Struggle to Forever: a friends to lovers duet

by Lilliana Anderson

  My eyes lock solid with his; eyes that are blue like mine and filled with equal measures of the pain and suffering I’ve also endured during our time apart. The world doesn’t make sense without him.

  “What about Beth?”

  “It’s over. The moment I saw you come out of that lift—the anguish you felt, how hurt you were. I knew that what we were doing was wrong. I should never have left you.”

  I cover my eyes with my free hand as my tears burst from my eyes. “I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you. I should have realised sooner.”

  He gathers me in his arms and shushes me, holding me tight even though I’m sure his body is in pain. “I’m the one who didn’t make it clear. I kept backing out, letting my fear get the better of me.” Shifting back, he holds my face in his hands and looks deep into my eyes. “All we have left is a chance, Trina. Will you take it with me?”

  Closing my eyes as tears splash down my cheeks, I nod. “I would love to take a chance on you, David. I love you so much. I always have.”

  “I love you, Trina,” he whispers, pressing his lips to mine, kissing me for the first time without the fear of messing this up. This time when our mouths connect there’s no anger behind our action, just pure honesty and emotion. He loves me. He wants me. I’m his. He’s mine.

  “I know I’ve already told you, Trina. But you need to hear this again: You need to understand that I love you so much it hurts. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, ever. I’ve loved you for years—even before I stole your first kiss through that window. I was just too shit-scared to admit it. I was scared I’d fuck things up between us and I’d lose you because of it. I kept telling myself it was better to be friends forever than to be—”

  “Lovers for a moment,” I finish for him, having heard him tell me this drunkenly many times before.

  “Yeah,” he says, reaching up and gently touching the side of my face with the back of his fingers. “Now, I feel that denying what was between us was enough to ruin us, anyway. And I don’t want that, Trina. I love you too much to lose you. I love you. And I’d rather risk loving you honestly than live for another moment without you.”

  “You won’t fuck it up, David. I won’t let you,” I whisper, kissing him again, soft lips and gentle sighs. I love him so much.

  When we pull away, he looks into my eyes, his own filled with affection as he wipes at the tears on my cheeks. It’s only now, being with David again that I can truly understand how much I’ve been missing him. It was like a part of my soul was gone when he wasn’t in my life. I used Elliot to fill that gaping hole, and it was wrong of me to do that. No matter how things ended between Elliot and I, he didn’t deserve the fallout from my reckless heart. I probably owe him an apology for how I behaved in the office—even if he never apologises for dumping me without explanation, I think I should be the bigger person and prove that Westies aren’t the basal creatures his father thinks we are. We have honour and integrity, and we admit it when we’re wrong. And I was wrong. I threw myself at Elliot, told him I could fall in love with him, and that was never true, because the person I love—the person I’ve always loved—is David.

  It will always be David.

  “I love you, David,” I say again, burying my face in his neck as he holds me close. “I was so miserable without you. I thought I’d lost you forever.”

  “You never lost me, baby girl. I just needed to grow up a little.” He smooths my hair and kisses my head, whispering that everything will be all right, and he won’t leave me again. He tells me how sorry he is, and that he loves me so much it hurts to be away from me. I tell him the same, whispering all the things my heart has been holding in for so long.

  I love you, David. I love you. I love you. I love you.

  A nurse comes around and takes David to get his scans done. I don’t want to let go of him. But I’m told to sit in the waiting room as it’s likely he’ll go home afterwards. It hurts my heart to leave his side when we’ve only just become us again.

  A good two hours later David comes through the doors with a prescription for painkillers and an information sheet about concussions. The scans don’t show anything except for a fractured nose—which is less than we were expecting—and a slight concussion. He needs to be monitored overnight and isn’t allowed to drive for twenty-four hours.

  “Let’s get out of here, baby girl,” he says, holding his hand out to pull me to my feet.

  I look at his face, all swollen and bruising already. “Aren’t they going to put anything on your nose?”

  He drapes his arm over my shoulder, the familiar gesture filling my heart with happiness. “Nah. They said ice it, take some painkillers and some decongestant. It’s just a fracture and should heal fine on its own. But,” he pauses, grinning that half-dimpled grin of his. “You’re going to have to keep me up all night to make sure I don’t have any bad effects from the concussion.”

  “Well, we have weeks’ worth of catching up to do. I think I can manage that.”

  “We have years’ worth of catching up to do. I can’t begin to tell you the number of things I’ve imagined doing to you over the years.”

  “Really?” We make it to my car and I look at him over the roof.

  He bites his bottom lip and nods. “So many fantasies.” I unlock the car and we get inside. “You have been the star of every wet dream I’ve ever had.”

  I touch a hand to my chest as my cheeks and body heats. “I’m honoured.”

  He grins. “And I’m hard.”

  I glance to his lap and gasp at the bulge I see there. “Looks like the rumours were all true, big boy. I should get you home.”

  He laughs then gives me an address when I start up the car. When I look at him with a frown, he says, “I moved out. It was time. I love my mum, but I needed some space.”

  “OK. Well, let’s check out this new place.” I flash him a smile, feeling funny that he did something this huge without me knowing.

  Reaching across the console, he takes my hand. “She hasn’t been there,” he says, and I know he’s talking about Beth.

  “Why?” I glance at him then back to the road. “I mean, I’m glad, but you were dating.”

  “Well, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but she’s a bit of a snob. Wouldn’t travel past Strathfield. But I also didn’t offer. It was my place. I didn’t want to share it.”

  I flash him a smile. “But you’ll share it with me?”

  “I’d share anything with you.”

  David’s flat is in Lemongrove, and I park my car in his designated spot before we make our way up the stairs to his third-floor apartment. It’s tiny. A small living area with a three-seater sofa and a TV unit, a kitchen that has a little window into the living area with two stools sitting beneath the ledge, and a short hall that leads to the only bedroom and bathroom.

  “It’s nothing spectacular, but it’s cheap,” he says, dropping his keys and wallet on the bench before he inspects the medication they gave him at the hospital.

  “I really like it, David. It suits you perfectly—what you see is what you get.” I open his old-style latch fridge and take out some water, pouring him a glass.

  When he takes his meds, he thanks me for the water and falls onto the couch with a sigh. “If you want anything to eat or drink, feel free to help yourself. I think I’m gonna be a shitty host tonight. I’m dizzy as fuck.”

  I find a tray of ice in his freezer and bag it up with a tea towel for his nose. “It’s your concussion. You just need to rest,” I say, holding the icepack up for him.

  “I was supposed to live out my wild fantasies with you,” he says, looking pale as he relaxes with the ice against his face. “I think I need a bucket of this. Everywhere hurts.”

  “The painkillers should kick in soon,” I say, sitting next to him and tucking my leg underneath myself, running my fingers through his hair. “And we’ve got the rest of our lives, David. We don’t have to rush.”

  He grins a dopey, al
most drunk-looking grin. “The rest of our lives,” he repeats. “I fucking love that.”

  “And I love you.”

  “Come here,” he says, putting his icepack on the couch next to him. I lean in, his hand snaking around to the back of my neck.

  “I’m scared of hurting your face,” I whisper against his mouth.

  “It’ll be worth it,” he tells me, closing the distance between us and kissing me. His kiss is gentle at first but becomes more insistent, as I relax into him and allow his tongue to explore my mouth. He winces when we press a little too firmly, but mostly it’s one of the most soul-warming kisses I’ve ever experienced.

  Staying on his couch, we spend hours, kissing and touching like we should have been when we were teenagers. So many times, I’ve dreamed of being with David like this, and now finally, I have him. He wants me. All along, he wanted me.

  Every emotion-fuelled desire my body has been harbouring surges through me, setting my skin abuzz as every part of me longs for his touch.

  His hands roam over my body, touching me in places I’d only imagined him touching before. It feels so right to have his hands on me, and I wonder how I ever lived before this moment. He’s everything to me.

  “Come to the bedroom,” he whispers in my ear.

  “Are you sure?” I ask. “Your head.”

  “I’m OK” he whispers, his lips brushing along my jawline as his hand slides over the curve of my buttocks. “I want you. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

  My breathing grows thick and heavy as I meet his desire-filled eyes, and the air between us grows very serious. “I want this too. I want you.”

  He grins, pulling me up with him, pressing his need against me. “Then get. to the. bedroom.”

  Excitement skitters through me as I bite my lip and head towards the bedroom door, letting out a yelp when he slaps my behind. I shoot him a cheeky grin over my shoulder and move a little faster, suddenly feeling like hunted prey. I love it.

  David’s room is small like the rest of his house with a queen-sized bed dominating the space.

  “Take off your clothes.”

  I’m definitely the prey. His voice is husky as he speaks, and his boldness sends a bolt of lust straight between my legs.

  I’ve never been commanded to take my clothes off before. I have to admit it’s hot. He watches me with darkening eyes, as I reach behind my back and undo the zipper of my dress, letting it fall off my shoulders, exposing my breasts.

  I can hear his breathing change as he watches me shimmy out of it, taking my panties off with it to stand before him, naked, exposed and loving his eyes on my body.

  “You’re exquisite, Trina,” he breathes as he holds out his hands, beckoning for me to come closer.

  I move to him, and he takes hold of my hips, his eyes slowly travelling over every inch of my body.

  “I can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted his,” he whispers, running his fingertips lightly over my skin, causing goose bumps to prickle over my flesh. My breathing deepens as he leans in and presses a gentle kiss to the space between my breasts. It makes my body quiver. His hands travel down my sides and then back up my thighs. Then he presses his forehead against my chest and lets out a ragged breath.

  I slide my fingers into his thick hair. “Are you all right?” I whisper, worried that maybe this has become too much for him in his current state.

  He shakes his head and wraps his arms tightly around my waist, hugging me to him. “It’s just…” He stops all of a sudden.

  “Just what?” I ask.

  “I haven’t done this before.” He pulls back, his eyes set with worry as he looks up at me. I shake my head, not understanding.

  “I thought—”

  “I’ve never made love before. I don’t want to mess this up by being too rough, or too quick, or slow, or…” He presses his lips together then I run my fingers through his hair and press my lips to his.

  “Just be with me how you want to. Use your body to show me how you feel,” I whisper. “I like it all. Rough. Fast. Slow. Fuck me. Make love to me. Do it however you want. Just do it.”

  A noise rumbles in his throat before he pulls me against him, kissing me passionately while he runs his hands up and down my naked back.

  “Lie down,” he instructs. “I want to look at you. I want to touch you.”

  I recline on the bed in front of him, and he reaches up to smooth his hands over my skin, starting from my collarbone and running his fingers down, in between my breasts and over my stomach. It takes a gloriously long time and makes me feel completely wanted and worshipped by him. He makes me feel perfect.

  He brushes his fingers through the trimmed hair on my mound then guides my legs open, so I’m baring myself to him.

  “I’ve had so many dreams about this. Please tell me I’m awake, and this is really happening,” he murmurs, his eyes travelling over my flesh.

  “It’s really happening,” I whisper, my breathing hot and heavy as I watch him trace his fingers along my thighs toward my core. He slips a finger in between my folds, and I gasp when he pushes it into me.

  “Oh, Trina,” he whispers. “That feels like everything heaven is supposed to be.” He adds another finger and moves them in and out of me, sliding them over my clit and back inside me again. Small whimpers keep escaping my lips as feelings of ecstasy flood through my already alert nerve endings.

  My orgasm builds quickly, but I want more. I want…“I want you inside me, David,” I gasp out, trying to hold out, but only managing a few seconds before I explode around his hand, bucking my hips as I instinctively close my legs, squeezing myself around him and riding his hand with the waves of my orgasm.

  “You’re so beautiful when you come,” he whispers, his hand moving slowly within me as he brings me back down, peering into my face lovingly. “You’re always beautiful, but right now, well, that was something else.” He smiles and presses his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him tight against me, kissing him harder and momentarily forgetting about his injuries. He winces slightly.

  “I’m sorry,” I gasp, pulling back.

  “Don’t be. You’re worth it.” He smiles, kissing me once again.

  I sit up and reach to unbutton his pants. “I want you inside me, David.” I press my hand to his shoulder, urging him to lie down as I sit over him and open his jeans.

  Complying, he grins that gorgeous grin of his and lifts his hips to assist me in taking his pants off. I raise my eyebrows as I realise it’s just pants.

  “You don’t wear underwear?” I ask him, my mouth quirking up at the side as I take in the size of his manhood. I’ve felt it before, but I’ve never seen it in the flesh.

  He shakes his head slowly from side to side, watching me with a half grin.

  Being careful to make sure I don’t hurt his face any more than it already is, I lift his shirt. He raises his arms above his head to aid me and I drop it on the floor as my eyes and my fingers wander over his naked body.

  I’ve seen his chest plenty of times. It’s lean and fairly well toned with only a light smattering of brown hair over it. He has broad shoulders and long sinewy limbs. But this is the first time I’m seeing him like this, as mine. And his manhood—my eyes keep drifting back to it—let’s just say it’s sizeable.

  Looking at it, I bite my lip nervously then I look up at his eyes. They’re dancing with amusement.

  “It’s fine,” he assures me. “You’ll stretch.”

  “I hope so,” I say, eyeing him off as he applies a condom.

  “Come,” he says guiding me to straddle him. “You control it.”

  I poise myself above him and take him in my hand, sliding his tip back and forward between my folds to gauge the fit a little. I settle him at my entrance and press down, gasping as I feel myself expand around him, a slight pain and a warmth reminds me of losing my virginity, but it’s so much better than that, and once I’m fully seated, I feel gloriously full.

  I let o
ut a shaky breath as I slowly move above him, feeling him press deep inside me. My core quivers at his touch, and I’m stretched to the brink. The sensation is amazing. And I let out small whimpers of pleasure as I ride him, grinding our hips together to accept him into my depths.

  He places his hands on my hips and stills me. “Stop, st-st-stop,” he breathes out carefully and closes his eyes for a moment, frowning slightly.

  “What’s wrong?” I pant out, worried I’m hurting him.

  “Nothing, I just don’t want this to end yet.”

  He winces as I clench around him, taunting him. “Oh my god, you’re gonna get it,” he threatens, grabbing my legs and flipping me back so he is on top of me, still connected.

  I laugh. “That was a suave move,” I tell him.

  He grins. “I was trying to impress you,” he murmurs, before he tilts his head down to run his tongue around my nipple, blowing lightly on it so it stands up from the cool air then flicks his tongue over it again, sending shivers rippling all over my body. I inhale sharply as he moves inside me again, looking down, his movement slow and sensual. I don’t want this to end either.

  My eyes roll back in my head as he fills me so thoroughly. I’m experiencing that fine line between pleasure and pain as I protract around him and he steadies his rhythm. With each thrust, I let out my breath, moaning and whimpering, unable to keep quiet if I tried.

  We move as one, my hips rising to meet his thrust. We kiss, and touch, staring into each other’s eyes, then closing them when the emotion becomes too much.

  When he comes, I watch the pure bliss and love that radiates from his eyes and his expression. I feel his pulsating inside me and shudder in response, clenching myself around him once more, shocking us both when it causes me to orgasm for the second time tonight.

  “Holy fuck, David,” I gasp when we collapse in a heap, breathing heavily and touching each other, not wanting the closeness to end. We waited so long to be together that now we’re connected, we don’t ever want to be apart.

  Eventually though, we do. As he withdraws from inside me, I feel as though I have this gaping hole between my legs. I squeeze my internal muscles to try to make it feel normal again, but it just feels big and swollen.