by Vicki Green
“Wow! Traveling the world. How nice for your parents.” I take a bite and my eyes close. Dang, he’s a good cook too. Some lucky lady will be more than happy to land him one day. I think of Mable and wonder if she’s better today. I hope so.
“Yeah, nice for them but I’m not sure how well I’ll do keeping up with this huge place on my own. Haven’t decided what I’m gonna do yet, or how I’m gonna do it.” He smiles again and I take another drink of his heavenly coffee. “So, not to pry or anything but what are you gonna do? Have you thought about that yet?” He looks concerned again.
I shrug my shoulders. “Well, I hate to ask but would you mind taking me into town. I need to get to the train station then I’ll decide where I’m gonna go.” I can’t go home. I won’t.
His mouth turns down into a frown. “Sure. I probably should go into town anyway. I need to make a list to get some groceries. I’m running low on just about everythin’.” He chuckles, lightening the mood.
Mable’s face appears in my mind again. “Do you think we could stop by the farm back up the road first? There’s someone I’d really like to see and tell goodbye. I’m sorry for any inconvenience.” Suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite and set my fork down on the plate, hardly touching the food.
“Sure. That’s no problem. I have tons of time.” His smile is small, sad.
“Thanks. I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Okay, great. I’ll just finish eating then make a list real quick.”
My smile returns although I’m not really feeling it. I need to make sure Mable is okay then I’ll leave this place and never look back. I’ll never forget him though. My heart hurts worse than the pain in my knees. Sadness overwhelms me. My heart is forever broken.
Chapter Eleven
Memphis
I help clean up the breakfast mess, even though I never did eat. My heart is just too heavy, my stomach queasy. I’m sure some of the knots in my stomach are from drinkin’ last night. I don’t drink that often especially the hard stuff but last night I needed it. I finally decide to go over to the other house, see if she’ll talk to me. By the time I get upstairs to her room, I hesitate knocking on her door. My fist is raised, reminding me of what I’d done. My knuckles are tore up, swollen and bruised. I take a deep breath and knock. Silence. Maybe she’s still sleepin’. I knock again. Still nothing. I start to turn around thinkin’ I should let her sleep but my conscience tellin’ me I should go in and talk. I turn the knob, the door creaking as I open it easily. My heart races, poundin’ in my chest, as I look around the room. I walk straight to the bathroom but the door is open and the light is off. I turn around and walk to her closet. It’s a mess with clothes scattered everywhere. One of her suitcases is gone. She’s gone.
I run out of the room, down the stairs and out the front door. As soon as I get to my porch I hear a scream. My head snaps up, looking at Mable’s house. I start running, my boots sliding in the gravel. I stop short noticin’ a truck I’d never seen before. Another scream. I start running again, my chest heavin’ with my exertion. I almost fall on the porch steps, catching myself with my hands but then manage to get up and run inside. I hear a loud wail of a cry and run to the source. I slide down the wooden floor of the hallway, grabbing the door frame, and stop. Sadie is sitting on the side of Mable’s bed, holding her hand. I walk in a little closer. Mable’s eyes are closed, her skin is as white as her sheets and her chest isn’t moving. My heart drops the same time I fall to my knees. I can barely hear my own crying over Sadie’s loud sobbing. I look up, unable to see her clearly through my tears. Sadie’s entire body is shaking. She has one hand coverin’ her face, the other is holdin’ onto Mable’s tightly. I should comfort her. I should get up and call 911. I should try to move. But I can’t. I’m frozen, staring at the scene before me.
Suddenly, I hear sirens. What? How in the hell? My head turns slowly and I see a man standin’ on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall. His eyes are full of tears. I have no idea who he is or where he came from. “Who are you?” I ask, barely above a whisper. I’m surprised he can hear me over Sadie.
He pushes off from the wall and walks to me. I push myself up but really I just want to crumble, hold Sadie in my arms and let myself grieve. “Sorry. I’m Colby Carter. I came home and…. I, uh…. I called 911. I’ll just go….”
“You’re Shelly and David Carter’s son?” He nods and wipes away a few tears. “I thought you’d moved out a long time ago.”
“Oh, I did. It’s a long story and not fittin’ to tell now. I’ll just go out and meet them, tell them ya’ll need some time.”
I nod as he walks passed me and out the door. Some time. I’m not sure there’s enough time. I walk on unstable feet and sit down at the foot of the bed, behind Sadie. I reach over and put my hand on Mable’s leg. “She was like a ma to me. Always there for me, helpin’ me to grow up strong and sure. I should have gotten her to town yesterday or called Doc Grayson. It’s my fault. I’ll never forgive myself.” More tears flow and I cover my face with my other hand. How will I go on without her? Another love lost. Now I am really alone.
I feel her soft hand cover mine against my face. I don’t think I can look at her. I’m ashamed. So many things I’ve done wrong. So many things I wish I could go back in time and fix. Just when I thought I could be happy again, live a good life. I know God takes us when he’s ready for us to join him but it’s so hard when it happens.
“I’m so sorry, Memphis,” her voice is soft, gentle, and cracks a little as she cries. “It’s not your fault though. It must have been her time to go join your ma and pa, to be with them again. She’s done what she was sent here for. You’ve grown into a fine man, strong yet gentle when needed, passionate yet stern when deserved. I know she was proud of you and she wouldn’t have left you if she and God didn’t think you could handle it.”
I lower my hand and she puts her fingers through mine, squeezing my hand tightly. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you. I should have never yelled at you. I just…. I couldn’t stand him touching you.” Her chin quivers and several tears fall down her sweet face. “You’re not a child, Sadie. You’re a fine, beautiful and strong woman. I didn’t mean to treat you any different than that.”
She moves closer, letting go of Mable’s hand, and she puts her arms around my neck, burying her face into my neck. “I’m sorry too. I’m so sorry.” My arms wrap around her back, pulling her even closer and shake with her sobs. “I can’t…. I can’t believe she’s gone. I should have checked on her last night. I shouldn’t have gone out. I didn’t want to, at first, but it sounded like fun.” She stops and pulls back, keeping her arms tightly around me, her tear filled eyes searching mine. “I didn’t kiss him, Memphis. He kissed me. I tried to push him away but he was too strong. I’m so sorry you had to see that.” What? That son of a bitch! “I would have never done anything to hurt you, to hurt us. Please believe me.” She cries, hiccupping as she speaks. Her eyes continue to search mine, tears flowing down her face. I bring up my hand, her eyes closing as I rub away some tears.
“Shhhh, baby. Let’s talk about all that later. We need to talk but now’s not the time. Come here.” She leans back into me, her head resting on my chest, looking at Mable. We just sit there in silence. I pull back her long hair over her shoulder and then tighten my grip around her. It feels so good to hold her again. I’m saddened by the reason.
“Uh, the paramedics wanna know if they can come in now. Sorry.” Colby’s voice shakes me from my thoughts and my grief. I turn my head and simply nod. “Okay. I’ll let them know.”
I look down at Sadie, her long lashes looking darker with the wetness covering them. She looks exhausted and now I’m worried about her. “Hey, let’s go home, let them do what they need to. Okay?” Her eyes look up at me and I feel her head nod slightly against my chest. I start to rise, helping her to stand when she puts a hand on my chest.
“Wait!”
I watch her walk over to Mable’s
bed, leaning down and kissing her cheek. I see a tear land on Mable’s skin and have to hold back my own tears. Now’s not the time for me to let go. Now’s the time for me to be strong, be the man I’m supposed to be. Sadie walks over to me, burying her face into my shirt. I grasp her arms and move her over a bit then I walk over to Mable and lean down, kissing her forehead. “I love you. You’ve always been my second ma and you always will be. Rest in peace, sweetheart.” I look at her for another moment then walk back to Sadie, putting my arm around her and leading her out of the room. Just as we’re walkin’ through the doorway, she turns her head to look at Mable once more then I take her home.
We walk out of the house as the paramedics are walking in. She pushes her face into my chest and I tighten my arm around her. Mac and Dallis are standin’ a few feet away. They both pat my shoulder as I walk by, givin’ me their apologies for my loss. We’re about halfway to my house when I hear runnin’ footsteps comin’ up behind us. I stop, turn around and see Colby joggin’ towards us. “Hey.” I give him a nod. “Just wanted to tell you all again how sorry I am. I remember her from when I was little. She was a really nice person.”
“Thank you, Colby. I wish I was seein’ you under better circumstances. We should catch up sometime.”
He smiles. “Uh, Sadie? Do you want me to leave your suitcase here?” My heart stops. Why does he have her suitcase? I look down but I can’t see her face. She only nods and I look back at him.
“Yes. You can put it on the porch. Thank you,” I answer for her, now leery of how he comes into play in all this. Why is he here and how does he know Sadie, better yet, why does he have her suitcase?
He starts to open his mouth when we hear sounds coming from Mable’s house, and we turn around and see the paramedics bringing out Mable’s covered body on a gurney. Sadie’s entire body starts shaking, and I hear her sobbing. “I need to get her inside, away from….” He nods and walks towards his truck. I pull Sadie against me and walk her to the house, taking her inside and straight to the couch in the living room. She sits, and I start to go to the fireplace to put some logs on, but her hands are fisted in my shirt and won’t let go.
I sit down next to her and she buries her face into me again. “Baby, I’m here. I’ve got you.” I hold her tight, runnin’ my hand over her head and down her soft hair, rockin’ her back and forth.
When Ma passed away, Pa didn’t know how to express his grief nor did he know how to comfort me. I was lucky. Mable was there and held me as I cried. Don’t get me wrong, I love Pa with everythin’ I am but everyone should be able to show their emotions and help others with their grief. I remember Mable held me until I was almost ill from cryin’ so hard and so long. I look at the fireplace, the fire almost gone. I look down realizin’ her body had stilled some time ago. I guess I didn’t want to let her go either. She’s asleep in what looks to be an uncomfortable position. I stand slowly, moving her until she’s layin’ down and pick up her feet, placing them on the couch then remove her boots. I grab the Afghan from the top of the couch and unfold it, layin’ it across her. She didn’t even stir. I imagine with everythin’ that happened last night and today, she has to be exhausted. I wish I knew where she went last night, what happened until this mornin’. I’m sure she’ll tell me later but curiosity is burnin’ inside me. I guess I should just be thankful she’s here at all.
I put a couple of logs on the fire, stoke them and then turn around and just look at her. Her skin is pale, there’s darkness underneath her eyes and her hair is a tangled mess. Even after everythin’, she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, ever wanted. I walk over and sit in the recliner, keepin’ my eyes on her. I don’t want her to wake up, not see me, and think I’m not here. I push back, makin’ the foot rest rise, still never removin’ my eyes from her.
A noise startles me. I open my eyes and see the couch is empty. Groggy from sleep, I push the foot rest down and stand, stretching my arms up in the air, my body stiff. Another noise comin’ from the kitchen. I walk towards the sounds and when I get to the doorway, Sadie is bent over, lookin’ through a cabinet. “Darlin’?” She stands, her head turns towards me, her eyes wide—like she was caught doin’ somethin’ she shouldn’t be. “Are you okay?” I put my hands up, like she’s an injured animal, tryin’ not to spook her.
She runs her fingers through the mess of her hair, her fingers gettin’ caught in the tangles. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t….” She looks around the room. “I can’t figure out what I’m looking for. I don’t….”
“Are you hungry, darlin’?” I inch my way forward slowly, talkin’ quietly, soothingly.
She continues to look around and then stops, lookin’ into my eyes. “No, I…. Not really. But….” She starts to look around again, agitation clearly on her face. She stops abruptly, her hands shakin’ as she covers her mouth. “Oh, God! I’m sorry, Memphis. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset last night and then…. And then today…. Mable…. I’m so sorry.” I take a few more steps and she takes two back. “I’ve caused you nothing but trouble and I….” I take another step as she looks around again. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why am I so selfish? Why can’t I….”
I take advantage of her lookin’ away and take the two large steps left between us, capture her in my arms as she almost collapses. I sit down in the nearest chair, settin’ her on my lap. She’s squeezin’ me so tight that I almost can’t breathe but I don’t care. I sit there and rock her. I’m not sure how long we were there. Finally, she looks up and smiles.
“You always seem to be there when I need you.” She rests her head back down against my shoulder and sighs. “I’m not sure what happened. I guess I felt lost, like I didn’t know what to do with myself. Weird, huh?” Her eyes move up to mine and I smile back.
“No, not weird. I understand.” I take a deep breath and rest my chin on top of her head. “But it is all strange. I kinda feel like I’m not sure what to do either. Maybe we should just be lazy today, rest. I know I could use some good sleep.” I look down and smile as she smiles back up at me.
“I think that’s a great idea.” She stands and I follow, takin’ her hand in mine. We walk into the living room and I stop, her hand tuggin’ on mine as she turns around to face me. “What? Are you okay?”
“I just, well. Is it okay if we go to sleep together in my bed? I mean, if you’re not comfortable we can…. I just thought….” She smiles, lighting up her face. “I just don’t want you to be alone and I really don’t want to be alone either so I….”
She walks to me, releases her hand from mine, and wraps her arms around me. Her face tilts up, lookin’ deep into my eyes. “I don’t want to be alone either. Come on.” She steps back, takes my hand and I follow her upstairs to my room.
Sadie
We get to his room and I walk ahead of him, climbing into his big bed and under the covers. I pick them up, asking him to join me. He didn’t hesitate to climb in next to me, putting his arms around me and I immediately snuggle into him. It didn’t take long before I heard his light breathing but I can’t get my mind to shut off. I lay here in his warmth, in his strong arms and I feel safe, protected, loved yet all I can think about is Mable and the mess that happened last night. I can’t believe she’s gone. I feel like I lost my mom all over again. I didn’t even know her like he did. Then in the kitchen, I lost it. I know everyone grieves differently, feels loss in their own way but Mom is the only person I’ve lost in my young life. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was.
And then there’s Jag. I felt so violated last night, so dirty when he kissed and fondled me, struggling to get him away from me. I shiver thinking about it. Memphis seems to sense my discomfort, and his arms tighten around me. A thought strikes me, and I cringe. Do I have feelings for him because he’s strong, hardworking and a good man? Or do they go deeper? I know Mable told me I would know but how will I know for sure? Is there some kind of meter or sensor that just spring
s to life and dings “he’s the one”? Probably not. No doubt he’s sexier than shit. Those muscles that flex when he works, his tight abs. I move my hand covering his waist and run it over his chest and down to his stomach, lightly. His face flashes in my mind. The way he smiles, showing his white straight teeth and his bedroom brown eyes that light up when he talks to me and darkens with desire. I sigh. Okay, those are all physical, but he’s so caring, so gentle, and so loving. Right now, I could stay this way for the rest of my life and be the happiest girl in the world.
I don’t know how long I lay here, lost in my thoughts, but I startle when I hear a knock on the door downstairs. I look up, and he’s still sound asleep. I don’t want him to wake, he’s so tired. Quietly and gently, I move out of his hold and get out of bed tiptoeing out of the room and then down the stairs. A knock sounds again and I hurriedly walk to the front door and open it.
“Hey, sorry if I’m disturbing y’all.”
Colby stands there with a small bag and a thermos, showing his gorgeous smile. After everything that’s happened since we met, I’d almost forgotten how sexy he is. I open the door more and smile. “Come in.” His smile broadens as he walks passed me. “Memphis is sleeping but I couldn’t so some company would be really nice.” I shut the door and walk towards the kitchen, his long strides catching up to me quickly and he walks beside me. “Please have a seat. Can I get you anything?”
He sits down at the table and looks at me. “Actually, I brought some homemade cinnamon rolls and coffee, if you’re up for some.” I smile. He starts removing the contents from the bag and I get two coffee cups, two small plates and forks then join him at the table.
