by Tamara White
When I walk back out to the main area of the pool house, I see Justin standing outside the door. He’s being denied entry by Cooper, who is still only wearing his t-shirt and boxers. Great. So they all know he slept in here with me now. Things really aren’t looking up.
I touch Cooper’s arm, hoping he’ll move out of the way. He looks at me, his expression softening before he turns to glare at Justin. “You better behave or I won’t be responsible for my actions.”
Then he leans over and kisses me on the cheek before going back into my bedroom, hopefully to put some clothes on. Justin’s gaze follows after him, his gray eyes sparking with anger. I push Justin out of the doorway and into the courtyard, surprised to find the sun higher than usual for morning. Shit, it must be later than I thought. That must be why everyone is at the pool house. I thought they were just early, but it turns out Cooper and I slept in.
The two of us walk alongside the pool fence, the sun glinting off the bright blue water, and I wait for Justin to speak. He remains silent, though.
Looking at him, I notice his eyes are rimmed with dark circles, as if he hasn’t slept, and I feel a small amount of guilt. Wait a minute, he should be the one feeling guilty, not me.
Finally, I’ve had enough of the awkward silence and turn to face him. “What do you want, Justin?”
He keeps his gaze fixed on the ground as he responds. “I wanted to apologize for last night. I had a few too many and got a little out of hand. I didn’t mean to.” He turns to me with a contrite expression. “It’s just that I like you and I guess I needed the alcohol to give me a little courage.”
I frown and look away from him, taking a moment to organize my thoughts. “Look, I don’t know if I gave you the wrong impression, but I’m not looking to date anyone right now. So much has happened lately that I doubt I’d be able to function in a relationship without becoming clingy. That’s not what I want. I want a deep, meaningful relationship, but only when I’m ready. You pushed yourself on me and you almost didn’t let me up. What does that say to you?”
“I know, I know.” He reaches out and grips my hand. “Please give me a chance. Even if you just want to remain friends. You’re an awesome person and I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
His eyes beg for sympathy and I figure, what’s the harm in giving him another chance? After all, he was the one to offer me friendship when I came here. It’s only fair I let him have another shot, right?
“Okay, fine. I’ll give you one more chance, but if you do that again, I won’t hesitate to drop you from my life. I don’t want people who pretend to be someone they’re not. But you also need to be aware that nothing romantic will evolve from our friendship.”
He nods sadly. “Yes, that’s more than understandable. I, uh, better leave. Your stepbrothers aren't exactly happy about me being here.”
I walk Justin out to his car and he gets in, his expression still one of dejection. “I’ll see you Monday after class?”
“Yeah, of course.”
He starts the car and drives off as I watch. I really hope that he lets it go. I have enough to deal with right now.
Nineteen
“Love them.”
“But how? It’s impossible to love more than one person,” I tell the man in front of me.
He cocks his head, seeming intrigued. “Is it? You are confined only by the way you think. You can love as many as you choose to. There are no restrictions, other than what you believe.”
“Seriously, guys, you don’t have to stay here tonight. It’s fine.”
I watch as Jaxson and Zane move the mattress from my bed out to the main living area in front of the TV. Carter and Cooper have already brought over a spare mattress from the main house. Honestly, I’m still a little weirded out by that. Who has a spare mattress just lying around?
While the boys were out grilling the burgers, Cassandra had suggested that maybe they should spend the night down here with me watching movies, since sleeping with Cooper had apparently worked so well. I tried to reassure them that I would be fine alone, after all, I’d been alone most of my life. Besides, the nightmares are such a common thing now, they don’t really bother me. Sure, there are always hard days, but nothing I couldn’t handle.
The guys ignore my protests, continuing to set up the bed for the night. “Fine, but if I snore, you only have yourselves to blame,” I threaten, before walking back into my bedroom and heading straight to the bathroom.
I know the guys want to watch a movie or something, but I’m completely exhausted. Cassandra used the barbecue as an opportunity to ask me a million and one questions. Afterwards, I felt more grilled than the burgers. Now I just want to go to sleep and hope that I don’t have nightmares and end up scaring the guys.
That, and pretend like I haven’t let two of them kiss me. I just hope Zane and Cooper don’t end up in my bed. How on earth could I relax with them sleeping next to me?
I decide to take a shower, moaning at the feel of the hot water and the delicious vanilla and caramel scent wafting through the room. I have to admit, Cassandra has good taste in wash products. If only there were a candle with this scent. I can just imagine how heavenly it would be.
Suddenly, the bathroom door opens and I whip around, covering my breasts in shock.
"Val?"
"Jaxson?! What the hell are you doing in here while I’m in the shower? Do you guys have no boundaries?"
My voice has gone up an octave, because while the shower glass is misted and he probably can't see me clearly, this is a whole new level of awkward. And it doesn't help that my heartbeat picks up in arousal.
No, no getting turned on by a guy who violates your privacy, Val. That's just not okay.
“Cooper said you were done and left the shower running for me."
Oh. Did he?
"I'm almost done. Just give me a sec to wash this soap off and then I’ll get out. Could you bring my towel closer and close your eyes?"
He chuckles and I watch him through the misted glass as he takes a few steps closer. Then he just stands there, holding out my towel for me.
I quickly rinse myself off, leaving the water on as I walk towards the glass door. I open the door slightly and snatch the towel from Jax, quickly wrapping it around my naked body as I step from the shower. Once I’m safely concealed, I look up to see a massive grin on Jaxson's face and his amber eyes watching me predatorily.
That's when I notice he's naked. I take a step back and squeak, my back meeting the glass wall of the shower. "Um, Jax? You realize you're naked, right? I'm not just imagining it?" I mutter, hoping I’m going crazy, because holy hot damn — he is epically proportioned.
A torso with tanned abs trails off into a V and his large cock sits between his legs, half-erect and getting harder the longer I stare.
I gulp and look up to meet his eyes, trying not to focus on the fact I was just staring at his dick like a horny teenager.
He takes a step closer and I press back into the glass, trying to get control of myself.
"You're not imagining it, babe. I am definitely naked. Why, have you been imagining seeing me naked a lot?" he asks, the smirk in his voice unmistakeable.
"No, I just thought I must have been going crazy. Why else would you get naked while I was still in the shower?"
He leans in closer, his now fully erect cock pressing against me through the towel. I have to bite my lip to stop myself from moaning. His breath brushes against my ear, which sends a tingle through me, making my nipples harden.
“Maybe I wanted to join you,” he murmurs. “Maybe I wanted to climb inside that shower and help you out when I heard those sexy moans of yours. Maybe I wanted to be the one to make those noises escape from your lips."
He begins placing gentle kisses along my jaw and even though I want to respond, I hold myself perfectly still, afraid of what I’ll do if I move.
He leans back to stare into my eyes. "What’s wrong, Val? Cat got your tongue?"
Oh f
uck it.
I grip his head and pull him to me, my lips claiming his with a passion so intense that I feel as if I could disintegrate the towel wrapped around me. As if my thoughts control my actions, the towel suddenly disappears.
Then Jaxson starts kissing me back, groaning in the back of his throat as he lifts me up, gripping onto my naked ass. He pulls me away from the wall and walks me back into the shower, the spray of the water the only clue I have as to what’s going on around me. Right now, the world could end and I would have no idea.
My only focus is the feel of Jaxson and how his cock rubs against me, teasing me while we kiss.
A minute later, he breaks the kiss, panting, and stares at me, a new intensity building between us. "Fuck. Val, you need to tell me to stop, if that’s what you want. This is happening fast and I don't want you to hate me for taking advantage of you."
I can't help it. I start to laugh. But my laughter quickly dies at his visible look of hurt. I clear my throat. "Jax, I’m a big girl. If you want this to be a one-time thing because you still haven't gotten over Joy, then that's fine. Use me. It wouldn't be the first time I've been a rebound, and I’m sure it won't be the last."
He frowns at me in confusion. "I don't think you understand. I'm completely over Joy. Have been for a long time. But I care for you. I don't want you to think this means nothing, because it definitely means something to me."
"Oh," I murmur, understanding dawning on me. My heart softens towards him and I know I want this to happen even more now. Instead of speaking, I wiggle against him. His cock, which had softened during our talk, twitches in response to my teasing.
"I trust you, Jax. We can take things one step at a time if you want, but if you don't want to finish what you started, then I’m going to need you to get out so I can finish it myself."
A grin lights up his face and he thrusts against my clit, triggering a mini orgasm. I moan and he resumes kissing me, running his hands all over me until he reaches my hardened nipples. He pulls back and looks down at them with a wicked gleam in his eyes. before pulling my right nipple into his mouth, using his teeth to scrape across the sensitized flesh.
I groan, unable to control my urges, and grip his hair tightly as he continues to flick his tongue and teeth over my nipple before switching to the other. This time, though, he pauses, lining himself at my entrance before he flicks his tongue out, causing my nipples to harden to the point of pain.
"Jax, please," I beg, panting from the need I feel.
He needs no further encouragement, thrusting inside me. I cry out, pleasure arcing through my body. He begins to move inside me, letting go of my nipple with a pop. I try to throw my head back against the wall, the pleasure becoming too much, but Jaxson reaches up and grips my hair, making me look into his eyes as he thrusts into me over and over. I can feel my climax building and he notices the change, angling up so he bumps against my cervix, sending me over the edge of oblivion.
Then he pulls out of me, placing me back on my feet and turning me so my breasts are pressed against the cool tile wall. He pulls my long hair to one side and begins pressing delicate kisses along my neck. I sigh from the pure exquisiteness of the feeling.
"Please," I beg, opening my legs a little wider. He chuckles before positioning his length and entering me from behind.
He thrusts slowly, giving me time to get over the wave of aftershocks that are still making me tremble. He keeps one arm wrapped around my waist, holding me up as he brings the other hand around to brush against my clit.
I feel the wave rising inside me once more and try to fight it. Jax starts thrusting harder and faster, his balls slapping against me as he continues to play with my clit, and it sends me over the edge. I cry out his name as he explodes inside me.
Afterwards, he sways on his feet and gently lowers us both to the floor. Then the reality of what we just did hits me and tears begin to well in my eyes.
Jax cradles me as I start to sob and I can feel the worry coming off him in waves. “Shit, Val. Did I hurt you?" When I shake my head ‘no,’ he runs a hand down my back soothingly. "Then what's wrong?” he asks, sounding genuinely confused.
I take a few breaths to regain control of myself, glad the spray of the shower hides the worst of my tears. "I screwed up. How the hell am I going to face the others now?"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Cooper and Zane both kissed me, and now I've had sex with you. I screwed up royally. Dad will probably ship me off and I’m sure Cassandra will hate me. God, I’m so fucking stupid. I just had to go and ruin everything." I hang my head in shame, unable to look at him. How could I have been stupid? Why did I have to let my hormones take control of my actions? Sure, that's not a great excuse, but it's what happened. I was only thinking in the moment rather than considering the long term consequences.
Jax's chest shakes and I can just imagine the anger building at my confession.
I wait for him to yell at me, to rage, something to show his annoyance, but instead he starts laughing. It starts slow, but then it builds into full-on, belly-rumbling laughter. Then he climbs to his feet and pulls me upright, looking down at me with an expression I can’t read. "We're all stupid, Valerie. I knew I should have followed my instincts and talked to you sooner, but I didn't want to scare you away. Come on, let's clean up. Then we’ll explain a few things that you should have known the moment we were first drawn to you."
Jax and I clean up and get dressed in record time. Cooper walks in just as we are both leaving the bathroom. I expect some kind of angry reaction, but all I get is a wink before he walks back out of the bedroom, leaving us alone. I don't understand one bit of what’s happening.
Jaxson leads me out of the bedroom, intertwining our hands as we go. Together, we walk out into the temporary setup the guys have created in the living area. The other three are on the bed, joking and laughing like children. They don’t pay us any attention until Jax moves to stand above them. "Guys!"
All movement stops and the three of them sit up, sensing the change in mood. Cooper and Zane both glance at me, then to the way Jax and I are holding hands, and their faces go deadly serious.
Zane gets to his feet. "Now? Are you sure?" he asks, looking to Jax for confirmation. Cooper also climbs to his feet and takes a step towards us. He reaches out to touch me but then stops, his hand falling.
I hate the look of sadness I see on his face. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.
Carter looks between all of us, his expression one of confusion. "Okay, so I obviously missed something, but if we're talking about what I think we are, then you should probably sit down, Valerie.”
What on earth are they talking about? Clearly I’m out of the loop here. Carter never calls me Valerie. It’s always Val or babe. To have him use my name worries me.
Carter sighs and gestures for me to sit down beside him. I do so, although a little hesitantly.
"I don't know what’s going on, you guys, but it's really starting to freak me out," I say as Carter scoots closer, gesturing for me to lean back against his arm. His touch gives me comfort, and while it’s the last thing I should want right now, I can’t help the feeling it gives me.
Cooper, Zane and Jax all exchange meaningful looks. Then Cooper walks away, muttering under his breath in obvious frustration. Meanwhile, Zane looks down at the floor in shame. Jax, however, turns to meet my gaze, his eyes showing... pity? Sympathy maybe? It's hard to tell, but whatever it is makes me feel sad. Like I’m about to lose the people I’ve quickly come to view as mine.
“Right, you two. Sit down and leave the explaining to me. We've already screwed this up enough," Jaxson orders.
Cooper and Zane sigh and move to sit on the mattress opposite me and I wonder, why so much distance? There's plenty of space for them to sit over here beside me. They must really be angry with me.
"Valerie, first I just want to say we're sorry. Out here, things are done a little differently than you're used to. We should have explaine
d before any of us made any kind of move on you.” He takes a deep breath, then his next words come out in a rush. “Have you ever heard of polyamory?"
The way he asks makes me think this is somehow an important question, but I’ve never even heard of it.
I shake my head, the blush on my cheeks showing my embarrassment. "No, sorry. What is it? Like some kind of religion?"
Carter covers his mouth to muffle a chuckle and the guys all look at him, seeming equally amused.
Jax shakes his head, the smile still present. “No, Valerie. The term polyamory is used to refer to people who enter into relationships with multiple people. Like for instance, say three couples discovered they all liked their friends and vice versa. All six of those of them could be in a relationship because there would love for everyone involved, including their original partner. Am I making any sense?"
“No,” Cooper mutters from the other mattress, flashing me a wink.
I ignore him, keeping my focus on Jax. "I think I get what you're trying to explain. So, like, if I had a boyfriend, but my boyfriend and I both like another person and decided to both date that third person, that would be an example of a polyamorous relationship?"
Jax smiles, relieved that I understand. "Yes, that's it, but there are no limitations on the dynamics or number of people involved. As long everyone involved cared for the others in the relationship, then it would be acceptable."
“Okay... I’m following where you're going with this, but it feels like you're taking forever to get to the point," I say, getting frustrated. My emotions are all over the place and he's explaining this to me as if I’m a child or speak a foreign language.
Carter laughs beside me. "She's right, Jax; you're taking too long." Then he turns to me and smiles. "We all prefer to be in a relationship with the same person. We're not polyamorous with each other because, you know, the whole brother thing,” he explains with a shudder. "But we all knew we wanted some type of connection with you from the first moment we saw you. We were supposed to talk with you about it before any of us made any kind of advance towards you to avoid scaring you off. To be honest, though, we all thought it would be months before you trusted any of us enough to follow through on your urges, so we decided to leave the matter be for now. Well, I did, but I see I was clearly missing out."
