Struggle to Forever: a friends to lovers duet

by Lilliana Anderson

  I look up at him in concern. “It’s not going to stay stretched is it?” I ask.

  He laughs and kisses me on the forehead. “No, not at all.”

  He sits back on the bed and holds his arms out to me. I slide in beside him and curl up against him as he squeezes his arms around me and says, “I love you more than anything in this world. I don’t ever want to be apart from you again.”

  I sigh. “Me either. I felt like a piece of me had gone missing without you in my life. It was like you died, and I couldn’t stand it. I tried being angry at you, but that only really made me reckless and horribly sad.”

  “Reckless, hey? Did you go around stealing cars in my absence?” he jokes, even though he knows exactly how reckless I am.

  “No, I tried to offer my heart to the wrong person.” I feel him stiffen a little as he reaches up and smooths his hand over my hair.

  “Did he hurt you at all?” he asks flatly, a slight chill to his words.

  “Only my pride. I was mostly upset about not being able to talk to you.” I sit up and look him in the eye, so he can see my face as I say this. “I love you, David. You are more a part of me than I am.”

  “I’m the same,” he whispers emotionally, as he pulls me to him and kisses me again.

  When I feel a dampness on my cheeks, I sick back and wipe my eyes, noticing David doing the same.

  “Are those your tears or mine?” I ask.

  “Both. I’m a fucking mess of emotion right now,” he says with a slight laugh. I reach up and smooth my fingers gently over his cheeks.

  “Aren’t we a pair?” I exclaim. “Getting all emotional after making love.” I smile at him weakly, my lip trembling as fear grips my heart. “You know, I’m scared this is actually my dream. I'm petrified I’m about to wake up at home, and you still won’t be talking to me.” Please let this be real.

  “It’s no dream, baby girl,” he whispers, holding my face so he’s looking straight into my eyes.

  “That’s exactly what you’d say if it was,” I whisper.

  He laughs, pressing his lips to my forehead before looking me in the eye again. “How about we try to get some sleep? That way, you’ll wake up in my arms and know that this”—he uses his hands to emphasise our connection—“is real.”

  I nod. “OK.” I get up and go over to his alarm clock. “How often do I have to wake you up?”

  “You don’t have to. It's been hours, and I’m fine. Check my pupils.”

  I look between his eyes and they seem normal, but I’m no doctor.

  “I’m fine.” He laughs. “Come to bed, Trina. Sleep with me.”

  I pad back to his bed and climb in, resting my head on his chest as we hold each other tightly. “I’m sorry your nose is broken,” I say as I snuggle into him.

  “It’s not, it’s fractured,” he replies. “I’m sorry your cheek is bruised.”

  “You know something? I actually forgot about that.”

  He chuckles as he runs his fingertips up and down my side, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Get some sleep, Trina. I promise I’ll still love you in the morning and every morning after that.”

  Thirty-One

  One month later…

  “I’ve got something for you,” David says, opening a drawer in the kitchen, pulling out a small box.

  “It’s Christmas in a couple of weeks,” I say. Although, I suck my breath in a little, excited by this impromptu gift.

  It’s Friday morning and I’m still in my pyjamas, sitting on one of the dining stools for breakfast before work. There’s no space for a dining table, so this ledge is where we eat all of our meals. David leans through the kitchen window, presenting me with a thin navy blue rectangular box, tied with a white ribbon.

  “I bought this when you were recovering in hospital. I’ve been holding onto it since then, waiting for the right moment to give it to you.”

  “What is it?” I take it and hold it in my hand for a moment, trying to guess by the weight.

  “Open it and find out.” He laughs.

  Pulling at the ribbon, I let it fall either side of my hand. David is watching me eagerly as I slide off the lid and place it on the bench in front of me. White tissue paper is covering the gift, and when I move it aside there sits a silver necklace with a spinning disc attached to it. On one side are the letters ‘L V Y U’ and on the other, ‘I O E O’.

  I look at David curiously, not understanding what the letters are. “Spin it,” he says, his eyes twinkling, the corner of his mouth turning up with enjoyment as he watches me.

  I do as I’m told and hold the necklace up so I can see the disc more closely. As it spins, the letters come together and spell ‘I LOVE YOU'.

  My chest swells, and tears prick my eyes as I’m touched by the thoughtfulness of his gift. I look from the necklace to David, who is biting his lip, waiting for my response.

  “Oh, David,” I breathe. “This is the most beautifully corny gift anyone has ever given me. I love it. I love you.” I run around the bench to the kitchen and throw my arms around his neck, kissing him thoroughly to show my gratitude for such a beautiful gift. “Thank you so much, I’ll wear it always.”

  “You’re more than welcome,” he whispers as he takes it from me and undoes the clasp. “I wanted to give you something to commemorate our first month as a couple.”

  I hold my hair up as he reaches behind me, re-joining the clasp and adjusting the necklace so it sits neatly on my breastbone.

  I finger the disc, twirling it as I smile happily at him. “A whole month, hey?”

  “Well, a month and one day. I thought I should keep to tradition by celebrating a little late since we came into this relationship late too.”

  “I love it,” I say with a smile, reaching up to touch his now healed face. “I love you, and I love my gift.”

  He nibbles at my ear and whispers, “I love you too,” he says, kissing my neck where the necklace lies. I lean against the bench as he pulls my singlet above my breasts.

  “Do we have time for this?” I ask, knowing we both have a train to catch if we want to get to work on time.

  “We do if we’re quick,” he says grinning wickedly as he whips my pyjama shorts down my legs in a move any magician would be proud of. “I’ll bet I can rock your world in twenty minutes.”

  I laugh, accepting his challenge, as he grips my thighs and hoists me onto the bench before dropping to his knees in front of me. The moment his tongue darts out and laps tenderly at my clit, the smile falls from my face, replaced with a look of pure bliss.

  Half an hour later we’re satisfied, showered, dressed and heading out the door on our way to work. “Don’t forget I have my Christmas party tonight,” I tell David while he deadbolts the door.

  He tears the slice of toast he’s still eating from between his teeth and nods. “You were planning on going home afterwards.”

  “I’m going to be drunk, and work is giving us taxi vouchers. So you won’t have to deal with me.”

  “Your work loves to liquor up their employees.”

  “They sure do. Helps us forget how soul crushing the work is,” I joke.

  “Well, I won’t complain if you want to catch that cab here. I like drunk Trina. She’s freaky.”

  “Don’t temp me.”

  “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”

  “Well, as much as my mum loves you, she still expects me home occasionally. She wants to go shopping with me tomorrow or something.”

  “I don’t know why you don’t just move in with me. You spend most nights here, anyway.”

  “Because we’re trying to do this right for a change. Date until uni ends then move in together.”

  “Baby girl, you and I are a sure thing. The rules don’t apply to us.”

  “Ask me again when we’ve been dating six months and six days. I’ll have your answer then.”

  He chuckles. “I’ll hold you to that. But you have to do one thing for me tonight.”

 
; “What’s that?”

  “Meet me in the foyer of the Hyatt. Your mum already knows you aren’t coming home.”

  “You got us a hotel room for the night?” My eyes go wide with excitement.

  “The weekend actually. I’m going to pamper my girl with luxury.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck for the second time that morning, peppering lipstick kisses on his face. “You are awesome at this relationship thing.”

  He laughs. “Well, you’ve always brought out the best in me.”

  Thirty-Two

  “I love half days,” Kayley sighs as she approaches my desk. “Are you looking forward to your first work Christmas party?”

  I wrinkle my nose. “I don’t know. I'm a bit nervous actually.”

  “Don’t be, they’re great. They’re pretty swanky and everybody gets drunk and starts dancing and letting loose. Then we all go out afterwards. So, it’s a day and night full of fun, fun, fun!”

  “Let me guess. You're going out to Pontoon afterwards?”

  “Hell yeah. We all love it there. There’s dancing, food, billiards and best of all—couches. I just love the couches. Are you coming this time? You’ve been notably absent these past couple of months.”

  “Well, it’s a bit uncomfortable being around Beth these days. I’ve snatched two guys from under her nose, so I thought it best to stay away.”

  Kayley laughs. “You know she and Bianca only come out with us when you’re there? They normally have nothing to do with us.”

  “Really?” I ask, taken aback slightly. Bianca and I have a kind of understanding these days; she stays out of my way and I stay out of hers. It works well.

  “Yep.” She drums her hands on the top of my partition. “Well, I’m off. Do you want me to go downstairs with you and show you where the bus picks us up?”

  “That would be great, Kayley. Thanks.”

  When the time comes to leave, the entire office stands on the side of the road and waits for the two buses the company has hired to safely ferry us all to the Park Hyatt. The function room is beautifully appointed with round tables covered in white linens and festive silver and blue centrepieces, all surrounding a buffet and a small dance floor.

  Christmas music croons from the speakers and waiters are circulating with trays of wine and beer. There’s a bar at the back of the room that serves spirits for you to buy and free soft drinks, like coke or lemonade.

  I take a glass of wine from a tray and walk towards the nearest table to inspect the settings. I notice there are name cards at each table telling us where to sit.

  “Oh god, I hope I’m not seated next to my boss,” Kayley says from beside me. “I’m going to find out where I am and move my name if I’m not happy.” She gives me a mischievous look before dashing off.

  I’m really not fussed about where I’m sitting and spend time chatting to a few people I know while admiring the Christmas decorations around the room. They’re all white faux pine with silver and royal blue decorations. The light in the room has a blue hue to it as well, and they’re pumping that smoke they use in nightclubs at floor level. It creates a misty swirl as everyone moves around, making it appear as though we’re in a winter wonderland in the middle of Sydney’s summer.

  “So, what do you think of it all?” Carmel asks, as she approaches, smiling warmly.

  “It’s lovely, almost magical,” I breathe, looking around. “I think this is the fanciest place I’ve ever been to.”

  “Me too. They go all out don’t they?”

  I nod, still looking around the room, feeling like I’ve entered the set of a Christmas movie.

  “Have you found your name card yet?” she asks.

  “No, I’ve been too busy circulating and admiring the room.”

  “Well, you’d better claim your seat fast. People are rearranging the cards. You’ll get stuck next to someone awful if you’re not quick enough,” she warns.

  I laugh. “Well, in that case. I'd better get moving.”

  I wish Carmel well and make my way around the tables trying to find my name. A lot of people have already taken their seats and are chatting happily. I spot Kayley, already seated, and she signals to me that she doesn’t know where my name is.

  My heart falls when I finally find my name. I haven’t even considered the possibility of being placed there. I’m seated on the right-hand side of the last person I want to sit next to, Elliot. To his left is Beth and to her left is Bianca. There are eight people to a table and four others I don’t know are sitting across from me. I stand back from the table a little, not really wanting to sit down just yet.

  Ken, the partner I’d spoken with at drinks, stands up at the front of the room, tapping the microphone to get everyone’s attention.

  “If everyone could please find their seats. The buffet will soon start. Then we’ll have some speeches, a few fun awards and a bit of dancing when the eating is all done.”

  I lower my eyes as I move forward and roughly drag my chair out to sit down. I don’t bother looking at the three I already know. I just smile and nod at the four I don’t, introducing myself to the person who sits at my right. He’s softly spoken, and I struggle to hear him over the noise of the room, but I think he introduces himself as Eric.

  “Hello, stranger,” Elliot murmurs in my ear.

  Turning slowly, I level my gaze on him, and I can see his eyes darken. He’s still so beautiful to look at. But I don’t have that same need or want around him I did before. I just feel…sad. For him, not me. He’s the one with no control over his destiny.

  “Stranger indeed. But that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? To pretend we were never a thing?” I fix a saccharine smile on my face for the sake of anyone watching.

  “It’s not what I wanted. My father—”

  “I don’t want to hear it. You are your own man, and no one—not even your father can make you do anything you don’t want to.”

  “But…” he starts, and I shake my head.

  “This isn’t the time, or the place to be having this conversation, Elliot. Neither of us needs another written warning.” I flick my eyes to Beth and Bianca, noting their tilted heads as they strain their ears in an effort to hear what we are saying.

  “Who cares about those two!” he bursts out, louder than he should. “What are they going to do? Dob on us for talking?”

  That’s when it dawns on me. “Did you move my name card here on purpose?”

  His gaze flicks to the place card in front of me. “I needed to talk to you,” he admits.

  “Here? You couldn’t just pick up the phone?”

  “Would you have answered if I did?”

  I open my mouth to say yes, but shut it abruptly when I realise that no, I probably would have let it ring out. “That first week, yes. But now? No. I wouldn’t have.”

  “See?”

  “Fine, Elliot. Talk. But understand it will change nothing.”

  He nods his head towards Beth. “I heard you’re with David now. I guess there was something to worry about after all?”

  “I’ll be honest with you, Elliot. I’ve always been in love with David. I just didn’t think he could love me too. So, when I told you there was nothing to worry about, at the time, I was being honest.”

  “You were fighting because of us?”

  I nod. “Yes, we were. He told me how he felt after you went to see him.”

  “Yeah, I remember your message. You said you chose me…” He drops his eyes on a sigh then looks back up at me, his eyes looking pained as his brow creases. “But were you ever really mine?”

  “Yes,” I say immediately. “The time we were together, I believed in what we were. But you let me go. Without a word, you let me go. And my world shifted and opened the door for David and me.”

  His eyes close. “I made a mistake letting you go,” he whispers.

  “Maybe it’s the best for both of us. You promised me you’d never hurt me, and you did. I promised I’d never date David, and I am.�
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  He shakes his head. “I knew it would happen. I could tell by the way you talked about him.”

  “Don’t put this on me, Elliot. You made your choice when you shut me out.”

  “You were always going to leave me for him,” he states.

  I shrug my shoulders. It’s something I can’t deny. “I’m not going to fight about this. What’s done is done.”

  His eyes skim over me, and he grunts slightly. Talk about an uncomfortable dinner. I turn my head away from him when it is announced that the buffet is being served. Tables are being called up one at a time to choose their meals.

  “I'm sorry, Katrina,” he says, causing me to turn back to him. “I know I’m the one who ruined things between us. I shouldn’t blame you, or David. I just… I wanted to talk to you and explain myself. I want you to understand how sorry I am for the way I acted. I really was a coward like you said.”

  “Elliot, you’re not a coward,” I say, feeling bad for planting that word in his head. “You’re just stuck. I already know your father threatened to cut you off for dating a western suburbs girl. I obviously wasn’t worth standing up to him, and that’s fine—I accept that. But I think I’ll be forever pissed at you for giving me the silent treatment instead of having the decency to break it off with me properly. I think I at least deserved a phone call.”

  He looks down at his hands. “I know. I went about it all wrong, and I’m so sorry for that. I guess I just knew that if I spoke to you, I wouldn’t be able to go through with it, then I’d be out on my own with no one to help me.”

  I think about how David has moved out on his own with a job that pays less than Elliot’s. But because he’s realistic with what he can afford, because he’s always saved his money, he’s comfortable in his accommodations and lifestyle. When I used to look at Elliot, I saw a man who had his life together and everything going for him. Now I see him as a boy who’s petrified of going against his father, still clinging to his purse strings. I’d rather be poor than controlled. That’s no way to live.