Altered

by Kimberly Montague

  I picked up the pace of my run, hoping Sonya would be too winded to talk, but it only served to make her pant a little harder between sentences. "I know you feel guilty with everything his family has done for you, but I’m sure they didn’t really expect you to be together for life."

  I rolled my eyes at her, but it didn’t deter her. "His mom is a very perceptive woman. She must see that your relationship is more of a friendship."

  My only response was a small shrug.

  "And what about your brother? Have you written to him? Have you told him about this? Have you told him about Devlin?"

  I shook my head sadly. Harm loved Jay’s family, but he and Jay had always had a tense friendship existing primarily because of me.

  Sonya continued, "I’m sure he'd say you should break up with him too."

  I shrugged again even though I begrudgingly had to admit to myself that Sonya was absolutely right.

  "I bet Jay’s dad agrees too."

  I finally couldn’t take any more and stopped, throwing my hands up into the air then leaning forward to rest my hands on my knees.

  "What?" Sonya asked. "It’s my job to get you to think about all this."

  Through quick breaths, I managed to spit out, "Just because—I don’t want—to talk about it—doesn’t mean I haven’t—thought about it." I started running again, but at a much slower pace.

  "Come on then," she persisted, "spill. Why are you so afraid to walk away from this guy?"

  "I do love him." I earned an eye roll from her with that. "I know, I know, you’ve heard that, but I love his family too. They’ve been so great to me. I think of them as my family, and I don’t want to lose them. Besides, where am I going to live? Even if they let me stay there, how awkward will that be?"

  Sonya smacked me on the back and smiled. "Well now, finally a problem I can solve."

  "Huh?"

  "My mom and I were talking about you the other day. I sort of told her about your problem."

  "You what!" I fairly screamed. I stopped running and covered my face with my hand. "Oh geez, she must think—"

  "She thinks that you're awesome and you’ve been going through what she calls, ‘the natural selection of boyfriends.’ She said she and my dad always wished they could have taken you in when your parents died, but that, financially and emotionally, they had their hands full with Nana."

  She paused for a moment, and I could tell it still hurt her to mention her Nana, after all it had only been a few months since she'd passed. She had been such a kind woman, even to me. I couldn’t help but miss her too.

  She seemed to gather together her sadness and forge on with her point. "Mom thought you were happy staying with Jay's family, and Dad was afraid to uproot you again, or we would have moved you in with us after Nana passed away. When she found out about Vaughn, she said you need a healthier environment to live in now that you are 'maturing into a young woman.'" The condescending way she imitated her mom made me laugh. She even had the hand movements down perfectly. "She said even if you and Jay stayed together, she still wouldn’t feel right about it. You need to be with family."

  "Sonya, I love you. I’ve always considered you to be my sister, but I wouldn’t want to interfere or, you know, take away from you and your family. I wouldn’t want it to hurt our friendship."

  She put her arm around my shoulders. "I hate you, you hate me, a few hours later we’re besties again. This is how we work. We’re sisters. You living with me isn’t going to change how we work. Besides, you spend all your time at my house anyhow."

  Sonya could be a frustratingly headstrong pain sometimes. She made some people think she was rather callous and uncaring, but anyone who actually knew her recognized how seriously caring and unselfish she was.

  I wrapped my arm around her waist. "I love you, you know that?"

  "I know, I know, and I’m wonderful and fabulous and so darn beautiful that it hurts to look at me most of the time and—"

  I had to elbow her in the ribs on that note, before she got too out of hand.

  Later that evening, I was in the kitchen helping Jay’s dad, Tom, make dinner. Jay was working on a paper in the office.

  Tom was cutting up lettuce. "I ran into Sonya’s mom at the grocery store earlier today."

  "Oh?" I tried to play it off like I had nothing to hide, hoping Sonya’s mom hadn’t said anything to him about Devlin.

  He set down the knife and turned to me. "You know you’re part of the family, and we’ll always be here for you no matter what, right?"

  Uh oh, it didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out where this was headed. Sonya’s mom must have blabbed.

  "Jay’s mom and I, we count our blessings that you’ve been Jay’s girlfriend for so long now. He’s very content with you. But, Piper—" He gazed out the window for a few moments leaving me unsure as to whether he was going to continue. "I love Jay’s mom. Marie is like fresh air for me. We fight, you know that, but we have this something special that will always keep us together. I could say I’m content, but really I’m so much more than that. There’s more to love than being content." His brow was furrowed in concentration as he stared down at me. "Do you understand what I mean?"

  "Yeah." I couldn’t meet his gaze and stared out the window at nothing in particular. The clouds were moving by at an alarming pace making me wonder if there was a storm coming. "I don’t think—never mind, I understand what you’re saying."

  "What were you going to say?" He was so genuine and caring that it made me feel guiltier even though I knew that was never his intention.

  "Nothing." I couldn’t be honest with him. What was I going to say, I’ve kissed a guy behind your son’s back. "I was just thinking out loud."

  "Piper, I can help. Really I can. Please be honest with me."

  He had been nothing but concerned and loving the entire time I had known him, so it was unfair not to trust him now. I couldn’t tell him the whole truth, but I felt compelled to confide in him a little. "I just—don’t think Jay sees it the same way. I don’t think he understands the difference or cares about it."

  "Ah, I see. Yes, that’s a problem, especially when living under the same roof, right?"

  I nodded sadly.

  "Sonya’s mom mentioned that she thought it might be better for you to come live with her now that they have the room. Even if things were to stay the same, I think living under the same roof makes a relationship like yours too difficult. That’s a decision that Marie and I can put into action right now. It might give you some space to decide what’s really right for the two of you. It might even give him some space he didn’t know he needed. But we don’t want you to think that we don’t want you here or that you can’t come back and live with us whenever you need to. You are a part of this family. You know that right?"

  I couldn’t help but smile as I nodded my understanding. He pulled me into one of his fatherly hugs. He had made it okay for me to take what I needed, and I could never repay him for that.

  He patted my upper arm. "Okay then, I’m going to go have a talk with Jay and explain the decision Marie and I made. Why don’t you call Sonya and let her know. There’s no rush now, whenever you’re ready."

  "Thank you, Tom, for everything."

  "You’re more than welcome, honey."

  Sonya convinced me that the sooner the better was true in this case. I spent the evening packing my meager belongings. Aside from clothes and shoes, most of my knickknacks and childhood memorabilia were in storage, so it didn’t take long for me to gather together everything that was special to me. Marie sat on my bed chatting with me for most of the evening, but Jay never came to see me. Marie said he was really angry with them, but she was sure he would get over it soon enough.

  The next morning, Tom dropped us off at school as usual, but as soon as Tom’s car was out of sight, Jay had his arms locked around me.

  He spoke so quickly and forcefully. "You don’t have to do it. You can tell them no and stay with me."

&nb
sp; "Jay, I don’t—"

  "Seriously, we can fight them, tell them you’re staying and that’s that. They have no right to—"

  I shoved against him. "They have every right. You don’t get it! You’ve got amazing parents, Jay. They’ve been so kind to me, but it’s not right that we live together. It was never really right, but when there weren’t any other options for me, it was okay. I have other options now, more appropriate options."

  "Who cares what people think, Piper? This is about us and trying to break us apart. I hate my parents for doing this." The pure anger in his voice made me so mad.

  "Are you serious? Your parents are awesome! You’re acting like a child. Open your eyes for crying out loud. The world doesn’t revolve around you!" I was so angry I could have hit him. Instead, I settled for imagining the concrete was his face as I punched the ground with my feet on my way to class. I shouldn’t have been so angry with him—this was all new to him—but he was just so blind. Even if he couldn’t see that we were growing apart, he should certainly have been able to see that two 17-year-old lovers should not be living under the same roof when they didn't have to. Any moron would understand that. And what an unappreciative brat he could be. Didn’t he realize how lucky he was to still have his parents, two completely loving and awesome ones at that?

  My anger kept me grumpy through my first three classes and well into the fourth. During American Government, we were watching a so-called "educational documentary" about the inner workings of the position of State Senator. While I typically enjoyed the comedies Mr. Johnson showed us, not even Eddie Murphy in "The Distinguished Gentleman" could pull me from my mood. I was in the middle of deciding where I’d most like to kick Jay when a note appeared on the table in front of me.

  What’s wrong?

  The small untidy scrawl looked familiar, but I couldn't place it, so I did my best to glance around the room inconspicuously. Everyone’s eyes were on the TV screen.

  I was about to forget the note when I just barely heard someone whisper, "Behind you."

  I nearly jumped out of my skin when I glanced back to find Devlin at the table behind me instead of Amy, who was now seated across the classroom in Devlin’s usual seat. He nodded toward the piece of paper in my hand, bringing my attention back to the note.

  Nothing, I answered.

  You’re upset and you’re angry, I can tell.

  What are you talking about? You hardly know me! Seriously? He could tell? His presumptive nature made me angrier.

  I may not know what your favorite movie is or what type of cereal you eat, but I know every curve of your face. I can see that your eyes aren’t sparkling, and you aren’t smiling kindly at everyone like you usually do. What’s wrong?

  Okay, that was sweet. I had to admit that it cut through most of my anger.

  It’s complicated.

  Did I miss the part where things were simple between us?

  He had a good point there. But I was so sick of complications. I scribbled on the piece of paper.

  Jay’s parents decided it would be best for me to move in with Sonya’s family. They’re being the bad guys because they know it’s better for me. Jay is really mad at them. He just doesn’t get it. He has no idea what it’s like not to have parents looking out for you.

  I see. That is complicated. Are you sad about leaving their house?

  Of course, they’ve been like family for seven years.

  Are you sad about not living with Jay anymore?

  I had to really think about my answer to this question. I stared at the movie for a while not knowing what to say. Yes, I was sad. I had seen him every day for at least four hours a day for the past five months. He was always a good friend, and there was a time, not so many years ago, when I really did think the world revolved around him. I loved him. But I didn’t want him to think that my sadness was enough to make me change my mind about leaving. I had just decided what to write when he sent another piece of paper my way.

  You don’t have to answer that.

  No, I was just trying to figure it all out. Yeah, I’m sad. It’s not the typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. He’s my friend and my family all rolled into one. His dad and I were talking and he said it best when he said that Jay is content to stay with me, and I was content to stay with him. But there are so many better things than being content. I don’t know how else to explain it.

  I’m sorry I pushed you yesterday.

  I thought about the kiss, and could feel my cheeks burn. You’re sorry or you regret it?

  I’m sorry. I certainly don’t regret it. Should I be sorry that I don’t regret it?

  I smiled at his response, happy to hear that he didn’t regret it. No, I don’t regret it either.

  Good. Can I kiss you again?

  NO! I’m still with Jay. Doesn’t that matter to you at all? It certainly hadn’t seemed to matter the past three times, so I had no idea why I would think it mattered now.

  Nope. You’re already gone, he just hasn’t noticed yet. If he saw you kissing me, I’m sure he’d notice. One little kiss?

  Don’t even think about it!

  Mr. Johnson turned off the video and everyone started packing up while Devlin stood staring at me. Most of the students moved to stand at the door, waiting for the bell to ring, but Devlin stepped forward until he was able to reach out and caress my hand. The way he lightly ran his fingers along mine, touching and exploring my palm, my fingers, and the back of my hand gave me goose bumps. He quickly touched his fingers to my lips and placed the note in my hand before walking toward the door. The dismissal bell rang, breaking the spell he had put me under and making me jump about a foot. I opened the piece of paper to find his last comment.

  It’s all I think about. I couldn’t help the massive smile that overtook my cheeks. Shoving the note into my backpack, I tried to tone down my giddiness as I walked to meet Sonya before going to lunch.

  "Wow." She gave me a dazed look of surprise. "You’re smiling. Why’s that, huh?"

  "No reason." I tried to pull the corners of my mouth down, but couldn’t quite accomplish it.

  "Liar. Would it have anything to do with a certain tall, dark, and handsome football player who’s obsessed with you?"

  I peeked around, fearful Jay was nearby. He was pretty clingy these days.

  Sonya wrapped her arm through mine and pulled me along. "Relax, he’s in an elsewhere. We have a meeting today for Winter Festival. Gary told him in Spanish earlier. He said he wasn’t in the mood for a stupid meeting, so it looks like you’ll be without his company for lunch today."

  The look on his face when I yelled at him earlier suddenly flashed through my mind, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I was so tired of feeling guilty all the time. Didn’t I have a right to do what I wanted? Why did I have to feel so responsible for everyone all the time?

  "So," Sonya interrupted my little internal pity party. "Tonight’s your first night in your new home. I was thinking it would take us a few hours to get you unpacked and settled. Mom’s making dinner around seven, and I’m not supposed to tell you, but I know how you are—Mom has planned this whole surprise welcome home party for you. Gary's coming and everything."

  I groaned loudly. Surprise parties always turned out badly, or at least mine did.

  She patted my arm. "Hey now, buck up there little camper. It’s not like a birthday party where you have to smile and pretend to like your gifts. This is just a reason for us all to get together and have cake."

  "There’ll be cake?" I asked grudgingly.

  "A big cake and ice cream too."

  I peeked up at her out of the corner of my eye. "Hmm, what kind of cake?"

  "There’s my little buckaroo. I think she said white with lemon filling and loads of buttercream frosting."

  "Will there be big frosting flowers on said cake?" We entered Ms. Kasper’s room and sat on top of some desks toward the back of the room.

  "Of course, what kind of a party cake wouldn’t have
big frosting flowers?"

  "Well… okay then. But if you eat them all like you did last time, I’m gonna throw a big temper tantrum and never speak to you again."

  She chuckled, humoring me. "I can live with that, but remember to act surprised or she’ll kill me. And try to at least look like you’re having fun, it’s a party after all."

  "Did I hear someone say party?" If Sonya hadn’t had her arm still looped through mine, I would have fallen off the desk at the sound of Devlin’s voice behind me. I hadn’t even seen him come in. As it was, my ridiculous grin came back with a vengeance remembering the note he had passed to me not minutes before. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing me.

  Sonya shoved at him. "Geez, Devlin, heard of subtlety?"

  He scrunched up his face like a confused child. "Sut—suttle—what was that again?"

  Recovering control over my brain, I managed to spit out, "He likes to be pushy, not subtle."

  He raised his eyebrow at me and was suddenly at my side whispering huskily in my ear, "I’m not the only who likes when I’m pushy, now am I?"

  Remembering the kiss he pushed on me the day before must have turned my face five shades of red.

  "You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed," he said loudly enough for Sonya and the few people around us to hear. "So, where is it, what’s the occasion, and what time should I be there?"

  Sonya shook her head. "It’s a private party at my house tonight, and unless you’re coming as Gary’s date, you’re not invited."

  "He does seem to have quite the man-crush on you," I teased. "I’m sure you could talk him into it."

  Sonya turned to me. "Maybe if he brought him some flowers and told him how pretty his eyes were."

  "That might work, just as long as he doesn’t expect him to put-out on the first date. Gary’s not that easy," I added, laughing.

  "Ha ha, you two are high-larious."

  "I thought so," I said looking back at Sonya. "Didn’t you?"