Madison's Choice

by Skye Michaels

  “Yeah! Where do they live?” Nickie was starting to look excited.

  “They live on a farm here in Ocala. You will like it. It’s very nice. They have a lot of horses and other animals.” The mention of animals was guaranteed to catch his interest. Nickie loved all animals but especially horses. He was fascinated by them. She had always wondered if that equine fascination was carried in the genes, just like his black hair and blue eyes.

  Nickie’s expression turned to doubt, and he looked worried. “Do you think they will like me?”

  “Of course they’ll like you! They are going to love you as much as I do, and Mom Mom and Pop Pop do! And your aunt and uncles and cousins. They all love you heaps. Remember, you didn’t know them very well until we moved back to Ocala. That all worked out great, right? Don’t worry about it. We’ll drive out to Eden Creek on Saturday morning, and you’ll see. Everything will be fine.”

  He still looked concerned, but he smiled at her. Kids are so resilient! Thank goodness for that. She was beginning to feel hopeful about this herself. She wanted Nickie to have a dad just like other kids. She hadn’t kept him a secret from Ross to be selfish. At eighteen, and given the circumstances, she really hadn’t thought she had a choice other than the one she had made—to have her child, love him as much as she could, and raise him the best way that she could.

  During the rest of the week, Madison made an effort to share some of her memories of Ross with Nickie, to let him begin to know the man who was his father but also a complete stranger. She answered his million questions as best she could. She showed him some pictures of herself and Ross from that summer nine years ago. She wanted to take as much of the trauma out of the meeting on Saturday as possible. She prayed it would go well for all of their sakes, but especially for the little boy who hadn’t known he had a dad.

  Chapter Twelve

  On Saturday morning, Maddie woke up with butterflies in her stomach. It was going to be a really big day. She made Nickie’s favorite chocolate chip pancake breakfast, which they ate on the bright and cheerful sunporch of her small but comfortable stone cottage. She had bought the house with part of her inheritance from Grammatha, and she loved it. It was in remarkable condition for a house that was over a hundred years old. It still had the original Dade County wide-plank pine floors, woodwork, windows, and rippled window glass that sparkled with the sunbeams shining through the trees in her large, sun-dappled yard.

  She had Nickie dressed and ready to leave by ten thirty. She had debated on how to dress him and herself. Finally, she determined that they would go casual and be themselves. After all, they were just visiting family at the farm. She put him in a pair of blue jeans and a red T-shirt with his favorite Angry Bird, the Mighty Eagle, on the front—not his newest and not his oldest. She wore a snug pair of boot-cut jeans, a yellow button-down collar cotton shirt, tucked in with a rhinestone buckled belt, and an old pair of cowboy boots. She brushed his hair and parted it neatly on the side, knowing it wouldn’t stay that way for long. If anything, his hair was a little curlier than his dad’s and usually went its own way. She pulled her own hair up into a ponytail and let it go at that. She brushed on a little blusher and some pink lipstick, and she was ready to go. She probably didn’t look much different or much older than she had the last time she had been at Eden Creek Farm.

  As they drove up Highway 27 and turned onto Highway 326, Nickie asked a million questions. Finally she said, “Nickie, we’ll be there in a few minutes, and all your questions will be answered then! I haven’t been to the farm since before you were born, and I have no way of knowing how many horses live there now.”

  “But, Mom…” As he started to whine, she turned into the driveway of the farm, and the electronic gate opened in front of her car.

  “We are here. Settle down.” She tried to tell herself to settle down as well, but it was almost impossible to calm her jumping nerves. As Madison pulled her SUV to a stop in front of Mike and Robbie’s wonderful old farmhouse, she took a deep breath, counted to ten and began to open the door. Nickie, of course, was already bouncing out of the car.

  * * * *

  Ross walked over to open her door and help her out. He brushed a kiss on her cheek and said, “Hi. How are you? Are you as nervous as I am?” As if meeting his son wasn’t enough, he had to deal with his undeniable attraction to Maddie. But his eyes were only on his son. His heart was beating a mile a minute, and his palms were damp.

  She replied, “Yes. I’m a train wreck. Nickie, come here please.” When he came to her side, she knelt down next to him, put her arms around him, and gave him a quick hug. Then she stood. “Nickie, this is your dad.”

  Ross’s heart was pounding as he squatted down to be at eye level with Nickie and said, “Hi, son. Since your mom told me about you, I’ve been really anxious to meet you.” He was amazed. Although he had seen the pictures of Nickie, and intellectually had known what to expect, the reality almost knocked the breath out of his chest. There could be no doubt that this was his son. He looked exactly like Mickie had looked at that age and like the pictures of himself that his mother had shown him during the past week.

  Nickie looked him directly in the eye and put his hand out to shake. “Hello. I’m Nicholas Ross Snow. What’s your name?”

  Ross was stunned. For a minute he was speechless. “My name is Ross Matthew Hamilton, but you can call me Dad or Daddy,” and he shook his son’s hand. This was surreal. Nickie seemed so mature for his age. He glanced at Maddie to see what her reaction was, and he found that she was smiling.

  “Thank you for using good manners, Nickie,” Maddie said quietly. She looked around and saw that Robbie, Mike, two teenagers, and an older woman were waiting on the porch. They apparently wanted to give Ross a few minutes alone with his son before coming down to meet them.

  “Mom said you have lots of horses. I love horses.”

  Maddie laughed. “That’s certainly true. He was able to name all the breeds in the horse book he got for his third Christmas, all before he could read their names.”

  Ross grinned. “We have lots of horses. Mostly we have Thoroughbreds. But we also have some other horses for riding. Would you like to ride a pony? Jacqui’s Shetland pony, Meatball, has been basically retired since she outgrew him, and I am sure he would love to have a little kid of his own to play with again.”

  “Really? His name is Meatball? That’s a silly name.”

  “Well, his name is really Spaghetti and Meatballs, which I think is even sillier.” Ross smiled down at his son. This little acorn had definitely not fallen far from the tree. Why don’t we meet the rest of your family, and after lunch we can go out to the barn and meet Meatball.” Ross put his hand out to Nickie and waited hopefully. The boy took his hand trustingly, and the three of them walked up to the porch where the rest of the Hamiltons waited patiently.

  “Nickie, I would like you to meet your Aunt Robbie and Uncle Mike, and their two kids, Mickie and Jacqui, and your grandmother, Barbara. The other kids call her Grammy, so you should call her Grammy, too,” Ross said proudly, smiling at his mother who had the suspicious gleam of tears in her eyes. Ross knew that although she had not said much, his mother was hurt and angry that she had missed eight years of her grandson’s life. He hoped that things would go smoothly and that everyone would get past their initial feelings of betrayal.

  Nickie politely greeted everyone, and Ross could see that Madison was so proud of him she might burst. Well, he had to give credit where credit was due. No one could say she hadn’t raised a polite young gentleman. But he had to laugh to himself. Knowing the gene pool from which he had sprung, that was not destined to last. Hamilton boys were hell on wheels, and that was a fact. He knew the scamps he and Mickie had been at that age! Ross looked forward to every minute of the adventure. It was bound to be a wild ride.

  Lunch in the main house was fun with everyone talking at once. Madison appeared to feel right at home although Ross could tell there was a slight chill from hi
s mother. Nickie talked with his cousins and everyone at the table as though he had known them for years, regaling them with tales of his Transformers, Pokemon cards, and Angry Birds. Ross thought that kids were just amazing. He was sure there would be some repercussions and some problems in the future, but right now, things were going just great.

  * * * *

  After lunch, Grammy Barb took Nickie’s hand and coaxed him out on to the enormous front porch, which boasted a half dozen wicker rocking chairs. “I have some pictures of your dad when he was your age to show you. I won’t keep you long because I know you would like to be riding Meatball right now.”

  Nickie was polite, but she was right. He couldn’t wait to ride Meatball. When he saw the pictures, he looked confused. “But those are pictures of me,” he said and looked up at his mother for confirmation. Before today, he had never seen people who looked just like him, never mind so many of them. His cousins, his uncle, and his dad all looked exactly like he did. He was amazed. His unusual coloring had always set him apart in school.

  “No, dear, that’s your dad. Believe me, I was there!” Grammy laughed delightedly. “For every wonderful minute of it,” she said, mostly to herself. Nickie was a little apprehensive. He was an intuitive child and felt the tightly leashed anger at Madison that was vibrating from Grammy Barb.

  “Really? He looks just like me!” Nickie didn’t know exactly what to think about all of this. He was going to have a million questions for his mother on the way home in the car.

  Ross joined them on the porch. “Come on, buddy! Let’s go meet Meatball. Maddie, do you want to ride, too? We can all take a little trail ride if you like.”

  “Come on, Mom. That would be fun!”

  * * * *

  Once they had walked down to the barn where the riding stock was stabled, Maddie realized that she had not forgotten one single detail of the farm. It was all etched in her memory, and despite the inevitable changes wrought by the passage of nine years, she felt as though she had been there last week.

  Ross took Nickie to meet Meatball. He gave the boy a pocketful of sugar cubes with which to make friends with the pony. Nickie was thrilled! He had been nagging for a pony of his own since he could say “pony.” Under the circumstances, Maddie had not had the extra funds to afford a horse, but she had taken Nickie for pony rides in the park.

  Meatball had a thick coat of silver dappled gray with a long, dark, salt-and-pepper-gray mane and tail. He was sturdy and round with an intelligent face and small, alert ears. She bet he had been adorable with a younger Jacqui in the show ring. Nickie fearlessly approached the pony and was about to give him sugar cubes when Ross stepped in.

  “Safety first, Nickie. Always keep your hand flat and your fingers down when you give a horse a treat. They wouldn’t mean to hurt you, but if your fingers get in the way of the treats, you could get bitten.” Ross showed Nickie how to give a treat, and Meatball obliged by instantly gobbling it up and rubbing his whiskered nose on Nickie’s hand as he looked for more. Nickie giggled delightedly. Maddie could see this was going to be a match made in Heaven.

  Ross instructed a groom to saddle horses for himself and Maddie. He then pulled the pony from his stall so he and Nickie could groom and saddle him. He showed Nickie how to brush the pony and pick his hooves. Then Ross put a colorful Indian blanket on the pony’s back and topped it off with a child’s saddle, which he cinched tight with a woven cotton girth strap. He then put the bridle and reins on him. Nickie was all eyes, absorbing every detail of the procedure.

  “We have to wait a few minutes for him to let out his breath, and then I can tighten the girth. Ponies like to blow themselves up like balloons so the girth will be loose. They’re tricky that way.”

  Nickie seemed to think that was hilarious. He was having a wonderful time, and Madison was really glad they had come.

  When the pony was saddled and ready, Ross showed Nickie how to mount, hold the reins, put his feet in the stirrups, and settle his butt in the saddle. He put a lead line on the pony’s bit and mounted his horse. Maddie mounted her horse as well. She had not been in the saddle in nine years, but she had never forgotten the feeling of having a horse under her. She had been a really good scratch rider, able to breeze the young Thoroughbred race horses on the training track. She was too big to be a jockey, but her size and weight were good in a training situation. She had loved the speed. She was in Heaven as well.

  Ross kept the pony on the lead line and led them out on to the bridle path that she knew went to the pond in the valley where they had spent so much time nine years ago. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this particular trip, but she wasn’t about to ruin it for Nickie. As they passed the horse cemetery where all of the stock that had died at Eden Creek Farm was buried, they both looked toward the graceful statue of a rampant stallion.

  “I used some of my jump purses to put up a memorial for him. It just seemed like the right thing to do,” Ross said as they rode past. Maddie was touched by his gesture, but it just underlined the deep loss and pain he had felt nine years ago and apparently still felt.

  When they arrived at the pond, they dismounted, and Ross ground tied both their mounts and loosened all the girths. Then he showed Nickie how to hold on to the lead line and let his pony graze in the deep, green grass. Ross threw a blanket on the ground and invited Maddie to make herself comfortable. Her survival instincts were on full alert. If she remembered correctly, and she was sure she did—this was probably where she had gotten pregnant in the first place!

  * * * *

  “There are a lot of memories here,” Ross said, looking at her with a smile, mildly surprised at the feelings that were stirring within him.

  “That’s for sure. I never thought I would be here again, never mind with you and our son. Life is strange isn’t it? You never know where the path will take you.”

  “I’m glad yours brought you back to me—with my son.” He took her hand in his and squeezed it. “You know, when I came home for Christmas that year, I looked for you. I wanted to apologize for being so hard on you after the accident, but you were nowhere to be found. None of our mutual friends knew where you had gone. I just thought it wasn’t meant to be.”

  “I was in New Jersey with Grammatha and was about four months pregnant.”

  “I’m sorry about all that happened. I realized the accident was not all your fault. It was partly that Flash was a handful and partly bad luck that the feed guy had left the gate open. Only an idiot leaves a farm gate open. I know that Mike rearranged his face for him. I was too upset to be involved in that at the time, but I know what went on then. I’m pretty sure that after the accident, he was no longer driving a feed truck.”

  “Not surprising. If he was too lazy to get off his butt and close the gate here, he did it at other farms as well.”

  “About the pregnancy, I’m sorry I let you down on the birth control front. I really thought I was pretty careful. Of course, pretty careful is not careful enough. Did you really never consider terminating the pregnancy? Or calling me?”

  “I thought about it, but I realized I could never do that. I didn’t want to be pregnant, especially under those circumstances, but I always wanted our baby. I was lucky to have a supportive family. Grammatha was fabulous, and my parents, although they were disappointed in the circumstances, never let us down either.”

  * * * *

  When Madison thought about that time she remembered the terror she had felt at facing the unknown alone, as well as the grief she had felt for Flashfire and the loss of Ross. It had been a very hard time.

  “I’m glad you weren’t alone. I would have stood by you, too, you know. I’m glad your path brought you back here and that Robbie saw those pictures on your desk. She was really shocked. I think Mike had a few rough moments before he remembered that we had dated that summer.”

  “Poor guy! He had to think on his feet for sure.” She laughed. She had never thought she could find any of this comical, but that was
life.

  * * * *

  Ross laid back on the blanket and pulled Maddie down beside him. He gazed up into the canopy of the enormous, old live oak tree above them and said, “Do you think that we could give this another try? I don’t think we were done back then, and I don’t think we’re done now.” He was trying to put his anger aside and live in the moment as the old feelings he’d had for Madison bubbled to the surface. What was done was done, and it would be impossible to recapture eight years of his son’s life. He didn’t want to ruin the opportunity to go forward and have a future with both Nickie and Maddie.

  “I’m sorry, Ross, but I think that ship has sailed. I have a lot of responsibilities now, and my first one is Nickie. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize what I hope will be a cordial parental partnership by muddying the waters with romance. Why don’t you just concentrate on forging a bond with Nickie, and let’s let everything else coast for now.”

  “If that’s how you want it, Maddie.” He couldn’t believe how disappointed he was to hear those words from her. He had to admit that she was probably right, but it stung nevertheless. His emotions were all over the map. He was thrilled to have the opportunity to know his son and angry that he had missed so much. The topping on that pile of feelings was that he was still as attracted to Maddie as he had ever been. He didn’t know if it went deeper than attraction, but he knew he wanted to find out. He wasn’t sure if they had been on the verge of falling in love nine years ago or if their friendship would have just died a natural death when they had gone off to school. Now they were both adults, and that made matters far more complex. There was Nickie’s welfare to be put first. He would just have to take it slow and easy with her. He didn’t want to scare her off, and he didn’t want to jeopardize his relationship with his son.