an angel. She was too pure and good to live amongst us. The Lord has her and she is where she belongs.”

  Connor stared back blankly, not trusting himself to speak. His face quickly transitioned from a fiery angry red, to a pale white sheet. At his father’s last statement, something wanted to register in his head, but he was too fatigued to sort it out. He turned to go upstairs. The tears in his eyes that had wanted to escape many times during the last week were winning the battle now.

  Once in their room, he collapsed to his knees and reached up to the ceiling. He bellowed and tensed his muscles in anger, then he bent down until his hands hit the floor. Sobs wracked his frame. Desolation, despair and, emptiness overcame him.

  “My dear Maddie,” he said croakily, crying. “My love. I canna bear life without ye!” He pulled on his hair in frustration and madness.

  Connor shouted in denial.

  Anguish reverberated in the room, throughout the castle, and reached even to the hills beyond.

  He would be inconsolable.

  He would no longer be liv
ing, for he was dead.

  He would just merely exist.

  Connor made his way to their bed and let sleep take over. It would be the only way he could escape this purgatory he had lived in for nearly a fortnight.

  Alas though, his sleep offered no escape, for the bed smelled sweet like her, and his dreams were riddled with images of her warm smile, golden gaze, and loving heart.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “Connor, are ye ready?” Miriam asked her oldest son.

  Two weeks had passed since she first received word of a crisis. She had been frantic. The memories engulfed her.

  “Crisis? What? Who?” she frantically grabbed hold of the messenger’s tunic.

  “Milady, yer family is alright. Sir Malcolm requests yer presence immediately at Keisealle.”

  “But why, Bailey? What is this crisis?”

  He shook his head. He was under strict orders not to mention Lady Madeleine’s death to her. It would upset Lady Miriam for naught. It would take a week to return from the border, anyhow. As it was, it took him and the other soldiers who rode with him five days of hard riding to reach them as quickly as possible.

  Miriam recalled Malcolm’s somber face when she arrived. She and Katie dismounted and ran to him.

  “What has transpired, Malcolm?” Miriam asked, grabbing hold of his forearm.

  “Father, please tell us! We have been frantic this past week of travel!”

  He looked at both of them and slowly said the words.

  “Maddie is no longer with us.”

  Miriam caught on, her face paling, but Katie didn’t understand. Miriam was shaking her head violently in denial.

  “But ye havena found her yet? Did that man Binouix take her again?

  Katie looked from one parent to the other. Slow awareness crept up on her.

  “Nay. Nay! She’s not dead!”

  Malcolm sadly nodded his head. He told them about everything that had happened.

  “Dear Lord, it has nearly been a month since she died! But why didna anyone come for us sooner!” Miriam cried, tears flooding down her face. Katie was in much the same condition.

  “We were trying to find her, and when Connor found and read the letter, he was in denial. I finally decided that reason evaded our son, and so I sent for ye.”

  She and Katie went into the castle. They saw Connor sitting by the hearth, a goblet clutched in one hand and Maddie’s letter in the other.

  Miriam had called to him and he slowly looked up. Her heart broke when she saw his face. There before her sat the shell of the man she once knew as her son.

  His eyes were red rimmed, but when ye looked past that, you saw emptiness.

  Bleakness.

  Sorrow.

  Then he looked away, staring back into the flames. Miriam knew then that consolation was the last thing that he needed or wanted.

  She took note of the many changes around her. The clan was disheartened. She first thought that it was her imagination, but it wasn’t. Maddie had had a great impact on Clan Ramsay. The biggest change was with her family. Malcolm was saddened about Maddie’s death, as was she. She cried many times a night. Iain and Kiel were dejected. Though they joked around occasionally, it was a scant minimum. They weren’t in a mood to lighten the somber atmosphere surrounding the clan. Katie cried all the time. She continued to play with the children, but afterwards, she would come in and Miriam had to take her into her arms. Every day she was reminded about Maddie.

  Other clan members were taking her death hard. Little Gretchen was sad when she found out that Maddie was gone. It took the child some time to understand that Maddie was gone forever.

  “When is she coming back, Lady Miwiwam?”

  “She is with God, Gretchen. She is with the angels,” Miriam said, squatting down next to the blond-haired child.

  “Gawn with Gawd? Like Momma? She’s with Momma?”

  Miriam nodded her head and the young child wailed. She hugged the little girl.

  The most affected, naturally, was Connor. He trained hard throughout the day. His men felt their laird’s ruthlessness. At night, he drank heavily, but kept quiet and to himself. The family dinners they’d had once before, he found hard to bear. He no longer joined them after that first night they returned. Katie had wanted to pray before eating.

  “I doona want to pray,” he said sourly. He snorted bitterly.

  Everyone remained quiet, staring at him.

  “It’s a tradition that is important to keep observing,” Miriam said reservedly.

  “I doona want to pray to Him! He took her away. Damn Him, if he even exists!” Connor stood up taking his cup, and sat by the hearth.

  That was how he spent every evening.

  Connor was bitter and cynical. He no longer laughed or smiled. He went to sleep late and woke early.

  He was completely aloof from everyone.

  “Connor? Are ye ready?” she asked again, standing near him.

  Miriam saw his grip on the goblet tightening. His breath grew shallow, and his throat worked as he swallowed hard. He didn’t look up to his mother, but continued to stare at the flames for several more minutes. Connor then stood, walked out of the great room, and into the courtyard outside.

  The clan gathered on their burial grounds. It was not just a couple of them there, either. Nay. Every single member of the clan was there. As he walked towards the center, the crowd parted to let him and the family through.

  Father Dircan waited with a somber face. Miriam and Malcolm had spoken to the priest, hoping they could convince Father Dircan to give Maddie a blessed and holy burial. Although all the evidence pointed to Maddie killing herself, the fact that there was no body or one-hundred percent certainty of the manner in which she died, gave Father Dircan the latitude to provide her with a ceremonial holy burial.

  It was unconventional, but it mattered naught to them. Father Dircan was willing to bend some even if the Church was rigid. Malcolm and Miriam wanted to give their son some closure so that he could move on from this. They all needed to move on from this.

  “We are here today, to lay to rest the spirit of Lady Madeleine Ramsay. Although we have no body to bury, this ceremony will bring her pure soul to rest. Lady Madeleine…”

  Connor remained silent and stoic. Once Father Dircan finished the speech, a cross with Maddie’s name etched on it was erected. A mountain of flowers was laid before the cross.

  Once everything was done, Connor silently left.

  He remained uncommunicative, aloof, and withdrawn for months after.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Three months later

  “Do not over do it, child,” Sister Margaret said.

  Maddie laughed.

  “Sister, in a few months’ time I am to give birth to a child, yet you call me one.”

  Sister Margaret chuckled. It was nice to hear Maddie’s laugh, for she rarely did.

  “You will always be a child in my eyes, Maddie.”

  The four months that Maddie had been there had been difficult. She was very quiet, and kept to herself. She walked around as if the heavy load was on her shoulders rather than her belly, for Maddie was quite large with child.

  For a month after her arrival, she had eagerly anticipated Connor’s appearance to take her back ‘home’ but she had been wrong. He never came.

  It was difficult for Sister Margaret and the rest of the abbey to witness the crestfallen Maddie during that time. She couldn’t stop crying. She kept saying how she was now with child and that her child would never know its father.

  She cried all day and all night.

  “I told you, Sister. I told you he would not come!” Maddie had said, crying. Pure anguish was apparent on her face.

  “Are you sure that the letter was clear, Maddie?”

  “Aye, Sister! Clear as a summer’s day! The clues were apparent and I mentioned going to the Lord. I even mentioned that I was taking our most precious gift that God had given us. He mustn’t have cared abou
t the baby. Miriam would have told him. He’s probably back with his lover,” Maddie said and felt a stab of pain shoot through her at the thought. “He knew I had intended to serve our Lord before meeting him. He obviously listened little when I spoke of myself. It shows that he did not truly care about me,” Maddie said in a saddened voice.

  The topic had been changed then, for the sister hadn’t wished to see Maddie upset. The sisters however, noted Maddie’s blunder in her recollection, seemingly attributable to her emotional instability. When she first arrived, she had said the clues were obscure. As the days passed, however, she kept repeating how clear they were.

  She had a large appetite, which was humorous to witness since Maddie was petite. She did a lot of garden work and sewing to occupy her time. She also taught two children at the abbey how to read. It was apparent how much she enjoyed that.

  “You know, I once told Connor that I wanted to teach children. I had told him that it had always been an aspiration of mine. I don’t think he heard me. He had fallen asleep. If he didn’t recall things I said when he was fully awake, I doubt that he would remember what I said when he was falling asleep.”

  “When did that happen?”

  “Oh, it was during the first month of marriage. I wanted to share my old dreams with him. Connor always made me feel important, but it was all a lie,” Maddie said, bitterly.

  Sister Margaret always liked to ask about Connor. Most of the time, Maddie would have a smile on her face and a far away look in her eyes. Some of those times, like this one, she would get sad and cynical.

  “Child, you shouldn’t be doing this work when you’re so far along.”

  “Nay, Sister. ‘Tis not much. Only an hour or two a day. ‘Tis the truth, I miss doing this.”

  “Well, Maddie. Do be careful, ‘tis hot this day. Sister Mary should be along soon, bringing you your new dresses.”

  “‘Tis shameful, that.”

  “What?”

  “That Sister Mary adjusts my dresses and makes new ones.”