A Stone in the Sea

by A. L. Jackson

  His hands were shaking as he moved to palm my neck, and I could feel the race of my pulse against it, that boom, boom, boom ushered in by his touch. He eased me up against the wall, and I forgot how to breathe all over again when he dipped down to meet my eyes head on.

  His hold tightened in emphasis. “I didn’t know what it really meant to miss someone until I was missing you.”

  Imploring eyes traced my face, thumbs creating fire where they skated along my jaw. Shivers rolled through me, head to toe, and again Sebastian Stone held all the power to evoke the most foolish kind of reactions from me.

  “You were right, Shea. I fucking walked out on you because I’m a coward. Because I’m terrified of the way you make me feel. Because there is so much about my life that I hate, and I know I care about you enough that I don’t want you to get stuck in the middle of it.”

  He blinked long and hard. “But I can’t stay away, either. I fucking tried… Laid awake night after night trying to convince myself that leaving you was the best thing for both of us, that our lives didn’t match, but all that did was make me want everything you have to give that much more. By the time a week passed, I was sure I was going out of my mind.”

  My palms pressed over his hammering heart, my fingers digging into his collarbone, wishing there was a way I could crawl inside.

  “You want it to work?” All that vulnerability seeped into my tone.

  “God, yes, Shea. No fucking clue how to make that happen, but I want you. Need you in my life, baby. Need to see your smile and hear your voice.” He pulled back a fraction, hands cupping my jaw and thumbs moving to caress along my cheeks as he inclined his head. “Want to eat with you, watch TV with you, and make you laugh. Wanna take care of you. Wanna take care of Kallie.” He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “Want my cock buried in your sweet little pussy.”

  Desire quivered low, throbbing sure and strong between my thighs.

  “You want me, Shea?”

  “Yes,” escaped me on a breath. I’d never wanted any man the way I wanted him. “I want it all. But that means I want it all, Sebastian. Everything. I can’t do this again…hurt this way again. I won’t let you come in and out of Kallie’s and my life when it’s convenient for you.”

  If there was one thing I’d learned over these last ten days, it was I respected myself too much for that.

  I wasn’t just protecting my heart. I was protecting Kallie’s, too.

  “Wouldn’t have shown back up here if I wasn’t willing to give you both everything, Shea.”

  Those steely grey eyes hardened, and his hands were back on my neck, as if he were desperate for a way to latch onto me. “I need you to know I might still be going to jail. Tried to fix that while I was gone, but I managed to fuck that up, too. My attorney and manager are doing everything they can to make sure that doesn’t happen, but this asshole…this guy was feeding my baby brother pills after he knew he was trying to get clean.” He sucked in a breath. “There’s a lot of stuff we need to talk about, things you need to know about me, but above it all, I need you to know I will always protect my family, Shea. Won’t ever back down from that, no matter what it costs.”

  Respect and fear and anxiety wound through me, because I completely understood what he was saying. He was asking me to accept the devotion he had for his family, as if I could ever count that a negative. That’s something I understood about Baz. His undying devotion. If he was in, he was all in. I knew that counted for me now, too.

  Of course the idea of him being locked away was terrifying. Truly. Imagining him behind bars was like a kick straight to the gut. But just like he’d do whatever it took to stand behind and beside and for his family, I would do the same for him.

  The same as I would do for my family.

  Because that’s what you did for the people you loved.

  I love you. It burned like bliss on my tongue, but some piece of me was too scared to say it, afraid of the way it’d sent Sebastian running when I’d voiced it the first time.

  Instead I let my trembling fingertips run along his full bottom lip. “I hate the thought of you leaving me. But I’ve known since the first night I was with you how important your brother is to you…how important the guys are. It’s one of the things that drew me to you. What makes you who you are. And if you have to go, then I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

  He dropped his forehead to mine, one hand palming the side of my face, fingers gliding into my hair. “Shea…my sweet, sweet girl. Don’t wanna hurt you.”

  This time when he said it, it didn’t sound like a promise he would break, but a promise that he’d do anything in his power to keep.

  “All week I’ve felt torn between these two worlds…you and the life I know. But I can’t just leave the band behind. I couldn’t do that to them.” Every muscle in his body tightened, and he sucked in a breath as he rolled his forehead against mine. “And playin’…it’s where I’m free, even if I hate the life that goes along with it.”

  It sounded like an apology.

  Under all his sharp scrutiny, I swallowed. Emotion pressed full between us. The words were barely audible, whispered an inch from his mouth. “I would never ask you to give that up.”

  His nose brushed mine, and I could feel the flicker of his wistful smile, hear the rumble in his chest, then feel his hands cupping my face and sliding down my neck.

  “And that’s what makes you who you are,” he murmured so low, yet I felt the impact of it strike me deep.

  My fingers traced his face, nose skimming his, our mouths a fluttered breath away, our bodies giving into a slow sway of attraction.

  Feeling.

  Feeling.

  Feeling.

  “Would you kiss the poor boy already?”

  Our attention jerked to the side where Charlie was standing at the end of the hall, his forearm bracketed high up on the wall. His grin was wide and somehow sad, filled with worry and concern, but above it all, his hope for my happiness.

  “Charlie,” I shot out, a little mortified. “What is wrong with you?”

  “What? You think I was going to sit out there and not come check on my girl?”

  “My girl,” Sebastian disputed with a possessive smile tossed over at him.

  Charlie chuckled and scratched at his scruffy chin. “So that’s how it is, then?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Charlie slanted an eye my way. “You happy, baby girl?”

  “Yeah, Charlie. I’m happy.”

  So insanely happy.

  He just nodded satisfaction and lifted from the wall, turned, then disappeared back out into his bar.

  We watched him go, before Sebastian choked out a laugh and looked back at me. “I’m pretty sure your uncle wants to kick my ass.”

  A small giggle worked its way up. “Yeah, I think he might.”

  “Good. I deserve it.”

  Pulling back, I searched his face. “But he let you play?”

  Honestly, I was kind of shocked Charlie would concede, that he’d even allow Sebastian the honor of gracing this bar with his presence at all. The last acknowledgment my uncle had made about Baz was a slew of mumbled profanities and something about hunting him down, cutting off his balls, and serving them to him for dinner.

  His eyes glinted with amusement. “I might have bribed him.”

  “And how’d you do that?” I asked, my voice going hoarse when Sebastian tightened his hold, energy growing thick.

  “Might have told him I’d do anything…pay anything…to get to you.”

  My chest squeezed with emotion, but still I teased, “Sounds pretty risky.”

  “Totally worth the risk.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  His nose was back to brushing mine, his kiss hovering a centimeter away as his words turned hard, all coarse and jagged and demanding. “Tell me you’re mine.”

  I pushed up on my toes and wrapped my arm around his head, lifted my chin in brazen challenge. �
�Not until you tell me you’re mine.”

  A growl rumbled in his chest, and his huge body edged me closer to the wall. He stretched his arms out over my head, hands flat to the wall, stance wide.

  Eclipsing me.

  Dominating me.

  The man possessing complete control.

  His mouth skated to my ear. “You own every inch of me.”

  I was sure my entire existence exhaled the strangled breath it’d been holding since he’d walked out of my life ten days before. “I’m yours.”

  Then my hands were in his hair, and his were in mine, tongues and hearts and bodies colliding.

  My pulse pounded frantically—matching time with his—an extra beat for every second he’d been gone.

  Reluctantly, he dragged himself away, panting at my mouth. “Let me take you home.”

  As difficult as it was, I shook my head and pressed my hand to his chest, knowing I needed some time to catch up to another sudden shift in my life. “No. Not tonight. I need to process this…explain to Kallie that you’re back. It’s a lot to take in.”

  Thirty minutes ago I didn’t think I’d ever see him again.

  And now he was mine.

  I watched the jagged roll of his thick neck as he swallowed, and he nodded once. “I get it, baby. Doesn’t mean I won’t be thinking about you.”

  “Believe me…the only thing I’ll be thinking about is you.”

  NIGHT CLUNG TO THE WALLS. The canvas of moonlight shimmered through the sheer drapes of the floor-to-ceiling windows, and glass balcony doors strewed shadows into the huge room. Outside, the ocean rolled, rushing up the bank before it fell, the soothing calm of the constant ebb and flow of the sea brushing my ears.

  Wide awake, I flopped onto my back in the middle of the enormous bed.

  Never imagined I’d be back here. Thought when I boarded that plane ten days ago, I’d never return. Thought I’d never be able to handle coming back.

  What I didn’t know was I wouldn’t be able to handle leaving her.

  For days, my conscience had struggled and battled and clashed with every convoluted emotion drawing me back here, and I’d done my best to crucify the notion that maybe I could have something more. That maybe with all the shit eating up my life, there was still some room for something greater than all of that.

  My chest squeezed tight.

  Shea.

  That gorgeous girl who swallowed me whole with just one look.

  I glanced over at the nightstand clock. Three thirty-four.

  By now, she should be off work and home. Immediately, I was assaulted with all kinds of visions of that girl laid out across her bed. Where I’d ravaged and explored and fucked. Where I’d tasted and experienced, and got caught up in a storm that I now knew would never free me from its grip.

  Unable to resist, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. A smile tugged at one side of my mouth as I typed out a message. What are you doing right now?

  I got why she sent me home, demanding some time to think. Our bodies were like tinder. A brush of our skin the match. We would have let the physical devour and distort, silencing words that still needed to be said.

  But that didn’t mean I wasn’t going mad over missing her. Every inch of my body was still drumming with her touches and her kisses and her words.

  I lay my phone on my chest, tapping my fingers to the beat of a tune that’d been worming its way into my consciousness.

  A few moments passed before my phone vibrated with a call. I lifted it up, and a black background with the message FaceTime Call from Shea Bentley lit up the screen.

  The grin that had been pulling at my face spread, and I pushed up to sitting, making myself comfortable against the massive leather headboard, all too eager to get a look at my girl.

  It was weird feeling…happy. Expectant. Like I was sitting right at the edge of something amazing getting ready to happen. And now it was finally within my reach.

  Told her I didn’t know what it was like to miss someone until I was missing her. It was true. Different than the consuming pain with missing Julian. With missing Mark. Missing them was resigned because there was nothing I could do to get them back, even though I’d give up my life to do it.

  But missing Shea?

  Missing Shea was a protest. A riot that just wouldn’t sit still.

  There was not enough willpower in the world to keep me from coming back to her.

  My pulse pounded all around me as I accepted the call.

  The image that popped up was a little grainy, the room dusky and illuminated by only a tiny bedside lamp. But the faces? They were unmistakable.

  A shock of warm laughter escaped me.

  Shea was in Kallie’s twin-sized bed, propped up against her headboard with Kallie pulled close to her chest, the camera held out so I could see them both. Kallie was hugging the giant stuffed butterfly we’d picked up at that arts and craft festival the same way her mom was holding her, squeezing tight with that tiny smile that could conquer kingdoms, all her little white teeth exposed with the force of it. The child’s hair was an utter disaster, chaotic and twisted curls so fucking cute my heart did a complete flip right in the center of my chest.

  Shea was smiling, too. But hers was content and tired around the edges, those compassionate eyes soft, soft, soft, like seeing me soothed her in the same way seeing her soothed me.

  God, I was in so deep.

  Overpowered and overwhelmed.

  Suffocating.

  And I didn’t ever wanna come up for air.

  “Hi, Baz,” Kallie said, precious voice filled with sleep.

  I rubbed my palm over my eyes, down my face, trying to clear up and sort out what I was feeling. Then I smiled at these girls who were gazing back at me. “Hi, sweetheart. What are you doing up so late?”

  Her little shoulders rose to her ears, like she was both embarrassed and excited. “Momma came in my room and woked me up.”

  Shea smiled, snuggling closer to her little girl, their cheeks pressed together, all that blonde becoming one.

  Shea pressed a tender kiss to Kallie’s temple, tone light with affection when she spoke. “I snuck in here to give my butterfly kisses when I got home from work, and she thought it was time to wake up.” I couldn’t see it, but somehow I could feel the blush creeping up Shea’s cheeks. “When I told her I saw you tonight, she wanted to call and say goodnight…then she promised she’d go back to sleep. Right, Butterfly?”

  “Yep!” Kallie grinned even wider. “You got back from work, Baz?” She said work like wook—pure innocence laced with country—and something significant knotted my gut.

  “Yeah, Little Bug, I’m back from work.”

  And fuck…saying it? Saying it felt like a promise, a promise that wherever I went I’d be coming back.

  “I like when you’re back from work.” She hugged her butterfly, Kallie sweetness and goodness spread across her face. So like her mother.

  “I do, too, Kallie.”

  “All right,” Shea said, still holding the phone so I could take in them both. “Let me tuck this little thing back in. I’ll call you back in a minute if that’s okay?”

  Hope infiltrated her tone.

  As if I’d ever again turn her away.

  “Yeah…definitely…call me back.”

  “G’night, Baz.” A giggle and a grin.

  “Night, Little Bug.”

  Shea swallowed hard, and I could feel it, the rumble of her storm even in the distance. “Goodbye, Baz,” she whispered, then the call cut off.

  I exhaled heavily toward the ceiling, feeling her weight, knowing all those hopes I’d sent up about Shea not hurting like me had been made in vain. I’d felt the scale of it the second I’d seen that gorgeous, tortured face amid the raving crowd earlier tonight. Felt it with every touch and word she’d given me. Sensed it with every hope and reservation shining so brilliantly in her eyes. But I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t take some comfort in it, knowing she needed me just as badl
y as I needed her.

  It took less than five minutes for my phone to vibrate with another FaceTime call. This time when I answered, Shea had her phone in her hand while she was crawling up in that bed that I’d been having fantasies about. The screen jumped around as she moved, jostling across to capture bits of her body, a straight up tease of what was going down in her room. She’d pulled on a fresh white tee, thin fabric gliding down to cover up those slender hips, stopping short to reveal the modest pink panties that were covering up what I was dying to get lost in, miles of long, long legs exposed.

  I groaned, and she flopped onto her back, quick to bring the phone up closer so all I could see was that gorgeous face that was blushing right through a sexy grin.

  “You trying to kill me, baby?” I asked.

  She sucked in her bottom lip, that river of blonde flowing down her pillow.

  Want.

  Want.

  Want.

  “I’m about to lose the last shred of my sanity with not being able to touch you.”

  She grinned some more, but there was something sorrowful behind it. “Wish you were here.”

  “Tell me what you’re thinking, baby. You look sad.”

  It was weird being this candid with Shea. Because I felt like I knew this girl better than anyone, felt like she knew me better than anyone, too. But I’d never just come right out and said what was on my mind, asked her what was on hers, with straight-up honesty backing it up.

  She shook her head. “No, not sad. I’m happy, Baz. So happy I can’t put it into words. I can’t believe you’re here. That you’re back.” Pausing, she wet her lips. “But there’s a part of me that’s afraid. Afraid you’re going to start questioning us again. That whatever you were scared to expose Kallie and me to in the first place…that it won’t just magically go away…and we’ll be back to you pushing me away. I don’t know if I can handle you leaving me like that again.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Relief seemed to settle around her with the reassurance, and that energy lifted, vibrating around her, stretching out to reach me. Shouldn’t have been possible with the distance, but it was there, crashing over me, wave after wave meant to incite and lure and alleviate.